Six reasons why many people with SA have trouble getting over it

ScaredToBreathe

Well-known member
I DISAGREE WITH YOUR POST!! first of all, u commonly state "they." how can u speak for the whole social anxiety community? im sure some people with SA have done all those things and still weren't able to get over their SA! maybe it worked for u, but with others its not always the same case.
1) i have severe SA as well as selective mutism. i realize my condition and that i am the one that can do something about it. no matter what i do, what course of action i take or how long i do it for, it barely helps.

2) i have been trying to go slow and help myself for years. I have gradually went out to social events, but still not talking or anythin. I have persisted to maintain eye contact with ppl which i am pretty good at doing now. sometimes i even push myself to make small talk or ask a question when its absolutely necessary in social situations, but barely ever. however many "baby steps" i take, it only seems to get worse.

3) social anxiety forces me to think negatively about myself. all the time i feel as if im worthless and the thoughts in my head wont stop from telling me that im dumb, fat, ugly, and a failure. u know wut i really think about myself? none of that! i think im cute, i love my body and myself, im smart and get good grades, im polite and responsible and a wonderful person. but even though thats wut i think and i accept myself for who i am, its like my thoughts r arguing with me and keep trying to bring me back down and make me believe all those awful things.. its a constant struggle against myself.

4) how can u "stop looking at other people"? even ppl without SA tend to compare themselves with others. wut about media? it has a way of controlling society by making people want to be exactly like others! look at ads for make-up to look like a fashion model, running shoes to be as good as sports players, clothes to wear to "fit in" with everyone else. people constantly compare themselves to others without even knowing it, and its pretty inevitable! i do think that its not right to say that someone is better than u r. we r all equal. however, humans r not perfect and many envy others.

5) i do not jump into relationships or do anything that might be too socially overwhelming for me. i take my time and it usually takes more than a year of constantly being with someone to become good friends with them. i set goals but even when goin slow they just seem to get farther away. not everyone can be happy being alone. some people with SA love to talk and be around others, but they just cant until they get to kno someone very well. being alone can make people depressed, and can led to them being even more socially withdrawn and miserable. they might even take their life.

6) to overcome SA, many people need to get therapy from a pyschiatrist. they participate in cognitive behavioural therapy and often have prescribed medication to take away some of the anxiety. it is good for a person with SA to constantly be around their family and close friends or people who strongly understand and support them, especially people with a lot of patience. some people are lucky and get over their SA and are able to live happy, "normal" lives. some people suffer from social anxiety for years and despite all efforts, they never get better. Stay Strong <3
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
Different levels of anxiety will have different levels on the difficulty scale of overcoming it.

Some people claim they have a ton of anxiety, then these same people have a great job, an outstanding social life, and a significant other. Then you have others who claim they don't have social anxiety when in truth they have an excruciating anxiety disorder.

What I'm saying is people have different levels of anxiety, and that you can't always take someone's word, especially over a computer, that they have what they say they have.

With that being said, just because something works for you doesn't mean it will work for the next person.
 
I don't think I am all that shy either...I can talk to people I don't know at all at times depending on the situation... but I think about it alot before I speak, debating with myself wether or not what I'm about to say will be accepted. My Mother has told me many times that she thinks I talk fine to people, maybe I'm just a good faker in a way..who knows?. One of my teachers from way back, once told me I was a good speaker in front of the class & she told me I should sign up for speech class or what ever they call it nowadays....needless to say, those times in front of the class I was freaking inside days before & during the oral report...unknown to everyone else I guess. That was just before I realy began to be bothered badly by the S.A which ultimatly ended my school days 2 grades early.
Funny you should say that because I was always the speaker in front of class, I could do that no problem- still with some nerves. Yet relaxing social conversations and interactions where I don't have control I freak out.
 

21NZ

Well-known member
Awww :( I've done the positive of all of this and more and still....... nothing. so i'm the 1%? so im not only out-there with "normal" people (if there is such a thing) but also SA People. you know your a lost case when you 2nd PAID therapist of 10 months quits on you, so haha this isn't much of a is surprise.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
3) They think there is somthing wrong with them- people with sp have many excuses why they are different from other people and why they wont get better. I'm too ugly, I'm too stupid, I have a bad personality. The only difference between you and others is you have sp nothing else. There are plenty of people who have everything you have but who are leading great lives. Your negative views come from poor treatment by others. This may have been caused by a number of factors but not by anything that is intrinsically wrong with you.
Don't really agree with this. Some people have autism, down syndrome, etc and have to work harder than others to become socially adept.

4) They compare themselves to others- Comparing yourself to others is probably the best way to decrease your self-esteem. It is one of the worst and most damaging things you can do and it has very serious consequences on your well being. Now that you know this decide never to compare yourself to others. Just worry about your own progress and stop looking at other people.
This applies to me. I used to compare myself a lot with other people and feel like a loser as a result. I also tried to gain validation and approval from others (still doing this now, but not as much). I remember when I was a child, I had a friend who's a major a**kisser and she's always doing things to please the adults. Many adults liked her, and my mom wanted me to be just like her. When I spoke in class, I needed validation from others. I need to see that people are nodding, smiling, or having neutral expressions on their faces. I don't want to see them squirm or express disapproval - if I did, I would lose almost all my confidence and not want to get up and speak again.

People who appear socially confident see the world as a SAFE place full of EXCITING CHALLENGE, LOVE, and OPPORTUNITY. They are, in a way, CONSPIRACY THEORISTS who believe that everyone in the world is out to HELP THEM.

People who have SA or appear socially awkward and lacking in confidence see the world as a DANGEROUS place full of PITFALLS, HATE, and potential DISASTER. They are also, in a way, conspiracy theorists who believe everyone in the world can SEE THEIR FLAWS and is out to SHAME THEM.
The bottom paragraph is an accurate description of the me in the past. I was so paranoid and distrustful of almost everyone, just like my mom and brother. It was so hard for me to trust let alone befriend people, which explains why I have no success in social situations.
 

IntheLabyrinth

Well-known member
I think sheild is absolutely correct but that is just my opinion. I think it is still very, very difficult for many of us to acheive. I am too afraid to take that first baby step though.
 

Louco

Well-known member
Why is this stickied? The patronizing and arrogant person who started this topic sounds like a really bad self-help book.

We are not here because we are average people who would like to feel more confident so we can get a better job, we are trying to deal with a serious mental disorder with many degrees and nuances to each person.

Take your cake recipe for success somewhere else, people in need of help who don't know better could feel bad reading this crap.
 
This thread reminds me of those so called "amazing" Weight Loss Diets.

They claim if you follow this tried and true diet/method to lose weight, you can lose up to 3 pounds a week!!

They fail to take into account each individuals Age, Gender, Height, and Metabolism - which is affected by age and the amount of regular physical activity, let alone what type of physical activity.

So six ways to "get over SA" does not work for every individual for various reasons.
Offering false hope that these 6 reasons will work and if you fail then it's because you're not trying them hard enough can also make depression worse. Just sayin'.
 

Miserum

Well-known member
This is a very good post. There was a time where I could interact with people much more easily, contradictory to now, where my SA has resurfaced for many reasons and is probably at its peak.

This reminds me that exposure is key. For me, at least. If you do what challenges your SA, you eventually adapt.
 

hoddesdon

Well-known member
^ Yes, this is an excellent thread. It is evergreen, since it is just as relevant today as when first written. It may well be true that its recommendations are hard to put into practice, but it is not impossible, and being difficult does not detract from its insightfulness and validity.
 
Depression hits you hard mate!

You and I are so much alike you know? But I've found my family within my friends and they have helped me a lot and so has personal reading and growth. I've had similar cases like these too within my family and let me assure you, the support of your family members and loved ones play a critical part in healing yourself. The rest you do on your own by reading and coping up with other depressed people. I cured my anxiety dizziness which I got afterwards just by reading a post to which I'll share the link when I'm done. I hope you get well and cure yourself of all the things you are facing. Lots of prayers, love and support! Take care and goodluck!
 

grapevine

Well-known member
Pretty much agree too.

Tho everyone is different in how they need to approach recovery. Its really a self-esteem-genetic and lifestyle issue.

For me I figured out that if im doing things for my self esteem ( digging into what I dont like about myself and either change myself or change my thoughts about those things) that it helps me to make other goals to push through my social boundaries.
Not that it entirely works. It just really helps. And if I am in a safe and very low key social environment where I am energy is spent on other things like working etc. and am able to regularly be in that environment rather than staying completely anti-social. I think being anti-social and never going out with anyone (Ive been there for over a decade or more before) is one of the worst things you can do because it sensitises and creates fear.

Also its just really hard sometimes to encourage yourself to get out there and meet people and have the energy to do that too. Sometimes, its just something that is a big wall that you dont go to or dont want to see over it.
 
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Sacrament

Well-known member
I remember this thread, it was around when I joined the forum. It annoys me that people who don't have a clue what this disability really means try to offer some smart *** cures. If only it was that easy! Maybe it is, but what OP suggests works only for people who are mildly anxious. The greatest misunderstanding of this forum is, that mild anxiety and autism-like symptoms are thrown into the same bag and labelled as SA. Then those who only had some mild anxiety and overcame it think that everyone can do it and who can't, is lazy or a coward.. Those advices are not bad generally, but out of the place here. If you're born socially retarded, there is nothing you can do with it. Wanting to cure it with those advices is like wanting to cure cancer with aspirin.
Just because his post pisses you off doesn't mean he's wrong.
 
And if I am in a safe and very low key social environment where I am energy is spent on other things like working etc. and am able to regularly be in that environment rather than staying completely anti-social. I think being anti-social and never going out with anyone (Ive been there for over a decade or more before) is one of the worst things you can do because it sensitises and creates fear.

Also its just really hard sometimes to encourage yourself to get out there and meet people and have the energy to do that too. Sometimes, its just something that is a big wall that you dont go to or dont want to see over it.
I think we have much in common: :)
  • i've been anti-social and never going out with anyone for decades (my entire life in fact)
  • i've had problems with BDD, & still do on occasion
  • i live in the south pacific also (your neighbour - new zealand)
  • i can only handle jobs where my mind's energy is focussed on mental tasks (it keeps my mind "out of mischief" & on positives & off negatives & off personal matters & people shlt); for you, you can focus your energies on physical tasks & be okay
  • i've gone overboard on my diet, obsessively recording eg every single finger of nutella from the jar! (in the end, it was too much work & too hard to keep up with my constant snacking/nibbling - like a rabbit!)
  • very low success with relationships (for me, i have had zero relationships of any kind, not even short-term ... so 0% success for me)
  • i tend to overwork myself (workaholic; can't stop; get obsessed with perfection/pedantism)
 
lazy or a coward ... Just because his post pisses you off doesn't mean he's wrong.
Quite true. But those 2 words are emotionally-loaded terms, and it's easy to take offense, unless you have "re-framed" them .. like so:
Lazy = apathetic, no energy/drive to take positive action
Coward = very strong fears that overwhelms them into not taking positive action
(or sth like that :thumbup:)
 
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