I feel strongly about this topic. I also want to mention that when I walk in a hallway with people coming towards me, it feels like we're staring at each other. The longer the hallway, the more time it takes to go through and the more awkward. Back when I was living in the dorm, there was a long hallway outside my room. Everytime I need to go to the bathroom, I need to cross this long hallway. And many times, it feels uncomfortable especially when I'm walking and another person is walking towards me. It also didn't help that I wasn't friends with any of those girls. Somebody said I was staring at her and pretty soon, everybody thought I was a creepy person. So every time I go through that hallway, people are looking at my eyes to determine whether I am staring at them. I got fed up and eventually just hunched my back and looked down at the floor. THat way, I don't have to look at anybody in the face. But they still call me out for "staring" at them. TOtally nuts.
Problem with people staring at me in public settings
- Thread starter cobalt_bluester
- Start date
cobalt_bluester
Well-known member
Sounds like they are paranoid if they say you are staring at them when really you aren't!
My problem is that my eye contact tends to be too intense because I am thinking about where I am looking all the time. Silly I know but I just can't break the habit.
mikebird
Banned
YAAY!!
I think this is a clear cornerstone of all SA, from childhood all the way through age to the grave.
Confrontational IS the word
I am in an infinite, eternal personal war on humans. Not passive. During conversation, I listen. When they don't, I confront with eye lock and silence
I never attack or do any harm, but I feel this happens to me in communicational channels I can't interpret
Akin to countless anonymous phone calls. All a form of bullying. In a residence of my own, the 'ding' of any phone wears me out. These events before 0700 to 0900 get me thinking. A regular poke in the eye, feeling tied up to a chair
Too much attention towards me. Streets, supermarket... I observe everyone's attitude to gaze, passively awaiting their actions. There are plenty who look away. 50:50 right at me. In groups, or pairs. My paranoia is about my hair, clothing, face? I see stares as a threat, aggression. I move through busy places rapidly, avoiding bodies, attracting a gaze. My SA vulnerability. I am self-based around my time and space to get where I'm going, on foot - different in a car.
When I see 'babies' in a seat on wheels or trolley, or slightly older, pre-teens, reliant of the accompaniment of a parent, they stare at me, horrified. I stare coldly right back, not averting my eye contact, awaiting a response. Their mouth and eyes wide open, as if they see a Boeing Aircraft about to plough its way into their face! I constantly look at them, smiling, winking, nodding friendly, from any distance - several metres away or 10cm.
No attention can be decoded as aggression, mockery, pleasing the gazer, or causing fright. I feel a myriad of people's groundless assumptions that the person receiving all their concentration might be sexxyy, threatening, humourous
I have to take time analysing them differently if male, female, old or young, tall, small, good-looking or disturbing.
The space in public or office is no different to me. Just people everywhere. Some are like wild animals, who eat and breed. Others do suit me. Otherwise, on different levels: cultures, classes... too difficult
Too much population growth in the world
I think this is a clear cornerstone of all SA, from childhood all the way through age to the grave.
Confrontational IS the word
I am in an infinite, eternal personal war on humans. Not passive. During conversation, I listen. When they don't, I confront with eye lock and silence
I never attack or do any harm, but I feel this happens to me in communicational channels I can't interpret
Akin to countless anonymous phone calls. All a form of bullying. In a residence of my own, the 'ding' of any phone wears me out. These events before 0700 to 0900 get me thinking. A regular poke in the eye, feeling tied up to a chair
Too much attention towards me. Streets, supermarket... I observe everyone's attitude to gaze, passively awaiting their actions. There are plenty who look away. 50:50 right at me. In groups, or pairs. My paranoia is about my hair, clothing, face? I see stares as a threat, aggression. I move through busy places rapidly, avoiding bodies, attracting a gaze. My SA vulnerability. I am self-based around my time and space to get where I'm going, on foot - different in a car.
When I see 'babies' in a seat on wheels or trolley, or slightly older, pre-teens, reliant of the accompaniment of a parent, they stare at me, horrified. I stare coldly right back, not averting my eye contact, awaiting a response. Their mouth and eyes wide open, as if they see a Boeing Aircraft about to plough its way into their face! I constantly look at them, smiling, winking, nodding friendly, from any distance - several metres away or 10cm.
No attention can be decoded as aggression, mockery, pleasing the gazer, or causing fright. I feel a myriad of people's groundless assumptions that the person receiving all their concentration might be sexxyy, threatening, humourous
I have to take time analysing them differently if male, female, old or young, tall, small, good-looking or disturbing.
The space in public or office is no different to me. Just people everywhere. Some are like wild animals, who eat and breed. Others do suit me. Otherwise, on different levels: cultures, classes... too difficult
Too much population growth in the world
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cobalt_bluester
Well-known member
Never thought that they might have SA too, but that's a very valid point! I think I need to accept that people sometimes do stare, and that I shouldn't take it too personally. I also need to try to soften my gaze but am not sure how to do this as I feel so damn intense when looking at someone!
cobalt_bluester
Well-known member
Hi Dottie. I think she was with her mother, and I was so incensed that I didn't notice how she reacted.
deadair
Member
for me it usually happens in crowded restaurants. I know I'm dressed properly, doesn't talk loud, doesn't call attention to myself, but maybe because of over shyness and timidity and kinda awkward too, people sense there's something off about me. Staring is rude, but the more it hurts me when they gossip to the person beside them as if commenting something negative about me, and worst, smirking after that. I don't have the guts to stare back at them as I get too self-conscious and scared. I feel hurt and defeated. Maybe next time I should teach myself to have a brave face, and look directly at those people to let them know I'm offended....I think it takes practice. In time I will be gutsy. I can do this!:applause:
cobalt bluester: I too have a problem with eye contact, but sometimes when I look at a person, I know I have an intimidating stare, and when I see the person is intimidated, the more it intimidates me back.
cobalt bluester: I too have a problem with eye contact, but sometimes when I look at a person, I know I have an intimidating stare, and when I see the person is intimidated, the more it intimidates me back.
OceanMist
Well-known member
I would advise using apathy. Nobody is so important that their opinion of you matters.
This is where it almost helps that I'm a recluse. I have nobody to impress in most cases so I choose to ignore people which makes me not care what they think. I've found it quite liberating.
This is where it almost helps that I'm a recluse. I have nobody to impress in most cases so I choose to ignore people which makes me not care what they think. I've found it quite liberating.
stuckinewan
Member
been living like this for 3 years. stresses me out to the point im too scared to look and paralyzed. it feels like people can smell the fear and they are judging me. lately i can handle it, nothing just normal but on bad days it gets really bad
greggy
Well-known member
Hey im sorry that happend to you, but you cant really asume that the person is staring fir any negative reason, i guess some people' s minds are on other things and may be zoned out, i had a similar experience just the other day, i was on a date and this guy sitting on a table to the left of me was staring at me and every time i looked round he was looking at me to the point were i started getting very anxious, then i ended up looking at him and he quickly turned his head hahahw youhave to readise that most people are complete morons sbd they are the starers
Jungle
1
Hello there,
I'm new to the forums and I must say that I am glad to have found this thread.
@cobalt_bluester
I applaud you for having the guts to put that girl in her place, it takes courage to do that!
I too find it very irritating when people are wantonly staring at me when not doing something out of the ordinary, children are not to blame though as maybe they weren't taught yet that staring is ill-mannered.
There is a thing about common sense that says "Don't do unto others, what you wouldn't want done unto you." , that's just the golden rule I live by!
Even disregarding this, when 2 Animals of the same sex are staring at each other, this is very likely to result into a fight, I mean come on! even animals get this!!! People should necessarily understand it as being offensive.
As of confronting people, this is not always easy... been exposed to this kind of situation and I think that someone should stare back, done it many times and it worked, but in some cases like with people immune to good reason like that girl you talked about, you should not waste your time by giving her that much of a consideration. Although not sure if I could manage to do it myself this is the advice that I would give you.
Be rational and keep your cold-blood;I think that the best way to deal with it, is to just ignore them (for real , not just pretending), Ideally I would do this, but I just can't let such things slide, I could start a scrap because of someone not minding his own business... I know this is horrible to come to this, but at least my mind would be clear about it.
When you are walking past someone, you can see through your eye corners that he/she is turning his head towards you as you walk near him.... this is the pinnacle of rudeness.
Just a question for you guys, if someone looking out of the ordinary (handicapped or hunchback or just walking in a 'different' way...etc) gets in your way, what would you do? stare at him and maybe make him more self-conscious/ill at ease than he already is?
Or pretend not to have noticed him? while perhaps making him forget about his condition and think that there are still decent and understanding people on earth.
I'm new to the forums and I must say that I am glad to have found this thread.
@cobalt_bluester
I applaud you for having the guts to put that girl in her place, it takes courage to do that!
I too find it very irritating when people are wantonly staring at me when not doing something out of the ordinary, children are not to blame though as maybe they weren't taught yet that staring is ill-mannered.
There is a thing about common sense that says "Don't do unto others, what you wouldn't want done unto you." , that's just the golden rule I live by!
Even disregarding this, when 2 Animals of the same sex are staring at each other, this is very likely to result into a fight, I mean come on! even animals get this!!! People should necessarily understand it as being offensive.
As of confronting people, this is not always easy... been exposed to this kind of situation and I think that someone should stare back, done it many times and it worked, but in some cases like with people immune to good reason like that girl you talked about, you should not waste your time by giving her that much of a consideration. Although not sure if I could manage to do it myself this is the advice that I would give you.
Be rational and keep your cold-blood;I think that the best way to deal with it, is to just ignore them (for real , not just pretending), Ideally I would do this, but I just can't let such things slide, I could start a scrap because of someone not minding his own business... I know this is horrible to come to this, but at least my mind would be clear about it.
When you are walking past someone, you can see through your eye corners that he/she is turning his head towards you as you walk near him.... this is the pinnacle of rudeness.
Just a question for you guys, if someone looking out of the ordinary (handicapped or hunchback or just walking in a 'different' way...etc) gets in your way, what would you do? stare at him and maybe make him more self-conscious/ill at ease than he already is?
Or pretend not to have noticed him? while perhaps making him forget about his condition and think that there are still decent and understanding people on earth.
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I'm not sure how your vision is but I used to have major issues with this in public also. Then I ran out of contact lenses and realized that my social anxiety issues instantly got way better. I am now able to make normal eye contact with cashiers and servers up close and I can't tell if anyone is looking at me from a distance. This obviously won't work for everyone as you don't want to be stumbling around blind in public but my vision problem is not that severe.
Sacrament
Well-known member
I try to not overthink it or be rude to people like you were. If someone stares at me on the street, I tend to think I might have something on my beard or whatever, because other than that there's really nothing wrong with me. I give myself two choices when a girl looks at me: 1) she's looking at me because I'm handsome; 2) she's looking at me because there's something wrong with me.
I prefer to choose number 1, because the other one won't help me in any way.
I prefer to choose number 1, because the other one won't help me in any way.
Jungle
1
It's not always easy to keep his temper in this kind of situations, curiosity killed the cat as the proverb goes, no wonder why people get upset about it, on the other hand people obviously didn't receive the same education from their parents/entourage....this results in a 'standpoint conflict' between them and the 'polite people' about what is rude and what isn't.
Sometimes I've been exposed to something worse, when I am behind a certain number of people talking and walking ... as soon as I pass them I no longer hear their conversation and sometimes hear them laugh.
Some people really are stupid by thinking that you wouldn't notice that they are mocking you in your back, I mean come on .... they are talking in a public place full of people so "I feel uncomfortable when someone is listening to what I am saying" is certainly not an excuse.
Sometimes I've been exposed to something worse, when I am behind a certain number of people talking and walking ... as soon as I pass them I no longer hear their conversation and sometimes hear them laugh.
Some people really are stupid by thinking that you wouldn't notice that they are mocking you in your back, I mean come on .... they are talking in a public place full of people so "I feel uncomfortable when someone is listening to what I am saying" is certainly not an excuse.
gustavofring
Well-known member
Ah yes. the "Stare trolls" as I've come to call them.
I hate that too. There's always some old people in my local supermarket drinking coffee at the coffee machine and you always feel them staring. I've come to accept it as they're probably just zoning out and doing "people-watching", because they have nothing better to do, but like you said, you can't help but feel annoyed and watched. It's indeed like they have no soul or anything. And the annoying thing is also that you never know for sure whether they are watching you or just looking in your direction.
One of these days if I notice one of these Stare-trolls I'm going to look back and give a wide-eyed freaky stare back.
I hate that too. There's always some old people in my local supermarket drinking coffee at the coffee machine and you always feel them staring. I've come to accept it as they're probably just zoning out and doing "people-watching", because they have nothing better to do, but like you said, you can't help but feel annoyed and watched. It's indeed like they have no soul or anything. And the annoying thing is also that you never know for sure whether they are watching you or just looking in your direction.
One of these days if I notice one of these Stare-trolls I'm going to look back and give a wide-eyed freaky stare back.
Goblinko
Active member
I have mixed feelings towards this subject, not to mention how kinda of paranoic I once was, thinking people are watching my every move and thinking that their laughs at their conversations were directed at me.
Turns out they aren't so much interested on me and that people have better stuff to worry about than a random stranger.
As for looking at me, I just tend to ignore them mostly of times and mind my own business, since, again, people have better things to remember than me. I also always double check myself at the mirror before going out just to avoid all that staring.
And yes, the "eye contact" thing that haunts mostly introvert people is still a challenge to me, which I'm winning step by step. :blushing:
PS.: I believe it's me that stare people the most in public settings, which's your "usual introvert stuff ™" .
Turns out they aren't so much interested on me and that people have better stuff to worry about than a random stranger.
As for looking at me, I just tend to ignore them mostly of times and mind my own business, since, again, people have better things to remember than me. I also always double check myself at the mirror before going out just to avoid all that staring.
And yes, the "eye contact" thing that haunts mostly introvert people is still a challenge to me, which I'm winning step by step. :blushing:
PS.: I believe it's me that stare people the most in public settings, which's your "usual introvert stuff ™" .
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Foxie913
Well-known member
I have the problem of getting alot of stares too. It drives me nuts because when someone stares at me I'm too shy to tell them to pi$$ off or go to hell or whatever. I'm even too shy to flip them the bird. I feel like a freak when I get stared at. I feel like they must be wondering what species I am or something. I REALLY hate when guys stare at me but don't say anything while they do it. It makes me feel like a piece of meat on display in a butcher shop. Unfortunatly I'm always going to get stared wherever I go cause I sort stand out. I hate it. I have to wear sunglasses and a cap cause I'm sensitive to light (because I'm diabetic) and I've noticed that when I wear them in public I get less stares because my face is half hidden and it also gives me more confindence.
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