I'm thinking I might take a vow of silence, everything I say and write lately sounds wrong somehow, I manage to word things in the exact wrong way, perhaps not communicating is a better alternative then communicating and hurting others.
Apart from this I'm doing okay, back in control again.
I feel you. People have a tendency to be overly polite, especially in America. On one hand, it makes life easier. You be polite to me, I be polite to you- interactions are expedited and we are on our merry way. On the other hand, the giant facade of politeness makes people difficult to read and trust. I never know what people really think of me because they are probably too polite to let on.
That's exactly how I feel. It can be unsettling at times.
@mikeyc Feeling like I am not entertaining/engaging enough, my anxiety causing other people anxiety, being too mechanical, literal (not jocular enough), dumb. I get mental blocks (maybe neurological?) in which socializing feels like a second language to me... more like acting a role in a play. In socializing I feel like I take up physical space but have no presence. That is really sad but... Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
dottie, one thing I've noticed is that the more you beat yourself up for it, the harder it gets. What has worked for me is I tell myself to relax, I say I'll do the best I can. Since I've given up that drill sergent mentality that I HAVE TO keep up with people, be as entertaining/talktive as the are, it has gotten better. Sure, I still have a lot to work on but I don't need to be too hard on myself because of it. Once the pressure is less, its a lot easier to relax, enjoy someone else's company and even contribute better in conversations.
I've been thinking this morning about the girl I've been texting for the past week, and then in comparison with the girl I met at the blind date event on Friday.
I hate the fact that I'm so shallow and difficult with women. So this texting girl is cute, but I haven't been able to get her to agree to date me, which means I don't think she really likes me (anymore). That's the vibe I'm getting, but I'd love her to prove me wrong. This girl I met on Friday liked me after 10 seconds (not even kidding), and if I wanted to make a move she wouldn't have backed away, however I just didn't find her attractive. She's a lovely girl and maybe a couple of dates may change my mind, but I don't know.
So the girl that won't date me is the one I like most, yet the girl that found me instantly attractive I don't want to date. And why? She's nice, funny, warm, responsive, easy to talk to. That's a top formula for a great girlfriend. Yet I couldn't find her physically attractive. I hate that I'm like that, and I feel bad for being this way.
^ Everyone has pretty much said it, you shouldn't feel guilty for not having that spark. It's entirely normal. I'm sorry to hear about the other girl you've been texting though. But hey, serious kudos for putting yourself out there and trying. That's a huge accomplishment in itself, for sure. :thumbup:
I've come to the realisation that for some reason i've never liked myself very much. perhaps that's why i hide from people. if i don't like what i am, how can they?
I thought I should share this great interview with Dr. Kashdan about curiosity. I believe that curiosity, combined with willpower and risk-taking, can help overcome anxiety.
I thought I should share this great interview with Dr. Kashdan about curiosity. I believe that curiosity, combined with willpower and risk-taking, can help overcome anxiety.
They are key, I'd say. It's a shame depression and anxiety attack those qualities the most. Willpower and risk-taking especially.
That's why it is important to stimulate those qualities in depressed/anxious people who lack them. In whatever way you can, and in whatever way it speaks to the troubled individual(s) in question.
In moderate cases it could help people to rely on themselves and create their own solution - and could in worse case scenarios save a life.
I've been thinking this morning about the girl I've been texting for the past week, and then in comparison with the girl I met at the blind date event on Friday.
I hate the fact that I'm so shallow and difficult with women. So this texting girl is cute, but I haven't been able to get her to agree to date me, which means I don't think she really likes me (anymore). That's the vibe I'm getting, but I'd love her to prove me wrong. This girl I met on Friday liked me after 10 seconds (not even kidding), and if I wanted to make a move she wouldn't have backed away, however I just didn't find her attractive. She's a lovely girl and maybe a couple of dates may change my mind, but I don't know.
So the girl that won't date me is the one I like most, yet the girl that found me instantly attractive I don't want to date. And why? She's nice, funny, warm, responsive, easy to talk to. That's a top formula for a great girlfriend. Yet I couldn't find her physically attractive. I hate that I'm like that, and I feel bad for being this way.
Don't worry about it Mikey, I feel bad when it happens to me too but its something you can't control. Being lonely sucks but as long as you're taking initiative you'll get there
I've come to the realisation that for some reason i've never liked myself very much. perhaps that's why i hide from people. if i don't like what i am, how can they?
You must suffer from low self esteem. I do. I holds me back 100% in life. I try really hard to keep it at bay. Try to be your own best friend, as corny as it sounds it's very effective. Also, know that you treat yourself probably worse than your worst enemy, that snaps me out of that negative self talk pretty fast when I realize that. I think you might be really depressed too. Have you gotten any help/counselling recently?
I hope you see your beauty, and that your notplanemo.
My god... I think this is like the fifth dish this month this person has broken due to being so intoxicated. Fortunately we have like 20 more of that type of dish. We need a new set of dishes anyway. But still... it's frustrating. And I don't think she's been this drunk in a while. Normally she can at least still form coherent sentences, but just now she was babbling like a stroke victim and it was scary and pitiful.
She was yelling "HEY!!!" from the kitchen seemingly for no reason, to no one in particular, and I finally went in and asked who she was talking to. She said "anyone who answers" and then launched into babble and I left the room to continue my homework, only for her to yell, "No, wait! Come here!" and then she kept saying "I'm not going to... I... I'm, I'm, I... I think..." on and on for what seemed like 5 minutes (but was really probably a minute or so). I kept trying to leave and then she finally said, "I'm good, I'm good." I kept saying, "What are you talking about!!??" and she finally admitted she didn't know and then stopped.
Don't worry about it Mikey, I feel bad when it happens to me too but its something you can't control. Being lonely sucks but as long as you're taking initiative you'll get there
Yeah, the loneliness has come back to play in the last couple of hours but I am taking some initiative. Thanks, Srijita. 🙂
I wish someone that I've been talking to could see how great they are. I wish I could help them somehow realize that they are funny, kind, and a good person, and that people do like them. I wish it was as easy as telling them it'll be okay and that it'll work out, but its not. I don't know how to help and I feel so dumb because of it. It hurts to feel like this because the person I'm talking about probably couldn't care less about what I have to say, or about me actually.
The parts of my life that I feel confident about, are the things that sustain me, when all else is despair. If I lose those things I really will be lost. Sometimes I look down into my past of ill health, I fear going back there. As I get older there is more chyance that I will face days like that again. When I was at my lowest point it seemed I had nothing to lose, now I have things I fear losing.
I feel like screaming at the top if my lungs so loud that everyone can hear just how much it hurts. I want to cry and dissolve into a puddle and just stay that way. Maybe I should just disappear? Would that make everyone one happy? Im done trying for everyone's sake! Living my life for everyone else, being strong for the people that are meant to be strong for me. All this work for everyone else, being strong, being robbed of who I wanted to be and now what do I have?! Nothing I am running out of me to give, but, maybe if I give out what I have left everything will stop. I want have to pretend for everyone anymore, I will simply fade into nonexistence, that sounds like a fantastic plan! I'm done, I'm tired, I hope people are finally going to be happy...
I wish someone that I've been talking to could see how great they are. I wish I could help them somehow realize that they are funny, kind, and a good person, and that people do like them. I wish it was as easy as telling them it'll be okay and that it'll work out, but its not. I don't know how to help and I feel so dumb because of it. It hurts to feel like this because the person I'm talking about probably couldn't care less about what I have to say, or about me actually.
I'm going to assume that this person is a guy you're interested in?
Maybe just keep trying to give him compliments and he might start believing it. There's not a great deal you can do, but doing something will help him and make you feel good.
It sounds like maybe he and his dad weren't close. Guys who don't have good role models or no role models of the male variety tend to lack in the self esteem department.
You must suffer from low self esteem. I do. I holds me back 100% in life. I try really hard to keep it at bay. Try to be your own best friend, as corny as it sounds it's very effective. Also, know that you treat yourself probably worse than your worst enemy, that snaps me out of that negative self talk pretty fast when I realize that. I think you might be really depressed too. Have you gotten any help/counselling recently?
I hope you see your beauty, and that your notplanemo.
Thanks April. Well i don't have low self esteem, i have NO self esteem. :shyness:
i am depressed since i'm nowhere near where i want to be in life, but i can't find any better alternative. unfortunately i avoid going to group therapy just because i don't like who i am. some days i like myself slightly more and i'll go.
the truth is i just don't know why i dislike myself so much. this has been part of me all my life, and i really mean that. i remember my very first birthday party, when i was 4. i just hated being the centre of attention. i wanted everyone to leave because i didn't feel good enough around them.
thanks for the advice. maybe i've been brainwashed to believe that my imperfections are going to ruin my life. maybe i'm not as bad as i think.
I woke up again and I felt horrible about myself. Not sure what's bothering me but inside I feel so many different emotions all at once and they've been overwhelming me for a while now. Wish I could wake up and feel great about myself but lately I haven't been feeling great. :sad:
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