Why do we lose contact with people/friends?

[Nanita]

I used to have many friends. Now I don´t...
When I was younger, I suddenly began getting tired of all the friends I had. I began feeling lonely even when I was with them.
I guess it was the socializing and the talking in general, that I was tired of. It didn´t mean enough to me, it was too shallow, so I started reading a lot, watching movies, going for walks with the dog....... many other things than being with people.

Later I developed other friendships, but most of them ended too.

I think that if I get better, I will be able to have friends in another way, a more healthy way.
I feel that I currently have too many issues and inner drama, and this is what causes me to not be able to keep relations.

What do u people think are the reasons for friendships ending?

 

[Raichel]

I've come to an age where relationships seem to be far more complicated than they used to be. Well, that makes sense, but it'll take some time getting used to. I too feel like I need to sort out my own troubles first before I can care about others again. Sometimes I do get lonely, but then I remind myself that it is for the better, I might end up hurting other people in my current state of mind.

 

[Section_31]

im very particular about who i call a friend.

There are people i know. Then there are friends.

My friends i can count on one hand. And most i hardly ever see, and really, only one of them is not a member of my family. My absolute best best friend is my cousin and he lives 7 hours away and i hardly ever see him, but he and our wives always play x box online every friday night. It gives them time away from their kids and helps us socializse.

If they were to move here i dont know how really social i would be though =/. Im so bad at physical close in person friendships.

 

[Meggy0001]

Well most of my friendships end because I find having friends is too complicated, Its too much effort on my part to try be social and outgoing all the time so I seem to find something bad in everyone and give myself an excuse to stop making a big effort and then they stop talking to me and I end up alone like all the time.

 

[gustavofring]

For me, I retreat into my shell, thinking I should solve my problems first before I can face people again. It's a sort of shame and guilt. This of course has the complete opposite effect, leads to loneliness, depression and isolation, and makes the bar to contact friends and family higher as time passes.

 

[laure15]

I still keep in touch with some friends, but I don't talk/interact with them as much anymore. One reason is because most of them move away for college/job. The second reason is because I have issues that I need to fix before I can have fun with anyone. I notice that many times, when I hang out in public with friends/people, I get socially phobic and become very self-conscious. I was not able to fully enjoy my outings with people. I don't want to burden my friends with my issues, drag them into my world so to speak, so I let them fly away. On Facebook when I see my friends posting pictures of themselves having tons of fun and smiling so happily, I do get envious but at the same time, I want them to enjoy their happiness and not get into the mess that I'm in.

I used to talk face to face with my friends, but now I mostly use text messaging, email, and chat to interact with them, when they're available.

 

[Hoppy]

People grow up, grow out and change. And sometimes they grow apart. It is nothing to be sad about but a fact of live, live in the moment, enjoy what you have and move on when it is finished.

It took me a long time to realize that.

 

[Chess]

If you have a lot of inner drama, you could be coming off as emotionally unavailable or just not taking the good moments in your friendships to heart. Sometimes what's going on inside does show on the outside or through our interactions. If conversations always feel shallow, though, that could also be why drift happens.

 

[chibiXphantom]

People grow up, grow out and change. And sometimes they grow apart. It is nothing to be sad about but a fact of live, live in the moment, enjoy what you have and move on when it is finished.

It took me a long time to realize that.

couldnt have said it better myself
ive gone through different circles of friends. i just sort of transitioned to one group to another. as years passed, situations changed, and as i went through different phases in life, i gained and "lost" friends.

 

[MikeyC]

People grow up, grow out and change. And sometimes they grow apart. It is nothing to be sad about but a fact of live, live in the moment, enjoy what you have and move on when it is finished.

It took me a long time to realize that.

Pretty much this. Just the natural progression of life.

 

[Newtype]

I used to have many friends. Now I don´t...
When I was younger, I suddenly began getting tired of all the friends I had. I began feeling lonely even when I was with them.
I guess it was the socializing and the talking in general, that I was tired of. It didn´t mean enough to me, it was too shallow, so I started reading a lot, watching movies, going for walks with the dog....... many other things than being with people.

Later I developed other friendships, but most of them ended too.

I think that if I get better, I will be able to have friends in another way, a more healthy way.
I feel that I currently have too many issues and inner drama, and this is what causes me to not be able to keep relations.

What do u people think are the reasons for friendships ending?

Your post is pretty much a resume of what happened with my friendships.

 

[Nanita]

Interesting answers. Some of you seem to think that losing contact with people is a natural progression of life. Yes in some cases it is, a friendship can slowly end in a natural way, sure.
But my post was more about finding the reasons why so many of us (us with social phobia or depression other issues) lose contact with all friends, not just some friends - and end up not having much human contact.
I´m glad that some of you are able to feel that it´s a natural thing, but I feel that in my case it´s a pretty messed up thing. And it keeps happening. Whenever I meet someone and a friendship begins, we lose contact, and I feel that it´s my fault more or less, in most cases. Maybe it´s because I am too withdrawn or tired of the world in general. Maybe it´s because I don´t do the things that my friends liked to do, such as going out, or meeting each others friends or families, or whatever.
Must I be a loner, I wonder.

 

[MikeyC]

But my post was more about finding the reasons why so many of us (us with social phobia or depression other issues) lose contact with all friends, not just some friends - and end up not having much human contact.

Sounds like you just answered your own question.

 

[Dinosaur]

For me i must expect too much from friends and family,i dont think so but its the only answer i can come up with.
I will do anything for a friend,for example help move house,give a lift when they need to be dropped off ect. But when i need help its always the same thing.They are never there and just give me some lame excuse so i end up not contacting them and they never contact me.At first i thought that these are not true friends so i dont need them in my life but when that list of friends gets down to zero then it must be me and not them????
Same goes with my family,i was the one that used to go visit everyone.One day i decided i would stop this and see who will come and visit me.Well suprise suprise,no one did! But the final straw with my brother and sister came when my step father got sick and for the first few months we all pitched in to help take care of him.After about 4 mnths they couldnt be bothered anymore so i was the one left to take care of him,they couldnt even be bothered visiting him for christmas!
When the same thing keeps happening in my life then its only logical it must be me for some reason which i cant understand

Sorry about the rant but its a subject that is close to my heart....Plus i've had a few jacks

 

[gustavofring]

Interesting answers. Some of you seem to think that losing contact with people is a natural progression of life. Yes in some cases it is, a friendship can slowly end in a natural way, sure.
But my post was more about finding the reasons why so many of us (us with social phobia or depression other issues) lose contact with all friends, not just some friends - and end up not having much human contact.
I´m glad that some of you are able to feel that it´s a natural thing, but I feel that in my case it´s a pretty messed up thing. And it keeps happening. Whenever I meet someone and a friendship begins, we lose contact, and I feel that it´s my fault more or less, in most cases. Maybe it´s because I am too withdrawn or tired of the world in general. Maybe it´s because I don´t do the things that my friends liked to do, such as going out, or meeting each others friends or families, or whatever.
Must I be a loner, I wonder.

Well you have to ask yourself, do you want to lose contact with these people? Obviously you don't. It may be because of social anxiety, depression, lack of self confidence, etc. Such is the case with me atleast.

I'm subconciously withdrawing myself from everyone because I don't feel good.

 

[Luka]

I used to have a large group of friends too. I keep telling myself it's my fault that I've drifted away from them all but is it really?

 

[laure15]

Well you have to ask yourself, do you want to lose contact with these people? Obviously you don't. It may be because of social anxiety, depression, lack of self confidence, etc. Such is the case with me atleast.

I'm subconciously withdrawing myself from everyone because I don't feel good.

Agreed. Losing contact with friends/family may be a normal part of life, but some of us don't want that to happen. But we can't help it because we have problems that we must deal with first.

 

[Nanita]

Sounds like you just answered your own question.

Yes..........

 

[fitftw]

We have to leave people behind in order to continue growing. It's the endless, pointless perpetualism of life...

 

[Etbow23]

I think sometimes one of the friends changes (or both) and the needs they were serving for each other in the friendship aren't being fulfilled anymore and you just don't relate. Like if you're friends with someone as teenagers and one of you starts going to college and the other doesn't, that distinct change can separate people.