How are you feeling?

Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I'm just a joke, that's all I am. A big, fat, hairy f**kin' joke. Too naive for ma own good. The dumb c*nt of the family, and boy does it show. Ma oldest sister just straight-up lied to my face then laugh at me cuz I genuinely thought she was being serious. :eek:h:

Which really hurts, y'know. Or maybe I'm being overly sensitive here, since I have had a people screw with me and lie to my face and take advantage of me most of my life? :sad: So, sorry if I don't see the funny side of being humilated like that.

And my family wonders why I don't trust 'em or talk to 'em much. :kickingmyself:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I keep dwelling on the question of "why me?" But then ah realise I'm the youngest of the family, and I'm a man. Therefore, I'm just supposed to sit there and take it. :sad:

Being laugh at, insulted and belittled aw the time. Cuz that's how it for us most o' the time lads, innit? Never let yer emotions get the better o' ya, am I right? You just sit there and take being called every name under the sun. Then told yer being too sensitive when ye react in anger. :veryangry: :kickingmyself:

But it's fine, I've heard it all before. Used to, in fact. Bullied most of my life, why should it stop now. And beside, I'm not the nicest person in the world, far from it in fact. Me being aw nice, kind, polite, selfless and humble - that's aw just an act. It's all b*llocks!
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
When are people going to realise that disabled people, such as myself, don't actually like having to be wait on hand and foot. And don't actually appreciated having our independence taken from us by able-bodied people.

Ah get it, good intentions and being helpful is great. But is it too much to actually ask first, huh?
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
Wondering if I have to go through the same routine again today or if today could be the beginning of a new start and therefore create the possibility of a better quality of life?:idontknow:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Very unmotivated, starting to lose hope that things will change for me, as far as living on my own goes. :sad:

I'd love not huvin the constant judgement and nitpicking of my family always there, like someone looking over ma shoulder. Being all dismissive and laughing at me.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Found out the one last sheep got taken to the sale. I treated it like a pet more-or-less. That's what you get for living on a farm .. no room for any setiment at all. But it KILLS ME when such things happen. It's like another nail in me' coffin, one step closer to death (via suicide). I'm too sensitive for this shit. One less friend in world. SAD. It's gonna take me a while to get over this. Reminds me just how very very little i "have" in this life. But the good thing i guess is that now there's one less string keeping me attached to this life, so perhaps that's a good thing... :thinking: :crying:

All things pass. I still don't get it. Is it gonna take ME to die before i learn the lesson of impermanence??? :kickingmyself:
 
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Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
theslowesthand said:
Found out the one last sheep got taken to the sale. I treated it like a pet more-or-less. That's what you get for living on a farm .. no room for any setiment at all. But it KILLS ME when such things happen. It's like another nail in me' coffin, one step closer to death (via suicide). I'm too sensitive for this shit. One less friend in world. SAD. It's gonna take me a while to get over this. Reminds me just how very very little i "have" in this life. But the good thing i guess is that now there's one less string keeping me attached to this life, so perhaps that's a good thing... :thinking: :crying:

All things pass. I still don't get it. Is it gonna take ME to die before i learn the lesson of impermanence??? :kickingmyself:
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Aye, that's the sad part about living that sorta rural / farm life, ye can't get too attached. Still, sorry to hear that.

Is it a good thing yer not attached to this life? Well, yes and no, in that it's temporary, but sad if ye don't have much to live for, as seems the case with some of us here - or you n' me at least.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I feel like ah huv missed out on a great deal of life. And it's too late to make up for that lost time.
And, oh, I truly despise the person I've become. :sad: :thumbdown:
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
I agree graeme as I too despise the person that I have become. I have come to the realization that my life, no matter how much I push for it, will never get to where I want it to be. I am just heartbroken and miserable. Why can't I just go to sleep and die peacefully?:crying:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Don't know what ah should do as far as my life going forward. :thinking:
In that, should ah do what I believe would make me happy? Or should ah continue being a pushover and people pleaser? Going along with things as are, and make other folk happy at my expense. :idontknow:

Or just off masel', since there's not much I've got going for me at the moment? Or at least I don't have the skills or know-how to change ma current situation. :sad:
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
When you have no idea what you are doing or where you are going in this life and you see that you are a burden to those around you......it is impossible to ever see a future where you are happy and not miserable. It is just unbelievably soul crushing.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
defiance said:
When you have no idea what you are doing or where you are going in this life and you see that you are a burden to those around you......it is impossible to ever see a future where you are happy and not miserable. It is just unbelievably soul crushing.
Click to expand...

You and me both, pal.
F**k! It's depressing that I can relate to what you said here, word for word as well. :crying:
 
grapevine

grapevine

Well-known member
Feel so overwhelmed and stressed out having to be there for my partner and also for my family - trying to be there for both of those worlds and yet completely neglect me :(
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Very much in a rut. Not sure how to sum up how this year has been for me, personally? :idontknow: Also, huv'nae got a clue going forward what to do with my life. Ah feel I'm going get judged badly, regardless o' my decision. Not that ah huv much control over my life choices as it is, which sucks. :sad: Getting really fed-up with having to get aggressive just to get ma family to back off when it comes to things that affect me. :kickingmyself:

If I had my way, I'd huv cut contact with the lotta them years ago. Cuz having been in their company, they're not nice people. Lying and always having a laugh at my expense, while saying they think highly of me. But not highly enough to show a wee bit o' respect. :thumbdown:
 
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