Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
KiaKaha said:
I dont think people are very good at telling the difference between being "confident" and being a doormat. I find it incredibly interesting that the moment you actually consider someones feelings that it is in someway viewed as being a "pushover" - you can see, you can so so see observable body language the exact MOMENT that they get turned off. I also dont understand why people LEAN more towards arrogance than lack of confidence as an attractive trait.

I cant help being polite to people, nor think about how they feel - does that make me someone who isnt confident? Maybe people should stop placing so much emphasis on such uncompromising ideals and actually for a change give people a chance and see what someone is really like. I find it ridiculous that bastards and people that treat others like dirt get more admiration and respect than those who lack the tiniest bit of confidence and is sensitive to others. I really get fed up with people sometimes. There is a MASSIVE discrepancy between what people say they want, and what they actually admire - or at least they are not very good at differentiating between the two. There is a balance yes - but its not one that people seem to be very apt at identifying.

If people respond to being treated like garbage... which goes against every ounce of common sense I have, then why NOT treat people like garbage?

Even invisible man is saying act like a jerk - and gets a positive response.

I dont know - maybe I just got it wrong - i dont think I really know anything. I dont seek approval by being considerate, I do it because its who I am - the values that I hold dont seem to be important to anybody else out there. Isolating and making me feel more alone that I already do. Maybe I wont be a total jerk - but perhaps I will be someone who is a little bit more selfish and self serving than most. I will be short with people instead of patient. No more please and thank yous from me. Oh and lets not forget making snap judgements - thats always a winner.



Anyway - sorry. I feel bad for putting everyone through all this. I have nowhere else to go.
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I can really see your frustration Kia but I was just wondering if you even manage to act like a jerk and people actually respond to you positively, will you still be happy with not being yourself? Afterall you're not a jerk in anyway, you're a great person.
I've tried to be mean sometimes for somewhat same reasons and while I'm not saying that I'm the nicest person on earth but its just something that I can't do easily.
I can't be someone I'm not.
 
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Rembrandt Broam

Well-known member
KiaKaha said:
I dont think people are very good at telling the difference between being "confident" and being a doormat. I find it incredibly interesting that the moment you actually consider someones feelings that it is in someway viewed as being a "pushover" - you can see, you can so so see observable body language the exact MOMENT that they get turned off. I also dont understand why people LEAN more towards arrogance than lack of confidence as an attractive trait.
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The problem is that no one respects a doormat. People like them, because a doormat will always let you walk all over them and you always get your own way, but as soon as they sense that you are a doormat, you lose their respect. That, I think, is this moment you're seeing. That moment of realisation.

But it's not a choice between doormat or jerk. Don't stop considering other people's feelings, but remember to consider your own. Put yourself first enough of the time so that others can see that you have respect for yourself and your own needs, because if they sense that you don't have any respect for yourself, then why should they respect you?
 
KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
Srijita52 said:
I can really see your frustration Kia but I was just wondering if you even manage to act like a jerk and people actually respond to you positively, will you still be happy with not being yourself? Afterall you're not a jerk in anyway, you're a great person.
I've tried to be mean sometimes for somewhat same reasons and while I'm not saying that I'm the nicest person on earth but its just something that I can't do easily.
I can't be someone I'm not.
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Well I dont know - I will probably feel bad about my own behaviour, but its not like I really have any friends anyway so I dont have anything to lose - its not like I have people actively wanting to know me in the real world, and I am the only common denominator in my life, being myself doesnt seem to work. The one friend I do have doesnt need me as much as I need her. I cant be mean easily either - I always feel a bit guilty that I am hurting someones feelings - but I can be firm when I need to be.... which brings me onto....

Rembrandt Broam said:
The problem is that no one respects a doormat. People like them, because a doormat will always let you walk all over them and you always get your own way, but as soon as they sense that you are a doormat, you lose their respect. That, I think, is this moment you're seeing. That moment of realisation.

But it's not a choice between doormat or jerk. Don't stop considering other people's feelings, but remember to consider your own. Put yourself first enough of the time so that others can see that you have respect for yourself and your own needs, because if they sense that you don't have any respect for yourself, then why should they respect you?
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I know what a doormat is - I just think people cant tell the difference between patience, kindness, consideration and tolerance (and all that bull**** that I am beginning to lose faith in as virtues) - and being a doormat. The two are different, but it *appears* through my eyes that anyone that has a mildly gentle nature, rather than a BOLD, OUTGOING TAKING CHARGE AINT GONNA ACCEPT NO CRAP, I AM MAN HEAR ME ROAR type - is labeled as weak, unassertive and *groan* unconfident. It turns people off, and I dont know why. I know what assertiveness is and sometimes I struggle with it yes, but often I dont - but what I really dont understand is why it seems to be such a massive deal breaker - why is a tiny element of self doubt such a heinous crime against all that is holy compared to acting like a total and utter tool? Why is it so uncompromising...? You have to put yourself first yes... but I always thought that considering how other people feel too was a good thing, and it certainly certainly does not feel that way at ALL. I am so exasperated and tired.

sorry to dominate this thread by the way....

wait wait wait... no I am not sorry actually...I am actually PROUD that I am taking over this whole thread. Worship me like the AWESOME GOD I am.
 
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dyingtolive

Well-known member
you can change being a doormat by being firm and by standing on one's own feet, standing your ground. Being a jerk is not required. But i understand from where you are coming from,

It is much harder but more respectable to learn how to be firm, confident, stand one's own ground while still having cmpassion, kindness, sensitivity.

but sometimes its hard to learn two things at the same time. so to learn how to be confident, firm, and not a pushover, one needs to learn how to be a jerk, to use the energy of anger...

i feel you man.. and you deserve to be angry.. but you are a good guy, a kind and sensitive guy inside. and you'll know how far to push it. and you'll feel bad when you do hurt someone who u know doesn't deserve to be hurt..

so i hope you learn from your experiment, and it teaches you what you want to learn.
and you better yourself in the process.. and hopefully, from there you can learn to control it wisely depending on what situation you are in,
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
I don't really know what to say, Kia. You are hurting bad and you are at your wits end regarding women and dating, something that is so obvious in your long posts and your exasperated tone.

I do know that starting to act like a jerk won't help, because it's not you. If you manage to get a girl that way, are you going to continue acting like a jerk for the duration of the relationship? You can't do that because that's simply not who you are. It's very difficult to change yourself so dramatically to fit others' needs.

I am a doormat. I let people walk all over me and I hate myself every day for it. You have more self-esteem than that, I know it. You do tell people what you think and you have some strong opinions. That makes you you, and I know that if a girl is trying to walk all over you, you would put a stop to it. Right there shows confidence in you that you didn't even know you had.

Besides, my personality isn't conducive to relationships and yet I still got a girlfriend last year and I've had many interested parties in the past. It does happen. You just haven't met her yet, as heart-wrenching as that might be.
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
KiaKaha said:
Well I dont know - I will probably feel bad about my own behaviour, but its not like I really have any friends anyway so I dont have anything to lose - its not like I have people actively wanting to know me in the real world, and I am the only common denominator in my life, being myself doesnt seem to work. The one friend I do have doesnt need me as much as I need her. I cant be mean easily either - I always feel a bit guilty that I am hurting someones feelings - but I can be firm when I need to be.... which brings me onto....
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You need to be firm in certain situations and with certain people, no matter how hard it is. But its only possible at times, not always. Its hard to press your actual personality. If you still feel bad when you act differently than yourself then what's the point? I'm sorry about your friend Kia, if only I could do something. *hugs*
 
Roman Legion

Roman Legion

Well-known member
I just remembered something from high school and I got in tiny bit of trouble for and they changed my answer to something 'acceptable' for the dumb yearbook questions. The question was "If you could give yourself something in the past to help you succeed, what would it be?" I wrote "a bullet" I know, I have a very dark sense of humour.. I'm at least laughing now remembering it; so it's a good thing, right?
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Srijita52 said:
You need to be firm in certain situations and with certain people, no matter how hard it is. But its only possible at times, not always.
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I agree. There's times and places to be assertive and stand up to people. Making it your entire personality is not useful. I know I sound like a jerk myself saying that because you're hurting so much, Kia. I just wish I knew what to do for you.
 
Lea

Lea

Banned
Kia, you seem to start getting really obsessed with this topic. Reminds me of members like "No1", for example. I wonder if this is a male thing. Seems like you need to step back & take it easy, and don´t focus on envying others if they get undeserved admiration etc. If they do, so what? I myself don´t get bothered by that and don´t seek out or focus on these cases. But I am a woman, so I wonder if it´s because of that, maybe if I was a man I´d see it differently. Because males are made to conquer and win, if they can´t they get frustrated. Sorry if it´s not so I´m just saying my impression.

This world has always been unfair. If I should be angry because of every unfairness and wanted to revenge for it, I would become total bitch and evil person. But this way I would only add to the world´s negativity, it´s not the solution.
 
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MrJones

MrJones

Well-known member
I liked to see Art Attack as a kid. I just read that the guy, Neil_Buchanan, is also the guitarist of a heavy metal band and he is actually pretty good :)

Art_Attack.jpg
tumblr_liv88bNB1P1qdya2a.jpg


Marseille (featuring Neil Buchanan) Unfinished Business Album Promo - YouTube
 
Shenmue

Shenmue

Well-known member
KiaKaha said:
So - i have decided that for a week or so, I am going to behave like a complete jerk - as a social experiment. I am going to be rude, curt, boorish, arrogant, condescending, insensitive and inconsiderate - I should be getting laid daily if my calculations are correct and command respect from my fellow alpha males. This in itself is a douchebaggy thing to do so I am on a good start.

Only to people who dont know me of course.

Being an ******* - is being 'confident'
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You shouldn't feel the need to change
your attitude kiakah. The world is already full of jerks and adding to it isn't going to make it a better place. Take me for example, *violins playing in the background* I was bullied all throughout HS. And because of that I had a third rate education. I was also put off from dating anyone because I was afraid of running into one of those jerks from HS. But I have become mentally and physically stronger since then. There is absolutely no way I would ever tolerate that amount of abuse from anyone ever again. If a 'jerk' starts on me then i'm going to react to it. I'm not saying you should let people walk all over you, but you shouldn't tar everyone with the same brush.
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Acting like a jerk means you have to be a jerk. Let's pretend it does have positive end results, think about how many people on this forum have had jerks treat them like crap, and what it's done to them. Think about what you would do if you were a jerk too, how it would effect others. It's a positive quality in individualistic cultures because, well, it helps the individual. That dog eat dog outlook on life makes a jerk look strong. But they're still a jerk, and deep down the weakest of men. They have the same mindset as you Kia, and honestly it is not a good one. It takes a lot more to be a good person then to be a popular one. Nice guys may finish last, but is finishing first worth it if you have to be a jerk to do it?


superfluouslyme said:
I think all the Cubs and White Sox would get their asses kicked in the rink. :) And as far as rivalries go, I think this one is much less violent then that other one. Right, vj? Although Konerko did get hit in the face with a pitch today and LaHair had one thrown behind him. It might get testy this weekend. I wonder which lucky Cub will get to take a swing at AJ Pierzynski this year... I secretly wish it was me. Like most Cubs fans, he drives me crazy.
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What violent rivalry?

Pedro and Zimmer Fight - YouTube

Oh, you mean that. It's not that violent :rolleyes:
 
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