Hi all, this is my first post and I thought this would be a good place to start.
I am a 37 year old male and though I am generally shy in many circumstances, I am extremely anxious interacting with women if there is even a hint of things becoming sexual or intimate. I have never had a girlfriend (discounting elementary school kid stuff) nor have I kissed a woman. I live alone but I do have some friends and am close with my family. I am a sensitive person and do not like hurting others, so the disappointment and hurt I cause others by being anxious causes me great anguish.
I have also been greatly embarassed through the years by my inability to be assertive in relationships and have been depressed at different times in my life. I have never sought help for these problems and have covered it up as much as possible, though at 37 it is getting difficult to explain never having had a girlfriend. Generally I pretend I'm too busy or not interested. I also avoid set-ups vigourously, and have developed a sixth sense to spot one in the works, just to avoid my anxiousness from causing me to be mean to people who do not deserve to be treated that way.
In other respects, I am doing quite well with my life. I have been able to develop confidence with my education and career, and currently own my own house and business. Even these accomplishments seemed ridiculously out of my grasp at one time, but I plodded painstakenly, worked really hard, and it has payed off. I hope that these successes mean that someday I can also manage to have at least some type of intimate relationship. I have never had sex obviously, and even though that bothered me alot in the past, I don't really mind it now. I would, however, really like to be close and intimate with a woman at some time in my life. And not just any woman, but one who I respect and admire. That may sound old fashioned, but if I do not care deeply for the woman, then the relationship would not be intimate for me, and I would not have achieved what I desired.
Anyhows, I can interact with women in a non sexual manner, ie. at work, school etc. As long as there is some other reason to be talking to the woman, except romantically, I am often ok. I have capitalized on this in the past and used excuses to trick the anxiousness so I could talk to a woman. I kind of thought one thing, but at the same time did another. Its kinda like trying to lie to a lie detector test. It doesn't always work, but I was able to talk with, and even hold in my arms, a woman that I was very attracted to and cared for deeply. I even asked her on a date, though I didn't get very far with that. Smart girl. But I did get to know her and be close to her for quite some time, and it brought me no end of joy. So much so that it gave me the confidence to achieve all the other things I have in my life. I'm not really sure how, but it feels like the happiness kind of washed away some of the bad things that causes me to be like I am, though I don't even know what those things are. So life hasn't been all bad after all, for which I am very grateful. I also feel good about my life these days, and I am positive that I will somehow overcome my shyness before my time runs out. If Ghandi could reclaim an entire occupied country peacefully, I'm sure I can manage to kiss a woman at least once. Sounds kinda silly when I put it like that.
To bring this ramble to a close, I must say I have read stories about other love shy people(and their love interests) and it is heartbreaking to read about the same disappointments and grief that I have experienced. Until about a year ago I had never heard of love shyness, didn't really understand what was happening, and thought I was alone. So to everyone out there, all is never lost, and we're all in this together.
