Dreamscape
Well-known member
Picking up woman? Well if you live in 3rd world country like Turkey, you cant even get inside the bar without woman with you...
Picking up Women
- Thread starter ImNotMyIllness
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Roman Legion
Well-known member
Why do men have to initiate contact? Why is that expected? I cannot recall a woman ever coming up to me and hitting on me or asking me out. I guess this is another flaw in Human societal expectations.
emre43
Well-known member
Breathe, breathe...
It's prevalent throughout nature for the male to pursue the female. As humans, we should be able to rise above this, but still it seems to be hardwired into our systems.
I guess, to answer your question, in general its because we don't have to.
Studies show that women initiate flirtations 2/3 of the time--just like how it works with our cousins the chimps. The trouble is, women's signals are so subtle we often miss them, and even when we respond to them it's often unconsciously, leading to the myth that men initiate everything.
coyote
Well-known member
Richey
Well-known member
Honestly, I am attracted to guys who are confident & sure of themselves, but I think guys also want the same from a woman. You just have to be yourself, don't try too hard or try to act like someone you're not. If you THINK that you're gonna be shy & dorky then you ARE going to be shy & dorky. Just relax, be confident, & don't think too much.. just do it. One day, maybe tomorrow, go up to a girl and start talking to her. And then everytime you go somewhere make it a point to try and talk to a girl. Even if her response isn't good then at least you tried, and the only way you will get there is if you TRY. And you never know what might happen!
Nope. Not me. I just want to meet someone who has interests in music, is a little nerdy and has some ambition or goals. doesn't have to be confident though. Not really a fan of ego either. Prefer empathy.
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emre43
Well-known member
I want a woman with ambition but have given up on that because she wouldn't want me.
A friend
Well-known member
I gave up on this stuff a long time ago. No matter what attitude I had, no matter what the current situation was, no matter how I acted, no matter how much I changed up the formula, rejection was always the outcome. And I highly doubt that will ever change.
Everywhere I go, most women are shallow, and all the good ones are taken. I have yet to meet a single lady who isn't in the dating game for the sake of money, status symbols, and using other traits of the guy to brag to her friends.
Will I be single forever? I honestly don't want to, but it sure as hell seems like that's going to be the case, no matter wtf I do.
Everywhere I go, most women are shallow, and all the good ones are taken. I have yet to meet a single lady who isn't in the dating game for the sake of money, status symbols, and using other traits of the guy to brag to her friends.
Will I be single forever? I honestly don't want to, but it sure as hell seems like that's going to be the case, no matter wtf I do.
hexagon_sun
Well-known member
thegunners21
Well-known member
It has to do with what is attractive to each sex.
Women like confidence in a man, and as a confident man, he is supposed to do the approaching.
This attraction has been developed through millions of years of evolution, as Marie explained earlier.
Richey
Well-known member
Look it is very common, i see it alot myself, just from observations at parties and so forth, i remember friends i had that were girls who only considered dating the tall/very-confident ones, it is common. but i think that is more about status anxiety that people have. And it's a choice they make which is fine. However, there are people who are not as external. You can be a great person even if you aren't where you want to be. You can have inner zen and you can work on your own confidence in several areas. In the meantime, get yourself a friend/s, cat or a dog. its good practice for relationships. just for the banter. even a dog or a cat will talk with their expressions and behaviour.
good luck with it all. i'm in the same boat as it were. looking to improve my steering if you will.
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Richey
Well-known member
From my experience, it's both ways. I have approached and visa versa happens these days, especially at places that have mutual interests going on. So if you are into music and you go to a gig or a festival, then the ice breaker is already there.
Ferdinandus
Member
Oh, well, I've had my days of glory. Since I broke up with gf last year, I haven't had but disastrous relationships since then.
It seems models are a trait of modernity. For example, a Constitution is a model. There are social relationship models. Modernity seems to be all about models you have to follow, if you want to succeed. If you want to ''pick a up a woman'', well, same applies here. A series of rules you must follow.
We no longer live in a modern world, but this remains true.
'I want a tall, self-confident man'. There you go. It seems so abject to me! Am I overthinking it? Quite naturally, I hide these thoughts from everyone in my social life. More of a cautious wait-and-see approach.
Why have I never been inflicted by this mania of models? I've never wanted a perfect woman. I still don't. She doesn't need to have a pre-fixed number of traits. She doesn't need to be able do dance tango, cha-cha-cha, jazz, play the piano, cook, ride a bike on sunday mornings and be a fan fiction. I just want someone that could BE with me, with whom I could share a life and interests, who would support me as I would her. Is this such a weird thing to feel, to want, to think?
I feel like a I am a very gentle and educated person and loyal. But my social phobia restrain my qualities. I am... rarely able to show who I really am. So I put up a mask - a polite, stern and disciplined individual. Why? I don't want to be seen as a pathetic man who can't talk to people. Because, after all, they want a confident man, who knows how to talk to her.
A big fat lie they tell to themselves. These models, a hideous invention from the madness of rationalism of modern times.
Once we start finding ourselves and stop caring about constructs, things can be different. As for me, I've found that being myself, even my shy, hesitant self, is better than carrying the burden of being someone who I am not. If only people gave me a chance to show myself
It seems models are a trait of modernity. For example, a Constitution is a model. There are social relationship models. Modernity seems to be all about models you have to follow, if you want to succeed. If you want to ''pick a up a woman'', well, same applies here. A series of rules you must follow.
We no longer live in a modern world, but this remains true.
'I want a tall, self-confident man'. There you go. It seems so abject to me! Am I overthinking it? Quite naturally, I hide these thoughts from everyone in my social life. More of a cautious wait-and-see approach.
Why have I never been inflicted by this mania of models? I've never wanted a perfect woman. I still don't. She doesn't need to have a pre-fixed number of traits. She doesn't need to be able do dance tango, cha-cha-cha, jazz, play the piano, cook, ride a bike on sunday mornings and be a fan fiction. I just want someone that could BE with me, with whom I could share a life and interests, who would support me as I would her. Is this such a weird thing to feel, to want, to think?
I feel like a I am a very gentle and educated person and loyal. But my social phobia restrain my qualities. I am... rarely able to show who I really am. So I put up a mask - a polite, stern and disciplined individual. Why? I don't want to be seen as a pathetic man who can't talk to people. Because, after all, they want a confident man, who knows how to talk to her.
A big fat lie they tell to themselves. These models, a hideous invention from the madness of rationalism of modern times.
Once we start finding ourselves and stop caring about constructs, things can be different. As for me, I've found that being myself, even my shy, hesitant self, is better than carrying the burden of being someone who I am not. If only people gave me a chance to show myself
emre43
Well-known member
Going back to my post a few pages back about studying with a girl I asked here is what happened:
We couldn't make the Wednesday so rearranged to meet at the library today at 3.30. At 2 o'clock I texted her to say that I would be late and we rearranged for 4.30. We continued to text up until 4.30 arranging where we would meet and general conversation. At 4.25 I texted her saying 'Ok, I'm here'. Her response: 'Hey Tom, I've just finished the piece of work that I was going to do at the library so I've got no work to do. Do you mind if I don't come down there as I'll be sitting there twiddling my thumbs!'. I responded 'This is a joke right?' and she responded 'No, I'm serious, it took me 20 minutes to complete it, I only had to write 300-600 words for my assignment'.
We arranged this last Friday, she knew how long her assignment was and she could have texted me earlier that she was close to completion instead of waiting until I arrived.
I am trying my best not to see the worst in her, but I think she could have treated me with a bit more respect instead of making me rush to complete other tasks, cancel another and then walk 10 minutes there and 10 back in the freezing weather and snow. Really upset and annoyed right now.
We couldn't make the Wednesday so rearranged to meet at the library today at 3.30. At 2 o'clock I texted her to say that I would be late and we rearranged for 4.30. We continued to text up until 4.30 arranging where we would meet and general conversation. At 4.25 I texted her saying 'Ok, I'm here'. Her response: 'Hey Tom, I've just finished the piece of work that I was going to do at the library so I've got no work to do. Do you mind if I don't come down there as I'll be sitting there twiddling my thumbs!'. I responded 'This is a joke right?' and she responded 'No, I'm serious, it took me 20 minutes to complete it, I only had to write 300-600 words for my assignment'.
We arranged this last Friday, she knew how long her assignment was and she could have texted me earlier that she was close to completion instead of waiting until I arrived.
I am trying my best not to see the worst in her, but I think she could have treated me with a bit more respect instead of making me rush to complete other tasks, cancel another and then walk 10 minutes there and 10 back in the freezing weather and snow. Really upset and annoyed right now.
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ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
Sounds like she either chickened out or she never thought much of it in the first place. Sorry, that really sucks. These things happen all the time. Try to find another girl, one that is in your class so that you have the same assignment or test to study for.
emre43
Well-known member
It's annoying that she is the first and only person that I have asked out and she treats me like this. Oh well, I'm not going to make the generalisation that all women are like this because I don't think they are. Can't believe it really, she seemed so nice and sweet. An act I think. She has texted me twice saying 'sorry for letting you know at such short notice'.