not been well last few days this week last week. Feel like im living a nightmare. Had to deal with my body going crazy in violent fits of anxiety and most nights i cant sleep. Then there is the crying everyday. Its just a thing now. But you know I dust myself off and so on. Ive applied to volunteer at a second had store - a large shed one. I had to go this morning to say hello. Rugs pushed me into it because I told him I needed to to be pushed as i feared going back to intense social phobia and agoraphobia real quick. Because I lost my job (they hadnt the money anymore to pay me). So new things are happening, but i just cannot relax and I'm overweight and feel out of control lately with binges like some ocd or something and last time that put me into a real pit for years. I cant believe I am 80 kg and was 55kg for ages. Nothing fits me and all my self esteem seems eroded. I feel unhealthy and unhappy and feel like i am living in my fears. I feel also like nothing is sustainable in motivation for me atm , like I need a huge rest. I keep having these breakdown everyday lately, bursts of crying and anxiety, hyperventilating because I feel like im in the fear i feared and its shocking and painful and i havent an idea of where i am and mental energy anymore.