Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

[Graeme1988]

No, absolutely. You have a responsibility first and foremost to keep yourself safe, healthy and happy. Your primary goal should be that.

Self sacrifice is noble and admirable, but if you feel you're being pulled under by someone's else inability to help themselves, and feel the need to 'do you,' at the very least for the time being, you're not by any means a bad person.

If only my family saw it like that, Puma. They'd rather guilt-trip me and say I'm being a "selfsh effin' b@$%@^!". Besides, I've been doing the self sacrifice for years - being the "nice guy" and all.

It doesnae get ya anywhere, except taken advantage of constantly, at least that my experience. Kinda realised that the hard way. But then my family are too self-entitled to truly appreciate me for who I am and what I do for them.

Needless to say, I've wanted to walk away and leave them all to it since I was 18. But, apparently, I'm the only thing keepin' ma family together. Which is ironic, becaue I'm barely keepin' myself together. :sad: But, somehow I struggle on with it.
Just grin and bare it, eh? You just huv tae, don't ye? :idontknow:

 

[Megaten]

Family is supposed to be the one group of people you can feel comfortable around 247, but I swear sometimes they can be the god damned worst. I was in a good mood today until my dad decided to start a fight with me over my niece's boyfriend, which literally has nothing to do with me. All I did was show him a picture on facebook and he turned hostile like I'm somehow to blame. I hope he realizes that once I move out, theres a strong possibility I wont have much to do with him. I'm just biding my time while I still need them for shelter.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Can u believe there's an actual planet made of diamond? Like for real.

The universe is an amazing place..

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Just initiated the renewal process for my lease. Eleven more months of torture. :crying:

 

[Graeme1988]

Family is supposed to be the one group of people you can feel comfortable around 247, but I swear sometimes they can be the god damned worst. I was in a good mood today until my dad decided to start a fight with me over my niece's boyfriend, which literally has nothing to do with me. All I did was show him a picture on facebook and he turned hostile like I'm somehow to blame. I hope he realizes that once I move out, theres a strong possibility I wont have much to do with him. I'm just biding my time while I still need them for shelter.

My family, or more to the point, my mum and sisters are exactly like this with me. Ah hate it, like. It's annoying. :kickingmyself:

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Debating whether I should call the maintenance goons to come fix the air conditioning today or suffer a while longer in the cruel heat of summer in the South. I don't much like either idea, but which would make me the least miserable?

 

[S_Spartan]

Mornings are getting harder for me. In the morning I feel like I'm covered in some kind of mental/physical crust and as the day goes on the crust slowly starts to fall off(sometimes it doesn't...but most days it does). By night the crust is mostly all gone but then it's time for bed.
I can't imagine what it must feel like to get up in the morning bursting with energy and zeal!

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Friends are just people who have more ways to cause you pain.

 

[Kiwong]

Debating whether I should call the maintenance goons to come fix the air conditioning today or suffer a while longer in the cruel heat of summer in the South. I don't much like either idea, but which would make me the least miserable?

The pain for getting the maintenance guys in will be only temporary. The pain for sweating in a hot box much longer.

I'd get them in. You know what I do, I let them in, and the leave them be to do their job. I go for a walk or a drive, and come back when they are done. That's what I have done with the cleaners, painters and carpet layers over the last month.

Now I have a new unit to live in, it was worth the pain.

 

[Graeme1988]

Is it even worth it anymore? :idontknow: All I do is f**k-up, no matter how good my intentions are.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

The pain for getting the maintenance guys in will be only temporary. The pain for sweating in a hot box much longer.

I'd get them in. You know what I do, I let them in, and the leave them be to do their job. I go for a walk or a drive, and come back when they are done. That's what I have done with the cleaners, painters and carpet layers over the last month.

Now I have a new unit to live in, it was worth the pain.

Thanks for the advice, Kiwong. I know you're right, that I should just call them and get it over with (and get the sink fixed while I'm at it). It's just that this is a really, really bad time for this to happen. I'm in sorry enough shape that I couldn't possibly leave the house—can't hardly walk, for one thing—and I wouldn't trust them to work here unsupervised even if I could.

I'm also deeply afraid that what might start as a simple repair job or two could escalate into a major renovation nightmare once they get a good look around the place. If that happens, I could be forced to relocate to another apartment, either temporarily or for keeps, or kicked out entirely, should they choose not to renew my lease. Thanks to my SA and several other factors, I am not mentally, physically, or socially equipped to cope with such a calamity. It would push me way too close to the edge, and possibly over it.

I may yet bite the bullet and call them in, but it's supposed to be cooler tomorrow with summer beginning to wind down, so maybe not. I don't know what the heck I'm going to do. :idontknow:

As always, I appreciate your input, though. I really do admire the way you've taken charge and fixed up your place despite all the obstacles that stood in your way. Much respect, sir. :brindis:

 

[GraybeardGhost]

This afternoon I finally reached the point where I couldn't stand it any more, so I ballsed up and called the office to send the maintenance guys around. The manager told me they'd be here today. Then a storm came through and it rained for the next few hours. No maintenance guys. h: That's understandable, but it's still frustrating because now I'll have to spend all day tomorrow in a state of heightened anxiety waiting for them to show up. Sometime. Maybe. If they feel like it.

I hate my life, and I hate being me. Were I not so screwed up, this wouldn't be a big deal. I would have called them as soon as I noticed the problem and had it fixed days ago. No such luck. I'm a human ruin, mentally and physically destroyed, and I'm pretty sure there's only one way to fix that.

 

[leo1000]

Mornings are getting harder for me. In the morning I feel like I'm covered in some kind of mental/physical crust and as the day goes on the crust slowly starts to fall off(sometimes it doesn't...but most days it does). By night the crust is mostly all gone but then it's time for bed.
I can't imagine what it must feel like to get up in the morning bursting with energy and zeal!

I feel the exact same way.

 

[Kiwong]

Greybeard Ghost, I know hard it can be to things when you're in bad physical shape, the way it diminishes any life. Glad you reached out and hope those maintenance guys pull their fingers out and end the wait.

I went through 15 years of digging myself into a bigger and bigger hole. The times I was too unwell to get from the couch to the bedroom. Just a couple of years ago I was too ashamed to open my door for anyone. Living with these deep thoughts of paranoia. So I can emphasise, and I wish you some peace at least.

Leasing and renting is the pits where you are at mercy of the landlords.

Life is like going over the top out of the trenches. You win some battles but overall sonetimes I reckon the war is already lost.

 

[State_Of_Trance]

I once conflated confectionaries. I enjoy being listless to podcasts. I am disingenuous to working and companies. The internet of for communicant members only. Surfing is for wheedling paternal figures. Ninja turtles are frosty. The feeling of creaky legs upon an office chair sends shivers down my complications.

I wrote that in an email to myself at work during down time. Those higher ups really need to give us the answers we need so we can get back to work!

 

[SpaceTime]

This afternoon I finally reached the point where I couldn't stand it any more, so I ballsed up and called the office to send the maintenance guys around.
...
Were I not so screwed up, this wouldn't be a big deal. I would have called them as soon as I noticed the problem and had it fixed days ago.

GraybeardGhost - well done for making that huge step. Don't beat yourself up, you are doing the best you can and every single step is hugely positive and in the right direction. Always keep that in mind.

I have been in a similar position myself some years ago with things crumbling around me, yet unable to call anyone to come and fix things so I know what it is like. One example: my bath tap/faucet needed a new washer, it was dripping for so long (many months), it got worse and worse and eventually so much cold water was streaming through the tap 24/7 and down the bath drain that the coldness under the bath made the adjacent wall permanently cold and then mould started growing on the other side of the wall in the spare bedroom. In that corner of the bedroom was a builtin cupboard I didn't use very much, but I went in there one day to find mould all over the back wall and on some shoes stored there. I had to throw the shoes away as they were ruined. Still too scared to call a plumber I lashed a hose pipe to the bath tap/faucet and suspended it from some strings attached to the ceiling so that the hose pipe discharged the streaming cold water over the toilet instead! Then one day I got home from work and one of the strings had broken away and the hose pipe was discharging the water all over the bathroom floor!

When I look back now I can laugh about it all, it was so absurd. But its a good illustration of my desperation at the time. Eventually I did call a plumber and he fixed the dripping tap inside of ten minutes. Then I dealt with the next maintenance problem and then the next and so on. I got there in the end, I conquered that particular fear.

 

[PugofCrydee]

I hate ppl that make ya feel small
I hate having my back against the wall
You know I hate being talked down to...
I hate your rules
I HATE THEM ALL
hate being marked to take the fall
planets not big enough for me and you
But most of all
I hate you..

 

[GraybeardGhost]

It's funny how you can miss someone you've never met.

 

[Opaline]

Sometimes I wish I knew someone who would text me and tell me how much I meant to them or something nice like that. I don't think those things are corny if they're occasional and sincere. Everyone likes to hear they're appreciated/loved...

 

[Graeme1988]

Sometimes I wish I knew someone who would text me and tell me how much I meant to them or something nice like that. I don't think those things are corny if they're occasional and sincere. Everyone likes to hear they're appreciated/loved...

Aye, ah wish I had someone like that in ma life as well.