Six reasons why many people with SA have trouble getting over it
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vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
I think that list can be fitted to apply to any obstacle one faces in life. When I face a problem, I find most success when I take into consideration the items he listed there. And when I struggle, often it is due to one of those reasons mentioned in the original post.
I know this thread has as much flack as it does love, probably due to the title (SA isn't always something people see as a thing you "get over", it's something you live with) but I think there is a lot of valuable insights in that post. It's definitely helped me in the past.
I know this thread has as much flack as it does love, probably due to the title (SA isn't always something people see as a thing you "get over", it's something you live with) but I think there is a lot of valuable insights in that post. It's definitely helped me in the past.
jasiesmith
New member
I think we have much in common:
- i've been anti-social and never going out with anyone for decades (my entire life in fact)
- i've had problems with BDD, & still do on occasion
- i live in the south pacific also (your neighbour - new zealand)
- i can only handle jobs where my mind's energy is focussed on mental tasks (it keeps my mind "out of mischief" & on positives & off negatives & off personal matters & people shlt); for you, you can focus your energies on physical tasks & be okay
- i've gone overboard on my diet, obsessively recording eg every single finger of nutella from the jar! (in the end, it was too much work & too hard to keep up with my constant snacking/nibbling - like a rabbit!)
- very low success with relationships (for me, i have had zero relationships of any kind, not even short-term ... so 0% success for me)
- i tend to overwork myself (workaholic; can't stop; get obsessed with perfection/pedantism)
Hey, trying anyone at this stage isn't going to help you unless you help yourself. I am going to tell you how I overcame this. So I too tried researching and seeking people for this but I ended up reading an article of which I'll include the link later, and then coming to realize that I have plenty of other stuff to do and focus on them instead of this. Hope you understand the point and direction. Get well. Article was on Anxietyscope by the name of Neurotic Depression.
Your friendly psychiatrist,
Dr. Lisa Young, MD
Stressball
Well-known member
Can't argue with this except I think to not to compare oneself to others is kind of like asking not to breathe, its hard-wired. Trying to channel that into admiration to keep improving, its an ongoing never-ending effort I guess.
Luckylife
Well-known member
This social avoidance has a lot to do with personal health I think, in that personally I have very few if any health concerns. I do participate with active sports, even did wrestling a few years ago! But where some of the guys would be very slap-happy there was a limit to the bonding for me. I relate it to having a strong association with stable home life and wanting to maintain those standards ie. Clean and tidy house, meal at such & such time, bedtime by 11pm etc. and being very inflexible if (when) social appointments occur. SA people say they compare themselves but how is that possible when the only interaction is a cup of coffee or being sat at the same table?
why people have trouble getting over it, it could be because they don't have a good therapist, therapy is not good enough, you're unlucky and can't get a good therapist you need. I've been looking and fully open about myself and still haven't found the fix, but I should try more because I didn't say the things in a way that I was always vulnerable enough so there was pride in it, so that's not really letting things out I guess
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grapevine
Well-known member
Because its a complex disorder and everybody is different.
CBT works, lots of things work but they are tools. Sometimes people have toxic shame or trauma to deal with as well as very low self-esteem. They may live in an isolated community where there is a lack of resources or help to deal with their SA.
They might be dealing with other things and putting themselves last. They might not have any support.
At the end of the day, its the energy, willingness and motivation to get out of a SA routine and comfort zone, its the managing of stress, its the self-esteem, and the identity issues, sometimes its the lack of having someone to give you a push. Its many things why people have trouble getting over it. But i think its more of managing it than getting over it.
CBT works, lots of things work but they are tools. Sometimes people have toxic shame or trauma to deal with as well as very low self-esteem. They may live in an isolated community where there is a lack of resources or help to deal with their SA.
They might be dealing with other things and putting themselves last. They might not have any support.
At the end of the day, its the energy, willingness and motivation to get out of a SA routine and comfort zone, its the managing of stress, its the self-esteem, and the identity issues, sometimes its the lack of having someone to give you a push. Its many things why people have trouble getting over it. But i think its more of managing it than getting over it.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
"This is loser thinking".
We're all losers here.
We're all losers here.
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
Ouch
Hoth
1
For me it's none of those things. I think it boils down to my status quo life adaptations being less intolerable than the kind of suffering I'd have to go through to fix the parts of my social anxiety I haven't fixed yet -- the parts that would allow me a normal career, love and realer friendships. I don't want to suffer through doing something I hate 40 hours a week while socially humiliating myself until I perhaps figure it out. I don't want to change myself into someone dateable and make all the compromises involved in living with someone. I don't want to make myself too vulnerable. So I'll play out the string this way.