Roleplaying in relationships

[gustavofring]

Do you have difficulty sometimes in relationships in the sense that you feel like you're playing out a script? That there's no spontaneity in what you say and what the other says, there are certain established boundries and typical things a person says and does?

I have this sometimes when I'm meeting a group of friends. They're just acting out a script as it were, predictable and interacting completely the way that has been establised. One guy makes the funny joke, the others laugh, one starts to gossip about people, the others start too.

And I find myself also falling into these conditioned patterns when I'm around them.

 

[laure15]

I have this problem too, and that's part of the reason why I think human interaction is usually shallow. I used to do this when I want to fit in; I say things that everyone expects and agrees with. But now, I don't do this as much. When people start gossiping about others, I prefer not to participate.

When in a group, people develop a "hive mentality" that conditions them to think and act as one.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I try to not participate in gossips because it makes me feel sick, but I know what you mean about the patterns. I play the game with co-workers, but not outside of work, because as Laure said, it makes the relationship incredibly shallow so I lose interest.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

It can be hard to change things up when people are used to you being a certain way. People get comfortable. But it is so restricting and doesn't allow room for growth. The challenge is pushing past these constraints in our relationships, so we can continue to grow and change and be who we are.

 

[Hellhound]

I avoid such relationships like the plague.

 

[dottie]

that is what civilization is, right? ...a bunch of wild animals (homo sapiens) agreeing to role play so as to feel a certain level of comfort (non-threat) while coexisting.

the question that comes up is the definition of friend. do true friends go beyond this role playing? or is this modern society so isolating due to technological advance that this is today's norm for social level of friendship? then again, naturally, there are different levels of friendship and closeness... so...

 

[kilojoule]

I dont think that I fully understand what you mean op.

You think its like groundhog day? Repetitive and predictable? Or have I missed the point?

I find humour in the predictability of social behaviour actually. Eg. Last week I was standing on a chair retrieving something on top of a press and was just about to get down when my housemate came in. I decided to stay standing on the chair (but not explain why I was there) so he started the normal chit chat (expecting me to get down) and I continued to stand on the chair but talking to him facing him like I normally would(except standing on a chair) He looked more and more freaked out. Hahaha. Until he finally asked why I was on the chair and I couldnt keep a straight face.

Also everybody gossips, *everybody* without exception. Anyone who says they dont is just lying. I love hearing a bit of scandal haha, but sure why not, Ive been the bloody scandal more times than I can count! I love hearing whats going on and seeing the indignance of people reacting to what somebody "did" The humour is in the reactions of the storyteller not the tragic protaganist.

 

[gustavofring]

I basically mean that in relationships (wether it's family, friends, etc.) you have developped a sort of conditioned type of reaction and interaction pattern. I gave an example of friends gossipping, but it can take place in any sort of relationship.

One plays this role, another plays their role, and it compliments each other and you call it friendship.

 

[gustavofring]

* And not really observing what you do or say, but just completely falling into people's expectations. Just acting out the same kind of stuff over and over again. Because it's your role.

Thus playing the ego game (wanting to feel acknowledged, fueling other ego's), and not really deepening the relationship into something more real.

 

[kilojoule]

I think what you're describing is the "social norm"

 

[gustavofring]

Eh, I think may be broader then that, but social norms may be a term to describe it.

I think it's important to factor in that the personalities/ego's whatever feed each other. If one of them stops it, the role of the other collapses as well.

For example, if two people in a relationship always gossip, the relationship is partly built on that, and if one of them suddenly becomes aware of it's toxic qualities, and starts watching his ego, and stops doing it, the other's role collapses. You might say like Dottie says, the entire civilization consists of this type of roleplaying. It's a way of fitting in, to play the game.

 

[kilojoule]

Dottie's so wise

 

[MrJones]

The title of the thread mislead me a little bit ::

I think routine is quite usual if a group of people are comfortable with it, just call it roleplaying.

 

[surewhynot]

When I am talking with strangers or people that I know but aren't necessarily my friends, sure, it does totally feel that way. You can't say anything you want, you pretty much have to say what society expects you to say, or else you come off as scary, because different scares people. Which is totally normal, when YOU meet someone for the first time, you expect him to act in a certain way, or else he will most likely scare you.

Now, friends, well atleast true friends, shouldn't be like that. If you can't feel free to speak openly around your close friends, then you probably aren't all that close. If you hear your friends gossip about someone, you should be able to say ''geeze stop that you're acting like little immature brats'' and they should be like ''yeah I guess so sorry..''

Well, that's my opinion atleast.

 

[gazelle]

To a broader extent, I think all societies in today's world are replete with predefined roles that each individual realizes they must fit in as they undergo metamorphosis into adulthood.
Each society having it's own specific roles.
While the question that is left unanswered here is whether if we're remaining faithful to our true genuine selves or whether if we've just chosen these roles for the sake of survival (or the sake of having friends).
I think life can only be enjoyed at best when we are merely living for ourselves,not for friends or society in order to conform to their norms.

 

[mikebird]

I've been offered roleplaying interview practice with my psychologists. It would be important. I need to please interviewers; I always fail.

The real interviewers in life simply have no idea what they want. They advertise. I show interest, and get lucky when they invite me in, all across the country. I start humble. BUT how can I sell myself and show them I can do exactly what they need? They are lost. I identify the problems and struggles. I offer a solution. They cannot understand. I should be standing over them with a sharp sword at the throat, showing how I can 'fix it'. They have no idea.

I take my car to a mechanic, or my body to a doctor if it needs fixing. I listen to the expert. I submit my arm to have metal insertions to take blood, put something in. I pay the mechanic money to diagnose it, as I don't have a ramp at home to hoist it up to have a look at the underbelly. The majority of recruiters and even the employer confused DO NOT LISTEN or give me respect.

Also, ego-fantastic psychologists want to 'go through' roleplays and record video to play back an discuss, BUT... ooohhh.. their video didn't work. Roleplays like a child. Too basic. They think they're clever. By talking to a cat to say 'meeeeoow' I want that psychologist to apply, 'in person' to what I do. Then I'll stand behind and video it. A psychologist thinks they can 'HELP' a human? Hmmmmm a puppeter.

Same goes for a recruiter. "You're too far away to travel to the office" Precise judgement for one who does not drive.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

You should focus on what's being said and not trying to think of it as just roleplaying. You might learn something new. On the other hand I leave groups like this if i get bored and wonder around and then come back. If you get bored just leave until your interested again.

 

[cowboyup]

I have such a dirty mind....I thought, well, nevermind. and the answer is yes.


onto the REAL question....yes, I am very bad at it. I don't gossip but I ask a ton of questions related to them - kind of similar to a journalist would do. I took profiling, criminal profiling, body language and lots of psychology classes and needless to say I will do things like mimic body language just to see what the other person would do, or say something that I know already but would like to hear what they have to say about it or deliberately compliment them ... eh, you get the point.

yup, in any (most any) I have learned that we all are reading from a script, lol.

I use the present tense....what I described above is my "used to be" ....I'm lucky to talk to a human once a day other than kids and my tortoise. lol

 

[chibiXphantom]

i dont think so. i tend to suprise people a lot by what i do, or what i say when i do talk. i have a hard time understanding what people do find acceptable in casual situations or what people normally do. In casual conversation though when its with a stranger or someone i really have no interest in talking to i just basically repeat conversations ive heard about the weather or something current i couldnt care less about.

but with friends or whatever, i dont think its scripted or im playing a role. like when im around my bf i act like i do when im by myself for the most part. and i change so often its like im a different person year by year, month by month. i dont feel like who i was a year ago, or even a few months ago.

or maybe im wrong cause i dont understand psychology or what the question was really about. i just, idk, like to suprise people. shake things up every now and then. though i like to remain constant sometimes too. i just get bored too easily

 

[kristina303]

I have such a dirty mind....I thought, well, nevermind. and the answer is yes.


onto the REAL question....yes, I am very bad at it. I don't gossip but I ask a ton of questions related to them - kind of similar to a journalist would do. I took profiling, criminal profiling, body language and lots of psychology classes and needless to say I will do things like mimic body language just to see what the other person would do, or say something that I know already but would like to hear what they have to say about it or deliberately compliment them ... eh, you get the point.

yup, in any (most any) I have learned that we all are reading from a script, lol.

I use the present tense....what I described above is my "used to be" ....I'm lucky to talk to a human once a day other than kids and my tortoise. lol

Haha you're not the only one with a dirty mind. I blame 50 Shades of Grey.