Online Dating: ratios

Bronson99

Well-known member
I think it's a combination of differing communication style, different personalities & complex topic.

I think that's the best explanation, for better or for worse.

It just happens like that sometimes. Probably more often for me, than for most, given the autistic language quirks. I'm very literal and very concrete, I don't know how else to write.

As I've said I haven't yet figured out how to "bridge" the gap between 2 different styles... I wonder if I'll have to accept that's how it's gonna be. It might not be something I can fix. I've been around on this heap of rock for a long time and still can't read other people reliably; still can't read between the lines. It really does embarrass me.
 

lily

Well-known member
Sorry if I embarrassed you. I don't really know what autism is that's why.


The problem is, many women in dating sites(and real life), have the same expectations which were pointed out by Bronson99 - most select their partners through 'advantages' such as good college degrees, and there's many researches which indicate that women naturally like men who are taller, have a v-shaped torso, sociability and all that.
Well to comment on this, not all women r like that and there r also men who like the shorter than they are women, v-shaped torso which I wouldn't exactly call it a v but I know what you're talking about and the ability to socialize/connect and the good college or university degree but you can always find like-minded people. And there are women who look at the true kindness more than anything else and let's say the guy didn't have a job, it doesn't mean they're not loved, it's just that how r you going to function you would just have to be on disability benefits so what? let's say they don't have a lot of income but when they give you a gift they did their best with thought, or the field that the men or women enter into can reveal their character too. I don't know what '..and all that' is if you could explain.
 
Last edited:

Lionhearted

Well-known member
Well to comment on this, not all women r like that and there r also men who like the shorter than they are women, v-shaped torso which I wouldn't exactly call it a v but I know what you're talking about and the ability to socialize/connect and the good college or university degree but you can always find like-minded people. And there are women who look at the true kindness more than anything else and let's say the guy didn't have a job, it doesn't mean they're not loved, it's just that how r you going to function you would just have to be on disability benefits so what? let's say they don't have a lot of income but when they give you a gift they did their best with thought, or the field that the men or women enter into can reveal their character too. I don't know what '..and all that' is if you could explain.

To be specific, I just meant it to be another form of 'etc'. There could be a whole lot of features regarding a man, which may seem attractive to a woman. And I don't think they're limited to the few generalisations/ stereotypes explained in the earlier post. Of course, just like you said, it varies from person to person. It's subjective.

What I meant to say, was that there are a lot of people on dating websites, who generally just like to date a person with good looks/ wealth. It doesn't necessarily have to mean that they're always the majority, but I strongly believe that they do form a significant part of the dating websites in general.
 

lily

Well-known member
the only thing i have left to say in this thread is that I've never been to a dating website but I'd say men look also for looks likely more so than women.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
That statement would be closer to reality, if you added a few more words like....
"Beautiful, thin, large breasted women and those with a great figure, usually have it way easier than men in dating" :)

Haha.

This idea you just stated is not even close to what the average man is ok with when he's looking for a woman.

Your statement here actually is similar to what was being discussed recently in this thread.

The ol' "men are just looking for looks" argument.

I can tell you this.

I'm sure people will try to tell me I'm wrong, but the truth may hurt a bit on this one:

Most men, especially ones searching online, are just going to be happy with any girl that is even remotely close to average looking if she gives him the time of day.

You have to understand how desperate the average guy is who is online. Heck, even most men in real life are fine with an average looking woman is interested in going on a coffee date with him. I've seen guys get SO excited.

The only reason I'm still searching for women is I actually have standards as far as women's looks go.

Most men on these sites....don't have much standards.

^^^^You won't find this in studies. You won't find this in interviews.

Why? Because the truth hurts when the guy is an average guy and he has be happy with the one girl who actually gives him the time of day.

Plus if these dating sites were honest about the numbers and how many men AREN'T getting laid AT ALL from these sites (which is most men), the sites would lose a lot of dollars.

If you refer to what I said in the beginning of the thread about that lie of POF being almost a 50/50 ratio of men to women.

After researching this further, we're seeing the number in many areas for pof is around 6:1 or 7:1 men to women.

Now we know this carries over to many other sites....even the pay site Match.com which i joined recently and will discuss my experience so far here in a little bit.

Match's male/female ratio probably isn't as bad as pof, but it's gotta be pretty high male:female ratio. I would guess it's at least 4:1 men to women on average. Maybe higher?
 
Last edited:

OceanMist

Well-known member
Ok folks. I'm back.

Yes I just joined match.com about 2 or 3 weeks ago. Something like that.

Hey, I'm really not upset about how things are going so far.

I've been getting a decent amount of responses (from match) and the girls are far more serious about actually having a conversation than the ones on pof and even okcupid, although okcupid does seem to have better quality than pof by far as far as conversations go.

Things i've noticed so far:

My profile gets more views than any other site i've tried.

So that's good.

Still, many of the girls flake just like other sites. But hey, i knew that going in so it's alright.

Something I have noticed, and this is something people will say "you don't know that, blah blah"

..come on. We know a little about female nature here, ok?

In my profile, you can see certain things.

I won't post my profile because i don't want people stalking me, but I'll tell you a general way of what's in it.

My pics are decent, as i said, I'm a little above average on looks scale.

Got some pics of my dog and I, and I'm smiling in my pics. Got some selfies of me outdoors.

Part of the reason I believe i'm getting overlooked by certain women is my pics don't have other people in them. I don't have any friends and i think they see that.

I guess i can take pics of me around strangers hanging out somewhere, haha. But yeah.

I feel certain women are overlooking me because they can tell that i'm a loner, and that isn't attractive.

Another thing is it says some college on my profile. I don't have a college degree, and I feel many women see that and quickly move on.

I think it's always been this way, but on Match.com i have noticed it more.

I may rant a bit about something related to this in a later post on here.

Anyway, things have been going well actually.

Haven't been on any dates yet from Match but getting a lot of conversations.

I am going to be doing my relaxation sessions again at home to try to improve myself.

I'll let you know how all this stuff plays out.

Oh yeah, i went on a date with a girl i met from okcupid and it was terrible. She was really outgoing and the date was just so awkward.

I hope i can figure out a way to be more social on these dates.

One last thing, i do have a job in case you're wondering with the whole no college degree thing. haha. Just thought i would clear that up.

Apparently having a job isn't good enough for many women as you have to bringing in 30 grand$+ a year or she's not interested. That's the trend i've been seeing.

I just don't get why it's so important for these women to have a man come in and be able to take care of a family.

I don't have kids, don't want kids. Apparently i'm like one of the only people on the planet that has no desire for children and marriage.

My money I make supports myself comfortably and that's all that should matter.
 
Last edited:

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
I guess i can take pics of me around strangers hanging out somewhere, haha. But yeah.

That cracked me up, ha ha.

Congratulations on going out with that girl, the thought alone made me uncomfortable.
 

Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
The only reason I used OKC instead of match or Eharmony was because if it didn't work out I would have wasted my money for nothing.

Speaking of which, how much do you pay per month on a subscription to match?
 

Bronson99

Well-known member
Oh yeah, i went on a date with a girl i met from okcupid and it was terrible. She was really outgoing and the date was just so awkward.

Sounds like the two of you were highly incompatible. Are you saying you could not detect that ahead of time? I'm curious as to the factors that even got you the date, terrible or not. (Another thing, I'm wondering if on OKCupid you were able to successfully hide your job/money and get away with it? Some folks use the "rather not say" option, which should be acceptable, in theory, if it's not just gold-diggers or "super-serious" women.)

The other thing, I have heard that Match.com is the serious site, which carries an important clause. It's more about money than the other sites. I heard from one guy there's a whole bunch of "100k+ per year ONLY" profiles.

I still can't justify trying any of this, knowing what I know, seeing what I've seen. You talked about your OKCupid profile months ago and how you were sure the numbers game would pay off. Months later, all you got was one date with someone who wasn't even your type, if I read you correctly.

Doesn't look like optimism pays off with this.
 
I don't have kids, don't want kids. Apparently i'm like one of the only people on the planet that has no desire for children and marriage

You're not alone there. I've never wanted children or marriage. That's partly what keeps me from having a relationship - i'm terrified that the woman will want/demand those things.
 

Lionhearted

Well-known member
Maybe, you could try some pen-pal searching first. That way, there's more chances for meeting people with the same interests as you do - and that itself would be a nice way to avoiding any sort of 'awkwardness' that could happen, just like it was for your earlier date. At least for me, it seems that similar interests/ like-mindedness can make the whole 'meeting and talking' thing way more easier.

But you'd have to look for some particular websites which focus on both pen-pall-ing and dating. I'm sure there are some websites like that, out there. But finding the person within the same country as yours, will still remain as an unresolved problem.
 

Bronson99

Well-known member
Why would it have to be someone in a different country? That could imply a couple of different things, but I'll give the benefit of the doubt.

(edited my post; wasn't thinking)
 
Last edited:

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Why would it have to be someone in a different country? That could imply a couple of different things, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for now.

In any event, the simple implication seems that you think "finding a compatible person locally is too hard" and that's why you suggested finding a pen-pal. I disagree with that thinking. Unless he lives in a rural area there have got to be thousands of available women in the correct age range, he only needs to find one.

I might be wrong here, but it read to me like the essence of what he was saying wasn't about the distance, or even the pen pal-ing, but more about putting yourself into a situation that raise your chances of meeting a like-minded person, and getting to know them.

I think another option for something like this would be a forum. Through someone's posts, you could get a pretty good idea of who they are as a person, and a person in return could get a good idea of you. A real life equivalent would be something like a book club I think. Everyone there has a common interest - book reading - and then take the time to talk about the book they are just read. Some people's thoughts and ideas about what was read might spark another's fancy, and and others not so much. I'm not sure though.
 

Bronson99

Well-known member
I might be wrong here, but it read to me like the essence of what he was saying wasn't about the distance, or even the pen pal-ing, but more about putting yourself into a situation that raise your chances of meeting a like-minded person, and getting to know them.

I think another option for something like this would be a forum. Through someone's posts, you could get a pretty good idea of who they are as a person, and a person in return could get a good idea of you. A real life equivalent would be something like a book club I think. Everyone there has a common interest - book reading - and then take the time to talk about the book they are just read. Some people's thoughts and ideas about what was read might spark another's fancy, and and others not so much. I'm not sure though.

Yeah, I think I skipped over the main point of what Lionhearted was saying; my fault, as usual. Sometimes I just focus on the wrong thing.

Not so sure about hobby clubs (no experience), but finding folks on a forum, with mutual interest, is a good suggestion. Similar issues like social anxiety are a good starting point. I've been around in places like this one for a while, throughout the years and have occasionally made friends but nothing beyond that ever develops. I think it's for a whole litany of reasons, one of the most obvious is geographical distance. Of course, that's only one part, haha.

After that it's a host of unappealing qualities, I'm way behind the curve in social as well as emotional development; antisocial tendencies; persistent cynicism and self-loathing; huge gaps in life experience; trouble with empathy and lack of resourcefulness. I honestly have trouble seeing anything good about myself; I'm angry and envious, it comes across in posts. There's no reason anyone would be interested in the person that comes across in my writings.
 
Last edited:

Lionhearted

Well-known member
Actually, I mentioned it because it's sort of difficult to find women with similar interests, where I live. For me, nothing can arise between another person and me, unless we both have very similar interests and mindsets. I can get along fairly, but I don't feel as comfortable as I am alone, when I'm with people whom I don't relate to. It's even more harder with the opposite sex, so that's why I mentioned pen-pals as a sort of 'solution'.

But it's way more painstaking and hard to find people who are looking for an actual relationship, which basically forms from an online meeting - and that too, most likely from another country.

And yes, rural places do seem to have that problem. But age-range sort of seems to vanish when others don't relate to you as much. Not that I've had any experience of online dating or anything - it's just my natural guess.
 
Last edited:

oNecoOlazN

Well-known member
Hey Ive actually met 2 guys in the past on pof
Sure I had anxiety...but they were realguys with real pics and profiles.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
Things have dwindled down a bit on the online dating.

It turns out Match . com doesn't seem all that much different than the other sites.

Sure, women are more serious about meeting and they are better conversationalists online.

The thing i've noticed is women flake out even faster on match.com it seems like.

You can actually see the income range on match . com that the women have.

Many of the women on that site are in 50,000$-75000$ range.

If found this to be quite weird.

I do believe women can make money like that, I'm not sexist or anything.

At the same time I'm left wondering how that many people are making that much.

I read somewhere that making over 60 grand$ a year puts you in the top 10% of income earners in the usa. So how is it that this many women are in the top 10%.

Anyway, what i'm getting at is I'm confident many of these women are looking over me because I'm not "successful" enough for them.

On my profile it says i don't have a college degree, which i don't, and i didn't put my income on there because it's less than 20,000$ a year so i figured why bother.

I think women are seeing I make less money than they do and just tossing me aside like a rag doll every time.

I'm at a point where I'm considering just quitting dating for good.

I don't like being seen as a "what kind of resources can he bring to the relationship."

This goes beyond social norms.

It's like almost every woman who is aged 20-45 yrs old is just in it for money.

I find it appalling that as a guy who earns his own way, pays all of his bills and rent and all of that, is seen as "not good enough" because he can't pay for a family and white picket fence.

I'm not sure if i want to participate in that kind of game at all.

Why can't i just be an independent guy that just wants to hang out with a girl and see where things go that doesn't involve making babies and providing a lavish lifestyle.

I mean I'm fine with what I have but you know what? apparently any women who is halfway decent looking isn't fine with what i have.

To say it's not all about money at this point is kind of lying to me.

It seems like the only way i could find a decent woman that i'm attracted to is to date at this point is to approach college girls in person.

At least some of them are at a point in their lives where they aren't looking to "settle down" with 3 children or whatever is going on with like ALL of these other decent looking women.
 
Last edited:

dutchguy

Well-known member
I think women are seeing I make less money than they do and just tossing me aside like a rag doll every time.

I doubt that this is the case; I make a slightly above average amount of money but I'm getting tossed aside just the same. Just like you I've been coming to all sorts of conclusions as to why women are constantly ghosting me, but the simplest explanation is that pretty much everyone (except maybe the top 10% attractive people) are getting this same treatment. It's almost inherent to online dating these days; you start talking to someone and at some point you become so afraid of messing up by saying the wrong thing that you stop saying anything even remotely engaging at all. I've found that weirdly enough, the people most successful on dating sites are those who are completely new to it. Why? Because they haven't yet learned from countless rejections and 'ghostings' that you shouldn't say anything too risky. So they do the risky thing, are 100% themselves and stand out from the crowd.
 

Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
After a whole bunch of ghosting and ignored messages when I was a part of the OKC community I slowly came to this belief: The founders and operators of these dating sites aren't invested in curing our lonliness, they're invested in taking our money. And the more time we spend on their dumb website, the more likely it is we'll keep giving them money. Let me get this straight: with all of the mind-blowing technological advancements of our age y'all still can't design a dating app that provides a better than 5-10% chance of having my message answered? Shrink a users inbox to a maximum of 5 messages and don't allow more to be sent to them until they've been dealt with, or SOME type of negative reinforcement to make messaging seem less like carpet bombing to the sender! My stay on OKC skewed my outlook on the world of dating because I don't believe anymore there is any dating app/site anywhere primarily meant to help me find someone. The industry is fueled by greed and the preying on emotions.
 
Top