Are you ready for a relationship?

Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
MrSunday said:
I'm really not into that sentimental crap. >_> Ewww...relationships make me vomit. Seriously, I rather eat rat poison. It just grosses me out. I don't know why.
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What did I say in my previous post, which you quoted, that seems sentimental? :confused: Just asking.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
MrSunday said:
I don't know... :/ It wasn't directed at your post. I just felt like replying to it. Hope I didn't upset you.
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Oh, okay. Just thought that your reply was to directed at what I said in my other post. I'm not upset or anything, just a misunderstanding on my part. :)
 
THeCARS1979

THeCARS1979

Well-known member
Sinopia said:
I'm not and I thought I was after so many years, but still I'm not ready for it. I discovered this this week. I'm 26 now, never been in a relationship. I had only a few dates in the past. The guy who loves me and wanted to be with me told me that I'm emotionally too unstable to be with someone. He told me that for now I just should accept the way how it is for me. I'm meant to be alone. I failed to become a girlfriend, lover and a mother. I'm always attracted to a s s h o l e s, cuz I have a low self-esteem which makes me think that I'm only good enough for an a s s h o l e, cuz I think I don't deserve better. And this way it'll never work for me. The guy who loves me, is afraid that I'll eventually end up with an a s s h o l e, who will beat me for a few years. He does wants me to have a boyfriend and be happy with him, but he also said that it's better to stay alone, just to protect myself. My friend agrees with him, cuz I'm so unexperienced. My social contacts are still growing, but for a relationship you need to have more, besides just social contacts. It just won't work if you're unexperienced. I hate the fact that they're right. A few years ago, I didn't even want to get close to ppl. I was even afraid to make friends, cuz I've been bullied in my secondary school. It was 12 years ago already, but it took me years to trust ppl again and be ready to make friends again. Since a few years ago, I became friends with a girl from the fitness centre and since this year, I have some friends/acquintances from my previous job. I'm happy with this, but I need more. I never experienced real love or puppy love. I don't even know what to expect from a relationship, cuz I've never seen how it should be. I'm just afraid that I will be single forever. I just need someone. I feel lonely in the evening, night and weekends. I need a guy to share stuff with. I might sound desperate, but I just don't wanna end up alone. I don't even wanna think about being an old lonely lady in an old ppl's home without children and grandchildren. Nobody who will visit me. I'm used to it, but it's ****ed up.
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I am 38 years old, also unexperienced, its the most frustrating situation ever. I dont know if i did everything I can, I always was cautious cause of fear and lack of friends in the past too. I didnt get all the therapy I needed. I feed deprived now and
after years of rejection and phonies I feel like I've had it. I went through almost 2.5 years of Neurofeedback electrodes and even though i gotten better with some things cause they retrain the brain to operate better. I can sing karaoke now and Im thankful for that. I still have lack of trust and cant stand others. I feel like I will never find anyone. Id love to share things with someone too but maybe your right. Reading this, I feel like i should give up already cause i dont have chance. Steve
 
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Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
dragonoth said:
I think you're asking the wrong question here. In my own experience and in others' that I know, you don't think about it and see what comes your way. If an opportunity presents itself (e.g. you develop feelings for someone or a friend seems to want to take things further) you either go for it or you let it pass. The relationship itself is a huge learning process for both parties. No couple is ever 'ready' in a relationship. That just implies that you have to be a certain way in order to be in one. You don't. I've had so many ups and downs in my relationship with my current boyfriend. We are each other's firsts. Most of our problems are usually started by me but the important thing is that you work together to sort the mess out. Some people can only take so much and they give up, but remember it takes two to tango, i.e. if you're the one with problems you need to help yourself too and you don't rely solely on your other half to fix things. It takes effort and it takes time, but in the end it will be worth it.
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I agree..........
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
twiggle said:
I'm being held back by a couple of things:

1) I haven't had much luck finding guys I like, who like me back, AND who are happy to let me keep the independence which I really need. This isn't meant as a slur on guys, more a slur on myself, for not having gone out and met enough guys in order to have more chance of finding one who can be the exception. Unfortunately, many of my past relationships have been with the 'where are you going? why can't i come with you?' type and it has left me feeling slightly put-off. I need my independence and space.

2) At this stage I don't think I could cope with the emotional side of it all... because when I like somebody, I really like them... to the point where they are the ones in control of my mood, not me... and I hate that because it changes the way I am around others; and also quite dangerous I think. Essentially putting your heart into somebody else's hands. I don't like (in that way) anyone at the moment and I do feel a lot less stressed for it. But again, this is something I need to get over, because I don't want to be single forever. That said, I am quite fine on my own and have always said that if I never end up getting married then I'll do more travelling and maybe even adopt a child. There are other avenues, certainly I'm not too worried about not being in a relationship... that said, I hope one day I can experience one that is predominantly happy and long-lasting, unlike my other ones.
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Someone like you will, twiggle. You deserve a nice man in your life.

I'm not mentally ready, no. At 26 I really should be.
 
G

GhastlyCC

Well-known member
Mentally? Yes.
But I lack certain things that I feel that I should have.
Such as a job and a drivers licence.lol
And just that I'm not working towards a career or anything at the moment.
Makes me feel too lame for a girlfriend.
 
Invisibleman

Invisibleman

Well-known member
As much as I want to think that I am I am absolutely not. I'm still as broken as ever and obviously it just wouldn't be fair to put the pressure of fixing me all on her shoulders. I don't exactly love myself at this stage and I have to learn how to do that first before somebody else can love me.
 
EscapeArtist

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
dragonoth said:
I think you're asking the wrong question here. In my own experience and in others' that I know, you don't think about it and see what comes your way. If an opportunity presents itself (e.g. you develop feelings for someone or a friend seems to want to take things further) you either go for it or you let it pass. The relationship itself is a huge learning process for both parties. No couple is ever 'ready' in a relationship. That just implies that you have to be a certain way in order to be in one. You don't. I've had so many ups and downs in my relationship with my current boyfriend. We are each other's firsts. Most of our problems are usually started by me but the important thing is that you work together to sort the mess out. Some people can only take so much and they give up, but remember it takes two to tango, i.e. if you're the one with problems you need to help yourself too and you don't rely solely on your other half to fix things. It takes effort and it takes time, but in the end it will be worth it.
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that was a great post.. where's the rep system when you need it
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
The thought of a relationship frightens me. The fear of getting hurt, the fear of hurting someone else. The realisation that my faults will be exposed and I have many, some I wouldn't even be aware of until I was in a relationship. I'm really too broken to even consider it. If someone was interested I wouldn't even know how to respond. Fortunatelty I am getting old and the worry of someone being interested is diminishing.
 
KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
Yes. All I need to do is find a woman who accepts that I am not perfect and that I sometimes feel a bit shy and insecure.... on occasion.
I would make an awesome boyfriend.... seriously.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
KiaKaha said:
Yes. All I need to do is find a woman who accepts that I am not perfect and that I sometimes feel a bit shy and insecure.... on occasion.
I would make an awesome boyfriend.... seriously.
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From what I know of you, I think you would make a pretty good boyfriend, too. Some lady out there doesn't realise how lucky she's going to be. :)
 
Niiña

Niiña

Well-known member
I think that, definitely I'm not ready, because guys makes me feel very nervous and I don't have experience with guys, I'm pathetic I know :S u.u, I hope it change some day.
 
Remus

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
I got into a relationship when I wasn't ready but thought I was. Went quite wrong. I'd given up on relationships , so did not feel ready for anything and 'accidentally' got into one and it's been great.

I think it's random :D
 
Niiña

Niiña

Well-known member
Remus said:
I got into a relationship when I wasn't ready but thought I was. Went quite wrong. I'd given up on relationships , so did not feel ready for anything and 'accidentally' got into one and it's been great.

I think it's random :D
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So this explains: the better things come when you leasts expects. Well or this is de idea Jaja
 
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