nervousness around women...

[Fairy001]

Calm guys, why this in fighting?

We don't have to agree on everything, we just agree life is tough for us all one way or another.

Peace

 

[Rodox]

no1 needs to relax a bit and stop thinking too much about this....

 

[Argamemnon]

I'll admit though, I usually dont like them in a sexual way. More like a friend. I'd hate to have kids with ANOTHER social phobic person lol. Don't want my kids to be as miserable as I am. Well, providing I have any, which I HIGHLY doubt!

Could it be that you (like most people) have been brainwashed through modern western media to think this way?

 

[Cynic]

Don't we have degrees of choice? Is everything mapped out already?

I don't necesarrilly subscribe to fatalism, but the laws of attraction for males and females alike are down to animal instinct and out of the individual's control and for evolutionary reasons, women will be repelled by any male who appears anxious or nervous around them.

I agree about survival of the fittest, but we all have gifts, many people with SA have a tenderness that is required and appreciated in a balanced society.

Tenderness is a quality in a female, but in a male it is neutral at best.

people need to stop being so damn close minded about others. stop going for the assholes and jerks.

If you tell people to stop doing something, they are likely to do it all the more.

It's only the shallow idiots who are genuinely taken in with all that stuff.

Most people are taken in with it.

no I think humans are just either dumb enough to buy into this shit or very very very ignorant.

Or both.

I'm a woman. and if a guy would be nervous in front of me, i would be a good person and threat him right! And try to make him feel better!

So you think threatening him would make him feel better?

 

[Kinetik]

My feeling is that it's not so much that you're viewed as inferior due to your negativity, it's more that people tend to mimic each other and that energy is infectuous. If you're putting out a distinctly bad vibe, you'll drag other people down with you. So if you're sitting around like a giant wet blanket doing what miserable folks do (talking smack, looking depressed, maintaining bad posture etc) others are going to respond to that and replicate it to some degree.

Women are excellent at picking up subtleties. So even if you try to make things easy going, if they're responding to you in a bad way, they can see through your front and can detect the underlying nervousness. That's what prevails, so that's what gets reflected back at you, and from there, it may well develop into resentment (ie. you're a creep).

So I guess there's no other way around it other than to be naturally and genuinely confident. If I knew how to be that way, I'd tell you all about it.

 

[Fairy001]

I don't necesarrilly subscribe to fatalism, but the laws of attraction for males and females alike are down to animal instinct and out of the individual's control and for evolutionary reasons, women will be repelled by any male who appears anxious or nervous around them.
Quote Cynic

The question is can people recover from SA, ergo change is possible?

Tenderness is attractive in men and women so I believe. A man showing tenderness towards a woman is to my mind universally attractive.

I don't think most people are shallow idiots, I think they own a thicker skin.

 

[Argamemnon]

Women are excellent at picking up subtleties.

And men aren't? I think that's another myth created through modern western media...

 

[Argamemnon]

That's what prevails, so that's what gets reflected back at you, and from there, it may well develop into resentment (ie. you're a creep).

Is that a typical American thing that people who are shy are regarded as creeps, rapists or murderers?

 

[Cynic]

I don't think most people are shallow idiots, I think they own a thicker skin.

Hmmm, I suspect a lot of people do know better, but make a conscious effort to dumb down so they fit in better.

Is that a typical American thing that people who are shy are regarded as creeps, rapists or murderers?

No, its very much the rule here in the UK too.

 

[GammaRay]

Is that a typical American thing that people who are shy are regarded as creeps, rapists or murderers?

Usually, no matter how much good you have to offer.... if there a slight sense that something might be off or that for some reason you're hiding something, it tends to be a real deal breaker... which is terribly unfortunate for the unfortunate.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Do women not know how to act when someone around them is nervous? Do they always have to reflect it back to you in some way and treat you differently?

I beg to differ. Not all women are as you described. The women you have described most likely do not know your situation. How do you expect them to react to your nervousness? You probably do not know these women anymore than they know you. Also, you have to know for sure that they treat you differently than they treat others before claiming that they do.

I guess this is the case for me. I'm usually nervous around women, and end up being treated differently. They are distant, treat me like a creep, etc. And I try to make things more easy going. But it's like.. once they see my nervousness they are turned off immensely, or treat me like I'm probably attracted to them or something?

Maybe your nervousness is making them nervous. I'm not implying that you're doing this on purpose or that you're doing something horrible all I'm saying is that it is possible. I know that I might react that way. Not because I'm a woman but because of the awkward situation. There were times where I didn't understand why someone was nervous around me and so I just assumed that it was because they didn't like me, didn't want to be around me or because there was something wrong with me period. That alone made me not want to talk to or appoach someone.

Well usually my nervousness comes from the fact that I'm always tired from insomnia (nothing I've tried works) and it makes my stomach tight, and I guess I'm always worried about wtf I'm going to do or say, that doesn't make me look stupid as a result of my tiredness.

I'm sorry to hear that. I've had short bouts of insomnia and it was really difficult. Unfortunately, I cannot specify here what I used to remedy my insomnia. Have you tried Tryptophan or maybe something herbal?

when will people warm up to me? Or is nervousness like.. the plague. Why are downtrodden people always avoided in this society?

You'll find someone who is much more understanding than the people you've met so far.You'll see.

 

[recluse]

Unfortunately most people find shy people like myself to be creepy, all through school and college i was called ''creepy'' by a lot of people.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

Hmm... To be honest I actually prefer nervous men...
They're a lot easier to understand and get to know (despite the obvious nervousness), unlike the men who put on a simple façade everytime they walk out the door. I've known both types, and I usually have a stronger friendship with someone who is just as socially withdrawn as me.

But... yeah.
I don't understand women either.

 

[sleepysparrow]

Hmm... To be honest I actually prefer nervous men...
They're a lot easier to understand and get to know (despite the obvious nervousness), unlike the men who put on a simple façade everytime they walk out the door. I've known both types, and I usually have a stronger friendship with someone who is just as socially challenged as me.

But... yeah.
I don't understand women either.

.......I concur.

 

[no1]

well the other big reason I get nervous around women is because I'm always fearful they will think I want to act like a pervert around them or be labeled creepy, etc. just because I talk to them in a nice and friendly way, and I don't have a big ego, or social status for them to believe I have 'authority' to do such things.

I dont know. I'm sick of all this and it's driving me crazy. Somewhere in my lifetime I became scarred and now I can't live.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

My feeling is that it's not so much that you're viewed as inferior due to your negativity, it's more that people tend to mimic each other and that energy is infectuous. If you're putting out a distinctly bad vibe, you'll drag other people down with you. So if you're sitting around like a giant wet blanket doing what miserable folks do (talking smack, looking depressed, maintaining bad posture etc) others are going to respond to that and replicate it to some degree.

Women are excellent at picking up subtleties. So even if you try to make things easy going, if they're responding to you in a bad way, they can see through your front and can detect the underlying nervousness. That's what prevails, so that's what gets reflected back at you, and from there, it may well develop into resentment (ie. you're a creep).

So I guess there's no other way around it other than to be naturally and genuinely confident. If I knew how to be that way, I'd tell you all about it.

Thank you so much for clarifying this without making women out to be the rejection monsters.

 

[no1]

My feeling is that it's not so much that you're viewed as inferior due to your negativity, it's more that people tend to mimic each other and that energy is infectuous. If you're putting out a distinctly bad vibe, you'll drag other people down with you. So if you're sitting around like a giant wet blanket doing what miserable folks do (talking smack, looking depressed, maintaining bad posture etc) others are going to respond to that and replicate it to some degree.

Women are excellent at picking up subtleties. So even if you try to make things easy going, if they're responding to you in a bad way, they can see through your front and can detect the underlying nervousness. That's what prevails, so that's what gets reflected back at you, and from there, it may well develop into resentment (ie. you're a creep).

So I guess there's no other way around it other than to be naturally and genuinely confident. If I knew how to be that way, I'd tell you all about it.

if women are so good at picking up subtleties why can't they pick up that I'm just trying to be like a normal, and even may be a good person, and I'm just a little fearful for some reason other that I'm just a bad person?

 

[NothingElseMatters]

----edited----

 

[no1]

Thank you so much for clarifying this without making women out to be the rejection monsters.

It's not just women that are monsters. everyone looks to be a monster when the majority of humanity is "unenlightened", show that they don't want to evolve and we have such craziness going on all the time. They feed off wars, and fear, and torture extreme materialism.. They keep fighting each other etc. What am I supposed to think?

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Well, I am a woman, and I have to say if a man is acting nervous, then I too am nervous cause I wonder, why's he nervous? What's he up to? But if a woman would approach me all nervous like, I would still feel the same way. I don't know if you've engaged in conversation with them or what you've said, but, how do you know these woman don't suffer from some type of anxiety as well? I had a shy guy try to engage in conversation with me, but I had an anxiety attack, cause his nervous energy transferred to me, and got the hell outta there and felt bad afterwards.

That is very true. Women are taught to be more vigilant than men. Many people do not realize that men and women live life differently. We are taught to listen to our instincts and to avoid men who make us feel nervous or threatend. It's unfortunate but if women had to avoid hurting the feelings of men who made them nervous then there would be a lot more rape victims. I'm not saying that all nervous, quiet or akward men are rapists or anything of that nature but I am saying that women have to listen to the instincts that nature has given them.

This is something that most men don't understand because for them the threat of sexual violence isn't as real (yes, I know it can happen to men as well) as it is for women. There are plenty of men who have completely creeped me out by leering , saying certain things that were creepy or just approaching me in a creepy way. Now, I'm not saying that the guy who posted the original message is doing any of this. But many guys don't understand that they can come across as creepy even if that isn't their intention.

I was sitting at the bar in a club having a drink and waiting for my friend who was on the dancefloor. Three guys approached me and asked me if I was there alone which I replied "no" to. They walked away after that. One of them may have been nervous and wanting his friends' support but they could have also been up to no good. Should I have given them a chance so they wouldn't feel rejected? I wasn't behaving friendly or inviting. Was I wrong for that? I've had enough worse experiences than that which have taught me to be more careful.

I would normally also be suspicious if a man was acting nervous around me for the exact same reason you described. I would still feel nervous around a woman but at least I would know that I had a greater chance of fighting off a woman if I had to.