I agree that comparing yourself with another can be a negative mindset... but I think it can also be an enlightening inquisition.
To rule it out completely is like choosing to be ignorant of what your intuition tells you to notice.
Humans are social animals, hence we exist in relation to others, and that includes comaring with eachother. Added to that our innate competitiveness, it's not surprising. When I do compaireI don't want to do it because it really is detrimental to my mental health. Why the f do I want to feel bad just because my life isn't like so and so? I've been born with a unique set of genetic traits, life situations and socioeconomic environment. What life I make out of it is unique and why the f would I want to feel inferior just because i've not ended up like so and so who's had a completely different set of circumstances and life path? I don't want to keep living the life of a fool as it only serves to make myself miserable.
Anxiety disorders are due to a biological dysfunction in the brain. They are not shyness. So, yeah, CBT can go a long way to helping you deal with SA, but I think meds play a big role in addressing the biological aspect. And for those that will say there isn't a biological part, why do think some SSRI's and benzo's work so well in dealing with anxiety and phobias? I have tried CBT and positive thinking for years, and exposure, but I'm still very anxious even though it's alot better than before. So now I'm on meds and will continue with CBT.
It would help if you could quote some credible and reliable sources supporting your claim that anxiety is purely down to biology. After trying various meds including SSRI and valium for so many years I feel it has not helped AT ALL in terms of social anxiety and negative thinking, it might have even done something funny to my brain. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with depression and was quick to put me on zoloft for 2 years even when I saw no improvement, which made me suspicious of his true intent and interests. I am also cynical about the pharmaceutical industry's relationship with doctors in the US, where a lot of people supporting meds come from. For many reasons I don't buy meds. From personal experienec, the ONLY thing that ever helped, albeit short lived without constant exposure, is doing something that really pushes you out of hte comfort zone - social exposure. CBT in it's true form has not helped me, and i've tried it with 6 different specialists.
Whats stopping me from overcoming social anxiety?
I think part of me enjoys having social anxiety. Who doesn't like feeling sorry for themself?
Homer Simpson: "Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forfty percent of all people know that."
You might've said this in sarcasm, but there's so much truth in that. Victim syndrome. There are people who are disabled for life or suffereing physical illness and who don't complain.
I haven't heard of ACT before. Is it recognized by the APA as an effective form of treatment for social anxiety?
I don't know if it's recognised, but i've had it administered by a therapist at a university anxiety clinic, and it makes sense because it sort of combines mindfulness with being more accepting and less harsh on yourself. It puts you back on track on what you really want out of life instead of concentrating on combating anxiety head on. After not having much success with CBT I was put on ACT, so it could be an alternative for people for whom CBT is unsuitable.
CBT is a simple, practical common sense approach to overcoming anxiety, obsessions and so on.
It may not work for some people but it works for many. This proves CBT itself does nothing from it's own side, the real power of any healing comes from within a person.
Any method for overcoming anxiety or anything else must be tested by oneself because everyone is different and unique. This is why the wish to overcome, the wish to be from what i call 'SA LIFE' is so important. A life controlled by anxiety is not real life. This life is dysfunctional. This is why this wish must be strong else a person will not really test and see for themself. They will remain in a subtle depressive state with SA being dominant.
When a person really wants to test these methods, they will test them fully and find things that work for them. They will realise from within what helps.
This isn't to say people have not been testing methods to get better, maybe that person has not found the right therapy yet which helps. The point is that all therapies work depending on the person but we have to be committed to being free of SA life.
James
So true, the intention plays a big part in overcoming SA. Some people like me like the safety of SA too much and we have victim syndrom, it's how we get attention. For others overcoming may bear too much of a struggle and we are never certain of the outcome. It is so much easier and safer staying at home not experiencing those horrid emotions. I'm still searching for my ideal therapy, but me thinks the key is in myself. I'm starting to think that there's a part of me that doesn't want to change bad enough.
I dont realy know howto explain this properly... but....
I think the terms "SA" / "SP" etc etc is the problem.
While I agree 100% the condition is real ( i know exactly what its like to be anxious/go crazy/avoid social situations) it seems like its very easy to go "nah i wont go out tonight because I have SA/SP". Its like making an excuse without even trying something.
Agree and have done that in the past. That's still my last straw if I really am not up to it.
It annoys me that people who don't have a clue what this disability really means try to offer some smart ass cures. If only it was that easy! Maybe it is, but what OP suggests works only for people who are mildly anxious. The greatest misunderstanding of this forum is, that mild anxiety and autism-like symptoms are thrown into the same bag and labelled as SA. Then those who only had some mild anxiety and overcame it think that everyone can do it and who can't, is lazy or a coward.. Those advices are not bad generally, but out of the place here. If you're born socially retarded, there is nothing you can do with it. Wanting to cure it with those advices is like wanting to cure cancer with aspirin.
Lea of course you are taking it personal. It sounds as though you are racking your brain because what he suggests doesn't tally up with what is required to overcome your Asbergers, for the precise reason that I don't think he's advice is targeted at you. He is talking about social anxiety, not something so certain to be hereditary as aspergers. In your latter post you talk about this family constellation thing to illustrate your frustration at not being able to understand because of Aspergers, well that is not social anxiety.
I am moderate to servere depending on what situation I am, so I am not mildly anxious. I cannot keep any friendships as a result, and barely can be with my family. However I see sense in what he says. I believe my social anxiety is a result of genetic AND environmental factors. I probably took my Dad's introverted and timid traits, but I also suffered a dysfunctional upbringing and was somewhat abandoned. My therapist thinks my inability to relate goes hand in hand with anxiety, whcih all links back to my past. So you see the causes of social anxiety are complex and varied. If i'm not wrong it sounds like the type of anxiety you experience isn't social, because it has a real basis - you have aspergers and not being able to understand and emotionally relate would of course cause you anxiety. But that's not the same as the social anxiety OP was talking about, the type that is sustained by imagined faults with oneself. I have experienced certain situations that made me sure that al my anxiety depends on my mindset and whether I have my barrier up, and in that respect OP's suggestions are useful. When I first met this girl at work I was shaky, extremely anxious adn insecure, and I couldn't talk without blushing. After knowing her and seeing that she is not threatening, I notice a dramatic change, it's as though I bring forth my true self and display no signs of anxiety - so in my case, and i'm sure in a lot of SA sufferers', it's all in the mind.
I have AS but people would never think so if I didn’t tell them. They usually think I am just shy and quiet, or anxious. So it was implied to me I was a coward my whole life. I always heard, I have it because I don’t go out, because I don’t try enough to be social, what a nonsense! I find this unfair, that’s why I took somewhat personally the original post. And yes I think many people here have autistic traits, but probably don’t like to her it. They get offended by me saying so because they think they’re not THAT MENTAL and if I have it, I must be a lot worse off than them, so that I even shouldn’t be on this forum, but in some mental asylum.
To demonstrate a bit what I mean by aspergers, have you been to Family constellations? Try it and if you have no problems there, you are normal. If you do, then you might be like me.
How it works – there are up to 20 people sitting in circle. One person who wants to build a constellation starts telling her life story, including all her family, relatives, partners, husbands, children from X marriages including abortions and unborn children etc… It’s here when I start having problems, I have difficulty understanding the story, follow what’s going on, I don’t remember all the people. But surprisinly, the workshop leader has no problem with it, she knows perfectly what’s going on and instantly knows how to react to it. I assume also all others know. Then the concerned person chooses people from the circle to represent her family and life members, positions them in various constellation in the room (probably according to how she feels it, which I didn’t get, because I didn’t feel anything). Then the leader asks them one by one how they are feeling and what they are feeling towards the other members. Now the people start having the feelings and behave just as the real family members would.. I found it totally INCREDIBLE! I myself couldn’t even remember the original story, let alone who is who, let alone to feel what the original family members would feel!! But others had absolutely no problem with it, they quite naturaly played a show (often quite emotional) which I didn’t get. They were even crying and everyone knew who was who, what they had to feel toward him and what was going on. I was just staring with my mouth open. I told them right at the beginning that I am not able to feel what the others would feel, I even didn’t get what was going on! Although I tried hard. I tried hard to remember the story, I tried hard to remember the family members, but at most I managed to remember a couple of them (let alone I forgot it again when they slightly changed places). It was so hard for me that I was on the verge of collaps most of the time, I also felt like I can’t do it and that I would run away. I felt I was totally mental, retarded. How come I can’t cope with something others find so simple? Do I have low IQ? I am afraid I do, although when I did the test, I scored allegedly above the average. Or maybe I have very low emotional inteligence? I was on the workshop with my friend from elementary school who told me I was exchaggerating and not retarded, she remembers me that I used to have good grades. Many people I meet say I don’t have aspergers and that the diagnosis can’t be right because I talk normally and use gestures – I don’t seem mental to them. I know they think I am just shy and anxious, but the truth is, I am heavily retarded.
#61
Report
#66
Report
#69
Report
#70
Report
#73
Report
#74
Report
#78
Report