A Place to Introduce Yourself

[ScaredGirl]

Hi All,

There was no place to introduce myself when I first came here so I kinda jumped in and felt kinda awkward for it so I thought I would start this post.


So here goes. I've had SA pretty much since the earth was still warm. time. I relate to ALL your stories and am amazed/grateful to everyone for being here. It was desperation that brought me here and joy I have found since coming.

SG

 

[karinatwork]

Great Idea! I want to introduce myself too, I have been on here since last night. And I found someone right away who was kind enough to spend some time reading about my troubles.
I'm 37, married with one little boy who has literally been dropped into my lap from heaven. My life seems normal, except for when I am home. Then I get anxious, I hide behind my curtains and blinds and live with earplugs in my ears.
I don't know what my problem is yet, at first I have been diagnosed with OCD but I think they're wrong, tomorrow I'm going to see a new doctor and we'll see. I keep you all posted.

Anyway - I'm glad I found this place. Thanks for being here.

Karin

 

[Pearl]

I haven't introduced myself either. I have had social phobia my whole life, well it started severely affecting me at about 10 and l'm 28 now, a mixture of genetics from my dad and the environment l grew up in (not knowing my place in my family with older confident half brothers and sisters and a messed up dad). High school was like jail, l didn't exist, l guess l'm still trying to realise l have a RIGHT to exist and deserve what everyone else has. I don't work, haven't had a boyfriend, have no friends and great difficulty maintaining any r'ships, and life is just a struggle. I think a really supportive therapist would do wonders for SPers, but my current one is not too knowledgeable in it, so l leave thinking maybe l'm making stuff up to get attention or l'm blowing things up. But l get home, and go over all the anxiety and difficulties l have that seriously hinder me and l know this is a real problem. I'm giving her up. Facing things is really hard, l feel so ashamed and guilty telling my therapist things, so usually l leave out the most embarrassing parts.
You two inspire me as you're both in rships which seems a dream to me, cos l don't even meet guys right now.

 

[Nightshade]

Hi Scared Girl

Yes, I found it was difficult and I didn't know how to introduce myself here. I've thought it would be nice to have a thread that people could introduce themselves in. So thanks for starting this.

It would be really nice if it was a "sticky" thread (ie always at the top of the page), but we don't seem to have them here.

Karinatwork - the anxiety you sounds like something I had for couple of years (as a teenager). I would panic when I was home alone, even for fine minutes during the day when it was at its worst. Night was worst, closing the curtains once it was dark terrified me and when I went to bed at night I would totally freak out at every noise. This will sound a bit bizarre, but I spent nearly a year sleeping in my mother's bed every night because I was so terrified. The thing I felt I was afraid of was people breaking in to the house, but I rationally knew that my fear was totally out of proportion.

I never got treated, but gradually I improved and I'm totally over it now. Still got social anxiety problems but maybe I can beat those too. I would imagine that similar techniques would work for the different types of anxiety so hope they help you.

Pearl, I've never had a boyfriend either and I'm 33 so I can understand where you are coming from, although I have a job and friends so I'm lucky there. It is sad that your therapist doesn't seem to be helping - have you thought about doing some reading on the subject yourself? I found social anxiety CBT books really useful, especially Gillian Butler's book "Overcoming social anxiety and shyness".

Anyway, I've been here a while now so think I can maybe say welcome to you all.

 

[yousef]

Hello people.


I'm a new member here (a 20 year old guy) and your post came just in time ScaredGirl! After looking around a bit I'm quite surprised that many of the posts (questions) here describe EXACTLY the problem(s) I have. I've had SP ever since I remember (i.e. since I was a little kid). I find it very hard to communicate with people I don't know. With my close friends it may be better than with other people but I still don't talk much with them and I'm usually a "silent" person (unless they talk/ask, and I reply).

I prefer to spend most of my time "out of sight", or in other words, at home. I do go out with some of my friends but I just hate it when meeting someone new or going to crowded places ...etc. To me, it just feels wrong being in such a situation.

It's much easier for me to communicate online, like I'm doing right now because I feel I have a little bit of privacy, but though, my communication is still limited, like for example, when I chat with a friend (using instant messaging) I rarely talk unless I have to respond to something he/she said.
If someone says "Why are you silent? Say something" my answer is usually, if not always, this: "I don't have anything to say... what do you want me to talk about?".

Besides, just like some other people posted, I find myself having trouble in many other things/situations, like eye contact for example. I can't look at someone in the eyes for more than 4-5 seconds (when I'm talking to them, that is).

I don't know how shyness is related to SP, but when there's "focus" on me, I do get red (blush), and if someone points that out, it gets even worse. Besides, my heart keeps beating faster and faster, and it just feels soooooo uncomfortable in that situation.

I just want to be free, I want to do everything I want, but I just can't. In many times, I have great opportunities to meet new people and have a lot of fun (well, I'm obviously talking the way a "normal" (who has no SP) person thinks), like a school trip or a party or whatever, but I just don't go. I feel a little bit excited at the beginning but the sooner the time comes, the more I feel I want to hide (because of what I mentioned above).


Well, this was a quick introduction to me (and my problems) and I hope to see some tips on what I should do. I've seen other tips on this forum, like trying to talk to two strangers a day (students at school, neighbors, ..etc). And as a matter of fact, this is like a big challenge to me. I know it sounds stupid, but for me this is really something difficult.


(And, sorry for throwing out my problems in "not-so-good" English. My native language isn't English but I tried to use descriptful words and good paragraph formatting/oredering).


Thanks for the time you spent reading my post.

 

[invisiblegirl]

Yello all, 22 yr old female from NY here, just signed up with the site figuring it couldn't hurt to join the ranks . I sometimes feel like I'm the only social-phobic in the world so sites like this give me at least a little bit of relief in my rather relief-lacking life.
I've had severe anxiety for as long as I can remember but the point it really began to inhibit me was perhaps at aged 11-12, middle school years. I ceased making friends(perhaps had a temporary one maybe once a year) and pretty much isolated myself in my room...as I do now some 10-11 years later . I was harassed constantly and going to school was such a big struggle I would cry many mornings. My academics also suffered because my anxieties distracted me and when I struggled I was to fearful of seeking assistance from the teacher or a tutor.

I started receiving therapy around aged 16 and have been on medication but not to much avail. I barely graduated high school(after receiving 'special placement' amongst emotionally unstable students) and have been living with my mom totally housebound and pretty much doing nothing since then. I'm not able to get a job, some schooling and I'm as dependent on my mom as ever aside from finances since I was placed on SSI in high school...which was meant to only be temporary but I'm not so sure anymore as its impossble to have hope that I'll change. I'm also dependent on social workers as they get me into occasional 'life advancement' type programs to help me gain independence, but I've failed at all of them. Failure is of course something I'm used to. If anyone ever thinks they're entirely hopless, at least keep in mind that you're not me. :? Anyway, I'm glad this site is here.

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

I'm 21, and I guess I've always had social phobia...I wasn't diagnosed with it until a year or so ago, but when I was a kid I only saw one therapist who didn't seem to care about my problem and seemed very uneducated(well none of them have really seemed to care but that one never really tried to explain anything to me, he just made me feel stupid by asking the same question a bunch of times: "Why don't you like being around people?")
But I remember even a long time ago I never liked being around people and I've always been really nervous around people, except my parents. When I first started kindergarten(the first time I really had to be alone with strangers) I always used to cry, not wanting my mom to leave me...and that went on all year. And it never stopped...of course as I got older, I stopped crying for my mom/wanting to go home, but the nervousness never went away and I very often felt like crying but of course I held it back. When I got in high school I had to be homeschooled due to my nervousness from social phobia, and due to the other kids bullying me(which just made it a billion times worse on me--I'll never understand why people are so cruel. Sometimes I feel that I'm not human because I've never fit in anywhere and I imagine that I never will)...so anyway, homeschool helped me ALOT for those years, but now I've graduated and I have to work so now things are really hard on me again and I don't know what to do. :?

 

[Nightshade]

Hi Yousef, Invisiblegirl and LittleMissScareAll

I'm glad you have all found this site and know that you are not alone in this.

Welcome.

 

[blubs]

Hello

I am new to this site and I just wanted to say 'Hi' to everyone. I am 31 and have had social phobia since I was at secondary school. It is quite severe and has affected what I do in life. I am not working because of it and I spend a lot of time by myself.
I have been reading some of the comments and stories people have put forward and it is nice to hear things I relate to. I have never met anyone who has had similar experiences before. So I wanted to say 'thanks' to anyone who's comments I may have read for having the courage to be honest about themselves, it makes me feel a little bit more courageous too.
I would love to make some friends on this site-so I just wanted to introduce myself
Hope everyone is doing okay today
blubs

 

[cosmo]

heyhey just feel onto this site after yet another non verbal depressing day at work..glad to have found this place..gonna have to do some crazy reading and maybe drink some brewhas cause damnit im out of weed....well just want to say hello to everyone.. im a shy 20 year old homophobic? living in a single apt for another year in this crap state of vermont.. i dont know what the hell i suffer from but its not fun. . cant make any eyecontact..always thinking someone/something is watching..extreme lonelyness..paranoia..always thinking way to much about what others are thinking...cant make complete sentences when speaking..very very nervous when speaking to someone when others are watching..talk to myself..when mind is set to do something it must be done even if other things come up, so get outta my way! haha....um ive never had a girlfriend..but had 2 girl friends in highschool who i never speak to but i guess they are worried..
but i was wondering if anyone else is affected by music as much having maybe the same symptoms as me..as far as Jimi Hendrix goes my mind is totally blown away and im out somewhere else when listening..i recently picked up the guitar last year and blew myself away..i can speak/talk musically through the guitar and hit some insanley depressing knotes that jarble the ol gulliver as with jimi. . just wondering if this has happened to anyone else...if so ..wanna join a band? haha cause damnit i suck at life

 

[MPS]

Hey people, 8)

I've been a semi-lurker on this forum for almost a year now and can relate to many of the problems, difficulties and challenges you all have experienced.

I've had social phobia for around 6 years now, but I've only been aware that such a condition existed for a little over a year. I always wondered why I felt the way I felt or behaved the way I did, but always assumed that It was just my nature. For some reason the term 'social phobia' just popped into my head one time, I then typed it into google and discovered the symptoms described me to a tea. I remember breaking down whilst reading some of the descriptions - I think it was a combination of finally identifying what was wrong with me and realising that I was going to need some serious help. This was a little under a year ago and I still haven't told anyone about my condition.

Anyway, It's good to know that your not the only one who goes through this nightmare on a daily basis. I honestly don't know whether I'll ever be rid of this as it has taken up such a significant role in my life. I've lost friends/potential love interests because of it and have almost began to just accept that this 'social phobia' will always be a part of me.

MPS

 

[SilverLiner]

*waves* hey

My name's Simon, I'm 22 and have been shy for as long as I can remember. I don't know wether it's SA or not, have never been to a doctor to diagnose it. But it's comforting to know other people are going through the same thing and hopefully will learn a lot from each other.

cosmo - I can totally relate. When I'm talking, walking etc I can't be myself. As soon as you give me a guitar or mandolin I'm totally fine, feel totally relaxed and can express what I'm feeling through it.

 

[missy]

ah sorry this is soo long

hello..my names missy im 16..i've kinda always been very shy..preschool i had no friends and evuntually my mom just took me out..kindergarten i had one friend.. i would never participate in any like christmas show for school where you like sing and do little hand motions i would just kinda stand there, the music teacher hated me bcuz i would never sing. up until like 4th grade i only had that one friend..and in 4th grade i duno i was like popular and my shyness wasnt really much of an issue from then to 7th grade. 7th grade was great the first year of middle school 4 of my best friends from elementry school were cheerleaders blah blah you kno..i started smokin weed and i just had a blast..school was no problem for me like i wasnt really shy at all i had so much confidence and didnt really cared what others thought of me that was all in cleveland..

then at the end of 7th grade my parents lost the house filed bankrupcy and yeha they decided to start a new life and move to florida..that was the worst thing ever. i didnt know anybody so therefore i had no friends..and just got soo depressed and then school started..it was awful i didnt talk to anyone, i sat alone at lunch blah blah and so after like 3 months of that they placed me in this special class..with like 10 kids and you dint have to change classes or anything and it was great..since there was only 10 kids in one little class all day you got to know each other pretty well so i made friends had my first girlfriend..i wasnt popular like i used to be but hey i had friends..they were all punk/gothic whatever so yeha if all ur friends are that way ur gunna start to be like that too..i had two best friends and everyday before school we'd get together and smoke a joint and everyday after school we'd just chill till like 10 and smoke it was great then at the end of 8th grade we got evicted and hadda move it was only like a mile down the road but still it wasnt like walking distance and so slowly we just drifted apart..since i moved we were no longer in the same school district so when high school came all my friends were in another school so it was pretty much like starting all over again..i finally made two new best friends one was my girlfriend then in like febuary she got locked up and still is my other friend crashed my dads car one night when i was babysitting... i asked her to stay home and watch my brothers while i went to go pick up our friend kelly and she was like blah blah i'll do it so i trusted her and she crashed it and eventually we drifted apart and she stopped doin drugs anyhoo prolly somewhere between 8th and 9th grade i started having my SA problems..i coodnt smoke with new people i'd get really really paranoid and just wood not talk and kinda sit there like omg their all looking at me my self esteem was just gone i hated looking at myself in the mirror and yeha but i got a new best friend kelly..and she dint do much drugs and pretty much i had no other friends than her and so i slowed down alot on that and was sober alot and i geuss thats when i actually realized like wow i cant even like go shopping i feel like everyones watching me..i cant really meet new people because i just cant talk..i over analyze every little thing and when i try to talk its like my throats closing up and i can hardly get out what im trying to say and so i had like one friend up until like three months ago this girl i new back in 8th grade moved back from tennesse and i started up on all the drugs again i wasnt sober for like 2 and a half months and SA wasnt much of a problem i usually wood just chill with her and we'd drive around all day get fucked up she didnt really have many friends since she just moved back so i didnt really have to meet people or anything but my mom didnt like her too much from what shes heard in the past about her from one of my friends moms once i got her to give her a chance but i geuss we fucked up and yeha so i havent seen her in like two weeks or really talked to her and my one best friend kelly is in camp in north caralina shes coming back tuesday but then in like a week shes moving to n.c. so yeha i pretty much have no friends and im really depressed i've been sober for like a week and yeha im on paxil but it doesnt seem to do anything for me..i had this one counselor for like 2 years and i could talk to her about anything she was great but she recently moved away so yeah i dont think i could find another one and really open up much


wow i just realized i just wrote like 3 pages worth of nothing..so i think im going to shut up now . sorry for boring you all with like my life story. but yeah i think it would be great to talk to someone else with SA or maybe even meet someone who understands..so if anyone would like to talk then just message me or whatever

 

[ScaredGirl]

Wow. Thanks everyone for posting. I'm going to move this to the top so newbies will see it.

Take Care All,

SG

 

[ellesor]

Ah. Here.

Hello.
I'm 22 years of age. Female. Webdesigner/Graphic Artist.
Has SP. Seeking information, that's why I got here.
I view myself as someone totally out of synch. Out of this world. Eccentric.
Quiet. In fact it's possible that I don't have a voice. (and that's what most people tell me, too! -which is mostly true)
I hate interaction (especially talking) with people (I avoid it as much as I can). I get butterflies (or maybe fire-breathing dragons) everytime. I love being by myself.

I eat alone. Go to movies alone. Go shopping alone. (or sometimes with a few good friends). I absolutely despise being touched, hugged or even approached without my permission (such an act would have me in a fit of rage.). Hell, I like working alone.

Although I don't really have problems with giving a speech or explaining something (provided it's work related), I die every time I have to make one. But once I get rolling, I'm okay. I still don't like it.

I read a lot. Play videogames a lot. On weeks ends, I love to stay at home, having movie marathons, drawing portraits...etc...rather than going out. Crowds drive me crazy!

My dream (ideal) is to build a house on top of a hill (a mansion-castle size)...maybe 28 floors or something, complete with mote, a drawbridge...etc.. with great furnishings...but I would have one room in the highest tower...accessible only through ONE elevator...where no one will bother me. Maybe something like the life of Howard Hughes. Yeah. I'm crazy.

 

[black_mamba]

My dream (ideal) is to build a house on top of a hill (a mansion-castle size)...maybe 28 floors or something, complete with mote, a drawbridge...etc.. with great furnishings...but I would have one room in the highest tower...accessible only through ONE elevator...where no one will bother me. Maybe something like the life of Howard Hughes. Yeah. I'm crazy.

Ah what a beautiful idea. I keep looking up at the flats above me (only 3rd floor apartments) that are situated in the cosy loft spaces and wish I lived there. To be so high above the crowds must feel really secure, a lot like your idea of a room in the highest tower.

 

[ellesor]

hehehe...been contemplating about it for sometime now. Since I'm not a billionaire like Howard Hughes, maybe I'll settle for a house in the country, with very high fences... and the distance from the front gate to the house should be two kilometers or something.

I actually got the idea while playing Final Fantasy VIII (rpg)...the main villain (Ultimecia) lives in the highest tower of castle....and it kinda appealed to me.

 

[black_mamba]

How about Lara's mansion in the early tomb raider games? Sounds like your fantasy house, although I was always a bit freaked out by the fact that she could never get past her front gates. :?

Wow the architecture in FF8 was breath-taking, when I dream at night often the buildings are rendered in the style of that game.

 

[ellesor]

oh yes...that was frustrating...can't get out of the gates...a metaphor for SP, maybe. ;P

You're right about the architecture...wish I was not just playing, but really there...how silly can I get? And I could relate to the main character (Squall Leonhart), the those thoughts he has are, most of the time, an exact "copy" of my own thoughts.

I also remember another game, Silent Hill, a very disturbing, but also very accurate portrayal of things that go bump in my mind...

 

[black_mamba]

I used to think the ultimate video game for people like us would be a complete replica of real life; a mix of GTA (with all the movement and transport available) and the sims. Also, the access to guns would be great, and the reset button too! *is in heaven*

[Sorry for the topic digression!]

Over and out.