Your 2011 in review

[kilojoule]

My year ...hmm.......moved house....had to give up work because I got very sick...lost one of my best friends because he proposed and I said no....missed out on a trip Id paid for to the carribean because I was so sick, gained 46 lbs on steroids, lost 22lbs, added up spent over 3 months in hospital, had one surgery, went through all my savings on rent and bills and meds throughout the year, broke up with someone I'd seen for a year and a half, fell out with a good friend.


But today I bought a new 2012 diary wooooo and it's all clean and shiny and new. I have so much lined up for 2012 and I won't let anything stop me.

 

[Falkor]

2011 sucked. so did the last 2010 years. 2012 will probably be no different either...

That must have been a long milenium prehistory, 2010 years. Haha. ::

Nah just kidding. I know how you feel. 2010 Sucked for me either.

Anyways about 2011;

The good part:

This year has been going much better than all of the others I'd say. Of course any year has it's milestones and downhills, but I can call this year finally a better year after, after. Because before 2011, I wasn't doing so well. I was very unconfidental and had to progress a lot of stuff in mind. Yes I did. I still do ocassionaly, But with my fingers crossed I know it will get better EACH day of my life.

So what have I acomplished, achieved or what did I find the most greatest part of 2011?

I'd say that I got the courage to start college again, that I could just make an appointment and fight so hard to get back on track and tell hem HOW MUCH i love to study and that I will fight so hard my ass off to fitt in between all those college students. And they believed me! How great is that? The director told me i'm just fine. He knows I have struggles and so does he, or anybody. It's not a shame. and he sees the will and that's the power of beating Anxiety.

And school is going fine! Good grades, nice things to do, pretty laid back classmates who don't look weird at me at all, are just nice to me and most of them are autistic anyway, so they are all just a lil different and that's cool right? and some of them are adults and some younger, and some are musicians, most of them are immigrants too... well... right place for me.

Besides school there are more things that really have made me so happy.
This is dedicated to my girlfriend Muriel, she made me so happy when I first could see her after her internship in Canada. She came back and we met. We always were in a friend zone but I knew she is so special from the heart and our bond was always so meaningful to me, and then the sparkle hit me right in the heart, I had to tell her that I loved her and I still do after 1 year. Tomorrow we'll be celebrating the new year's eve. Isn't that wonderful?

If it comes to a job, I'd have to say that I am really happy that I am a GameJournalist, publisher at a gaming platform. I just got applied to the job since two weeks, I'm really happy and I hope it'll bring more fun, I know it won't bring me money but it's just for bringing me distraction since I know it helps to make me feel more positive and I love writing, it's one of my hobbies, so why not. Volunteering is a kind thing to do, right? Oh and I'll gain games every month, so I do get rewarded fair bit.That's totally fun since I like trying out new games!

And I really am happy that I gained more fat, I'm not that skinny anymore like I used to be and I know that it will make me only feel better. ^^

I'm happy about that I took the gutts to just walk in a group therapy called D.G.T developed by Marsha Linehann in the U.S. It's in Holland since a few years or such. and I really wanted to go there. Besides Social Phobia I have Borderline / Emotion Regulation Disorder (or whatever it's called, Bipolar? hehe) I know that the only way out is to kick myself out of the routine of Depressive thoughts, I know a lot of people deal with this, almost 90 % of the world does, do we all want to be pessimistic? NAH! but I know it's so hard since we have a low self esteem, but it's like we can't escape from it. But it's worth to keep fighting and seek for the happiness in life.

And the holiday in a theme park with Mur and also the music, making songs with musicians and songwriters and such. a real blast. Music makes me feel proud!

And I'm happy to met SPV and talk to him a lot during a while. He's a great friend, trust me!

So that's it. The good parts. I think it's good to end off with no bad parts. I know there sure might be (and I know there are) But I thinkj it's good to stop repeating them. So, it's been a good year, and I know 2012 Will only get better.

Social Anxiety, shut up and keep staying in your cage, I'm a bird, I wanna fly, I don't wanna be locked up, so you should.

Cheers and hopefully ya'll have a wonderful 2012!

Peace al

 

[StandingJelly]

Hello, I'd like to express how my year was as well... you guys don't have to read this, I just want to put my thoughts out there and write all it out and stay annonymous.

This year started off well with some confidence after, ending my summer job as a waiter and I feel a huge difference in myself when I returned to uni for semester 1 of the year. I didn't have the self-consciousness that I used to have - but working was really a pain in itself. I may have to sit alone in class as I didn't have friends, afterall, this year was actually a repeat of the 2nd year which I failed miserably last year.
I was lucky enough to be able to meet with a person I know; he was smart, talkative, and it didn't make sense that he had failed a crucial subject in the first year that even I had passed. He didn't seem social, but that looks like, unlike me, by choice.

Midway of the first semester, I started to be my old self again. I got into a bad sleep pattern and started skipping classes. But I managed to get through passing the courses which I failed last year ... though it was still a bit of a struggle even with 3 courses.

Before I knew it. It was Semester 2 already, and all i can do is keeping going forward despite my motivation being low ...this time I had to do 4 new courses and without the motivation. But with a little burst of desperation in the cramming period, I've somehow managed to pass them all, though only barely for 2 of them. I must say that I'm happy and proud, something I would never would have felt, before I started uni with these kind of marks.

Well, for socialising, I have not made any progress. I haven't made any communication with new people, ... not that I could. I didn't think any about it much, it was all about me, myself, this year. And having almost ditched my friends, cut all source of communication with them, I've got no one to spend time with towards the end of the year even if I wanted to. My mom keeps on depressing me with bringing me forth to reality about my isolation of myself, and its getting worse as I spend more time at home. I also don't plan on doing any work this year, as I've got summer courses to do to make my 3rd year easier.

I'm really down, because I feel like I'm trying hard, but there always this force that keeps me to giving my full potential. My physique further compounds the problem being a rather small guy, its hard to improve it, and gym and park is definitely not somewhere I would go - its all a downhill circle!!! Its seems the barrier is harder and harder to break.

All I'm doing now is escape reality by starting to watch anime and manga ... which I never really do until recently ... I've got to say I enjoying it somewhat though ... it seems like there's a source of motivation and happiness, although it may be pseudo.

 

[macs39]

It was the worst year of my life...and that basically sums everything up.
I've lost almost everything this year...including my will to live ( at times)
Can't get any worse than this.. [ I really hope 2012 doesn't prove it wrong ]

Hopefully 2012 will be better..for me and for all of us
It has to be

 

[Sartana]

2011 has been amazing so far (everything could still go wrong!) . Either way though, it's the best year I've had for 8 or so years.

Good: I managed to get a job finally, got more stuck in at uni, stopped being so anxious 95% of the time, got back in touch with all my old friends, completely got over a relationship that went bad the previous year and distanced myself from them in the beginning of the year. Got back in touch with my Dad after years of ignoring him.

Bad: I never did stick to going to a martial arts club.

Admitedly anything could've been better than last year (someone I knew killed themselves, dog died, finished emotionally abusive relationship) but even when not compared to that I've had it pretty good.

 

[Eristelle]

Worst. Year. Ever.
That sums it up for me.

 

[MikeyC]

I think this sums it up pretty well!

Oh yeah. I hope this is how it goes for me.

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

2011... oh what a year it was.

Good:
- Moved into this lovely home and no longer have to deal with my former crackhead lowlife neighbors.
- Graduated from high school. 'nuff said.
- Got my first job and loved it while it lasted
- Got my silly little Chihuahua Gizmo
- Went to Solvang for the first time and loved it
- Deleted facebook for good and don't regret it a single bit
- Did a lot of growing up and learned to be more social and open with others and don't fear people as much. I can almost say my SA is nearly gone.

Good/Bad:
- Realized who my real friends are and excluded the rest from my life for good.
- Had two boyfriends. One of which was a sociopathic wannabe rapper and the other.. well... don't even want to think about let alone discuss him.
- My old computer died and I lost some important stuff on it but I'm loving this one a lot more.

Bad:
- Went through spontaneous but intense onsets of depression and anger that almost landed me in a psychiatric ward
- Almost got into a physical fight with someone
- A bunch of crap has been (and still is) going on in the family and I might have to lead a very secluded life because of it, possibly have to change my identity, and potentially move away to another state.

Now that I think back on it 2011 wasn't as bad as I thought, although I did leave a lot of stuff out from this. I wish I could say the new year is starting out good for me but it's already going to piss, but I guess it doesn't really matter anyway since, you know, we're all gonna die this year

 

[MikeyC]

- Had two boyfriends. One of which was a sociopathic wannabe rapper and the other.. well... don't even want to think about let alone discuss him.

How is this under "good/bad"? That sounds really horrible! Maybe this is why you're having all those depressive stages? ::

I wish I could say the new year is starting out good for me but it's already going to piss

I'm sorry to hear this, but it's only 4 days old so far, so there's plenty of time to get it good again.

 

[breakthespell]

Sitting on my pc and being a couple of times at the store, that's my whole 2011.

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

How is this under "good/bad"? That sounds really horrible! Maybe this is why you're having all those depressive stages? ::

Well the fact that I was able to get a boyfriend, let alone two, was amazing to me, even though I would have been better off just staying single. And no, my depression doesn't have anything to do with that. I was just feeling really lonely and felt like I had no one to confide in but all of that's passed now. Right now I'm just trying to live life as normally as I can while ignoring all the crap that's been going on.

I'm sorry to hear this, but it's only 4 days old so far, so there's plenty of time to get it good again.

Yeah I'm sure it will eventually

 

[bsammy]

2011 was not terrible for me or great, it was just time spent basically.nothing much happened at all, same old crap.ive been in this static position for years.

 

[Hoppy]

My 2011 started in the middle of 2010 when the recession hit us. Being semi self-employed it means my income drop from too little to almost zero in a few months. Survival and scratching around is not very enjoyable, with me reaching a point where buying the smallest amount of airtime for my phone get to be a thing to think and worry about.

I managed to scratch together a bit of money and paid of my credit card, so for the first time in years I am absolutely debt free and that feels absolutely amazing.

Emotionally I hit rock bottom, and didn't kill myself, which is a story on its own.::

I was treated like rubbish by family I thought meant something to me.

I managed to cling to two friends through the year, which is also a story on it's own.

My house I'm still trying to finish had a break in and lots of damage like copper pipes ripped from the walls.

For once I feel quite upbeat about the coming year. Nothing could be worse than last year, and I've written off a lot of worries and people, and have a clean slate.

 

[pop-princess]

Honestly my 2011 was one of the dullest years I can remember, especially my summer. I had somewhat high expectations for the summer since I thought that this time i've made progress in my SA and I will hopefully meet new people, try to have fun, enjoy and be much more active. It ended up the other way round. I did very little and spent most time indoors. I was paler in the summer than I was during winter LOL ::
Seriously nothing happened for me in 2011 except one big operation that I had. Hmm.. maybe I made one friend although I haven't had much contact with her for a long time.... typical of me to always let go of people.

Since my 2011 was so sucky I feel scared to have high expectations for 2012 because I get so upset when my expectations don't meet reality :/

 

[MikeyC]

Well the fact that I was able to get a boyfriend, let alone two, was amazing to me, even though I would have been better off just staying single. And no, my depression doesn't have anything to do with that. I was just feeling really lonely and felt like I had no one to confide in but all of that's passed now. Right now I'm just trying to live life as normally as I can while ignoring all the crap that's been going on.

I'm glad the loneliness has passed now. Sounds like you're really trying to get a better semblance of a life, which is fantastic.

 

[Illusions]

2010 sucked **** for me so 2011 was a definite improvement. 'Twas a pretty good year, actually (though it could've been better).

 

[9407]

Bad:
-Hospitalized twice for suicide attempts/Depression
-While most people spend their 18th birthday partying with friends, I spent it at home with my mom and brother.
-Stopped talking to the only person I can call a "friend"
-Lost interest in one of my hobbies
Gained weight because of one of my medications


Good:
- At least I'm not blind or in a wheelchair...
-I got a pair of Green nikes for Christmas
Lost my fear of eating in front of people


Overall, it sucked.

 

[Nanita]

2011

Bad: experienced heavy daily mental/verbal violence from ex-boyfriend, especially after his brother suddenly died in a traffic accident.

Good, however difficult: Broke up with that boyfriend I had lived with for 2 years - it was very hard realizing we had to split and I was so sad going through that break up. But overall it was a good thing, because we had negative effects on each other.

Bad : after leaving the guy, I had no money and nowhere to go but back to my hometown to live with my mother. Lived there for 8 months, which sucked and made me feel even more that I´m not able to create a meaningful life for myself.

Good: moved to an appartment to live alone.

Good: met a guy and we fell in love. Lots of good times together and finally I experienced what it´s like to be in a relationship with great communication and no arguements.

Bad: got a serious infection that lasted 4 months, and it´s still not 100% gone, even though I tried several kinds of medications.

Bad: now I´m moving out of the appartment because I can´t afford it. I have to move to my moms place again, because I haven´t found anything I can afford. I have an offer to go live with my boyfriend in his country, which scares me because I´m afraid there will be too many challenges for me living there.. I don´t know what to do, where to move.

Bad : realized that even a great loving relationship cannot save me from depression, sadness, loneliness, social phobia, low self esteem, and I constantly feel pressure when I am around people that I meet through my boyfriend, like his friends and family that he sees a lot - it´s so bad and stressfull that I don´t know if I can handle it, and I am now constantly worried and confused, daily having thoughts about what I should do, should I end the relationship, and at least be peaceful and safe on my own - or should I keep my partner, and push myself to try to exist in all the difficult situations. I don´t feel safe pushing myself in this way, I don´t know if I can take more of that, I had enough pushing myself and accepting difficult situations as a child.

Bad: My alcoholic father´s health has gotten much worse, now he can barely walk or take care of himself, he lives alone, he refuses to get any help, which means he doesn´t get proper food, no cleaning, no laundry done. His personality and "brain" also changed, I can´t have a meaningful conversation with him anymore.



All in all.............not much progress, or maybe there has been progress in realizations, but I still feel so sad, useless, trapped in my own anxiety prison.

 

[Porto]

2011: worst year of my life, everything bad.

Good thing, tought 2012 couldn't be worst. Well, I was wrong...just got a policy fine from almost 2years ago. 232euros to pay, no drive license for some months. Without Job I honestly don't know I'll be able to handle! Stupidy life....not able to pay even a fine!

 

[Nanita]

just got a policy fine from almost 2years ago. 232euros to pay, no drive license for some months. Without Job I honestly don't know I'll be able to handle! Stupidy life....not able to pay even a fine!

I know how that feels. I get bills and letters about paying off an old student loan, and I´m like, if I COULD, I would pay what they ask me to pay, but I don´t have enough money... I hate when they keep sending me letters, how the heck am I supposed to pay a student loan, I studied, but was never able to get a fulltime job, and then my anxiety got so bad that I´m not able to get ANY job! Hello, stop sending me letters!