Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

Tired physically and mentally. Now have a week where I will meet another new boss who I will have to hope doesn't see right through my weaknesses AND trying to make a good impression.. plus miserable life in my marriage and at home..

Feeling impulsive.

I'm starting to hallucinate. Ghosts, bugs, things that aren't there, movement when there isn't any, things crawling on me. I saw my uncle's face in the mirror instead of mine. Too much solitude makes you crazy. Too much anxiety, worry, and fear. I should be put in a home for my own protection. The lights may stay on tonight.

Opaline said: ↑

This morning has been the second time I saw a centipede in my apartment the next day after I saw it the night before, and both mornings I attempted to kill it, only to realize it was already dead. I wonder why they come in and then die overnight?

I don't like killing bugs, normally content to let them.be - plus killing them is disgusting - but centipedes horrify me

I once saw a GIANT CENTIPEDE in the garage (body was as wide as a normal adult finger). It was under some plastic. And boy did it move QUICK!!!. Gave me the he-be-gee-bee's!

Many years before that i also saw a GIANT DRAGONFLY. Unfortunately just missed taking a photo of it! :sad:

A few years ago i saw a tiny scorpion on trunk of a small tree. It was about 2-3mm in length, and had all the features (sting, nippers, etc) of a normal-sized scorpion!

I usually prefer normal or under-sized creatures, as they are less scary.

I need money.

I found that writing out my thoughts helps a whole lot with understanding my social anxiety (I recommend it if you don't already). So, I was doing that recently and a weird thing occurred to me: I am insecure about my ability to make people feel comfortable. I guess that's just another way of saying, I'm an awkward person, but like I remember there was this point (before I was aware of my social phobia) where I was discussing my feelings with my sister and I had come to the conclusion that I was a naturally unempathetic person and I needed to learn to care for other people. It was a very frank conversation and in fact I felt almost excited at this idea that I had identified the problem and I could work on it, but the next day, I had a horrible spiral. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I felt so disgusted with myself and I wanted to die. I couldn't bring myself to go downstairs and mingle with my extended family because I felt like I was going to bring other people down with my negativity. Looking back on it, I feel like I might have internalized this idea that I was fundamentally unempathetic. I also get weird when people tell me how sad they are. Not always, but sometimes it feels like too much pressure to make them feel ok. Like I'm scared I won't do the right thing and they'll be weirded out by me trying to hug/comfort them, so this petrifies me into not really helping them and being cold and just talking to them logically with their problems. Basically, I'm writing this because I'm wondering if anyone else feels this way. Is anyone else insecure about their ability to comfort people and has anyone figured out a way to get past this, because I honestly would love to connect with people and be able to give more than I receive, but I just have this odd fear of weirding people out when they confide in me. Any tips?:question:

Graeme1988 said: ↑

I need money.

Don't we all? :oh: I've already lost quite a bundle due to the Brexit vote—careless of me, I know :omg:—and I expect that will probably continue for some time. If you happen to find it lying around somewhere, it's yours. :thumbup:

Seriously, though, have you ever taken a good, hard look at your spending habits? It's hardly my business to tell you your business, but I have noticed in some of your posts a certain inclination toward what might be viewed in some quarters as profligacy. It's possible that some time spent considering your inflows and outflows could be to your benefit. I know it's something that has helped me a great deal in curbing my extravagant tendencies over the years.

Just a suggestion, Graeme, and kindly meant. I hope you won't take it the wrong way.

GraybeardGhost said: ↑

Don't we all? :oh: I've already lost quite a bundle due to the Brexit vote—careless of me, I know :omg:—and I expect that will probably continue for some time. If you happen to find it lying around somewhere, it's yours. :thumbup:

Seriously, though, have you ever taken a good, hard look at your spending habits? It's hardly my business to tell you your business, but I have noticed in some of your posts a certain inclination toward what might be viewed in some quarters as profligacy. It's possible that some time spent considering your inflows and outflows could be to your benefit. I know it's something that has helped me a great deal in curbing my extravagant tendencies over the years.

Just a suggestion, Graeme, and kindly meant. I hope you won't take it the wrong way.

Are ye talking about recent posts, those speakers & the bagpipe chanter? If so, ah see whit ye mean. Though, ma family partly to blame. Since they always talk me into buyin' something, when I'm trying to figure oot if I'll actually get much use out of the item, given the cost. Which isn't the best advice.

It seems like people in general are getting more p1ssy. I've had to deal with much p1ssyness from multiple people this week so far.

I'm a jinx. A technological f**kin' jinx. :sad:

Stuff to print and ma laptop no longer recognises ma printer. :kickingmyself:

I'm a mess I can't fix (and neither can anyone else of course). I don't know how to change. I've wanted to change for years and I've had moments of hope and optimism but time and again even small things knock me on my *** and I see how emotionally weak I am. A disaster I keep at bay some of the time so people think I'm normal. Recently someone commented on how "emotionally stable" I was and I almost laughed out loud.

Oh yes, keeping up a nice front to make sure people do not know how bad it really is.

Everything is nothing, nothing is everything.

I can't believe how much we are controlled by others judging us.

MollyBeGood said: ↑

I can't believe how much we are controlled by others judging us.

Story of ma life... I actually, wonder that everytime I speak to somebuddy, sadly. Or speak in general. Happened this mornin', in fact.

I'm in a really dark place mentally.

^I am in a dark place mentally, too..a lot.

RANT!!😠

The older I get the less I can tolerate BS and bad behavior from other people. I think this is a direct result of too much time wasted on things that don't suit me in any way and being with people who have no class. I have spent too much time around a$$holes. Really needs to stop. I need to be able to remove myself from situations and people that are bad for me in a very swift manner and honestly limit my social interactions completely for sometime if possible. I have to have a "people cleanse." You are encouraged to stop anything that is bad for you in this world, so why can I not have the luxury to stop having to deal with people? Why is this a luxury? I just want to be alone, please. Silence and peace. I don't need to talk 24/7 about meaningless crap. I don't need to worship the almighty God Money. Give me a log cabin on a lake in the middle of nowhere. Why does being free have to cost money? F*ckin' de-pressing. This world really can be a miserable place.

I wonder if my very realistic dream last night of me hanging myself is something to get worried about or if it is just my brain messing with me.

nodejesque said: ↑

I'm in a really dark place mentally.

Hoping there is something that can drag you out that dark place even for a moment. Nothing can last forever not even darkness.

I want to defy the logic of our sexx laws.