Would you date someone way older/younger than you?

[ridicule]

I think everyone needs to step back and have proper perspective. Humans are social creatures, we've built this great society based on cooperating with our fellow humans, having great social health. Yet, the one thing that ties everyone on the site together is the lack of that social health and a varying degree in instability in maintaining non personal, social relationships. If someone took a random sampling of 5 or 10 humans, they would dismiss who all of you are out of hand, just like you are with mature teens. You're doing the same discrimination that you would condemn in others about you, and it's all based on anecdotal evidence "I see this group of teens" or "this is what happened to me".
Open your minds, you are already defying what humans should be, as are mature teens.

 

[Vampayah88]

I'm talking about emotionally stupid people. Sure, you can get far in life (like career-wise) if you're good at maths for example....followed all the 'rules' got an A* etc. but...what do you do if you still have the mentality of a child? You can't form stable relationships or friendships?
If you were,emotionally, a dumbass at school and it takes you until you're in your twenties to grow up (like it does a lot of people) obviously someone who started out in school as incredibly aware,observant and empathetic as a child will most likely carry that into adulthood. So it ties in with what I was saying to Tino, the chances are by the time Billybob (who was emotionally stupid and therefore inferior at school) is 20, there's a very high likelihood he's not going to be on the same level as someone who has years to practise and 'perfect' their emotional maturity. Hmm,I'm not sure if I phrased that adequately. Ahh well.

You can be aware, observant, empathetic ,only get great grades in school and still have plenty of issues, be emotionally unstable, have difficulty forming relationships with others etc. One does not have to cancel the other.

 

[ridicule]

no - i am able to have sex with grownup women

What's that have to do with anything? If, as you say, a 13 year old is mature and fits every other description that an adult woman would (even physically) and you would dismiss it out of hand, that means you are discriminating and biased.

 

[MrJones]

I think that one thing that maybe could tell when you are mature may be when you learn that you don't know everything, when you learn that you're not always right and start listening to what people say instead of just ignoring what they have to say.

When someone's trying to help me I like to listen to them, because other people have other experiences, other points of view, but you have to always respect them and their opinions instead of thinking I'm so much "superior" to everyone else and that they are all against me.

 

[coyote]

What's that have to do with anything? If, as you say, a 13 year old is mature and fits every other description that an adult woman would (even physically) and you would dismiss it out of hand, that means you are discriminating and biased.

no - what i asked was if YOU thought she was mature enough

i, personally, would never think that a 13 year old is mature enough

because 13 year olds are children

regardless of how they view themselves

they probably shouldn't run with scissors either

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

What's that have to do with anything? If, as you say, a 13 year old is mature and fits every other description that an adult woman would (even physically) and you would dismiss it out of hand, that means you are discriminating and biased.

It is entirely possible for a legally underage girl to have the body of a woman. Also, many of those girls will try their absolute best to act like women (as best they can, with their idea of what it means to be 'a woman').

The thing is, the more they talk, the more they show their real age and maturity level. Every time. I have yet to come across a 13 year old who was even remotely close to being enough of a grown-up for me. If I ever do, perhaps I'll tell her to look me up in a few years.

 

[Agent_Violet]

Who is offended?

I think the adults in the conversation are truly taking what you say very lightly and not letting it offend them.

 

[MrJones]

i, personally, would never think that a 13 year old is mature enough

because 13 year olds are children

regardless of how they view themselves

they probably shouldn't run with scissors either

It is entirely possible for a legally underage girl to have the body of a woman. Also, many of those girls will try their absolute best to act like women (as best they can, with their idea of what it means to be 'a woman').

The thing is, the more they talk, they more they show their real age and maturity level. Every time. I have yet to come across a 13 year old who was even remotely close to being enough of a grown-up for me. If I ever do, perhaps I'll tell her to look me up in a few years.

I completely agree with you both.

Anyway I don't understand a lot of people want to be someone else, kids who want to be adults and adults than want to be kids. I think that in the end you can't be happy if you are trying to be someone else.

 

[kilojoule]

Gosh, I can hardly believe my eyes ridicule. This is not one of these things that's related to anyones view on social anxiety. This is not about SA. I think my jaw just hit the foor. Where on earth what on earth? !?!! A young girl may very well be mature for her age. There is absaloutely no scenario where it is right by any perception for a young underage girl to have a romantic relationship with an adult male. And I wouldnt ever expect the girl to see that, the adult male is responsible. He should be neutured. His man parts should be strung up to warn off other men even tempted to consider the possibility. It is wrong. I could never even begin to see this from any other view. He is responsible,she is a child! Her parents are her guardians. You may have a daughter some day. Think man!!!! I think I just got a bit sick in my mouth. This thread is disturbing. It is utterly an unacceptable to me.

 

[ridicule]

no - what i asked was if YOU thought she was mature enough

i, personally, would never think that a 13 year old is mature enough

because 13 year olds are children

regardless of how they view themselves

they probably shouldn't run with scissors either

Classic 'argument from ignorance'. "I haven't seen it, thus it can't exist"
This whole phenomenon of teenagers not being mature enough is purely a modern concept. Back in the old days, princes could be king at 12 and younger, girls gave birth around 12-15 as well, in Jewish bar mitvahs, 12-13 year olds are considered responsible enough. It's because society coddles, for better or worse, teenagers and expect them to act immaturely, and completely reject the opposite, like all of you here.

For the record, I do think on this topic, both sides could be valid. My only contention is none of you are even considering it for whatever reason, it makes you uncomfortable, or you just can't imagine, thus it isn't possible.

 

[Remus]

There is absaloutely no scenario where it is right by any perception for a young underage girl to have a romantic relationship with an adult male. And I wouldnt ever expect the girl to see that, the adult male is responsible. He should be neutured. His man parts should be strung up to warn off other men even tempted to consider the possibility. It is wrong. I could never even begin to see this from any other view. He is responsible,she is a child!

Here here!

 

[Agent_Violet]

Let's just say if a 20something or 30something woman comes sniffing around my son when he's a teen...one of two things will happen:
1.i will practice my aiming skills with my sig sauer on her
2.i will be calling the police and pressing charges against her.

my son will hate me temporarily but he'll get over it.

 

[ridicule]

Gosh, I can hardly believe my eyes ridicule. This is not one of these things that's related to anyones view on social anxiety. This is not about SA. I think my jaw just hit the foor. Where on earth what on earth? !?!! A young girl may very well be mature for her age. There is absaloutely no scenario where it is right by any perception for a young underage girl to have a romantic relationship with an adult male. And I wouldnt ever expect the girl to see that, the adult male is responsible. He should be neutured. His man parts should be strung up to warn off other men even tempted to consider the possibility. It is wrong. I could never even begin to see this from any other view. He is responsible,she is a child! Her parents are her guardians. You may have a daughter some day. Think man!!!! I think I just got a bit sick in my mouth. This thread is disturbing. It is utterly an unacceptable to me.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. You can think it a bad idea, sure. I don't know where I reside on this issue, I am actually disturbed that people who are so apprehensive towards being judged and non-accepting and understanding, would judge without consideration.

It makes you uncomfortable, right? It makes you sick, it disturbs you. Think about back in the day (and even in countries in the Middle East), if a man and a woman were to associate without being married, it was a severely punishable crime. Most recent than that, interracial couples were unthinkable and made people uncomfortable and disturbed and sick. Even more recent, homosexual couples make people uncomfortable and disturbed and sick.

You can think it a bad idea all you like, but at least consider that someone who hasn't reached some arbitrary age can be mature enough to handle such situations. Stop being so close-minded.

 

[Agent_Violet]

gee that was such a surprising answer from you.





on another note...since i can only speak as a mother of a son...

Does anyone think older women dating younger men have it easier? Meaning, do you think there isn't as much violent objection to older women with younger men as there is for older men and younger women?

 

[Remus]

This whole phenomenon of teenagers not being mature enough is purely a modern concept. Back in the old days, princes could be king at 12 and younger, girls gave birth around 12-15 as well, in Jewish bar mitvahs, 12-13 year olds are considered responsible enough. It's because society coddles, for better or worse, teenagers and expect them to act immaturely, and completely reject the opposite, like all of you here.

Trouble is, a number of pedophiles use reasons as this to justify there behaviour.

It makes you uncomfortable, right? It makes you sick, it disturbs you. Think about back in the day (and even in countries in the Middle East), if a man and a woman were to associate without being married, it was a severely punishable crime. Most recent than that, interracial couples were unthinkable and made people uncomfortable and disturbed and sick. Even more recent, homosexual couples make people uncomfortable and disturbed and sick.

Wow!

and this, it's almost textbook

 

[vj288]

This all makes me think about professional sports. In most, you have people playing from about ages 17/18 to people in their 40's. You'll see someone younger than that occasionally, like Freddy Adu started pro soccer in the MLS at 14, but most of the time not. Why is this? I think it's mostly because nobody wants them to get hurt, because they're not ready (even if they have the skill to play). If you figure they're good now, consider that they are also still growing and in 3, 4, 5, 6 years how better they'll be yet! There's really no need to advance to a higher level at that time. And being a pro athlete is a lot more work than being in a league for advanced youngsters in the sport, were they may shine and hone their skills, and still be able to do other things. Maybe be a kid, which is something people always say they miss when they get older. (is being a kid a bad thing? I don't think so, especially if you are one). An 18 year old and a 32 year old athlete may be on even footing when playing a pro sport but rarely will someone in their earlier teams be competitive with the best of the best.

They can be competitive with people older though, Feddy Adu was better than most human being period at soccer when he was 14, from 14 to 50. But if you're the "cream of the crop," why would you be interested in playing with people who make equal to you raw skill level, but much worse relatively? Good practice maybe, but not something they'd be interested in long term. IF you were to take 13 year old Roger Federer and stick him in the ATP tour, he'd be blown away and out of his range. Playing talented people his own age is what got him to where he is today.

That's just one analogy that came to mind, it's actually a bit specific looking back on it. Life is not like a line (like sport skill may be), where everyone starts at point A and strive towards point B. Being advanced in a field for your age doesn't put you on par with someone X amount of years older, because as we age we do not only mature but change as well. I don't like to think maturity is like a straight line, but as a wide open wide open field. We all follow different paths to get to the other side, some more scenic then others. It's a wonder why people sprint past the birds and flowers to get to the next part, only to wish they had spent more time looking around when they had the chance.

 

[kilojoule]

Classic 'argument from ignorance'. "I haven't seen it, thus it can't exist"
This whole phenomenon of teenagers not being mature enough is purely a modern concept. Back in the old days, princes could be king at 12 and younger, girls gave birth around 12-15 as well, in Jewish bar mitvahs, 12-13 year olds are considered responsible enough. It's because society coddles, for better or worse, teenagers and expect them to act immaturely, and completely reject the opposite, like all of you here.

For the record, I do think on this topic, both sides could be valid. My only contention is none of you are even considering it for whatever reason, it makes you uncomfortable, or you just can't imagine, thus it isn't possible.

We are not in the old days. There is a reason why times have changed. This is not thinking outside the box. This is a dangerous line of thought that could get you in trouble and you need to recognise society deems this inappropriate,.immoral, illegal, unnatural all for very good reasons. Furthermore for somebody so forward thinking, what youre saying is completely backwards. ...And that is a delicate way of expressing what I really think....I have bitten my lip. Basically you need to realise that you are not presenting the view of the unheard unrepresented millions of mature teens. You are dangerously close to presenting the view of a predator.....Just some advice on how it reads.

 

[ridicule]

Trouble is, a number of pedophiles use reasons as this to justify there behaviour.



Wow!

and this, it's almost textbook

So what if they use it as justification? Does that somehow invalidate it? What if Hitler (I'm just trying to use a generic person that everyone would find to be "evil") believed that everyone should be equal, does that mean thinking that we are all equal is somehow invalidated because Hitler thinks it?

 

[Agent_Violet]

soooo...no one has any opinion on whether or not older women dating younger men have it easier than older men dating younger women?

 

[MrJones]

Does anyone think older women dating younger men have it easier? Meaning, do you think there isn't as much violent objection to older women with younger men as there is for older men and younger women?

I don't know about the "violent objection", but I think it's less probable. Usually women want to be more mature than what they really are, so they look for older men, while men just want the first thing that passes before them, which are usually girls their age

soooo...no one has any opinion on whether or not older women dating younger men have it easier than older men dating younger women?

I was thinking about it, I'm not very fluent in English, don't be impatient XD