MollyBeGood
Well-known member
In a relationship, then you can't possibly have SA. How many people agree with this statement? :question:
You can't possibly have SA then-
- Thread starter MollyBeGood
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FriendlyShadow
Well-known member
I kind of agree if two spouses have paired up with different personalities (extrovert,introvert.) But I still wouldn't think people with SA or other issues they have with themselves will expect them to be happier because someone is making them feel better. But, that's just me.
forever
Totally disagree with it. I've seen that kind of thing on here a lot of times, and not just for relationships, but for many reasons. Things like; "You're too attractive to have social phobia!", "You have friends so you must not be phobic", or "You actually leave your house so there can't be anything wrong with you". I don't think it's fair to say that someone can't possibly have issues just because they have a relationship or are successful in some area of their life. People suffer from SA on different degrees of severity, and it does not uniformly affect every person exactly the same way. We don't all have the same fears and insecurities as the next person. Just because it doesn't affect every aspect of your life doesn't mean it's not a serious issue.
Totally disagree with it. I've seen that kind of thing on here a lot of times, and not just for relationships, but for many reasons. Things like; "You're too attractive to have social phobia!", "You have friends so you must not be phobic", or "You actually leave your house so there can't be anything wrong with you". I don't think it's fair to say that someone can't possibly have issues just because they have a relationship or are successful in some area of their life. People suffer from SA on different degrees of severity, and it does not uniformly affect every person exactly the same way. We don't all have the same fears and insecurities as the next person. Just because it doesn't affect every aspect of your life doesn't mean it's not a serious issue.
Lavinialuna
Well-known member
I think it's a false statement. Take me for instance. The severe social anxiety didn't develop until I was already married and had several kids. I have grown accustomed to my family, it's outsiders who freak me out.
Also, I have had anxiety to a degree my whole life. Really bad as a child, but it went away for a long time when I was out of school and working. Socializing was hard, but not impossible. It was stressful, but most people didn't know unless I told them. It was exhausting, but I did it. It wasn't until I got ill (with an autoimmune disease) and had some set backs and traumas in my life that it truly developed into a fierce beast that became harder to control.
Also, I have had anxiety to a degree my whole life. Really bad as a child, but it went away for a long time when I was out of school and working. Socializing was hard, but not impossible. It was stressful, but most people didn't know unless I told them. It was exhausting, but I did it. It wasn't until I got ill (with an autoimmune disease) and had some set backs and traumas in my life that it truly developed into a fierce beast that became harder to control.
Friendless2
Member
There is different levels of SA,and others variables involved.
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
It's kinda what sparked me to ask this question, Odo. I know I have seen that said a lot and it really got me to wondering....So I don't have SA?
I know for me I am very socially anxious-but I am fine one on one with people. I really get very fearful of the heard/group mentality-thing and steer clear form it but I can have a close friend or a romantic relationship.
Thanks you for responding everyone to my thread! We are a very unique bunch when you get right down to it.
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
theoutsider
Well-known member
That statement is totally false. It reminds me of the people who have no idea what SA is all about who think it's impossible for anyone to have it.
People need to realize that just because their SA may be more severe than others, it doesn't mean they own the affliction and they have the power to deem who else has it or not. I have a spouse and my home is actually my safe haven. Every place else, particularly work is often pure hell for me. And, no, it's not just shyness. People shouldn't let the fact that they don't understand how a person with SA can be in a relationship blind them to the many facets of the affliction. I feel bad for anyone whose SA keeps them from enjoying a successful relationship. I understand it but I also understand that there's is either more severe or affects them differently than mine.
People need to realize that just because their SA may be more severe than others, it doesn't mean they own the affliction and they have the power to deem who else has it or not. I have a spouse and my home is actually my safe haven. Every place else, particularly work is often pure hell for me. And, no, it's not just shyness. People shouldn't let the fact that they don't understand how a person with SA can be in a relationship blind them to the many facets of the affliction. I feel bad for anyone whose SA keeps them from enjoying a successful relationship. I understand it but I also understand that there's is either more severe or affects them differently than mine.
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Ok. I have SA and I've been married for almost 9 years. There are a few more people on the forum here that have SA and are married or in relationships. Some people here that have SA have had relationships or have been married in the past but they still have SA. I met my wife before I was as bad as I am now and before the PTSD. I'm almost certain that people with SA have met and gotten into relationships with other people at some time or another. So in a nutshell, no, I don't agree with the statement in question. 
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
Actually, it's interesting you say that. I have been a member of this forum now for a few yrs and I have seen people HERE off and on make this very statement.
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
Ok. I have SA and I've been married for almost 9 years. There are a few more people on the forum here that have SA and are married or in relationships. Some people here that have SA have had relationships or have been married in the past but they still have SA. I met my wife before I was as bad as I am now and before the PTSD. I'm almost certain that people with SA have met and gotten into relationships with other people at some time or another. So in a nutshell, no, I don't agree with the statement in question.
Thank you, JC for explaining.
I think there's a lot of people here that think that because you're able to be in relationships you don't have the disorder. I think you and a lot of others have shown that it is possible to connect with others and have relationships. That is a really positive thing! We are not doomed to lives of solitude if we choose not to be.
Oh yeah? Try explaining it to certain people.
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
^...*nods*
Whoopdeedoo
Well-known member
Ive had lots of boyfriends.....loved a couple of them even...
But two sickies rarely make a welly
I can get them but i cant keep them
And they cant keep me lol
SA narrows options but doesnt make relationships
Impossible to have
But two sickies rarely make a welly
I can get them but i cant keep them
And they cant keep me lol
SA narrows options but doesnt make relationships
Impossible to have
Kiwong
Well-known member
I've seen related statements like you have SA you can't possibly be happy at all, not even for a moment.
I think this sort of statement comes from those searching for the mystical pinnacle of contentment. Often based on a perception of status. It's so much easier for those in relationships, those with lots of facebook friends, women, attractive people, those with money.
Everyone else is so much better off.
A whole world of misery is created for themselves by comparing their existence against a pinnacle of status and contentment, which they feel excluded from, but in truth doesn't even exist.
It's as if they believe if only I could get a girlfriend/boyfriend, if only I could get laid, then suddenly allelujah!, my social anxiety will be no more. That at some point in their lives they will reach a utopian plain where henceforth life will be a breeze. But life doesn't work like that, its is one challenge after another.
I think this sort of statement comes from those searching for the mystical pinnacle of contentment. Often based on a perception of status. It's so much easier for those in relationships, those with lots of facebook friends, women, attractive people, those with money.
Everyone else is so much better off.
A whole world of misery is created for themselves by comparing their existence against a pinnacle of status and contentment, which they feel excluded from, but in truth doesn't even exist.
It's as if they believe if only I could get a girlfriend/boyfriend, if only I could get laid, then suddenly allelujah!, my social anxiety will be no more. That at some point in their lives they will reach a utopian plain where henceforth life will be a breeze. But life doesn't work like that, its is one challenge after another.
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R3K
Well-known member
lots of men are attracted to shy girls. and if the girl's attractive, then the men will just ignore any social anxiety issues the girl has and go ahead and hook up with them if only for physical reasons. sounds shallow, I know, but just think about it... you know it's true.
meanwhile all shy social phobic men...... :alone:
meanwhile all shy social phobic men...... :alone:
