How are you feeling?

Graeme1988 said:

Nothing like laughed at in the face by my own mother, when I'm being serious. Thanks mum. Thanks a f***in' bunch, it's no wonder we never f***in' talk much. And she had the nerve tae ask me recently, "Why we hardly talk to each other?" She can take anything serious, that's why! Or, at least, anything that I say, seriously. But it's totally different story for my older sisters, innit? My mother and I just "tolerate" each other - used to say that jokingly, but now I think it's become the truth of our relationship.


Ah, the joys of being raised by a man-hating, single-parent mother.

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Gee. What you express here can you express it to her in a meeting type situation? Without the aces and all the good stuff. Awww graeme. *rubs back* :-(

lilmutegirl said:

I'm--conflicted. Very tired, and worried about what my son may tell his dad about our recent fights over bedtime (I can picture my ex suing me or pressing charges claiming child abuse or something).

However, I ordered a textbook online, and it just arrived, which means I can return the one I bought on campus. This is going to save me 57 bucks! The one I bought off amazon was only $22. Now I'll have money to go grocery shopping, which I really need to do.

I'm hoping to have a productive day, but I only have about 4 hours before I need to be at work.

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Parents and kids have natural conflicts, sorry you feel that way about your ex. That's great textboks can be ridiculous 22 dollars that's amazing.

alwayssunnyinphiladelphia said:

I forced myself to go out last night with friends from school and it went really badly(again). I just withdraw into myself and cannot speak its horrible I only managed to stay out for just under 2 and a half hours. 2 people even said to me what's wrong because I was so quiet. Failing at school is one thing but failing at having a good time is even worse lol. Now I just get to spend the afternoon panicking about tonight it will probably go even worse than yesterday.

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I know the situation and the best thing I know of that prepares me for social situations is to shake off the anxiety a bit so I can make it through. It may seem backwards but I like to work out a bit, soak in a tub full of warm water and drink a cool glass off water before I go out into social situations shed some anxiety.

bcsr said:

It's your life, you definitely need to do what makes you happy, and not worry so much if it pleases others.

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^ I agree with this. Hang in there, Srijita.

twiggle said:

Well... looks like I'm going on holiday in a fortnight.
Back to the country I fell in love with two years ago. My spiritual home.
It's not the most perfect time to go back as not everybody I made friends with will be there at that point, but I wonder if I kept holding out for the 'perfect time' would I ever go back at all? No time is perfect.

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^ Awesome! Hope you have fun!

jonas89 said:

I met one of my online friends today, we had a beer and hangout for a few hours,,
I was really happy with this evening how it turned out..I was really nervous at first but then after a couple of minutes I could start to enjoy myself

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^ That's great. Glad you enjoyed yourself.

alwayssunnyinphiladelphia said:

I forced myself to go out last night with friends from school and it went really badly(again). I just withdraw into myself and cannot speak its horrible I only managed to stay out for just under 2 and a half hours. 2 people even said to me what's wrong because I was so quiet. Failing at school is one thing but failing at having a good time is even worse lol. Now I just get to spend the afternoon panicking about tonight it will probably go even worse than yesterday.

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I'm sorry, it has happened to me countless times. I hope you've a better time tonight.

Graeme1988 said:

Nothing like laughed at in the face by my own mother, when I'm being serious. Thanks mum. Thanks a f***in' bunch, it's no wonder we never f***in' talk much. And she had the nerve tae ask me recently, "Why we hardly talk to each other?" She can take anything serious, that's why! Or, at least, anything that I say, seriously. But it's totally different story for my older sisters, innit? My mother and I just "tolerate" each other - used to say that jokingly, but now I think it's become the truth of our relationship.

Ah, the joys of being raised by a man-hating, single-parent mother.

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I'm sorry Graeme.

I woke up in a pretty bad mood this morning, mostly angry because I think I might be staying here another week. I wouldn't feel so bad about it if I didn't have a certain cousin to deal with and actually had a lot of places to go and money to spend. Ugh... it's mostly just been a rough week is all.

Some of those bad feelings are due to anxiety though. (and I still feel nervous and will be all day) Today is my cousin's bridal shower. There's going to be over 40 women here at my aunt's. I'll be the ugliest out of everybody, because I always have been. Remind me why I agreed to go to this thing? ::

At least I received some good news this morning: I won a giveaway on Tumblr! I don't remember which one it was, but that definitely got me excited for a bit.

jonas89 said:

yeah specially because I have not talked that much to her online, so I dont know her that much, and she was with her friend too, so that made it a double challenge haha

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Awesome and well done.

Phoenixx said:

^ I agree with this. Hang in there, Srijita.

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Thanks Phoenixx.

Phoenixx said:

I woke up in a pretty bad mood this morning, mostly angry because I think I might be staying here another week. I wouldn't feel so bad about it if I didn't have a certain cousin to deal with and actually had a lot of places to go and money to spend. Ugh... it's mostly just been a rough week is all.

Some of those bad feelings are due to anxiety though. (and I still feel nervous and will be all day) Today is my cousin's bridal shower. There's going to be over 40 women here at my aunt's. I'll be the ugliest out of everybody, because I always have been. Remind me why I agreed to go to this thing? ::

At least I received some good news this morning: I won a giveaway on Tumblr! I don't remember which one it was, but that definitely got me excited for a bit.

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I'm sorry you're having a rough week, good luck with the brideshower, I don't think you're ugly at all. I hope it goes well.
Oh that's great. Congrats!

Beleza said:

Gee. What you express here can you express it to her in a meeting type situation? Without the aces and all the good stuff. Awww graeme. *rubs back* :-(

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Thanks, Beleza. I've tried but every rational conversation I try to have with my mother always seems to descend into this: . My mum ignores me most of the time, anyway. Doesn't seem to listen to me, appears disinterested. Too distracted by the latest reality TV show to care, it seems. She constantly twists and misinterprets my words. And has a weird way of turning everytime I try talk about social phobia into how I "haven't fully accepted my physical disability (cerebral palsy)" - how could I not, being born with it? My mother also appears to fail to see... - or is in denial about it - to see any connection between her emotional neglect towards me during a small part of my childhood, but of course, according to her recollection: "That never happened". Funny how my oldest sister recalls it occurring as vividly as I do? And then there's her negative, bitter outlook towards men and relationships in general, which have messed with my self-esteem & confidence since I was a teenager - "Men are useless"; "Relationships are pointless, yer better off alone". (Yeah, I can still remember those comments vividly. Hard to "Just forget about it!" - as my mum always telling me to - especially when you're the youngest and only male sibling of the family) ::

Anyway, I seriously doubt a meeting type situation would work. My mum already declined my offer to attend my first therapy session when they finally start because she knows I'm not going to give a good impression of her. We'll probably just having a huge argument if she was to sit in on one of my therapy sessions, anyway.

Sorry for this overly personal rant. Just needed to vent.

Wow, I'm sorry you don't have the support you want from your family, maybe you just need a little support from somewhere else in rl? I hope therapy helps in that perspective a little bit. That's unfortunate, sometimes our parents are not there and are not supportive and we still have to be headstrong. I know you care about them, but don't let them get to you too much. She has personal problems and you can't help her unless she does it herself, so I don't know what to say about all of that.

Beleza said:

Wow, I'm sorry you don't have the support you want from your family, maybe you just need a little support from somewhere else in rl? I hope therapy helps in that perspective a little bit. That's unfortunate, sometimes our parents are not there and are not supportive and we still have to be headstrong. I know you care about them, but don't let them get to you too much. She has personal problems and you can't help her unless she does it herself, so I don't know what to say about all of that.

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Where, though? This site is the only place I feel I can open up about my problems. Because I don't feel close enough to either of my older half sister to open up to them. And the last time I confide in my oldest sister when I was 16, she went told our mum within minutes of me saying I'm struggling with depression and our mum completely overreacted and yelled at me. And I'd been saying since age 16 that I needed therapy but that was always laughed off by my mum everytime I'd mention it.

It's only now at, age 24 - 8 years on - I might finally begin getting the help I need. Better late than never, I guess? But I can't help feeling that - had my family listened to me - getting help sooner at 16, when I SA was becoming obvious, may have prevented things getting worse. I mean, my oldest sister and mother now tell me that they partly blame themselves and feel guilty for not listening to me back then. They were well aware because I overhear them saying I was getting more withdrawn. The fact I gave up playing the electric guitar, and going to lessons 2 years after I picked it up should've been a clear, obvious sign that something was wrong.

And I'm still coming to terms with my dad passing away last month. I thought that'd make my mother see there are unresolved issues between us as well. But obviously, some people are just too stubborn to see their own faults, even when they're made aware of them.

Phoenixx said:

I woke up in a pretty bad mood this morning, mostly angry because I think I might be staying here another week. I wouldn't feel so bad about it if I didn't have a certain cousin to deal with and actually had a lot of places to go and money to spend. Ugh... it's mostly just been a rough week is all.

Some of those bad feelings are due to anxiety though. (and I still feel nervous and will be all day) Today is my cousin's bridal shower. There's going to be over 40 women here at my aunt's. I'll be the ugliest out of everybody, because I always have been. Remind me why I agreed to go to this thing?

At least I received some good news this morning: I won a giveaway on Tumblr! I don't remember which one it was, but that definitely got me excited for a bit.

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I have a bridal shower for a friend coming up soon and I'm terrified. The only reason we became friends was because we worked together for three years. From what I understand, the rest of her friends are all bubbly and pretty and blonde and married with kids. I'm going to be the biggest loser virgin there! But I'm just going to go and enjoy hanging out with her. We don't see each other often, so I'm going to try and focus on that.

I have a serious question for you: why does someone have to be the ugliest at any get together that is a majority of women? Why are we always (myself included) comparing and tearing ourselves down because "Kathy" doesn't have cankles and "Susie" has gorgeous hair? Do they have any kind of personality? That has become my measure of a person. I remember watching an interview with Tina Fey and she said that being awkward while growing up forced her to develop a personality and that she hopes her daughters go through that awkward stage as well. I've gotten completely off track here, but don't think of it that way. Go to that party and dazzle them all with your wit and intelligence and kindness. They'll all go home thinking, "damn, I wish I were as funny as **********!" (Because of Tumblr, I know your real name! Hehehehe!)

And I am very jealous. I have not won a single goddamned thing on Tumblr yet!

Very relieved, phheeeew!!! My friend is going to a wedding tomorrow and she needed to bring a date and she couldn't get anyone and me being in a state of trying to be nice accepted when she asked me but I said she should look for someone else, that I would go if she had no one else to go with and she decided to pretend she's a lesbian and go with her good friend. Phew!! I really did not want to go to that, I've never been to a wedding, especially one where I would know absolutely no one

Newtype said:

It was a girl who was initially a friend, but then we started loving each other years ago. It was a very passionate and out of control love, and my first love, but things went bad, she betrayed me. We tried being friends for years after that, but there was always drama involved. Yesterday, she wanted to be with me again, I refused. I lost the passion and my adventurous side. I just want time to pass so this thing can get out of my head.

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If you've lost the passion and there's too much drama, you did the right thing.

lilmutegirl said:

I'm--conflicted. Very tired, and worried about what my son may tell his dad about our recent fights over bedtime (I can picture my ex suing me or pressing charges claiming child abuse or something).

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If he does that, then he's a real idiot. (But I suppose he's your ex for a reason.)

Phoenixx said:

I woke up in a pretty bad mood this morning, mostly angry because I think I might be staying here another week. I wouldn't feel so bad about it if I didn't have a certain cousin to deal with and actually had a lot of places to go and money to spend. Ugh... it's mostly just been a rough week is all.

Some of those bad feelings are due to anxiety though. (and I still feel nervous and will be all day) Today is my cousin's bridal shower. There's going to be over 40 women here at my aunt's. I'll be the ugliest out of everybody, because I always have been. Remind me why I agreed to go to this thing? ::

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Aww, I'm sure you'll be okay, Phoenixx. Hang in there, my friend.

MikeyC said:

If he does that, then he's a real idiot. (But I suppose he's your ex for a reason.)

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I agree with this very much.

felt much worse in the past, but also felt better in the past. so my fazit is: i can't complain.

Phoenixx said:

^ That's great. Glad you enjoyed yourself.

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Srijita52 said:

Awesome and well done.

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: ) thank you, you guys ( :

I know I haven't participated much lately on this side, but I see not everyone are doing so well,, but it's in my hope that you guys will do great really soon

Srijita52 said:

Yeah, it is. Apparently what I want to study isn't practical enough because I'm too weak.

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I say go with what you want to do! I got my degree in something "practical" that my parents thought I should do, worked in the field for most of my career (thus far) and made pretty good money, but absolutely HATED it! When the opportunity arose to do something different that I wanted to do, I took the chance and made the change. I no longer make as much money as I used to but now I actually like going to work (most days)! Hopefully, you'll be able to pursue a career path brings you a sense of fulfillment.

So horribly bored :/

I feel that I'm completely alone in a city of 2mil.ppl.
I should make friends but I wouldn't be a good friend of anyone. I have lived all my life in the same flat, with my parents who'll turn 70 in a few years, and I can't imagine myself living elswhere, doing everything complety on my own.
Sooner or later if I had friends I'd have to mention my previous life which lacked of every possible social event, occasion. People would think I'm weird.

My eye hurts - I have to go see an optometrist.

Why does the abyss seem so appealing ?