What girls want and me

[upndwn]

Today I got to be a fly on the wall as several of my female friends gathered to discuss what they wanted in a man (some of them whom I have been infatuated with in the past), and came to the realization that my fears of being undesirable as a romantic partner has been confirmed. Here is a list of observations from their confessions (these are all grown women from the ages of 25-35).

*A man has to be sexually experienced (not very true for me, my experience is mostly limited sometimes with years between experiences)
*A man has to be fit and well muscled (I'm not very fit or well muscled)
*A man has to be confident and determent (doesn't describe me very well)
*I like geeky guys (ok this actually fits me, but nothing else she said does)
*I like guys that rides a motorcycle (I don't even have a drivers license)
*I like tall and hairy guys (I'm not tall, and not hairy)
*I like though guys who aren't afraid to speak their mind or defend their values (I only speak my mind when asked to and keep my values to myself)
*I like guys in armor (Ok this one was weird, I probably could wear armor but..)
*Guys should have a place to live, a steady income and a secure life situation (I do have a place to live and a steady income, but I can't say I have a secure life situation)
*I like guys with a talent for music (I have an interest in music, but a talent no.)
*I want a guy with a great career/education (Don't fit me very well)
*I just want a normal guy without issues (I have several mental disorders so no)
*I want an experienced older man (Although I'm older than most of these girls I don't think I'm "experienced", at least not the kind of experience they were talking about)
*I want someone who can teach me new things everyday (I don't think I could teach someone new things EVERY day, but some days sure)
*I want someone that is a good kisser/good in bed and other variations (I don't think I have enough experience in these fields to qualify)

these are just those I remember from the top of my head, they had plenty of other things to say about their former experiences with relationships and flings, but I can't quite say I scored high in any of the categories they proposed.

I was surprised at how much focus they had on the physical qualities in a potential partner be it looks or performance wise. I would have thought most of my friends were beyond such shallow expectations.

They were more preoccupied with these notions than most of my male friends who are perfectly capable of looking beyond the physical and social.

Are these expectations representative of how the majority of women at this age thinks, e.g do grown women in their late twenties/early thirties think appearance and physical and social merit to be that important or is this just meaningless banter with little to no truth in it?

 

[Silatuyok]

Every woman is different and is attracted to completely different things. Of course things like money, physical fitness, and confidence are going to appeal to a broader range of women, but not all of them. Every single woman you ask will say something different when you ask them what they look for in a partner. Some are really attracted to men in armor, apparently. Some are looking for money. Some don't want a man at all. Every woman is different. The important thing here is to find out what strengths you do have, and concentrate on those aspects of yourself. If you don't have any of those aspects that these particular women say they like, then what traits do you have that you think women might be attracted to?

 

[persianfan247]

Well some "people" have too high expectations. They think of a fantasy rather then reality. They think of what they would like but do they think whether they are worthy of such a person as they fantasise. Would such a person actually want to go out with them. When I was in a Fish & Chip shop, three girls come in and they talked about they ideal guy smart, funny and hot. But I had doubt whether this ideal guy would be interested in them at all.

 

[coyote]

i'm saving up for one of these: The Black Knight Suit of Armor

 

[Aletheia]

^ What Marie said.

Also, women (and men) can have ideals without expecting any one person to live up to all of them, and without using them as a check list to determine whether or not they fancy someone.

And yes, physical attributes are important. We're wired to look for physical attractiveness in potential mates, there's no getting around it. That in itself doesn't make a person shallow. What does make a person shallow is to consider only these traits as important.

 

[persianfan247]

And yes, physical attributes are important. We're wired to look for physical attractiveness in potential mates, there's no getting around it. That in itself doesn't make a person shallow. What does make a person shallow is to consider only these traits as important.

Indeed and it is the same as objectifying people. Thinking of people in sexual terms isn't objectifying someone, but considering them only in sexual terms is.

People shouldn't expect you to be attracted to the same sex as you if you are not gay, people also shouldn't expect people to be attracted to things they simply are not attracted to.

 

[Anomaly]

Are these expectations representative of how the majority of women at this age thinks, e.g do grown women in their late twenties/early thirties think appearance and physical and social merit to be that important or is this just meaningless banter with little to no truth in it?

With billions of people on this earth, it's hard to generalize much that's meaningful. What they said is important to millions of people and equally unimportant to millions of others.

 

[A86]

When I look at all the relationships between different couples I meet and what not, It seems to me the good ones are where both partners are willing to compromise and accept each other.

Having high expectations for finding that perfect partner is not realistic. (I'm sure its possible, but highly improbable)

 

[Bandelero297]

I always feared that women would not like me for the way I am or turn me down after knowing me better

 

[da_illest101]

Those are definitely not the type of girls that I want that's for sure, too materialistic and needy for me

 

[KiaKaha]

Don't even get me started...

Women are attracted to different things sure. Generally speaking - Money, good looks, status, power, confidence (*cough cough* arrogance) and security - are important attributes but its not a rule, generally though these sorts of traits will make you attractive - more so than being an amiable easygoing person. Them seeing you as an equal is important too - someone on the same playing field. You have to remember though being uncompromising with what people want is our prerogative. You can be a jerk *if* you can get away with it (money etc) - These days most people see you as what you have and what they can get from you rather than who you are. It's easy to dismiss and look elsewhere, because now we are spoiled for choice. Why settle when you can do better?

I myself can let a lot of things slide - I dont care if a girls lacks confidence or has no money or even if they dont have a great job, none of that stuff worries me - I just want her to be a nice person, I just dont like being low on her priorities - but I feel I dont get the same courtesy back.

Yeah I'm bitter - but thats how I roll.

 

[persianfan247]

I always feared that women would not like me for the way I am or turn me down after knowing me better

This is exactly how I feel and one would suspect that most of the people on this site feel.

My relatively obvious SP(my Psychologist pointed at in a real example how I don't necessarily appear nervous and uncomfortable despite feeling like this and feeling like it is obvious to everyone) and lack of good looks are what would turn away women at first and if they somehow miss this or get past it, they would find out the extent of my problems related to SP, how boring I am, how self obsessed I am, how lacking in general experience I am, how incompatent I am, how unintelligent I am.

My ownly positive atribute that a woman could find attractive is the fact that I do not mean anyone any harm, I would not be abusive. But the problem is there are plenty guys with this attribute and more. I can not compete. Women will enevitably go to the better guys first.

Don't even get me started...

Women are attracted to different things sure. Generally speaking - Money, good looks, status, power, confidence (*cough cough* arrogance) and security - are important attributes but its not a rule, generally though these sorts of traits will make you attractive - more so than being an amiable person. Them seeing you as an equal is important too - someone on the same playing field. You have to remember though being uncompromising with what people want is our prerogative. These days most people see you as what you have and what they can get from you rather than who you are. It's easy to dismiss and look elsewhere, because now we are spoiled for choice. Why settle when you can do better?

I myself can let a lot of things slide - I dont care if a girls lacks confidence or has no money or even if they dont have a great job, none of that stuff worries me - I just want her to be a nice person, I just dont like being low on her priorities - but I feel I dont get the same courtesy back.

Yeah I'm bitter - but thats how I roll.

I am not sure about a girl lacking confidence(I guess it depends to what extent and about what) but I agree that the other things don't matter

But I am bitter also, I see how girls at uni whether smart or dumb, beautiful of ugly flock around the hot, smart? guy and there are plenty of these guys. I also see how they generally go for the outgoing, opinionated guy.

 

[MikeyC]

Every woman is different and is attracted to completely different things. Of course things like money, physical fitness, and confidence are going to appeal to a broader range of women, but not all of them. Every single woman you ask will say something different when you ask them what they look for in a partner. Some are really attracted to men in armor, apparently. Some are looking for money. Some don't want a man at all. Every woman is different.

Too right. I'm depressed with no self-confidence, a crappy job, little money, a virgin, and living with my parents, and yet I still managed to get a girlfriend last year, and have had many chances of sex/girlfriends in the past. Every woman is different.

 

[Silatuyok]

i'm saving up for one of these: The Black Knight Suit of Armor

That's so sexy. ::

 

[coyote]

oh, Magic Eight Ball, will this thread end well?

 

[Silatuyok]

^If everyone just stops posting right now, everything that needs to be said will have been said.

 

[Newtype]

Those girls sound so lame.

 

[KiaKaha]

^If everyone just stops posting right now, everything that needs to be said will have been said.

Why? I think people should have the right to express themselves if they feel more needs to be said... just because its an uncomfortable and emotionally charged topic doesn't mean people should stop posting for fear of upsetting someone.

 

[KiaKaha]

Too right. I'm depressed with no self-confidence, a crappy job, little money, a virgin, and living with my parents, and yet I still managed to get a girlfriend last year, and have had many chances of sex/girlfriends in the past. Every woman is different.

Whats your secret Mikey - I never in a million years be able to pull something like that off. Maybe its just me that's the problem.

 

[THeCARS1979]

Today I got to be a fly on the wall as several of my female friends gathered to discuss what they wanted in a man (some of them whom I have been infatuated with in the past), and came to the realization that my fears of being undesirable as a romantic partner has been confirmed. Here is a list of observations from their confessions (these are all grown women from the ages of 25-35).

*A man has to be sexually experienced (not very true for me, my experience is mostly limited sometimes with years between experiences)
*A man has to be fit and well muscled (I'm not very fit or well muscled)
*A man has to be confident and determent (doesn't describe me very well)
*I like geeky guys (ok this actually fits me, but nothing else she said does)
*I like guys that rides a motorcycle (I don't even have a drivers license)
*I like tall and hairy guys (I'm not tall, and not hairy)
*I like though guys who aren't afraid to speak their mind or defend their values (I only speak my mind when asked to and keep my values to myself)
*I like guys in armor (Ok this one was weird, I probably could wear armor but..)
*Guys should have a place to live, a steady income and a secure life situation (I do have a place to live and a steady income, but I can't say I have a secure life situation)
*I like guys with a talent for music (I have an interest in music, but a talent no.)
*I want a guy with a great career/education (Don't fit me very well)
*I just want a normal guy without issues (I have several mental disorders so no)
*I want an experienced older man (Although I'm older than most of these girls I don't think I'm "experienced", at least not the kind of experience they were talking about)
*I want someone who can teach me new things everyday (I don't think I could teach someone new things EVERY day, but some days sure)
*I want someone that is a good kisser/good in bed and other variations (I don't think I have enough experience in these fields to qualify)

these are just those I remember from the top of my head, they had plenty of other things to say about their former experiences with relationships and flings, but I can't quite say I scored high in any of the categories they proposed.

I was surprised at how much focus they had on the physical qualities in a potential partner be it looks or performance wise. I would have thought most of my friends were beyond such shallow expectations.

They were more preoccupied with these notions than most of my male friends who are perfectly capable of looking beyond the physical and social.

Are these expectations representative of how the majority of women at this age thinks, e.g do grown women in their late twenties/early thirties think appearance and physical and social merit to be that important or is this just meaningless banter with little to no truth in it?

all that is to far fetched, they'll never find all those things, maybe some, some dont care about certain things.