kids

[Sial Axetder]

Been on my mind awhile now.
Niece, came up to me and said, 'you have black eyes.'

No, not in a fight. I can only imagine from a distance my dark green eyes look black.

Did my usual, I have noticed, jerk head, confused. Looked at sister-in-law who laughed. I mumbled what I could - 'I don't have black eyes.'

I am awkward around kids. Could this be handled better? How?

If not sure, feel free to speak mind anyway.

 

[Darryl]

I see Mr avoidance has come visting and if you had a better reply to your family you would of felt better!

Theres always going to be curve balls thrown at us, and were not always going to have answers.

Maybe it was a good thing, maybe you now have to teach yourself what to do in these situtations.

Strong part of the lesson is to stay calm and DON'T rehash the situation.

Remember your re-learning your social skills and part of LEARNING is these problems.

Continue to step up by defaulting AvPD and some of these problems won't mean as much as they once did.

 

[Whychosis]

I can relate with this. I always felt weird around kids, somewhat insecure as to what to say. When my older brother had his daughter and I became an uncle it was rough. I've hardly said anything to her (not because they live in another state). When I go to visit she wants to color with me, watch shows, play with toys, ect. I never felt comfortable doing this, but it never slowed her down. When talking with her I didn't want to sound stupid or seem like I was forcing it. I gathered that when interacting with a young child you had to dumb yourself down or something. Though I wasn't sure how far.

When my son was born that all changed. I felt that awkwardness at first when the nurse gave him to me. Everyone was watching, as if the public setting wasn't bad enough. After a few days, especially after he was home, it got easier. I feel completely relaxed with him now and quite confident I can do the same with other children. Of course he's still a baby but that's not the point. I even make up things to call him (little sir, baby gabey, ect) and it's a lot of fun. I can see now why it's so easy for people to interact with kids.

The longer you're around them, the easier it gets. Especially when you have one of your own. Not that I'm saying go out and reproduce. Hope it helps

 

[fife_girl]

I can relate with this. I always felt weird around kids, somewhat insecure as to what to say. When my older brother had his daughter and I became an uncle it was rough. I've hardly said anything to her (not because they live in another state). When I go to visit she wants to color with me, watch shows, play with toys, ect. I never felt comfortable doing this, but it never slowed her down. When talking with her I didn't want to sound stupid or seem like I was forcing it. I gathered that when interacting with a young child you had to dumb yourself down or something. Though I wasn't sure how far.

When my son was born that all changed. I felt that awkwardness at first when the nurse gave him to me. Everyone was watching, as if the public setting wasn't bad enough. After a few days, especially after he was home, it got easier. I feel completely relaxed with him now and quite confident I can do the same with other children. Of course he's still a baby but that's not the point. I even make up things to call him (little sir, baby gabey, ect) and it's a lot of fun. I can see now why it's so easy for people to interact with kids.

The longer you're around them, the easier it gets. Especially when you have one of your own. Not that I'm saying go out and reproduce. Hope it helps

first off congrats on having a son!

i feel very awkward around kids, i have a 6month old nephew and im all ready stessing about spending time with him as he gets older i hope it does get easier as i havent really spent much time with him so far

 

[Rodney]

I like kids because they aren't adults. They won't go and talk behind your back and you can easily befriend them. If you want to be good with kids you must be goofy and play with them. If I was asked such a question I would reply with "no, your eyes are black." and then go from there. Sounds stupid but it works. Me and my little cousins get along very well. It is only when they become a teenager that I begin to grow apart from them and become awkward around them. D:

 

[DanFC]

I'm great with kids, so I can't really relate to your problem, but maybe I can give some advice. First of all, don't dumb yourself down for kids. In fact, by being straightforward with them, I feel less anxious. Talk to them not as if they were just adults, but adults who don't really care about the presumptions that usually follow us around like ghosts.

So for example, in that situation, you could have asked, "Now why is that?", while cognitively acknowledging that the child doesn't care if you know or don't know. Though to bother you they may just prod at what they find to be a weakness in you, lol. But that's always in good fun with kids, at least in my experience, as it allows for certain things to be said/heard without the sting.

 

[Feathers]

lol, kids can be awkward and direct. I think you handled it well.

You could do it playfully next time or invite them to see up close in the sunlight if it's really black, then show something black near by and something dark green, and ask which color your eyes are more like.
Maybe they don't even know colors that well, and you could play 'colors' then. (They love it if they're small enough. Approximately how old is your niece?)

Little kids can say 'dog' when they see a cat, from afar they both look similar (both have 4 legs and 2 ears). Imagine if you were a Martian and had to discover it all anew. Some things may be approximations that work enough for them until they learn better...

They need to learn basic rules of politeness, sometimes. I got asked once 'Why do you have this here?' (I had a pimple on my nose, in my teens or so, I was terribly embarassed , then said it was probably because of too much chocolate and greasy food..)

I have a bit of baby phobia of very little kids, once they're 3+ or 4+ I think they rock! They can be so much fun and have such crazy imagination sometimes.. I like making up stories with them..
(In moderate amount, too much contact can be a bit exhausting lol.)
They LOVE joking and exaggerations, mostly! They also like to be 'whirled' or tossed about, my back usually isn't up for that sort of fun anymore.. Some like to be tickled etc. when you are more comfortable with each other...

They are indeed much more direct and easier to make friends with. Teenagers can become a bit awkward again, it depends. Being a teen in today's world isn't easy though, so I sympathise! And try to remember what it was like, sometimes it helps..

There are some books on how to talk to kids and teens too.. Or shows like Nanny 911 or Supernanny.. Some very useful tips there..

 

[Emily_G]

Kids will say it as they see it, unedited and with no emotion attached. Assume they mean no malice and take the time to try to see it as they do. When in doubt, tickle them or pretend to be a scary monster.

I agree. Kids don't usually mean any harm in what they say, they are very observant and not very censored. Exposure to kids definitely helps, I worked at a daycare for a little over a year and that helped out a lot.

 

[Ignace]

I'm good with kids in general. But I really can't stand a kid screaming or challenging me or making fun of me. But if they behave, no problems at all.

 

[Darryl]

Kids are small adults!

If we can deal with a child, we can deal with a adult.

We feel mentally stronger around kids.

Tell me at what age do we feel reluctant and nervous around kids.... it shouldn't matter!

Sial handle this situation by not giving it a second thought, spinning your wheels over what has been said is only dragging you back into Avpd.

These are problems IF you let them be.

There is aways going to be something that will strengthen avoidance if we let it.

Everyday we deal with these problems, at some time the problems we no longer think about at the time WERE earth shattering..

Hopefully I havén't offended anyone it's not the intention, the intention is to see the problem comes from (Avpd) the problem isn't kids it's the dis-order and by not paying attention, moving on we start reduce the grip of Avoidance.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Kids are small adults!

If we can deal with a child, we can deal with a adult.

We feel mentally stronger around kids.

Tell me at what age do we feel reluctant and nervous around kids.... I shouldn't matter!

Sial handle this situation by not giving it a second thought, spinning your wheels over what has been said is only dragging you back into Avpd.

These are problems IF you let them be.

There is aways going to be something that will strengthen avoidance if we let it.

Everyday we deal with these problems, at some time the problems we no longer think about at the time WERE earth shattering..

Hopefully I havén't offended anyone it's not the intention, the intention is to see the problem comes from (Avpd) the problem isn't kids it's the dis-order and by not paying attention, moving on we start reduce the grip of Avoidance.

Yes, my master.
Sorry, felt a need for something starwars.

Darryl, I'm going to spin your mind again, I think. The entirety of that awkward feeling (feelings) is due to a malfunction, non-functioning, over-functioning something of the mind?

Bloody hell, my description is a malfunction.

I get the 'don't run circles part.' Certain memories tend to crop up now and again. I get kids are not the problem. I get AvPD is in head flipping switches. But what do I get when there is nothing to respond with?

 

[Sial Axetder]

lol, kids can be awkward and direct. I think you handled it well.
(They love it if they're small enough. Approximately how old is your niece?)

Still fighting complements, hard to receive. Used to negatives. With negatives I know how to take.

I did handle it well didn't I. Didn't I?

I have no idea on age. Quite young. Ages are numbers to me. They don't stick. Both are very intelligent. Like to listen to what they say sometimes. I don't recall saying things like that when I was very small.

 

[Sial Axetder]

The longer you're around them, the easier it gets. Especially when you have one of your own. Not that I'm saying go out and reproduce. Hope it helps

Yep, it sure did help. Kids are scary. Run away!

Familiarity helps, in my opinion, only so far. The pushing presence of AvPD will not hide. What I have learned is I must go. With adults I seem to be coping with this fine. Kids, it all falls apart.

They are human, right?
Perhaps they break easy? I do have PSHS (Precise Shaky Hand Syndrome).

 

[Silvox Black]

Bah, children, something about them repulses me. Perhaps it is a mixture of pity and bitter pain at the thought that their innocence will die combined with envy for their child-like obliviousness to the world. Either that or I simply do not like dealing with them. There really is no strategy to it. They simply say what they wish to say and scarcely think of it beforehand.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Bah, children, something about them repulses me. Perhaps it is a mixture of pity and bitter pain at the thought that their innocence will die combined with envy for their child-like obliviousness to the world. Either that or I simply do not like dealing with them. There really is no strategy to it. They simply say what they wish to say and scarcely think of it beforehand.

We've spoken before, you and I. Mistaken I could be. Still think there's more to you than what we see here.

To each their own. I think you simply do not like them. I am almost certain the feeling is mutual. To prove this, I cannot. I will not claim seriously to have an ability to read minds.

Curious questions to you: Glass half empty or is it half full? False or truth?

 

[Darryl]

Aarrh, Little brother Sial...

No matter what the subject, kids, work, family etc any negative after thoughts will bring you down.

These negative thoughts will fill you mind from time to time, but will come less frequent if you I dunno tell yourself "I'd rather be happy than perfect"

Changing the subject: Did I read you accepted a compliment.... cheeeze what's next enjoying birthdays??

 

[Sial Axetder]

Aarrh, Little brother Sial...

No matter what the subject, kids, work, family etc any negative after thoughts will bring you down.

These negative thoughts will fill you mind from time to time, but will come less frequent if you I dunno tell yourself "I'd rather be happy than perfect"

Changing the subject: Did I read you accepted a compliment.... cheeeze what's next enjoying birthdays??

Physically I'm not so little.

I have been happy, I am happy - see -->

It is better to move on. What's done is done. I have that right? It's like a relapse. Maybe.

No, birthdays. Not important. Celebrate a number, seems odd to me. Celebrate birth, why? I am here because I have to be. Just my opinion, subject to change as times brighten I guess.

 

[DanFC]

Physically I'm not so little.

I have been happy, I am happy - see -->

It is better to move on. What's done is done. I have that right? It's like a relapse. Maybe.

No, birthdays. Not important. Celebrate a number, seems odd to me. Celebrate birth, why? I am here because I have to be. Just my opinion, subject to change as times brighten I guess.

You don't have to be here Doesn't mean you shouldn't be elsewhere... but why would you have to be?

 

[Pookah]

Kids can be little monsters if the parents are crap at their job so I often get anxiety when forced to interact with them. I've had to babysit kids that hit me in the face etc at 4 years old. Family members or friend's relatives that steal things and break things at 10-14. Temper tantrums and disregard for any rules. Loud and obnoxious.

I was the quietest kid there could be and was hyper-focused on things I liked. Autistic kid I'm told now. I don't relate well to the way "normal" children are.

 

[Sial Axetder]

You don't have to be here Doesn't mean you shouldn't be elsewhere... but why would you have to be?

Well done.
Have backspaced many potential repsonses to this. None are equal to your question.

I will say I think black and white. Is or is not. Exist or not. There is reason I do exist, so I must exist. I have to be here. That would be I have to be.

Urban dictionary is not helping me. What does mean?