How do you avoid getting into an argument with someone? Lately at my house there have been little arguments every single day, which eventually lead to big arguments when the tension has built up and people flip out on each other. Since my other sister moved back and it's added one more voice/opinion to the house, I've made it my goal to try to put my pride aside and not react to petty things like people's tone of voice or little jabs, but sometimes I still lose my cool because I can only take so much.
You can't avoid every argument I suppose, but I'm pretty sure I could avoid 99% of them if I just knew what I was doing wrong. Even when I say explicitly I want to avoid an argument or I don't want to talk about this anymore, the other person gets pissed off. Should I just ignore that, too? Then I look like the bad guy (er... girl). If they're pissed off and I'm not reacting to it, that isn't an argument, but I still feel guilty. Sometimes when I've kept a completely neutral expression and said in a flat voice, "I'm not going to say anything," that's seemed to work, but again if the person gets pissed off about it I feel guilty. Not my fault... right?
I think the way to do it is to stay civil and ignore the things that you really want to make arguments over. If someone makes a little jab at you, you ignore it and continue to act pleasant, and when I say pleasant I mean authentically pleasant, not the whole "I"m smiling and saying nice things but clearly I don't agree with something you said/judging you/holding something back" song and dance. If they very directly start an argument, stay level headed and non confrontational. It's the whole thing people say about "being the bigger person" I think, I feel arguments are often started, at least on some level, with the desire to be right and make the other person understand exactly your point, sort of like "winning" maybe.
If these superficial arguments are happening regularly though, is there a chance there is something bigger under the surface no one wants to talk about causing these little fights?
I think the way to do it is to stay civil and ignore the things that you really want to make arguments over. If someone makes a little jab at you, you ignore it and continue to act pleasant, and when I say pleasant I mean authentically pleasant, not the whole "I"m smiling and saying nice things but clearly I don't agree with something you said/judging you/holding something back" song and dance. If they very directly start an argument, stay level headed and non confrontational. It's the whole thing people say about "being the bigger person" I think, I feel arguments are often started, at least on some level, with the desire to be right and make the other person understand exactly your point, sort of like "winning" maybe.
If these superficial arguments are happening regularly though, is there a chance there is something bigger under the surface no one wants to talk about causing these little fights?
Yeah, that could be a part of why I still get drawn in: sometimes I say I'm neutral or not commenting but I still have a facial expression that says "You're an idiot" haha. Not helpful, and not exactly staying out of it because I'm still giving my opinion in an indirect way.
You're right about the need to be right, and I think it's difficult to actually let go of that and not need to be right. That's often the crux of it, but if you feel you are right and the other person is very wrong, it's really hard to refrain from giving any indication whatsoever that you completely disagree with them; but then two people can disagree peacefully, and as you said the argument arises from wanting to convince the other person. Which really isn't necessary and just means you think everyone should think like you. All of this is obvious but not something I generally think about while in the middle of arguing with someone.
There is definitely underlying tension in my house for lots of reasons.
I hate my face.
Feel like the most hideous troll on the planet.
I am thinking back to a pic you posted of yourself...I could be wrong...maybe it wasn't you...but I remember you being very unique-looking in a good way. Not your cookie-cutter male face.
Stop being so hard on yourself, the right person will find you beautiful and looks fade anyways. It's what matters on the inside that counts. Anyone who likes someone just for their looks is similar to someone liking you for your money. They suck and will make your life miserable if you let them in.
I am thinking back to a pic you posted of yourself...I could be wrong...maybe it wasn't you...but I remember you being very unique-looking in a good way. Not your cookie-cutter male face.
LOL That's awesome! They have something around Halloween where I live called The Zombie Run and you can either dress up as a zombie or a regular person. The people who go as zombies chase the regular people and try to remove the colored flags around their waist. I think I want to participate this year and be a zombie 🙂
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F_ _ _ off!
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