Six reasons why many people with SA have trouble getting over it

hoddesdon

Well-known member
Perhaps a seventh reason may be the misapprehension that it is impossible to get over it. It may seem so sometimes, but it is possible. Thinking it is impossible may be the reason for not sticking to a plan of action.
 
These six reasons are very true. However, if you try to help somebody with EFT, the results may be much better. That is at least what I have seen with people who had lost their job due to SA and had to rebuild a new career.
We stated the sentence: even if I suffer from SA, I love and accept myself completely and deeply. The person repeated this for about 2 weeks. We were always in touch by email as this client stays faraway from where i live. The above sentence was the beginning and then we developed other sentences. The result was astounding. He has rebuilt a new career and is now in a comfortable position. I have seen similar results, based on EFT, with other people. Obviously, if people are not willing to give some time to overcome SA, they will never get out of their problem.
I think it ios important to accompany people by exchange of emails.
 

Zav

Well-known member
#5 is especially on the mark. Just accept the aloneness and you'll find plenty of other things/hobbies to valuably occupy your time other than people.
 
6) Magic Pill- People in general look for magic pills to solve their problems. This is loser thinking. There are no magic pills or quick fixes. work in=reward out. Get that formula into your head because its the only thing that works. The harder and longer you work at this and the more sacrifices you make the better you will get.[/QUOTE]


Finally, someone else who think pills are an easy fix. I call dr's 'Pill pushers', cos let's face it, that's all they ever offer these days. "Well don't worry. I can write out a prescription for you. I'm going to prescribe you blahdy-blah for your anxiety. It will take two weeks to kick in". Whatever doc! Lol. To me, all that my anti-depressants did was make me way sleepy, make me lose my creativity, made me turn into a pill-reliant zombie. Don't get me wrong, ignorance is bliss, but i refuse to be turned into the zombie that so many become. It's sad to see people lose their old personality, just cos of a pill.
 
6) Magic Pill- People in general look for magic pills to solve their problems. This is loser thinking. There are no magic pills or quick fixes. work in=reward out. Get that formula into your head because its the only thing that works. The harder and longer you work at this and the more sacrifices you make the better you will get.

Finally, someone else who think pills are an easy fix. I call dr's 'Pill pushers', cos let's face it, that's all they ever offer these days. "Well don't worry. I can write out a prescription for you. I'm going to prescribe you blahdy-blah for your anxiety. It will take two weeks to kick in". Whatever doc! Lol. To me, all that my anti-depressants did was make me way sleepy, make me lose my creativity, made me turn into a pill-reliant zombie. Don't get me wrong, ignorance is bliss, but i refuse to be turned into the zombie that so many become. It's sad to see people lose their old personality, just cos of a pill.
If you went to a florists with your SA and he offered some pretty flowers to help you overcome your SADness, you wouldn't say that he's a terrible therapist, now would you?
So maybe you're being a little too harsh with psychiatrists? Their job IS to treat disorders with medication.


Btw, these 6 tips are quite helpful. I never did understand why I don't feel as much joy, why I tend to avoid the long-process taking activities. Now I know I have to learn to find the good in the process :>
 
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GREAT POST! Totally agree

I especially agree with the magic pills.

I have never persoanlly gone down medication route. Because I knew I wasn't depressed it was the sp etc that was drepressing me. You have to deal with the issue that is causing the depression

However I full understand. And except clinical depression is serious and medication is needed.
 
Yeah, i agree with those reasons..

To those who complain and say there is no cure, well i doubt you tried these steps...

If you are honest with yourself, you know what your problem is, im sure people here are not stupid!
Its not a disability, its a mental illness and its pychological.

But it might be so severe you feel its a disability, but its not. Its just extreme shyness

The key to getting rid of SA is really to change how you think, changing your thought patterns and trying to become more positive and stronger.
^ thats the true answer... people can ask, others so many times.. but its a very simple answer.

and the thing is i noticed that once you tell someone your over SA, or you are being a bit confident, they start to think you did not had SA to begin with..
which is wrong thinking, thats a living proof that you can get over SA, because that person had proof it to you. If they cant believe in change, then they wont change.
which is sad for them..
 
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Shield, thank you for posting this list, I agree with all of the things that are listed and I can see myself in all of them. This list spells out the reason for the anxiety and what is needed in order to take steps toward change. That is very true that baby steps should be taken and change takes time, overcoming SA is not going to happen overnight!!!!
 
Just because your experience has been good,someone elses experience of the same thing may be the complete oposite,we are all different so what you say is true for you maybe but not for all
 

matthew_

Active member
I understand and respect the points made in the OP. I went to film school recently and it was extremely hard.

It was extreme, a huge transition, demanding in ways that made confident people start to get self conscious. Yet it feels like I made 10 years worth of progress while doing this. There where no baby steps, I basically went from hiding from the world, to dealing with everything in a full on way never experienced before (i was a single child, and homeschooled)

I still take a lot of that with me, into every social situation now. And it's probably given me a 40% (strait after) gain, which reclined into a 25% gain two years later. And seems to have stabilized at that.

The only problem was, that after film school, I kind of secluded myself from society. I did not want to go through that kind of torment (as constructive as it was) again.

It's also hard to find ways to make small steps. When you always feel kind of entitled in terms of being 100% normal. As if it's you preventing the instant turn around.
 

zlench

Well-known member
Some great points for people who have SA it takes time and confrontation to many people with SA do nothing and complain when there life sucks with it when they do nothing to better it takes hard work like most things in life.
 
Sigh. I hate getting into an argument, but I'll just lay my opinions here. I am confirmed Social Anxiety Disorder by both the Psychologist and Psychiatrist. I sought their help because I am getting kicked out of my own house due to my mom flying to another country and I have not maintained work for several years and the longest I've worked was 4 months, two of which (only two I had), I had lots of emotional stories to tell with unimaginable pain I've went through, causing me to cry uncontrollably and making me lose myself and my own thinking, only to quit all my job, fearing seeing them ever again, never said a proper good bye and left - without leaving any traces of me.

"1) They don't stick to a plan of action- this is the number one reason why people with sp will never get better. Either they don't take any action or they take action for a while and then quit because its too painful or because they aren't making progress. Alternatively they are inconsistent with their actions working in fits and spurts. Consistency and persistence gets results."

"They don't stick to a plan of action ... it['s] too painful or because they aren't making progress."

No, while painful is true, progress is not. And we do stick to the plan of action we have laid forward for ourselves. We continue to go to school; we continue to *attempt* to find or try to work; we try to maintain social interaction as much as possible and widen them through different social medium. The problem is, it *is* painful as we receive thousands of judgement and criticisms from outside. It's not just *one* of these that will destroy us and causes us to lose ourselves, it's *many* of them. Please tell me if you understand what pain is? Please tell me if you understand what it means to lose your own self and cry uncontrollably? Please tell me if you understand what suffering from these painful memories means to these guys? I doubt they really understand.

"2) They don't take baby steps- people with social anxiety push themselves too hard to do somthing that is too far beyond their comfort zone instead of building up gradually. The result is that the individual will not be consistent because they will dread repeating this activity. The solution is to start small and build up like with weight training. Over a year progress will be huge and after 2 years you will be totally over sp."

Thank you for telling us the obvious. However, society forces us to move in a not so baby steps. Things people could do as if it's their second nature, it's agonizing for us to do. Things you can do such as asking for a manager at a department store, quickly introducing yourself, asking if there are any job openings currently, and if you may be eligible (just on the short interaction) that you can apply, etc. Our parents forces us to do these things without understanding the situations we face and we do not dare open ourselves up, with the fear of what they will say. My parents were always distant from me. They never took any care whatsoever in what and how I said them.

"3) They think there is somthing wrong with them- people with sp have many excuses why they are different from other people and why they wont get better. I'm too ugly, I'm too stupid, I have a bad personality. The only difference between you and others is you have sp nothing else. There are plenty of people who have everything you have but who are leading great lives. Your negative views come from poor treatment by others. This may have been caused by a number of factors but not by anything that is intrinsically wrong with you."

I especially hate the part where it says, we make plenty of excuses. Excuses? Really? What we think and what we feel are nothing more than ****ing excuses? Is this a ****ing joke? I refuse to open myself and thoughts in this forum if this is the general way people views us.

The rest, I'm not going to comment anymore. It's ridiculous many finds this thread insightful and deeply relatable to them. That's great. However, I am not them. Welcome to the world of Social Anxiety Disorder.
 

Mickery

Well-known member
Looks to me like you're correcting the opinionated depth of text that doesn't apply to everybody with a different opinionated depth of text that doesn't apply to everybody. Except yours is rude.
 

Feathers

Well-known member
Hey Floatingrain,

& Welcome to the forums!

Well, you might have missed the title of the thread - it says *many* people, not *all* people!!

People with sa are very different and have had very different experiences...

Many are indeed hardworking and have struggled for a long time and have done a lot to overcome sa - some have been in programs with counselling and support groups and career counselling etc. I wonder if some kind of support program could be available to you locally too?

It's difficult to do it all alone..

Some of the 'faults' described in the original article are meant to be inspirational, in the way of 'Don't do this' (like don't be inconsistent, don't try to do too much at a time, try to make baby steps.. which isn't easy sometimes, it's good to have an ideal to strive for, and reminder to try to break big projects into 'mini steps') Some of us have eg tried an anti-sa program (online or RL) and didn't stick with it and then wondered why it didn't get results etc. Kinda like if you know exercise is good for you and you don't do it, or you want to do a marathon before you trained shorter distances, then you wonder why it hasn't gotten better....

Sorry to hear about being kicked out, that kinda sucks yup.. And that parents (and/or others) haven't been understanding.. Yeah, many of us haven't had very supportive parents/environment either.. Hope you do manage to find good support both RL and online... Have you checked any organisations that might help locally? Maybe friends and/or relatives could help too?

Also, maybe you could give your parents and others something to read about sa, or the documentary film to watch (it's on YouTube..) I hope you will find that most people in RL and online are actually nicer and more friendly than our parents many times!! (And even the parents usually mean well, they may just have VERY weird ways of showing it!!) Some parents or other people may have big problems themselves, or just don't UNDERSTAND... So maybe this all is an opportunity to help other people learn more about this too...?
 
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JamesSmith

Well-known member
I think floatgrain has a really good post, and I can relate to a lot of his complaints about the original post.

In the original post, I noticed that OP said that "we think we have a bad personality, but our only real problem in SP." Well, SP gives a lot of us bad personalities in the eyes of other people, because it makes us come off as cold, aloof, cowardly and/or boring. So, I think many of us have bad personalities in the eyes of other people. I mean, deep down, when you get to know us, our personality is great. But, when we are talking to someone we don't know, it's extremely easy for them to think we have a bad personality, and sadly, we don't get to know a whole lot of people, so a lot of people tend to think we have bad personalities just because we're shy.

Hey, I'm all for positive self-esteem and thinking you have a good personality. Heck, I do think I have a good personality. But, I also know that I don't have a very friendly personality according to many other people. What I'm saying is the generalization that many of us think we have a bad personality isn't necessarily true, it's really that we know other people think we have a bad personality. It's not a problem with our self-esteem, the problem is the way other people react to how we act.

We have a right to be shy. The OP's post comes across as saying that we can't blame other people for the way we are treated. Well, you know what? Other people are partially to blame for the way we are treated. These people that are mean to us don't have the right to treat us like dirt just because we are shy. It's our nature to be shy. When outgoing people tell us they hate our shy personality, that's like us telling them we hate their personality because they talk too much.
 
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