What girls want and me

[Etbow23]

Well maybe i dont count, bc im only 21, but most of those things dont describe what i like! I wouldn't worry about what MOST people seem to like, most people are stupid.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

Whilst I don't doubt that some women think this, I wonder what kind of responses we'd get if we asked men what they want in an ideal woman?

It seems as though we're often hearing on this forum about how picky women are; but my experiences of men in real life is that they can be just as picky. Even on this forum I've seen guys moan about women being soooo selective that they feel they have to settle for *shudder* women who aren't attractive. I mean, seriously!?

The wider you search the more likely you are to find that somebody special. There are always exceptions to every rule. A few shallow statements does not reflect the views of 3.5 billion women or however many there are in the world.

Yes that is very true, I agree with this 100%.

 

[bleach]

I wouldn't sweat not having things like cars and money right now because if you have mental illness you're already going to be repulsive to any woman before she has time to judge anything else. sorry it seems harsh but that's the way it is

edit. maybe should have said mental illnesses besides sociopathy

 

[bcsr]

I wouldn't sweat not having things like cars and money right now because if you have mental illness you're already going to be repulsive to any woman before she has time to judge anything else. sorry it seems harsh but that's the way it is

edit. maybe should have said mental illnesses besides sociopathy

Not true at all. I actually make it a point to tell people I meet about my social anxiety up front. It's something I've been doing for almost three years, and I have yet to have a single negative reaction from anyone. In fact, I've had quite a few people tell me they have the same problems.

I find it a lot easier around new people doing this. It takes a lot of the pressure off of me, I don't have to worry about them thinking I'm rude/disinterested.

 

[sullyS25]

Not true at all. I actually make it a point to tell people I meet about my social anxiety up front. It's something I've been doing for almost three years, and I have yet to have a single negative reaction from anyone. In fact, I've had quite a few people tell me they have the same problems.

I find it a lot easier around new people doing this. It takes a lot of the pressure off of me, I don't have to worry about them thinking I'm rude/disinterested.

I agree completely. If you assume people will be pushed away by your shyness, that is what your reality will be. If you are confident in the fact that you have troubles keeping conversations at first they will be accepting.

Today I went to the outdoor market with a girl and we walked around and went to get some coffee where she proceeded to quiz me as to why I dont drink alcohol. I confidently told her my story, what has happened in my past and what things are like now and she was more interested in the end.

That is to say I openly told this girl that I am an alcoholic/drug addict in recovery. Talk about a disease with a serious social stigma and she wasn't repulsed, she was more interested. Making assumptions about what others are thinking is the easiest way to cripple yourself socially.

 

[Waybuloo]

I agree completely. If you assume people will be pushed away by your shyness, that is what your reality will be. If you are confident in the fact that you have troubles keeping conversations at first they will be accepting.

Today I went to the outdoor market with a girl and we walked around and went to get some coffee where she proceeded to quiz me as to why I dont drink alcohol. I confidently told her my story, what has happened in my past and what things are like now and she was more interested in the end.

That is to say I openly told this girl that I am an alcoholic/drug addict in recovery. Talk about a disease with a serious social stigma and she wasn't repulsed, she was more interested. Making assumptions about what others are thinking is the easiest way to cripple yourself socially.

Not true at all. I actually make it a point to tell people I meet about my social anxiety up front. It's something I've been doing for almost three years, and I have yet to have a single negative reaction from anyone. In fact, I've had quite a few people tell me they have the same problems.

I find it a lot easier around new people doing this. It takes a lot of the pressure off of me, I don't have to worry about them thinking I'm rude/disinterested.

Well maybe it went well for you guys and that's good for you. But in my experience at university and to an extent in high school, when I am nervous (shaking, blushing, sweating, unable to form a proper sentence), I get scorn and ridicule. Sometimes I freeze with fear in class and even the tutor tries to stifle a laugh on their face. It is really bizarre that educated and those seeking education can be this unbelievably rude. I have told a few friends that I have depression and am not ashamed of it, but I can never tell anyone about the social anxiety and being scared of people because of my personal experience of prejudice.

Sully, we don't make assumptions out of nowhere, it is an educated assessment which more often than not is true.

 

[1BlackSheep]

Whilst I don't doubt that some women think this, I wonder what kind of responses we'd get if we asked men what they want in an ideal woman?

It seems as though we're often hearing on this forum about how picky women are; but my experiences of men in real life is that they can be just as picky. Even on this forum I've seen guys moan about women being soooo selective that they feel they have to settle for *shudder* women who aren't attractive. I mean, seriously!?

The wider you search the more likely you are to find that somebody special. There are always exceptions to every rule. A few shallow statements does not reflect the views of 3.5 billion women or however many there are in the world.

Amen to that, sista'!

 

[doubleM]

I dunno, I like sensitive men who show their "weaker" side every now and again. I can see through the ones who are too insecure or proud to be vulnerable and it kind of puts me off. It's all subjective, really.

yeah a man should have a sensitive side. but thats not a weakness.

 

[Waybuloo]

I find the OP's post a bit hard to digest. Is this what women say to eachother about their ideal man? I cannot wrap my mind around wanting someone with a particular attribute, like tall and hairy? A tall and hairy guy can be blond, brown or black haired. They can have angular or rotund physiques. They can be anything under the rainbow, and that's not even the personality part. The point is, how do you know you will get on and personally like every tall and hairy guy out there? I can only say I like someone after meeting them and taking everything in. They are just ridiculous statements, no wonder they haven't found their ideal guy yet.

 

[sullyS25]

Sully, we don't make assumptions out of nowhere, it is an educated assessment which more often than not is true.

Well I mean this in the nicest way possible but how has this way of living worked out for you in the past and how does it work for people that dont do it?

 

[Waybuloo]

Well I mean this in the nicest way possible but how has this way of living worked out for you in the past and how does it work for people that dont do it?

You seem to blame the way my life has worked out on my assumptions when it is people who do the ridicule before any of my assumptions or reactions have time to come out, if I even have the frame of mind to do any assumptions. You do realise I have no power to control whether people ridicule me for being anxious? Don't be so sarcy with me to further your own opinion.

You mean this in the nicest way possible? Are you for real?

 

[bleach]

Not true at all. I actually make it a point to tell people I meet about my social anxiety up front. It's something I've been doing for almost three years, and I have yet to have a single negative reaction from anyone. In fact, I've had quite a few people tell me they have the same problems.

I find it a lot easier around new people doing this. It takes a lot of the pressure off of me, I don't have to worry about them thinking I'm rude/disinterested.

I meant romantically repulsive not personally

 

[sullyS25]

You seem to blame the way my life has worked out on my assumptions when it is people who do the ridicule before any of my assumptions or reactions have time to come out, if I even have the frame of mind to do any assumptions. Don't be so sarcy with me to further your own opinion.

You mean this in the nicest way possible? Are you for real?

I am not blaming anything on anyone I am asking how it has worked out for you, it is a simple question. I think it would be safe to assume that you are on this site because you don't enjoy being afraid of people....that is why I joined it.

I personally have grown a lot and it wasn't because I had people holding my hand and affirming every distortion of reality I had. If it was that way for me, I would be in the same place which is playing the hopeless victim. I am sorry if you dont agree or if me being so direct has hurt your feelings it certainly wasn't my intent.

Im sure you have had a ****ty past, I know I have had a past full of my family criticizing me and beating the piss out of me for putting myself out there. So it makes sense that I used to meet new people and assume they felt the same way about me as the people in my past did.

What I was trying to say is that when I make assumptions about what people are thinking about me I believe they are true in my head and I act accordingly. If I believe it is true it must be true so I fulfill my expectations therefore crippling me socially. If I am always assuming that people are thinking the worst things about me my reality will manifest itself that way and that is how they will see me.

I truly apologize if my direct attitude has offended you, it wasn't my intention. My intention was to show you another way of viewing things because the way I saw it, your point of view could not be argued with and you refused to see it a different way. I am not saying I am right and I am not saying you are wrong, I am merely trying to help you see things a different way.

I deeply apologize for hurting your feelings.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

The question is not about what people want, anyone can and may have a wishlist.

What you have to look at is what they are willing to settle for in the end.

I'm not having a go at you here Hoppy, but I can't stand that word - "settle." I used to know someone who used it quite a lot and it always made me want to yell at her "It's not 'settling', it's called compromising, and it's what grown ups do when they realise that life isn't going to hand them their perfect wishlist all wrapped up with a pretty little bow on it!"

 

[Hoppy]

Okay, I give you that, compromise is the correct word, and I should have used that in that context.

But on the other hand, some people just settle, and regret it afterwords.

But please do not take me seriously, I'm not married.

 

[AsTimeBurns]

Coupling -The girl with two breasts - YouTube

 

[sullyS25]

I didn´t understand what does it mean with the parents, did they beat you or did they just forced you to go out? If it´s the 2nd case, it´s kind of support, way better than parents who don´t allow you to go anywhere.
Anyway .... no that would be long and would lead to a sh*tty place, I rather be quiet now ::

My parents didn't really do anything bad. My dad criticized me for not doing things the way he wanted but it was my brother who beat my ass for not acting exactly like he wanted me to

 

[sullyS25]

Thanks for answering.. everyone has a different family and is conditioned in different ways, into different opinions of life. But there are also genes and karma and who knows what which influence what we become and our opinions etc.. I am not stupid (not that you said so of course) I understand what constructive attitudes mean but some positivists apply it indiscriminately to everything and everyone which doesn´t seem to me right.. there are scales and subtle nuances like with everything.. to just accuse everyone without closer and deeper understanding the situation is a bit insensitive..

I wasn't accusing everyone of anything. I was merely saying that assuming you know what people are thinking about you is going to result in you acting accordingly and fulfilling what you are thinking about yourself. Contrary to popular belief on this forum, we can not read other peoples minds and the majority of the time what we assume people are thinking about us is way off. Most people are doing what we are doing and wondering how they look in the eyes of others....we may just be extreme examples of this to the point where it may be crippling

 

[sullyS25]

If I think everyone is nice and loves me than they will

Did I say that? No. I didn't mention anything about positive thinking I mentioned that we truly have no idea what they are thinking yet we convince ourselves that we do and it cripples us....We dont have to be unrealistically positive but at the same time we can't just ASSUME we know what they are thinking when we have absolutely no idea.

 

[coyote]

....We dont have to be unrealistically positive but at the same time we can't just ASSUME we know what they are thinking when we have absolutely no idea.

why not?

when things don't go the way we want them to, we have to have someone to blame

don't we?