Your family is so much like mine it's stupid.The other day I was speaking to my mother on the phone and overheard my brother having some sort of aggravating piss-fit over something (which I still don't know what the heck it was about; knowing him, if he's in a bad mood he'll just go off about anything) and then proceeded to start an argument with my mother. It was absolutely ridiculous and makes me wish they both would just go get help. I get so tired, and angry, listening to them bitch about their lives and each other.
The men in my immediate family have become so god damn ignorant. My father is still non-existent, always using work as his excuse to ignore what's going on in his actual life -- something he's been doing for the last 15+ years. To the point where a lot of situations regarding my mother (like certain appointments or even surgeries) have been falling to me and her other family members to care for. Meanwhile he insists on controlling ALL of the finances of the household though.
My brother on the other hand is a literal narcissist and a complete asshole who needs help. I find it baffling how I'm even related to him as we are much different people. I never talk to him and when I do it's very brief. He has been back living with my parents for over a year now and not once has managed to help himself or anyone in the house. He has anger issues now and is constantly causing arguments. It makes me angry what kind of person he's turned into and it makes me angry that my parents are mostly to blame. My father quit being a parent when we were teens. My mother raised us both differently and I don't even know why. I got the brunt of a lot of verbal abuse and discipline. It's partly why I have confidence issues, anxiety, and perfectionist tendencies. My brother never got punished much. Always threatened, but never anything followed through. And now, even as an adult, my mother will just argue with him. She'll still buy his groceries and cigarettes.
Meanwhile as this goes on, my mother constantly complains to me every so often. Says she wants to move out, but has no income. Can't work due to her disability. I know there are programs that can help with that (and while American healthcare and disability-care isn't fantastic, it's at least something to pick you up), but she won't bother to look or help herself. Hell, she hasn't even bothered to go back to her doctor to even ask or referred elsewhere to get financial help! She always uses the excuse, "I don't know how to do that." or "It's all on the computer, I don't know how to do any of those things." She also refuses to divorce my father. I have never met a married couple who have acted completely separated for nearly 20 years, but still live together in the same house as roommates. It's weird. It's awkward. Holidays feel like a fake front of happiness when really everyone's miserable. And when they go somewhere together it's also slightly weird because you feel the bond isn't there.
My mother's constant coddling has partly put herself in this position and it makes me mad. If anyone can stand to be a little selfish it's her, because if she were she wouldn't be letting these men walk all over her like they do. Yeah I'm slightly victim blaming, but jesus. It all just makes me so mad, and I'm still trying to stay far away from it as possible. I'm waiting for the day where something major happens. One of my parents dies, my brother getting into serious trouble, something horrible. And I'm going to be the only one they're going to try to use as a crutch to work them out of a stupid mess because at this point I'm the only one level-headed enough and actually has their life together.
Sorry for dumping this here. It's been on my mind all week.
I've spent the last few years going out and attacking life a little bit, putting in the work to better myself and my situation, rather than just sitting by like a spectator as I used to do. I've learned a lot, I've grown up a lot, and I felt for a while like I "made it". I was genuinely excited to see what each new day would bring.
Now I feel like I'm back where I started, and I don't even know what happened. I don't get any human contact most days, which doesn't help me with getting over my ex, my job turned crappy for reasons outside my control, and I don't see any real hope on the horizon anymore. Nothing to look forward to.
But like I say, good times always come back eventually.
Ive been traumatized by my mother doing it with Nikki Minaj clips I cant even look at the word without the images floating back into my brainso I just random and all lax about it not really knowing anything about it downloaded and app called Reface. I cannot believe my eyes! Anyone tried this here?!