Taking His Name

[Silatuyok]

Since we're talking about weddings and marriage here on the forum, I'd like to ask:
How do you feel about a woman taking a man's name when they are married? Men, do you prefer it? Women, do you think it is old-fashioned, or a traditional part of the union? What are your thoughts, pro or con?

 

[anxiety1408]

I prefer it (Im a man) , Its the way to go Tradition FTW

 

[Aletheia]

I lot of the married women I know use their maiden name for professional situations and their husband's name for family ones.

On a related note, I don't know any married men who haven't a wedding ring, so I was kind of shocked when Prince William didn't get one. Traditional! (Still no "obey" though. )

 

[DeadmanWalking]

I don't really care one way or the other. She can take it if she wishes, but I'm not requiring her to.

 

[coyote]

my first wife never changed her name

i didn't; why should she?

that was back in the olden days - 1988

my second wife went by my last name

she never actually got around to changing it though

how convenient for her when she left me...

 

[Silatuyok]

Idealistically speaking, I don't see the point of it, and I feel like the couple should rather take a fully new surname together. That would be much more interesting, in my book.
But, realistically speaking, I understand the allure of tradition. My boyfriend wants me to take his name, and I'm kind of balking at the idea. However, our relationship has developed into a very traditional one, where I keep house and work part-time to pay my personal bills, and he has a full-blown career and takes care of the mortgage and household bills. I guess to me that makes the whole traditional route make more sense, in a way.

And speaking of wedding rings, I know my boyfriend really doesn't want to have to wear a ring for the rest of his life. He has some weird thing where jewelry gives him the heeby-jeebies. But I know he will wear one for me when we are married, so perhaps I could compromise and change my name for him in turn.

 

[aftermidnight]

I think it makes sense for the woman to keep her last name in her profession, and I see this a lot with my younger female professors.

I know of a few married couples who decided to hyphenate their two last names, which I would be fine with myself (I'm a guy, by the way), but it begs the question, what last name do the kids take when they decide to get married? Have three or four last names? And their kids? Seven last names? And their kids???

I'd hope that my wife-to-be will just go with tradition and take my last name, except for in her profession, but I would keep an open mind.

 

[Srijita52]

I personally don't think one should, I don't see any point in it. Plus its sometimes confusing. A lot of people don't change their names (my mom didn't) But if someone wants to do it anyway then its okay too.

 

[KnuffleBunny]

I would prefer to change my name. Taking on a man's last name to me symbolizes that we are together. I become a NEW person because I have decided to bond with another, therefore a new name makes sense to me.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

After my sister, female cousin and I-- our family name will be gone forever.
So, no- I wouldn't take my husband's name and if I were to have children, I'd prefer them to take my name... or at least one of them.
haha (as if I'd have any children at all XD)

I'm not so traditional in that sense... although my morals and such are pretty oldschool.
He can keep his name and I will keep mine.
You're already sharing everything else, so why the name?

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

It would depend on whether or not I like his last name better than mine

 

[SeniorRedrings]

It should depend on who has the coolest sounding surname,and also,if the males surname is a social liability and the females surname opens doors then tradition should give way to common sense.
I would not feel any less of a man if I took my female partners surname.
In fact I would feel more of a man,I would consider it as just one more way of showing her how much I really loved her.
Who cares what anyone else thinks on the mater.What lovers agree upon is the natural law of the universe and about the closest reality can ever come to resembling religious devotion.

 

[KnuffleBunny]

What lovers agree upon is the natural law of the universe and about the closest reality can ever come to resembling religious devotion.

Well spoken, Red.

 

[MikeyC]

I would prefer to change my name. Taking on a man's last name to me symbolizes that we are together. I become a NEW person because I have decided to bond with another, therefore a new name makes sense to me.

A male might think the same, too.

Personally, I would MUCH rather take the female's last name (supposing it's not something awful like Hitler or whatever). I hate my last name and I've always decided to change my name if I get married.

I'm never getting married anyway so the whole thing is moot. ::

 

[Kiwong]

It is something that couples need to negotiate and be comfortable with the decision. If I were to get married, which won't ever happen, but hypothetically, I would respect the wishes of my partner.

 

[Kinetik]

I have a strange surname so I wouldn't be in the least bothered if a woman didn't take it. My first wife didn't, my soon-to-be wife says she will.

 

[MrJones]

I never understood that. In here (Spain) nobody changes their names, I don't it matters at all, it's just a name. If for whatever reason I marry a woman from another country where it's normal to take the husband's name, I still wouldn't care. If she want to do it, go ahead, if not, then don't. Probably I wouldn't change mine, I don't see why she have to do it.

As for childrenm, in Spain kids have 2 surnames. Traditionally the first one is the father's family name and the second one is the mother's name, but now it doesn't matter, it can be reversed. I don't really care.

 

[Etbow23]

I disagree with it. My health teacher, her husband also took her name, so they both have each other's names, hyphenated (is that how you spell it?)

It's absolutely ridiculous, why should I give up my name I've carried since I was a baby while he doesn't have to. This is 2011 people.

I've already talked to my boyfriend. if we get married we both take each other's name. he doesn't see what's weird about it--he's from latin america where the baby usually gets the mother's and father's name and typically the woman retains her maiden name

Regardless I think it should be a personal choice, never forced

 

[Etbow23]

After my sister, female cousin and I-- our family name will be gone forever.
So, no- I wouldn't take my husband's name and if I were to have children, I'd prefer them to take my name... or at least one of them.
haha (as if I'd have any children at all XD)

I'm not so traditional in that sense... although my morals and such are pretty oldschool.
He can keep his name and I will keep mine.
You're already sharing everything else, so why the name?

exactly. I come from a family a sisters. Even though we all got our biological father's name who we don't talk to and hate (he abandoned us), it's still MY name. And in a way, it's a reminder of him, because even though I hate him, I still miss him so much and wish he would try to talk to me. But I know that'll never happen...So anyways, my name is just a part of me that I don't want to completely forget about, even though it's painful. Ok this is hard to explain.

if all of us change our names, that name will be gone. Marriage is supposed to be about equality, not the woman giving everything up while the man can have his life or whatever. Call me a feminist, this is a just my point of view.

 

[Etbow23]

Idealistically speaking, I don't see the point of it, and I feel like the couple should rather take a fully new surname together. That would be much more interesting, in my book.
But, realistically speaking, I understand the allure of tradition. My boyfriend wants me to take his name, and I'm kind of balking at the idea. However, our relationship has developed into a very traditional one, where I keep house and work part-time to pay my personal bills, and he has a full-blown career and takes care of the mortgage and household bills. I guess to me that makes the whole traditional route make more sense, in a way.

And speaking of wedding rings, I know my boyfriend really doesn't want to have to wear a ring for the rest of his life. He has some weird thing where jewelry gives him the heeby-jeebies. But I know he will wear one for me when we are married, so perhaps I could compromise and change my name for him in turn.

i think you seem conflicted about this issue, that's why you're posting here--to see what other people think.
Well I think you should do what you feel comfortable with. He can't force you to do something. If you feel happy with how your relationship is set up, then that's great. But if not, you're allowed to say so. It's all about personal choice.