How are you feeling?

Srijita52 said:

What's wrong Graeme?

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Hmmm.... :thinking: Got a lot on ma mind, so don't really how tae articulate it aw. Ah just feel like naebuddy cares, y'know. Ma family are still think they know what's best. Makin' assumptions aboot me - ie, what ah should do, like, etc. It's very much the "being expected tae act a certain way" deal. So that's irritatin' me. Ma oldest sibling's especially guilty of this, thinkin' she's smarter than me. Even though, she says, in a rather smug, sarcastic tone that am "the smart one" - Aye, right.

Also fed up with her constantly usin' the phrase "Am only tryin' tae help" as an excuse to tell me what to do aw the time. She wouldnae exactly be happy being called a control-freak - even though she clearly is one - or being made fun of, fur that matter. Because it's awright when she does tae me or our mum, but it's unacceptable if ah did it tae her. Talkin' back n' such, she'll no' stand for that. Yay! Hypocrisy and double standards! WOW! :kickingmyself:

Startin' tae wonder if ma sister's apology aboot comparin' ma appearance tae aw them Middle Eastern stereotypes wuz geniune - because she's no' change much, if it wuz. Ah've kinda jist kept ma feelings tae maself. And kept quiet - an old habit. Since no-one want tae hear ma problems. Plus if ah ever said whit ah actually thought, it'd jist cause a huge, shouty, sweary argument. And the family dysfunctional enough withoot me added tae that dysfunction.

Anyway, that aboot it, really. Just confidence issues & other insecurities fur the maist part. Sorry tae be such a dour, depressive, downer. :sad:

I feel too awful to function today. I really should be talking to a "professional", I suppose, instead of posting it here. I was going to try to talk to someone in my family but they're out running errands, and for some reason when I feel this way I get panicky if I don't let some other human being know. I really wish I could just keep it to myself but I end up feeling like... "I want my mommy", as pitiful and silly as that may sound. I feel like a small child again with separation anxiety or something.

I think this has been building for a while now and I've managed to duck it for a while but it hit me full force today. I just have too much to do, and lots more anxiety this second half of the year, more responsibility, and I feel more self conscious than ever. I feel alone and hopeless and trapped and futile. I really do feel like one giant burden to myself and others.

I just don't know what to do about my depression and especially my anxiety (the cause of it). I need professional help I guess, but from where? That guy never emailed me back. So I have to call. Another thing on my to do list, which adds more stress and anxiety. It's important so it should be a priority, but I'm anxious about calling. Is life always going to be this way? I really try to make it better, I swear :sad:

My craft is coming up pretty good looking, I feel accomplished

Opaline said:

I feel too awful to function today. I really should be talking to a "professional", I suppose, instead of posting it here. I was going to try to talk to someone in my family but they're out running errands, and for some reason when I feel this way I get panicky if I don't let some other human being know. I really wish I could just keep it to myself but I end up feeling like... "I want my mommy", as pitiful and silly as that may sound. I feel like a small child again with separation anxiety or something.

I think this has been building for a while now and I've managed to duck it for a while but it hit me full force today. I just have too much to do, and lots more anxiety this second half of the year, more responsibility, and I feel more self conscious than ever. I feel alone and hopeless and trapped and futile. I really do feel like one giant burden to myself and others.

I just don't know what to do about my depression and especially my anxiety (the cause of it). I need professional help I guess, but from where? That guy never emailed me back. So I have to call. Another thing on my to do list, which adds more stress and anxiety. It's important so it should be a priority, but I'm anxious about calling. Is life always going to be this way? I really try to make it better, I swear :sad:

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:sad:I'm sorry to hear your feeling this way. There's nothing wrong with wanting others to know how you feel and be around them. You aren't ever a burden, never. Everyone here is here for you and cares about you. *Hugs* you need them, i'm here if you ever want to talk.

Opaline said:

I feel too awful to function today. I really should be talking to a "professional", I suppose, instead of posting it here. I was going to try to talk to someone in my family but they're out running errands, and for some reason when I feel this way I get panicky if I don't let some other human being know. I really wish I could just keep it to myself but I end up feeling like... "I want my mommy", as pitiful and silly as that may sound. I feel like a small child again with separation anxiety or something.

I think this has been building for a while now and I've managed to duck it for a while but it hit me full force today. I just have too much to do, and lots more anxiety this second half of the year, more responsibility, and I feel more self conscious than ever. I feel alone and hopeless and trapped and futile. I really do feel like one giant burden to myself and others.

I just don't know what to do about my depression and especially my anxiety (the cause of it). I need professional help I guess, but from where? That guy never emailed me back. So I have to call. Another thing on my to do list, which adds more stress and anxiety. It's important so it should be a priority, but I'm anxious about calling. Is life always going to be this way? I really try to make it better, I swear :sad:

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When you're feeling down, you want comfort, and I don't think there's really anything wrong with that.

I don't believe you're a burden. Why do you think that?

It does sound like you'll have to call that guy, since he didn't email you. The more you think about calling, the less likely you're going to do it, so it's better to just subconsciously dial the numbers and just do it. I hope you get to call him and get some help for your anxiety.

I can tell you do want to get better, but the initial steps to make it happen are not so easy.

Fragile.
Sore throat.

Nanita said:

Fragile.
Sore throat.

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Uh oh. A cold?

Opaline said:

Uh oh. A cold?

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No, I have problems with my throat a lot, if I don't take care of myself it becomes sore and infected right away...

singing-love said:

:sad:I'm sorry to hear your feeling this way. There's nothing wrong with wanting others to know how you feel and be around them. You aren't ever a burden, never. Everyone here is here for you and cares about you. *Hugs* you need them, i'm here if you ever want to talk.

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Thank you. I appreciate the offer to talk.

MikeyC said:

When you're feeling down, you want comfort, and I don't think there's really anything wrong with that.

I don't believe you're a burden. Why do you think that?

It does sound like you'll have to call that guy, since he didn't email you. The more you think about calling, the less likely you're going to do it, so it's better to just subconsciously dial the numbers and just do it. I hope you get to call him and get some help for your anxiety.

I can tell you do want to get better, but the initial steps to make it happen are not so easy.

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I think I'm a burden because although I am in college at the moment, I feel like otherwise I spend so much time worrying and voicing my anxieties to my family that it wears them down. I don't talk about it 24/7, but it does come up probably once every two days or so and we end up getting into a conversation about social anxiety and how depressing it is and how hopeless I feel. I could refrain from talking about it, but then I end up feeling desperately alone.

The worst part is I feel like there's always one specific "thing" that I'm depressed about at any given time. Before it was a body part, now it's social anxiety and looking young. I think that really it's just social anxiety and general anxiety and my insecurities in general manifesting themselves as various neuroses and things to obsess over due to being so unhappy.

Regardless, I can't shake the feeling that in spite of my best intentions I am a miserable person who is always negative and complains a lot and am self-centered. I've been told as much by a handful of people, so I end up feeling like it must be true. I don't want to be that way and I don't think I really am that person inside, but I'm just so neurotic and full of dread that I end up carrying so much misery around with me due to being under stress all the time.

When life is going well, it's easy to enjoy it and say you're glad you're here and enjoying the human experience. How lucky you are to be so... blessed. But when things feel dreadful more often than not, it quickly turns into "why am I forced to be here seemingly against my will? For what? What can I do? I feel trapped." I just don't know what to do. I've been like this for years now. I just want to... well, you know. I feel ashamed even thinking it sometimes.

The past couple of days have been one heck of an emotional rollercoaster. The unrelenting winter is threatening to wear me down, on top of which I forgot to take my happy pill this morning, so for the first time in several months I got hit with the sudden urge to go curl up in a dark corner somewhere in the fetal position. I used to get that feeling a lot, so it was strange to feel it again all of a sudden. Not only that, but I kept thinking that I heard people mentioning my name, all day long. Not to me, but within their own conversations with other people. I knew it was just my anxious paranoia rearing its ugly head, but it still made me feel all weird and creeped out all day. My job is always stressful to some extent, but these past two days I've been having to talk myself through some moments, because I just didn't know what to do with the pressure building up inside my mind. I've also been feeling a lot more envy lately when I see or hear my coworkers getting chummy with each other. That hasn't bothered me in a long time now, but it really tried to get to me today.

At the moment I'm feeling fine, just tired and relaxing at home, waiting for dinner to finish cooking. Glad for the chance to rest and recharge before another busy day. Hopefully tomorrow is more stable!

I believe I'm getting sick; and my birthday is tomorrow. I hope I don't end up getting worse. :sad:

Opaline said:

I think I'm a burden because although I am in college at the moment, I feel like otherwise I spend so much time worrying and voicing my anxieties to my family that it wears them down. I don't talk about it 24/7, but it does come up probably once every two days or so and we end up getting into a conversation about social anxiety and how depressing it is and how hopeless I feel. I could refrain from talking about it, but then I end up feeling desperately alone.

The worst part is I feel like there's always one specific "thing" that I'm depressed about at any given time. Before it was a body part, now it's social anxiety and looking young. I think that really it's just social anxiety and general anxiety and my insecurities in general manifesting themselves as various neuroses and things to obsess over due to being so unhappy.

Regardless, I can't shake the feeling that in spite of my best intentions I am a miserable person who is always negative and complains a lot and am self-centered. I've been told as much by a handful of people, so I end up feeling like it must be true. I don't want to be that way and I don't think I really am that person inside, but I'm just so neurotic and full of dread that I end up carrying so much misery around with me due to being under stress all the time.

When life is going well, it's easy to enjoy it and say you're glad you're here and enjoying the human experience. How lucky you are to be so... blessed. But when things feel dreadful more often than not, it quickly turns into "why am I forced to be here seemingly against my will? For what? What can I do? I feel trapped." I just don't know what to do. I've been like this for years now. I just want to... well, you know. I feel ashamed even thinking it sometimes.

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If your family hasn't said anything about you being a burden, then it's unlikely that you are. You can actually talk to your family about this stuff, which is actually pretty good. Some families can be distant about these heavy topics. I reckon you should continue talking to them as long as they keep allowing you to, because it does seem therapeutic for you to get it out there instead of bottling it in.

To be honest I don't really know what to say. Sorry. You know what you've got and you're smart enough to know what you have to do, but doing it takes a lot of effort and it's hard to be motivated when there's something bringing you down and breaking you apart.

You're quite welcome to PM me at any point if you do need to talk to someone else, though. You're not a burden to me.

Absolutely_Sweet_Marie said:

The past couple of days have been one heck of an emotional rollercoaster. The unrelenting winter is threatening to wear me down, on top of which I forgot to take my happy pill this morning, so for the first time in several months I got hit with the sudden urge to go curl up in a dark corner somewhere in the fetal position. I used to get that feeling a lot, so it was strange to feel it again all of a sudden. Not only that, but I kept thinking that I heard people mentioning my name, all day long. Not to me, but within their own conversations with other people. I knew it was just my anxious paranoia rearing its ugly head, but it still made me feel all weird and creeped out all day. My job is always stressful to some extent, but these past two days I've been having to talk myself through some moments, because I just didn't know what to do with the pressure building up inside my mind. I've also been feeling a lot more envy lately when I see or hear my coworkers getting chummy with each other. That hasn't bothered me in a long time now, but it really tried to get to me today.

At the moment I'm feeling fine, just tired and relaxing at home, waiting for dinner to finish cooking. Glad for the chance to rest and recharge before another busy day. Hopefully tomorrow is more stable!

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Sorry to hear about your rollercoaster few days, Marie. Sometimes we relapse and it can be bad, but you said you're feeling good for the time being and that's great. It could be a sign of better things in the next few days. I hope you do feel better.

MikeyC said:

If your family hasn't said anything about you being a burden, then it's unlikely that you are. You can actually talk to your family about this stuff, which is actually pretty good. Some families can be distant about these heavy topics. I reckon you should continue talking to them as long as they keep allowing you to, because it does seem therapeutic for you to get it out there instead of bottling it in.

To be honest I don't really know what to say. Sorry. You know what you've got and you're smart enough to know what you have to do, but doing it takes a lot of effort and it's hard to be motivated when there's something bringing you down and breaking you apart.

You're quite welcome to PM me at any point if you do need to talk to someone else, though. You're not a burden to me.

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I know there's nothing anyone can say. It's just a big stupid mess and I wish that I didn't have to deal with it. To me, life often seems like one giant terrifying nightmare.

Thank you for replying anyway, though.

Graeme1988 said:

Hmmm.... :thinking: Got a lot on ma mind, so don't really how tae articulate it aw. Ah just feel like naebuddy cares, y'know. Ma family are still think they know what's best. Makin' assumptions aboot me - ie, what ah should do, like, etc. It's very much the "being expected tae act a certain way" deal. So that's irritatin' me. Ma oldest sibling's especially guilty of this, thinkin' she's smarter than me. Even though, she says, in a rather smug, sarcastic tone that am "the smart one" - Aye, right.

Also fed up with her constantly usin' the phrase "Am only tryin' tae help" as an excuse to tell me what to do aw the time. She wouldnae exactly be happy being called a control-freak - even though she clearly is one - or being made fun of, fur that matter. Because it's awright when she does tae me or our mum, but it's unacceptable if ah did it tae her. Talkin' back n' such, she'll no' stand for that. Yay! Hypocrisy and double standards! WOW! :kickingmyself:

Startin' tae wonder if ma sister's apology aboot comparin' ma appearance tae aw them Middle Eastern stereotypes wuz geniune - because she's no' change much, if it wuz. Ah've kinda jist kept ma feelings tae maself. And kept quiet - an old habit. Since no-one want tae hear ma problems. Plus if ah ever said whit ah actually thought, it'd jist cause a huge, shouty, sweary argument. And the family dysfunctional enough withoot me added tae that dysfunction.

Anyway, that aboot it, really. Just confidence issues & other insecurities fur the maist part. Sorry tae be such a dour, depressive, downer. :sad:

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Don't be sorry Graeme, living with such people can be frustrating. Your sister sounds really immature. I guess the best you can do is not let her comments get to you. I know its hard, specially with your own family but she seems like a person who can't be taken seriously.

Opaline said:

I know there's nothing anyone can say. It's just a big stupid mess and I wish that I didn't have to deal with it. To me, life often seems like one giant terrifying nightmare.

Thank you for replying anyway, though.

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I'm sorry. I really am. Please contact me whenever you want; I would be more than happy to listen to you if you need it, okay?

Logically i know this, i know it's probably not my fault, that i should move on and put this "incident" with the rest. But even as i type this i know it's not happening anytime soon, hell I've been home a whole half an hour and i'm already i'm curled on my bed in the fetal position crying. :sad: I'm so pathetic sometimes, i make myself sick....:kickingmyself:

I'm sorry everyone, i know many have it worse and i hope your all okay.

singing-love said:

Logically i know this, i know it's probably not my fault, that i should move on and put this "incident" with the rest. But even as i type this i know it's not happening anytime soon, hell I've been home a whole half an hour and i'm already i'm curled on my bed in the fetal position crying. :sad: I'm so pathetic sometimes, i make myself sick....:kickingmyself:

I'm sorry everyone, i know many have it worse and i hope your all okay.

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Don't belittle your issues. They're just as important as everyone else's, even if you don't think so. You're sad a lot recently, even when you're being positive. What's wrong? What's the "incident"?

Opaline said:

I know there's nothing anyone can say. It's just a big stupid mess and I wish that I didn't have to deal with it. To me, life often seems like one giant terrifying nightmare.

Thank you for replying anyway, though.

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Do they have a college counsellors where you study? They might be worth talking to about some of your concerns in regards to study, and perhaps other issues as well?

There are times when the nightmare takes hold and you can't think clearly. Talking to someone may help the nightmare clear a bit so you can go on.

MikeyC said:

Don't belittle your issues. They're just as important as everyone else's, even if you don't think so. You're sad a lot recently, even when you're being positive. What's wrong? What's the "incident"?

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Let's just say i don't exactly live a "happy" life, a full one, yes, but not happy. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'll be okay though, i have lived through worse, i just have to keep going, there's really nothing anyone can do. I'll just fake happy til i feel it, or nothing at all. Sorry for the negativity, i'll try to be more positive from now on. :thumbup: