Six reasons why many people with SA have trouble getting over it

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Haven't you seen the autism test? If someone has a high score there, I don't think it's a coincidence. And I didn't say I think many people have AS just only because I would like to be so or something subjective like that, but only because I am convinced it is a fact. I didn't say it with the intention to offend anyone either, for god sake. I just say it because I think it's true, it it isn't then isn't. It's just my opinion. If you don't believe it, noone can force you to do so. And of course I don't have any 100 % proof, I just judge from the evidence from the site. If I look on the score of the test, people usually got it according how I would expect it. There are some by whom the high score doesn't surprise me and some with low score whose results don't suprise me either.

People with SA have similarities to autism for the purposes of those questions. In addition, it's impossible to be unbiased when you rate yourself in that way. The scores of the people taking this test on this site are going to be skewed in ways not actually related to autism. Did you notice that some people seemed pleased with a higher score, and others disappointed with a low score?

These things are called confounding factors in statistics and science. They affect the outcome of tests to give false positives. They are a big part of why diagnostic internet self-testing cannot and should not be relied upon for anything serious.

 

[Lea]

People with SA have similarities to autism for the purposes of those questions. In addition, it's impossible to be unbiased when you rate yourself in that way. The scores of the people taking this test on this site are going to be skewed in ways not actually related to autism. Did you notice that some people seemed pleased with a higher score, and others disappointed with a low score?

These things are called confounding factors in statistics and science. They affect the outcome of tests to give false positives. They are a big part of why diagnostic internet self-testing cannot and should not be relied upon for anything serious.

So, they got the high results because they wished to or what? Jesus what crap! I did it myself and answered the questions most honestly and truely and unbiasely as I could. And I am not pleased with high result whatsoever, in fact I am desperate. Many people think we just think we are special because we have it, but as for me I am desperate and ashamed of it, only I talk about it because I am courageous and don´t want to hide it if it´s true.

Btw they don't understand me how it is and how I feel either, they either say I am normal and I just use the diagnosis as an excuse, or on the other extreme, oh well if it's so we can't help you then (that's not even what I wanted to, I just wanted them to undestand), you need to go to a doctor (or get yourself shut into a madhouse, because you are crazy and don't belong here). So either they say you are like them, just not trying enough, or write you off completely and send you to some isolated madhouse because you have nothing to do among normal people. (which is Phillitobits's opinion either I guess)

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

So, they got the high results because they wished to or what? Jesus what crap!

I did it myself and answered the questions most honestly and truely and unbiasely as I could. And I am not pleased with high result whatsoever, in fact I am desperate. Many people think we just think we are special because we have it, but as for me I am desperate and ashamed of it, only I talk about it because I am courageous and don´t want to hide it if it´s true.

I don't see it as either cool or to be ashamed of personally. I just don't think it's wise to take the results of online tests very seriously.

Btw they don't understand me how it is and how I feel either, they either say I am normal and I just use the diagnosis as an excuse, or on the other extreme, oh well if it's so we can't help you then (that's not even what I wanted to, I just wanted them to undestand), you need to go to a doctor (or get yourself shut into a madhouse, because you are crazy and don't belong here). So either they say you are like them, just not trying enough, or write you off completely and send you to some isolated madhouse because you have nothing to do among normal people. (which is Phillitobits's opinion either I guess)

I think it's safe to say most people don't understand most any mental problem, and most don't even try.

That's kind of mean to say about philly, don't you think? He doesn't seem to actually feel that way from what he's posted in this thread.

 

[anxiousnut]

3) They think there is somthing wrong with them- people with sp have many excuses why they are different from other people and why they wont get better. I'm too ugly, I'm too stupid, I have a bad personality. The only difference between you and others is you have sp nothing else. There are plenty of people who have everything you have but who are leading great lives. Your negative views come from poor treatment by others. This may have been caused by a number of factors but not by anything that is intrinsically wrong with you.

4) They compare themselves to others- Comparing yourself to others is probably the best way to decrease your self-esteem. It is one of the worst and most damaging things you can do and it has very serious consequences on your well being. Now that you know this decide never to compare yourself to others. Just worry about your own progress and stop looking at other people.

QUOTE]

Yeah, these two are definitely the biggest problems for me. I genuinely do think there are things very wrong with me and I wish I could truly believe otherwise. It's so hard when you feel your beliefs are confirmed so often. But I know it's probably my way of thinking that makes me hone in on when my beliefs are confirmed. I probably ignore little incidents that go against that "I suck" belief. Maybe the key is to acknowledge the little things that don't fit the negative view instead of dismissing them.

And I don't know about anyone else, but there is one particular person I have a bad habit of thinking about and comparing myself with. It's my cousin, who is the same age as me. She is BEAUTIFUL. I mean, gorgeous. Skinny. Everyone loves her, and they should because she's cool, nice, funny, all those things. She was prom queen in highschool (that one really hurts because I didn't even go to my prom). Always has had boyfriends, has a gorgeous little baby now. I wish I could find an excuse why she's not great, like if she were a bitch or something, but she's not. I feel so jealous when I hang out with her. I know it's wrong and unhelpful, but how do you ignore it when everything you yearn to be is displayed right in front of you?

 

[Kato]

3) They think there is somthing wrong with them- people with sp have many excuses why they are different from other people and why they wont get better. I'm too ugly, I'm too stupid, I have a bad personality. The only difference between you and others is you have sp nothing else. There are plenty of people who have everything you have but who are leading great lives. Your negative views come from poor treatment by others. This may have been caused by a number of factors but not by anything that is intrinsically wrong with you.

They think there is somthing wrong with them- Some do think this way and who am I to judge. Most likely they think they do not need advice. Again, who am I to judge

not by anything that is intrinsically wrong with you.Some of our fellow humans are unfortunately complete angels while others are plain devils in disguise. I will never trust either one.

6) Magic Pill- People in general look for magic pills to solve their problems. This is loser thinking. There are no magic pills or quick fixes. work in=reward out. Get that formula into your head because its the only thing that works. The harder and longer you work at this and the more sacrifices you make the better you will get.


There are no magic pills or quick fixes. In many lives, these two subject are not at play. Including myself, many have had to take meds. Often sometimes for several years at a time just to function well. I certainly dont think I am living a "quick fix". More like a living hellish nightmare.
Like in "Conjunction Junction" at different times in our lives we cannot cross paths like others and function "deservedly so" with out the proper balance of chemicals in our brains.

This is loser thinking. **** to any who think this about me.

 

[krs2snow]

They think there is somthing wrong with them- Some do think this way and who am I to judge. Most likely they think they do not need advice. Again, who am I to judge

The point being made is not to judge others but to look at ur own belief system and examine those beliefs that are no longer working for u. Those beliefs, u should judge. Examine them and see if they're working for u. Challenge them if they aren't.

not by anything that is intrinsically wrong with you.Some of our fellow humans are unfortunately complete angels while others are plain devils in disguise. I will never trust either one.]

This is one of ur own beliefs that u should possibly look at and determine if it is working for u. It's a way of viewing and interacting w/others in the world, thats true. But it's a very solemn and lonely way of viewing and interacting w/others in the world.

There are no magic pills or quick fixes. In many lives, these two subject are not at play. Including myself, many have had to take meds. Often sometimes for several years at a time just to function well. I certainly dont think I am living a "quick fix". More like a living hellish nightmare.
Like in "Conjunction Junction" at different times in our lives we cannot cross paths like others and function "deservedly so" with out the proper balance of chemicals in our brains.]

So many pple want that one magic pill that will solve all of their problems but there is no magic fix. If u need medications, it can take yrs to find the right combination. Having a good GP (General Practitioner) or physciatrist that u see on a regular basis is an excellent place to start. Many pple, and many pple w/SA, have poor medical coverage. The problem with this is that pple end up going from one Dr to another and have no consistency. This can make it extremely difficult for the Dr. to find the right solution for ur problem. Unfortunately, this is only the tip of the iceberg. Medications take time to figure out. A multitude of factors can contribute to how ur medications are working. Other medications ur taking, foods ur eating, alcohol consumption, sleeping habits and a miriad of other factors can influence ur medications. All of these concerns should be discussed w/ur physician or psychiatrist. Having one practitioner can help cut through the maze and ultimately help u find the combination that is right for u.

This is loser thinking. **** to any who think this about me.

I am sure that the OP did not mean for anyone to take this personally. He was trying to convey to everyone that this type of thinking is Nonproductive and Unhealthy. It can be changed if ur willing to put the work in and be dilligent about ur recovery.

 

[philly2bits]

Btw they don't understand me how it is and how I feel either, they either say I am normal and I just use the diagnosis as an excuse, or on the other extreme, oh well if it's so we can't help you then (that's not even what I wanted to, I just wanted them to undestand), you need to go to a doctor (or get yourself shut into a madhouse, because you are crazy and don't belong here). So either they say you are like them, just not trying enough, or write you off completely and send you to some isolated madhouse because you have nothing to do among normal people. (which is Phillitobits's opinion either I guess)

Calm down. You're taking this far too personal now. Just because I disagree with you doesn't mean I think you should be put away or anything like that. It makes no sense to leap to such conclusions based solely on the fact I disagree with your thinking on this matter.

 

[saturnalia]

Re: 6 reasons why 99% of people with SA would never get over it

Shield there is certainly much truth in what you write but do you think SP would go away if people eliminated these mistakes or thinking patterns? I know from my experience that it wouldn´t. You can change a lot, that´s true, but your shyness remains. Did you ever have SA yourself? Things are often not as plain and easy as they look.

I agree with you. While progress can certainly be made, I think it is giving false hope to say that one will be totally over it. I've always made a point of pushing myself since young adulthood. Maybe some will be totally over it, but I'm 46 and I still have it and I think I've done more than most to try to help myself.

 

[qsafe10]

1) They don't stick to a plan of action- this is the number one reason why people with sp will never get better. Either they don't take any action or they take action for a while and then quit because its too painful or because they aren't making progress. Alternatively they are inconsistent with their actions working in fits and spurts. Consistency and persistence gets results.

2) They don't take baby steps- people with social anxiety push themselves too hard to do somthing that is too far beyond their comfort zone instead of building up gradually. The result is that the individual will not be consistent because they will dread repeating this activity. The solution is to start small and build up like with weight training. Over a year progress will be huge and after 2 years you will be totally over sp.

3) They think there is somthing wrong with them- people with sp have many excuses why they are different from other people and why they wont get better. I'm too ugly, I'm too stupid, I have a bad personality. The only difference between you and others is you have sp nothing else. There are plenty of people who have everything you have but who are leading great lives. Your negative views come from poor treatment by others. This may have been caused by a number of factors but not by anything that is intrinsically wrong with you.

4) They compare themselves to others- Comparing yourself to others is probably the best way to decrease your self-esteem. It is one of the worst and most damaging things you can do and it has very serious consequences on your well being. Now that you know this decide never to compare yourself to others. Just worry about your own progress and stop looking at other people.

5) They are result oriented rather than process oriented- People with SP have a tendency to focus on making friends or getting a girlfriend/boyfriend instead of working on building social skills gradually. You are unlikely to develop relationships quickly. This is a process and forming a relationship is an end goal which may take several years to accomplish. It is better to accept your current status of being single and alone and learn to like it. You can be happy with this. It is not terrible to be alone. Focus on and enjoy the process of building your social confidence and skills because you may not get results in a hurry.

6) Magic Pill- People in general look for magic pills to solve their problems. This is loser thinking. There are no magic pills or quick fixes. work in=reward out. Get that formula into your head because its the only thing that works. The harder and longer you work at this and the more sacrifices you make the better you will get.

The 2 very best medications someone can take are recognize he/she is sick and he needs help. I agree with your approach

 

[Noop]

4) They compare themselves to others- Comparing yourself to others is probably the best way to decrease your self-esteem. It is one of the worst and most damaging things you can do and it has very serious consequences on your well being. Now that you know this decide never to compare yourself to others. Just worry about your own progress and stop looking at other people.

depends who you're comparing... if you want to pare one's self with a fake celeb bum hole, yeah, you're heading for bad times.

i learnt that comparing is a good idea, for me. take peoples ego's and what they think they are and stamp on them with something with more heart and integrity.

sounds bullish, but it makes a change for me, i love to see esteemed people cower.

 

[Streifen]

I am particularly guilty of #2 in that in the past, I have made big decisions too quickly in my haste to change my life and would overload myself with too many responsibilities - resulting in my ultimately going back to square one. I have learned what doesn't work though and that it's not a bad thing to be the tortoise in the race as long as you keep moving, which is where sometimes I'd have trouble with #4, when it comes to my age (should have done x,y and z by now, etc).

 

[Kiwong]

I think the issue with anxiety sufferers is that they are too fearful to take any steps at all.

 

[Young sad and blue]

I find myself not giving a damn quite a lot.

 

[GoBlue72]

Nice post, Shield. This thing has some staying power, coming up on 3 years or so soon? I can agree with the reasons you listed. I also think that depression and anxiety are two mental health issues where people often don't get the help they need. Treatment is usually available somewhere, but I think the symptoms of both disorders prevent many from seeking it. People with depression likely have difficulty getting motivated to make an appointment or getting to one. People with anxiety may also have difficulty going someplace new to them, driving there, or leaving the comfort of home. Those that seek treatment may also discontinue when they feel they "are better" or are not making the progress they want. In addition, I think lifelong patterns of negative thinking and bad habits can be difficult to break, leading to frustration.

 

[superfluouslyme]

Thank you for this list. I am guilty on all of these points at one time or another.

 

[mr.jimbo]

Super Duper Thumps Up!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Nice post, Shield. This thing has some staying power, coming up on 3 years or so soon? I can agree with the reasons you listed. I also think that depression and anxiety are two mental health issues where people often don't get the help they need. Treatment is usually available somewhere, but I think the symptoms of both disorders prevent many from seeking it. People with depression likely have difficulty getting motivated to make an appointment or getting to one. People with anxiety may also have difficulty going someplace new to them, driving there, or leaving the comfort of home. Those that seek treatment may also discontinue when they feel they "are better" or are not making the progress they want. In addition, I think lifelong patterns of negative thinking and bad habits can be difficult to break, leading to frustration.

It can be a paradoxical disorder. I know when I'm at home for extended period, even a full day - all those bad habits, doubts, negative self talk, creep back full force. Which affects how I do something school, professional, and social related...

Once I get out - actually do these things fret about and work self up and doubt about - never as bad - feel better, maybe still doubtful, but - yeah. Consistency and follow through and everything else listed here all true.

 

[Mzinkodje]

A lot of you have no idea what you're talking about.. mind you, I agree with some statements to an extent.

In short.. you can't compare someone with agoraphobia to a mild case of social anxiety and tell them to follow the same guidelines to get better and expect everything to fall into place... it doesn't work like that.

Also, telling people to think positively is ridiculous. First of all.. 'positive' isn't the same for everybody. Some people might think "Well, I'm going to think positive from now on and speak my mind!". Then they become all pretentious and what not.. giving their opinions at inappropriate times. This is just one example of a persons 'positive thinking' attitude. There could be others, some that aren't so insidious.. but either way, nobody can think strictly positively. If you can.. you wouldn't be on here that's for sure.

My point being.. get educated about what you're being afflicted by. It's the one good thing you can do to get a handle on what you're going through. Talk to a doctor, or look for stuff online.. whichever would be best for you.

side-note -- Pills aren't so terrible, someone mentioned that it's something losers take.. now, I don't take them, myself. But, I know of situations where it might be helpful to use them.

 

[theslowesthand]

A lot of you have no idea what you're talking about..

Including you .... nah, just kidding


Actually i'm wondering about whether SA'ers, since they have an over-active Amygdala threat-response, that somehow it's related to some kind of "mental confusion" or perhaps "overactive thoughts"?. Such things can certainly greatly hinder the setting/striving for goals. And it can maybe prevent one from having the mental time & space to see, recognize, and name the issues they may have (which is Step A, and Step B (seeking proper help) can only be reached once Step A has been reached) (???)

 

[JamesSmith]

Including you .... nah, just kidding


Actually i'm wondering about whether SA'ers, since they have an over-active Amygdala threat-response, that somehow it's related to some kind of "mental confusion" or perhaps "overactive thoughts"?. Such things can certainly greatly hinder the setting/striving for goals. And it can maybe prevent one from having the mental time & space to see, recognize, and name the issues they may have (which is Step A, and Step B (seeking proper help) can only be reached once Step A has been reached) (???)

This is interesting because I've wondered this before too. A lot of people on here, including myself, are confused about a lot of things. Lately I've been thinking that the reason we are confused is because we are thinking about what we want to do but at the same time we are worried about the people that will be around when we are trying to do something. For example, getting a job has been hell for me. Last night, I was worked up for like an hour just thinking about how badly I don't want to work at Domino's because of all the people that will be around in the store and how I've had a past of struggling to connect with co-workers and customers too. My goal is to get a job and make enough money to move into my own apartment, but at the same time the anxiety is clogging my brain because I know I'm going to have to deal with people to achieve my goal, which is throwing my brain into confusion and overactive thinking.