What girls want and me

[MsBuzzkillington]

/Start rant

Girls like different things. I for one am NOT attracted to arrogance, thank you very much.

You know those nice girls you want? They aren't attracted to arrogance. You know how you don't care if she has self confidence? Well her lack of self confidence is causing her to stay in an abusive controlling relationship. And you really honestly can't tell me that if someone was constantly depressed and hated themselves and constantly put themselves down and never felt good enough you would be fine with that. Or that, that type of behavior wouldn't put a strain on the relationship.

People like attractive people. Girls want the guy to be attractive, it isn't a sin. People find all different shapes and sizes attractive, period. Is there a type of guy that more women find attractive than others? Yes. But is that a crime? No. Does it mean the less popular guys don't have girls that will be interested in them? No. And the same goes for BOTH sexes. Guys love the really timid and quiet girl. Guys eat up the petite little girl who is small and delicate. If you are a tall or large woman with a big and loud personality or you are aggressive, good luck finding a dude. Sure the majority of men don't like that in a girl, but does that mean there aren't some that do like it? No. Some guys like that in a girl.

Different people like different things, period. And stop being so mad that girls want confidence. Confidence is believing in yourself, confidence is having the ability to say you are worth it and believe that you are worth it. Why is it a crime to want that in a mate? Like you should WANT that in a mate. Loving ones self will give you the absolute most healthy relationship you can have.

Some girls want what the OP mentioned in his post, some girls don't. The entire list pretty much summed up the exact opposite of my "ideal mate".

Bottom line is, you have to be who you are and love who you are. The people who like the kind of person you are will come around. Period.

/end rant

 

[Hoppy]

The question is not about what people want, anyone can and may have a wishlist.

What you have to look at is what they are willing to settle for in the end.

 

[Boby]

Come on,think for a bit?I mean if somebody ask me what will the perfect women for me would be like,I would tell that it has to have the looks of Megan Fox and has to be funny,smart,must be a gamer chick,has to give me sex whenever I want and cook me my favorite foods everyday.I basically excluded 90% of the female population with that description.
Everyone can dream about all sorts of things,but you have to be satisfied with what you can get.

 

[KiaKaha]

Aw jeez....look at what you are making me do....

You know those nice girls you want? They aren't attracted to arrogance. You know how you don't care if she has self confidence? Well her lack of self confidence is causing her to stay in an abusive controlling relationship. And you really honestly can't tell me that if someone was constantly depressed and hated themselves and constantly put themselves down and never felt good enough you would be fine with that. Or that, that type of behavior wouldn't put a strain on the relationship.

Being a lurker on two dating sites suggest that some girls do like arrogance - here's a real quote from one member from a site I frequent "I am a nice girl, but my main downfall is that I like cocky arrogant guys, they do it for me and its what I am attracted too" - and thats one of the more ambiguous examples.

You say that girls with low self esteem and lack confidence stay in abusive controlling relationships? Perhaps in some cases, maybe - all situations are different - but I also think another reason is is that guys with those kinds of temperament are more aggressive in the real world - they can provide, they can dominate, and they can protect and care in their own way. The fact that they treat their partners like garbage isnt enough to drive them away because its secure. - I have seen it dozens and dozens of times. My neighbor regularly beats his partner - yet she still stays. My acquaintance friend from course cant eat her dinner until he starts and wont let her go out unless he approves - been together for 3 years now - but he is an engineer, earns loads of cash.

No - I dont like people who are constantly depressed and brings themselves down, but I can sympathize with them because thats the kind of person I am. I can understand that it would be unattractive - but heres the kicker - sometimes I feel sad, sometimes I dont like myself, but I dont go around all day telling myself I am a loser and constantly beat myself up (despite the impression I may give around here) - what gets to me is that any ounce of self doubt or unsureness is automatically interpreted as lack of confidence, and immediately its a deal breaker. Its the uncompromisable ideal that must be upheld at all times that annoys me the most. Its the fact that its so unforgivable . arrogance is more attractive than being considerate of someones needs because it gives the illusion of confidence....its a risk that so many girls are unwilling to take.

People like attractive people. Girls want the guy to be attractive, it isn't a sin. People find all different shapes and sizes attractive, period. Is there a type of guy that more women find attractive than others? Yes. But is that a crime? No. Does it mean the less popular guys don't have girls that will be interested in them? No. And the same goes for BOTH sexes. Guys love the really timid and quiet girl. Guys eat up the petite little girl who is small and delicate. If you are a tall or large woman with a big and loud personality or you are aggressive, good luck finding a dude. Sure the majority of men don't like that in a girl, but does that mean there aren't some that do like it? No. Some guys like that in a girl.

I agree.... mostly. But lets face it - the better looking you are the more you can compromise on in other areas. Everyone has their preference - and I *do* know that guys can be just as superficial and idiotic as well when it comes to valuing what is really important, so dont think that I am turning into some kind of scathing misogynist where all guys are being treated unfairly, I know that it is a two way game...however I am not entirely too sure of the reasons why - but there is a definite sense that many of the cards are held in the females favour when it comes to dating and relationships. You do have more power, and you can afford to be more exclusive and choosey.

Different people like different things, period. And stop being so mad that girls want confidence. Confidence is believing in yourself, confidence is having the ability to say you are worth it and believe that you are worth it. Why is it a crime to want that in a mate? Like you should WANT that in a mate. Loving ones self will give you the absolute most healthy relationship you can have.

I am not sure whether or not there is a universal definition of confidence - What I do think, is that people are unable to tell the difference between being confident and being considerate. There is a very very fine line - I am not angry that women find confidence attractive, I just dont understand and find it frustrating why that seems to be the one attribute that is uncompromisable - even if someone has so much more to offer than that. Why is modesty, humility, tolerance and consideration for other people feeling negated by "confidence" status, power, above average looks and money? I see over and over again - in far less sympathetic environments than this forum.

Bottom line is, yes you do have to love yourself - but also people both men and women are uncompromising with their values, when most of us have so much more to offer than meets the eye. Period.

 

[Remus]

i'm saving up for one of these: The Black Knight Suit of Armor

Meh, I have the white knight one of course ::

 

[Remus]

Today I got to be a fly on the wall as several of my female friends gathered to discuss what they wanted in a man (some of them whom I have been infatuated with in the past), and came to the realization that my fears of being undesirable as a romantic partner has been confirmed. Here is a list of observations from their confessions (these are all grown women from the ages of 25-35).

What absolute twoddle! Of course you are desirable, you just have to meet the right one. This group of women showed you something, they all like different things. A bigger group of women would have even broader tastes.

If all women were like the group you described then I'd be single and not have had relationships. Even I thought like you in my early twenties, almost becoming bitter. Bitterness can lead to more harm for yourself than good, avoid at all costs.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

One day when you are recovered from this mind set you are in, you are going to see how completely warped your thinking is. I didn't read your response, sorry.

 

[KiaKaha]

Well if it is warped Mzbuzz perhaps you could give me reasons as to why? Then maybe I will change my mind. Conjecture simply isnt convincing enough for me. I guess seeing years of the same thing over and over again can make one feel a little jaded and unconvinced. But I dont expect anyone to sympathize with me with that fact.

 

[doubleM]

expectations are awful high for men. the confidence thing is a must though. even if you dont feel it, speak it and believe it. even in the face of defeat, never show defeat. never show them weakness. women have a lot of fantasies, but weakness is something that turns them all off. pretend you dont care and you are invincible. repeat after me,"I DONT GIVE A ****!". see what i did there?

 

[1BlackSheep]

What absolute twoddle!

It's total twoddle! But then again, I'm a female a few years beyond the age group that was giving their opinion. Solution for you men: go for the older, wiser ladies!

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

expectations are awful high for men. the confidence thing is a must though. even if you dont feel it, speak it and believe it. even in the face of defeat, never show defeat. never show them weakness. women have a lot of fantasies, but weakness is something that turns them all off. pretend you dont care and you are invincible. repeat after me,"I DONT GIVE A ****!". see what i did there?

I dunno, I like sensitive men who show their "weaker" side every now and again. I can see through the ones who are too insecure or proud to be vulnerable and it kind of puts me off. It's all subjective, really.

 

[KiaKaha]

I dunno, I like sensitive men who show their "weaker" side every now and again. I can see through the ones who are too insecure or proud to be vulnerable and it kind of puts me off. It's all subjective, really.

Well I wish I could meet someone like you in that case. I feel there is a very heavy expectation too.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

Well if it is warped Mzbuzz perhaps you could give me reasons as to why? Then maybe I will change my mind. Conjecture simply isnt convincing enough for me. I guess seeing years of the same thing over and over again can make one feel a little jaded and unconvinced. But I dont expect anyone to sympathize with me with that fact.

I have told you reasons why, you just don't want to listen. I can understand being frustrated and sad, I can understand things are hard. I am pretty sure lots of people sympathize with you on that fact.

I have told you that it is important to be yourself and love yourself because girls like different types of guys. Others have agreed to this. It is fact, people like different things. I am not sure how that has made you completely upset with me or hate me or feel worse. I have never once told you that you need to change, all I have said is you need to learn how to love yourself and realize what a great person you are and others will take notice. That you will find a girl who likes you for you and she will be worth it. I have said that the people who don't like you for you and the girls who go after the jerks aren't worth it. Because they aren't.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

Well I wish I could meet someone like you in that case. I feel there is a very heavy expectation too.

Thank you, and good luck.
I also feel the pressure when it comes to dating because I feel there are high expectations for looks and body figure. I think both sexes struggle with the expectations placed on them by the opposite sex and society, but the whole confidence/toughness thing makes it particularly difficult for socially anxious guys or guys who are just more inclined to be introverted. But there are many different people in the world so there is always a chance of finding someone who is accepting/understanding and less superficial than most people, which is what I'm counting on.

 

[Kiwong]

I was always attracted to most outgoing and physically attractive girls. My mistake. There were many more quiet, petite girls out there, but they didn't register on my testosterone fuelled radar.

By the way I think tall women are magnificent. I admire athletic women who are intelligent and confident. Some men hate being beaten by women at sport, personally it doesn't worry me. I think they are awesome.

I have a very sensitive side that borders on severe introspection. I'm not sure that is the kind of sensitivity anyone is after.

Also living like a hermit, having difficult talking, or holding eye contact, not alwyas looking after my appearance. My anxiety seems to annoy women, so I steer clear.

 

[KiaKaha]

I have told you reasons why, you just don't want to listen. I can understand being frustrated and sad, I can understand things are hard. I am pretty sure lots of people sympathize with you on that fact.

I have told you that it is important to be yourself and love yourself because girls like different types of guys. Others have agreed to this. It is fact, people like different things. I am not sure how that has made you completely upset with me or hate me or feel worse. I have never once told you that you need to change, all I have said is you need to learn how to love yourself and realize what a great person you are and others will take notice. That you will find a girl who likes you for you and she will be worth it. I have said that the people who don't like you for you and the girls who go after the jerks aren't worth it. Because they aren't.

Who says that I am not listening? I *do* listen, I just disagree with you. That is not the same thing. I always read every post to a thread that I am interested or involved with. I have never said that you have told me to change, but others here have. The difference between me and so many others here is that everyone seems to think that it all has to come from inside and that only YOU can make a difference ra ra ra - I couldnt disagree with that more...but I wont get into it, because people here dont seem to be able to see it from my perspective. Look I am not here to insult women or accuse them of some indirect behaviour that I find distasteful. I simply call it as I see it....all I want to know...is why, it simply does not make any sense...and I find the reasons given are just very surface level contradiction from 33 years of constantly trying to figure out rejection and observing behaviour and the world around me - I sometimes think that this forum is not an accurate representation of the real world.

 

[Hoppy]

 

[sullyS25]

Dude this post is ridiculous. You are crippling yourself with posting these things. You have a theory that you are undesirable to girls and you look for information to support it and ignore the information that may not support you theory.

What some of your female friends are attracted to is hardly representative of every woman on the planet.

You can continue to sit back and convince yourself why you are not desirable to women and continue to get worse or you can concentrate on what you like about yourself. I do know from experience that no one likes to be around someone that is constantly feeling bad for themselves and having a girlfriend won't magically cure depression and anxiety.

 

[Lea]

Whilst I don't doubt that some women think this, I wonder what kind of responses we'd get if we asked men what they want in an ideal woman?

It seems as though we're often hearing on this forum about how picky women are; but my experiences of men in real life is that they can be just as picky. Even on this forum I've seen guys moan about women being soooo selective that they feel they have to settle for *shudder* women who aren't attractive. I mean, seriously!?

Haha, exactly. Logically it goes both ways. Not that it mattered to me really.

 

[thor01]

I guess I usualy conclude I can only be as close to what I think I want to be, rather than what others might want.

I'm still trying to figure it out. But I know it could just be that generally girls, aslong as they have choice, are going to be picky in a way that exludes me. And I cant help that haha. With "online dating" I guess its understndable they generally become that way, as there are so many men, and fewer weomen there. (Gnerally) I think they have more "choice".

I think alot of males feel they need validation of a female to feel a propper person. Understandably. But I think it can become inaccurate when girls expect things that they cant do themselves. I.e you want a guy to make you laugh.....but can YOU make me laugh? Not that I would judge them on that or have that as a requiremnet haha.