Taking His Name

[Solitudes_Grace]

Many people do not realize that the origin of the tradition of the wife taking her husband’s surname stems from the fact that women used to literally be considered the property of their husbands. The name adoption was intended as a public display to let everyone know who the wife belonged to. For example, the name Mrs. Smith let everyone know that she was the property of Mr. Smith. I am not making this up, nor is this my opinion. This is simply historical fact. Personally, I do not endorse sexist traditions. I think it is important for people to consider that just because something is traditional, it does not mean it is always desirable. People have the right to choose whatever they want, but I think it is important for people to understand the social and historical context in which their choices are made.

I never intend on getting married, but if I did, the person I form a companionship with and I would choose one of two options. We would either keep our separate last names, or we would legally change both of our last names to a brand new last name that we would decide on together. That way, no one will have to be subjected to any form of symbolic ownership.

 

[Waybuloo]

How about double barrelled for both?

If the wife takes the husband's name, it makes things much easier, especially if you have kids. Instead of the teacher trying to remember wife's surnames separately, they can just go by the kid's surname. Changing one's name requires a sense of changing ones identity, so it would seem a big step for me.

 

[Lord_Spotface]

haha~ yeah... I'm beginning to think that family names should just be made up on the spot when you're signing the papers.

If I ever get married, which I don't intend on, but just sayin that if I did, it would be McScabbington for me.
Lord Spotface McScabbington. Simple, yet refined.

 

[MrJones]

You can change your name as you want

FRIENDS - Princes Consuela(Phoebe - YouTube

But remember to have some limits


I think it could be also a possibility to change both names of the couple to something new. A new family.

 

[Silatuyok]

Many people do not realize that the origin of the tradition of the wife taking her husband’s surname stems from the fact that women used to literally be considered the property of their husbands. The name adoption was intended as a public display to let everyone know who the wife belonged to. For example, the name Mrs. Smith let everyone know that she was the property of Mr. Smith. I am not making this up, nor is this my opinion. This is simply historical fact. Personally, I do not endorse sexist traditions. I think it is important for people to consider that just because something is traditional, it does not mean it is always desirable. People have the right to choose whatever they want, but I think it is important for people to understand the social and historical context in which their choices are made.

I never intend on getting married, but if I did, the person I form a companionship with and I would choose one of two options. We would either keep our separate last names, or we would legally change both of our last names to a brand new last name that we would decide on together. That way, no one will have to be subjected to any form of symbolic ownership.

Well, I think this is a valid concern, but things like that need to be considered WITHIN their historical context. A LOT of things have darker origins that just aren't pertinent in the modern world. This reminds me of when I was younger and my dad wouldn't let us wear toe rings or anklets because he said that they were originally worn by slaves, and we would look like slaves for wearing them. Regardless of whether or not his opinions was based on fact (probably not), I always thought it was dumb to take something that USED to be true and apply it to life in (what was then) the 20th century. I also used to know some extreme Christians who refused to put up Christmas trees because they have pagan origins...who cares anymore? That's kind of like not letting your kids go trick or treating because people will think they are devil worshippers.

Most people aren't going to see a woman with her husband's last name and think that she must be subservient to her man or feel like she is owned by him.

 

[Solitudes_Grace]

Well, I think this is a valid concern, but things like that need to be considered WITHIN their historical context. A LOT of things have darker origins that just aren't pertinent in the modern world. This reminds me of when I was younger and my dad wouldn't let us wear toe rings or anklets because he said that they were originally worn by slaves, and we would look like slaves for wearing them. Regardless of whether or not his opinions was based on fact (probably not), I always thought it was dumb to take something that USED to be true and apply it to life in (what was then) the 20th century. I also used to know some extreme Christians who refused to put up Christmas trees because they have pagan origins...who cares anymore? That's kind of like not letting your kids go trick or treating because people will think they are devil worshippers.

You are absolutely right, but we have to think about why it is still the cultural norm for women to change their last name but not the man. American culture is a very sexist culture. Even though women are not literally considered the property of their husbands today, many people still view them as subservient to their husbands today. I think today, the tradition exists to denote symbolic ownership rather than literal ownership. It is this reason why I think the origins of this tradition are still relevant today. In my opinion, the expectation that women will change their last name but not the man is a sexist double standard.

Most people aren't going to see a woman with her husband's last name and think that she must be subservient to her man or feel like she is owned by him.

I agree. I do not think that every marriage in which the wife changes her name but the man does not is characterized by a subordinate/dominant relationship. I know several people who are in very egalitarian marriages, in which the wife took her husband's last name. I just think that the expectation for the woman to adopt her husband's name would not exist in a non-sexist culture. It is the cultural expectation and the tradition I have a problem with, not with individuals making choices.


These are my views anyway. Perhaps I'm making mountains out of mole hills. I don't know. I can get pretty sensitive about some issues.

 

[Etbow23]

You are absolutely right, but we have to think about why it is still the cultural norm for women to change their last name but not the man. American culture is a very sexist culture. Even though women are not literally considered the property of their husbands today, many people still view them as subservient to their husbands today. I think today, the tradition exists to denote symbolic ownership rather than literal ownership. It is this reason why I think the origins of this tradition are still relevant today. In my opinion, the expectation that women will change their last name but not the man is a sexist double standard.



I agree. I do not think that every marriage in which the wife changes her name but the man does not is characterized by a subordinate/dominant relationship. I know several people who are in very egalitarian marriages, in which the wife took her husband's last name. I just think that the expectation for the woman to adopt her husband's name would not exist in a non-sexist culture. It is the cultural expectation and the tradition I have a problem with, not with individuals making choices.


These are my views anyway. Perhaps I'm making mountains out of mole hills. I don't know. I can get pretty sensitive about some issues.

I'll just put my two cents in...i guess I think we should at least be wary about these things (whether they be historical things, or things that reach us on a subconscious level, etc) in our everyday life. I think it's important to be conscientious about everything. Like I used to know a song that had this affect--I like its melody and everything but I noticed it kept saying things in its lyrics that were bad & I think may reach people on a subconscious level.

And Solutude's Grace brings up a good point...would you not agree that things like this in our culture sort of keep certain attitudes going? I notice that if there's an advertisement or name or whatever against minorities, there is always an uprise. However, against women? or homosexuals too, no one seems to care, and if you do care , you're called a femi-nazi or whatever.

I mean, people say "fag" or "you're gay" or "that bitch" and everything, and say it doesn't affect people. I say bitch myself sometimes, but I am trying to avoid it. I never say homophobic things anymore, I think it's way too accepted. People would be very offended at the n-word, which I am as well, however I grew up around washington DC where the african americans used it to address each other; I thought this was a way they were only putting themselves down. I would hear this word said everyday on the bus, in school, whatever. Other african americans in college and other more academic environments agreed with me (would get offended if someone was saying it). So you could say the same about changing your name--okay, it doesn't matter, etc....but really, does it? What affect does it REALLY have on people?

okay so i'm kind of not making sense...my point is, I think these words, though people say they don't really, I think they DO have an affect on people and yourselves.

To absolutely sweet marie-have you considered hyphenating your name ? Since family's important to you but you also kind of want to adopt your fiance's name? It might be a good way to do both

 

[Silatuyok]

And Solutude's Grace brings up a good point...would you not agree that things like this in our culture sort of keep certain attitudes going? I notice that if there's an advertisement or name or whatever against minorities, there is always an uprise. However, against women? or homosexuals too, no one seems to care, and if you do care , you're called a femi-nazi or whatever.

To absolutely sweet marie-have you considered just hyphenating your name or something? Since family's important to you but you also kind of want to adopt your fiance's name?

But that's the thing, I don't think they keep certain attitudes going, but maybe that's just me being blind to certain problems in society. I just feel like the name debate is getting to be like the Christmas tree debate...it doesn't really stand for anything, one way or the other, anymore. It's just a silly tradition that makes people feel good. If it doesn't make them feel good, then they don't do it, generally.

As for me, I'm not debating the issue for my own sake, I'm just interested in the argument at this point.

 

[coyote]

...People have the right to choose whatever they want, but I think it is important for people to understand the social and historical context in which their choices are made...

...i guess I think we should at least be wary about these things (whether they be historical things, or things that reach us on a subconscious level, etc) in our everyday life...

this is precisely why i've never owned a BMW

BMW Dynasty Breaks Silence Over Nazi Past

well, that, and because i could never afford one