Society's discrimination against shyness/quietness hurts more than SA itself

[tooshytosay]

One of the most memorable comments I've heard from the disability community is this - that so often what makes them suffer is not the disability in itself, but the way society reacts to, and discriminates against, their disability.

And this is how I feel about SA too. In today's world we're just given so much flak for being so "quiet" and "shy". Everyone asks you "what is wrong with you?" Everyone chooses to feel super-uncomfortable in the presence of a very quiet / shy person. Everyone thinks the world will be better off without these "misfits" that don't fit in the grand scheme of an extroverted, bubbly, talkative, world.

In our social lives, in our work lives, in fact in all aspects of our lives, we're discriminated against for being that shy and quiet person.

Sometimes when I think of things like CBT I wonder if everyone en masse needs a dose of it. For what, if any, is "inherently wrong" with being shy and quiet? Even if such behaviours do have its negative aspects (just as extroverted and "loud" behaviours have their negative aspects), could it justify the discrimination imposed upon such individuals, pushing them to the boundaries of society and often driving them into depression and self-hate?

Would anxiety even matter if people didn't "care" about it so much? So what if you were seen as super-nervous and anxious if people were willing to accept you for being who you are instead of being so eager to discriminate against you and exclude you?

 

[EscapeArtist]

agreeeeeeee

When i'm quiet people assume I'm sad, uninterested or angry
And then some people seem to feel threatened

 

[Sial Axetder]

I don't feel discriminated against. What's wrong with that? Why don't know I?

Ignore them, be who are you. Who you want to be. Everyone is set aside from society for something.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

In my case, I think the problem itself is the main cause of hardship for me, but others' reactions to it makes it worse.

 

[Death Rider]

Why do we never hear positive info on the news? Oh yeah, because happy people don't moan and groan about how well their life is. Compare the silent SADers and the loud extraverts. Whos' voice will you hear? The thousands of quiet whispers or a hundred yelling ones?
This post is about the same problem of thinking too much about others judging us, avoiding responsibility for your life and comparing people. 3 super traits that help us stay indoors. Now you know what not to do IF you want to get better.

Also, what's wrong about people thinking we're sad, lonely, misunderstood, shy, quiet and all other things? Are they not right? ;D You just hate the idea of someone reading you like a book. Insecurity.

 

[Kat]

I personally think willingness to try and determination should overshadow confidence.

 

[Darryl]

world we're just given so much flak for being so "quiet" and "shy". Everyone asks you "what is wrong with you?" Everyone chooses to feel super-uncomfortable in the presence of a very quiet / shy person. to discriminate against you and exclude you?

Hi Tooshytosay,

Different spin to what you have said.

What's wrong with people caring enough to ask what your feeling.
How would you feel if no-one cared and just walked past?

It's not the everyday people who feels super-uncomfortable but the quiet person with their SA working overtime.
Everyday people have times of quiet, except their mind doesn't analze to our full extent

Unfornately it's the SA which is discriminating and excluding.
Sounds like your frustrated is their something else we can help you with?

Kind Regards Darryl

 

[BlackPuma]

I have to partially agree with Darryl above.

Aren't we, just as hard, discriminating against people we've never met before? Just now extroverts have been described as people that aren't able to understand complex social issues, which isn't true at all. A lot of therapists are extroverts, yet they understand perfectly fine. The dim extrovert is a stereotype. I agree that many people tend to handle their approach to something they're not familiar with quite poorly, but that's not a trait exclusive to non-social phobics, that's ALL of us.

The only reason why we have a better understanding with disabilities is because we have experience with it on a vigorous and daily bases. It isn't always fair to expect people to have knowledge/experience of/with something they haven't had the chance to learn about in practice.

We're not different then any other person. That's why they ask ''what is wrong with you'' because they see us as equals, and want to understand why we show behavior they don't understand.

There are understanding people, and there are bigots. Amongst any group. No matter who, what, where and when, there's always a balance.

 

[WantToHide]

In our social lives, in our work lives, in fact in all aspects of our lives, we're discriminated against for being that shy and quiet person.

...so eager to discriminate against you and exclude you?

I don't think we're discriminated against as much as we think we are. If we don't talk, how can people include us? If we don't go out of our way to make friends, can we really be surprised to find we don't have many friends?

Of course there are people who are mean, but they're probably mean to a lot of people, not just us, and there are far more people who would want to be our friend, if only they could get to know us.

 

[Illusions]

This reminds me of a new colleague of mine at work. I don't speak much around people I feel uncomfortable around but she's worse off. She doesn't really say anything in group settings. Two of my colleagues made remarks about her being quiet. I know it's a sensitive issue (I don't like being called quiet either) so I never say anything about it.

The thing is, she started opening up to me after I initiated a few conversations with her. Quiet/shy people just need to be given a chance, because such people take more time to warm up to people. Unfortunately, not everyone in society understands this.

 

[Froggy246]

I know this is an old thread, but I was going to start something similar before I found it via the search.

I do feel discriminated against sometimes, for example you see in many job adverts these days things like, we are looking for someone with an outgoing and bubbly personality. It seems as though they are saying No introverts/quiet people please.

And also most house share adverts really seem to emphasize that they are looking for out-going, sociable housemates, not housemates who spend a lot of time in their room.

I know being an introvert is not the same as having social anxiety, but I feel it's these sort of unreserved preferences towards extroverted qualities that can help create SA.

 

[sahxox]

We're not different then any other person. That's why they ask ''what is wrong with you'' because they see us as equals, and want to understand why we show behavior they don't understand.


That sums it up perfectly! SP has a given me, and I'm guessing others, an inferiority complex for absolutely no reason. We feel isolated by previous rejection from people for being 'shy' or 'quiet' or whatever you want to call it, and we take this with us to new places, and the cycle continues.

 

[sahxox]

I know this is an old thread, but I was going to start something similar before I found it via the search.

I do feel discriminated against sometimes, for example you see in many job adverts these days things like, we are looking for someone with an outgoing and bubbly personality.

Haha this is hilarious. I've recently got a job after years of being too scared, and surprisingly, I'm actually good with customers. I would never in 234,928 years have thought it'd be the case as i wouldn't describe my public sp facade as "outgoing" or "bubbly" or whatever **** they wanna call it - I find alot of sales people absolutely annoying and fake as a customer. As a result, I don't take the "bubbly" approach, but more of a genuine soft-spoken friendliness, something I believe is almost an inherent feature of being introverted. None of this fake bull, and surprisingly, it actually works So these adverts had always put me off completely, but clearly they don't cater for our niche which can be even better than what they want

 

[Amitush123]

Yeah, lately I've began to feel like I am shunned from this world..like everyone sees me as inferior...now I barely talk to anyone, even my parents, and prefer not to leave my room

 

[Tamara89]

A customer yelled out to me across the restaurant calling me a "mouse". And oh wouldn't I be filthy rich if every time i got paid a dollar when someone said "why don't you talk". The best response could be "why do you talk?". People like that are all noise to me, I have no interest in making small talk or getting to know their "fantastic" "bubbly" personality. I find them boring. I like the weird people

 

[Yarrow]

I guess I'm lucky that I don't get questions or criticisms like others seem to. I can only imagine how awkward it is to be confronted with something like that. What's depressing to me is that I have very little chance online or off of being noticed over louder, bolder people whether or not I'm anxious. It's hard to be motivated.

 

[Amitush123]

I guess I'm lucky that I don't get questions or criticisms like others seem to. I can only imagine how awkward it is to be confronted with something like that. What's depressing to me is that I have very little chance online or off of being noticed over louder, bolder people whether or not I'm anxious. It's hard to be motivated.

You will always be noticed here. There's a room for everyone.

 

[Flanscho]

Depends on the society you live in and the people you surround yourself with, I guess. Nobody ever asked me "what's wrong with you". :idontknow: Surround yourself with friends who don't care about such stuff.

 

[Graeme1988]

Yeah, lately I've began to feel like I am shunned from this world..like everyone sees me as inferior...now I barely talk to anyone, even my parents, and prefer not to leave my room

Ye just described me, by the way, Amitush. Sadly... :sad:

 

[Lea]

I was recently on a job training for caregivers, the lecturer was telling us about equal rights, that everyone is equal, we shouldn´t discriminate against things like age, race, sex, religion, disability etc. Then shortly afterwards she points out how quiet I am. Despite that I was expecting it, and I know she meant it in "innocent" way, it hit me so hard that I was struggling to keep back my tears for a while. Because I knew what it will result in, they will fire me. I knew they would, they always had before. The scenario is always the same.

The law is, the employer shouldn´t discriminate against disability, but they always do. I honestly never did anything wrong in my jobs apart from being quiet, I have emails from one of my previous employers to back it up.

At the same time I wonder if they shouldn´t have the right of choice to not employ a person who has a disability which would interfere with doing the job efficiently.
But the law is they shouldn´t discriminate against disability, then probably not. With being quiet and shy moreover the problem is, it is confused for a bad personality trait rather than acknowledging it as a disability.