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[jaim38]

Ever Been Stuck Talking to Someone Who Keeps Telling You How Wrong You Are? « The Happiness Project

Very informative article. I did not realize I practiced the "oppositional conversation style" for so many years. However, I am not the only offender. My mom and brother particularly are true practitioners of this convo style. Talking/typing/writing with them is like speaking to a stone wall at times. My brother is the worst, no surprises here. I cannot hold a single convo with him without him telling me I'm wrong, dumb, stupid.

I don't insult people or rudely reject their ideas of course, but there were times that I unintentionally annoyed people such as classmates because of OCS.

 

[MikeyC]

^ I didn't even know it had a name! Oppositional Conversational Style. There you go. Yes, that has happened to me a number of times, the most heartbreaking one being Fiona, particularly towards the end of our friendship.

I've seen it a lot in siblings trying to get the upper hand of the other one. My mum does it a lot to my dad. I guess I've seen it a lot more than I realise!

Thanks for allowing me to think about it and never to un-think it, jaim.

 

[jaim38]

^No problemo MickeyC!

 

[jaim38]

Shorter people shouldn't despair. You're only as small as you feel | Anne Perkins | Comment is free | theguardian.com

I used to be very self conscious about my height, especially when I was younger. In my first job, almost everyone in the office was taller than me. In high school, especially during the last 2 years, there were so many tall freshmen - I feel so short! I started to avoid wearing flat shoes. And of course who would forget, many of my dad's relatives are taller than me. I watched the cousins grow up and tower over me.

Fortunately, I don't have this height complex anymore. I've started buying and wearing more flat shoes. Nowadays, I care more about looking fashionable and presentable than looking tall. I want to dress to have more confidence.

 

[jaim38]

I feel great! So, I decided to get some sunshine today since sunshine is supposed to be good for your health: http://nyti.ms/1my3B0P . I went outside and walked around in my backyard. At first, I was kinda nervous because I thought I heard someone talking. I didn't want to meet the neighbors because it would be awkward. Then, I heard a loud noise and looked up. It was an airplane. I watched it skid across the beautiful blue sky and disappear beyond. Thus began my game of watching for airplanes or "catching airplanes" as I call it. I caught maybe 4-5 today. I didn't have to wait long, each plane came in less than 1-2 minutes. Their noise alerted me to their presence. I started guessing their destination. I know there are 2 major airports in my area. Most of the planes I saw today headed NE from where I'm standing, so I think they're heading towards the international airport. The other plane headed southeast, which is the direction of the domestic airport. As I was watching the planes (and unknown objects) on the sky, I noticed some of them leave white trails behind - reminded me of the manga 360 Material where the girl also noticed the same thing. I also noticed the air was super fresh, and did I mention the sky looks so dazzingly beautiful?

Overall, it's fun being outside catching planes. Who knew watching the sky could be a profound experience. Well, when I got back inside, I was shocked to see how dark it was. The sunshine was so bright outside, compared to the darkness inside (it's dark inside for several reasons, partly because my mom and brother preferred darkness).

As I was watching the planes, I suddenly felt a sense of nostalgia, maybe a yearning to travel? I know it's not possible for me at this time, maybe sometime in the future...

 

[MikeyC]

As I was watching the planes, I suddenly felt a sense of nostalgia, maybe a yearning to travel? I know it's not possible for me at this time, maybe sometime in the future...

Travelling is great! I love doing it and when you have the opportunity to, I'm sure you'll have a great time, too.

 

[jaim38]

^Thanks!

Today I weighed myself and lo and behold! I gained 3 lbs! I was a bit shocked because in the past 2 weeks, I only weighed maybe 108 lbs! I thought I was losing weight! On the other hand, I wasn't surprised because yesterday I ate around 300 calories before going to bed. Darn!!!

So, what's with the night time eating? Ever since I've been sleeping and waking up earlier, I've been getting more hunger pains at night. I think my biological clock has been screwed. Last week or so, I started waking up 30 min - 1 hour earlier. I find myself starving at night, which was very uncomfortable. To prevent starving, I started eating at night, 30 min - 1 hour before bedtime. It must be this reason that I started gaining weight.

So, question is, what should I do? I want to wake up early, as in 8 ish in the morning. But even when I sleep, say, around 12, I find myself starving like nuts at night. Maybe I'm not eating enough during dinner? I remember eating a full dinner around 6, but still starving at night! What the heck!:thumbdown:

 

[jaim38]

I'm feeling a mix of anxiety and awkwardness. So, my boss appointed this guy to be my assistant. I looked through his CV and found out he has an MBA, plus many years of experience in IT and project management. Me - I only have a bachelor's, and almost no job experience. Does this sound right at all? I mean, this guy is probably more qualified than me to take my place! I'm already feeling intimidated. Plus, he has the same name as some villain in a manga I'm reading. Not that I'm judging or anything, but I feel like turning to jelly.

 

[jaim38]

^on a second thought, it's my inferiority complex speaking. I need to be more confident in my abilities!

 

[jaim38]

Today I went out on what was supposed to be a short trip but turned into a longer one, thanks to my brother. He wanted to meet up with a friend at school, so my parents (probably in an effort to get him to open up to people) decided to bring him to school, despite my passive objections. I was planning to get home to exercise (to shed off some pounds), not to mention I was hungry and wanting to relieve myself too, but instead I have to sit through some 40 min car ride to his school.

During the process, I can feel a lot of resistance building up inside, but then I thought about zen and decided to tell myself to calm down and just go with the flow. I was angry and impatient as heck, but I told myself, "let's do this for my brother. It's not about me, it's about getting him to open up to people. Perhaps he'll have a good time meeting up." So I went along with the flow.

When we got there and dropped my brother off, I started feeling very hungry so went to get some fast food. I was on a diet so got only an apple pie to eat, plus iced tea. So, while I was at the restaurant, I tried to open up to people. I was polite with the cashier who helped us. When she had trouble with the coins, I helped grab the coins for her. I even held a door for someone. I'm proud of myself for being nice! But, I think I heard someone say something about not liking me, but the comment didn't hit me as hard as it should. I am starting to be comfortable in my own skin, and gaining confidence step by step.

Afterwards, I went to the library, and as usual, sat at the far corner. It wasn't all rosy though. I was hit by social anxiety a few times, especially when coming close to strangers. And, my peripheral vision was overactive at times. I decided to try this "smile technique" where I visualized my chest smiling - the point is to get my heart to release chemicals (I think endorphins) to relieve the anxiety.

Then, my brother called and we went home. When I got home I was so hungry and had to cook so I couldn't exercise. What follows is my brother forcing me to type chat with him, cursing people out on type chat, and insulting me. I couldn't believe it. I did all this for him, and then he goes ahead and curses/insults me! I wasted several hours on the trip for him, even foregone exercise and starved! Wow...

Definitely a good reason why I don't like going out with him, but today I had some good experiences that I'm proud of. I wish I can express myself more boldly.

 

[jc972]

Today I went out on what was supposed to be a short trip but turned into a longer one, thanks to my brother. He wanted to meet up with a friend at school, so my parents (probably in an effort to get him to open up to people) decided to bring him to school, despite my passive objections. I was planning to get home to exercise (to shed off some pounds), not to mention I was hungry and wanting to relieve myself too, but instead I have to sit through some 40 min car ride to his school.

During the process, I can feel a lot of resistance building up inside, but then I thought about zen and decided to tell myself to calm down and just go with the flow. I was angry and impatient as heck, but I told myself, "let's do this for my brother. It's not about me, it's about getting him to open up to people. Perhaps he'll have a good time meeting up." So I went along with the flow.

When we got there and dropped my brother off, I started feeling very hungry so went to get some fast food. I was on a diet so got only an apple pie to eat, plus iced tea. So, while I was at the restaurant, I tried to open up to people. I was polite with the cashier who helped us. When she had trouble with the coins, I helped grab the coins for her. I even held a door for someone. I'm proud of myself for being nice! But, I think I heard someone say something about not liking me, but the comment didn't hit me as hard as it should. I am starting to be comfortable in my own skin, and gaining confidence step by step.

Afterwards, I went to the library, and as usual, sat at the far corner. It wasn't all rosy though. I was hit by social anxiety a few times, especially when coming close to strangers. And, my peripheral vision was overactive at times. I decided to try this "smile technique" where I visualized my chest smiling - the point is to get my heart to release chemicals (I think endorphins) to relieve the anxiety.

Then, my brother called and we went home. When I got home I was so hungry and had to cook so I couldn't exercise. What follows is my brother forcing me to type chat with him, cursing people out on type chat, and insulting me. I couldn't believe it. I did all this for him, and then he goes ahead and curses/insults me! I wasted several hours on the trip for him, even foregone exercise and starved! Wow...

Definitely a good reason why I don't like going out with him, but today I had some good experiences that I'm proud of. I wish I can express myself more boldly.

He insults you after you did all that for him? I'm sorry. :sad:

 

[MikeyC]

Why do you continue being even 1% nice to your brother? He's an ungrateful piece of shit and I think you should tell him that, over and over and over until it sinks in his pitiful mind.

I'm sorry, jaim, but if everything you've said about him is true, he doesn't deserve what you're giving him. He deserves a fork in his throat. I can't understand why you even give him basic human decency....

 

[jaim38]

Yes guys, I'm sorta like a pushover! For some reason I have a soft spot for my brother, because he's family and my parents told me to take care of him. I also haven't given up hope that he might change someday? Just when I thought he would open up to people and change for the better, he becomes even worse. What can I say, maybe it's time for me to stop hoping that he'll improve. Me, my parents, nobody can help him at this stage; it's all up to him to take the initiative, and whether he does it or not is his choice.

 

[jaim38]

Warning: rant ahead!

This is gonna sound very bizarre and weird, but I feel like I was raped and had my eggs taken out. I started having these destructive sadistic fantasies about rape recently. Moreover, my appetite has increased drastically these past few weeks, so I find myself eating more and gaining pounds.

If I was raped, I will get PTSD from this, for perhaps many years to come. If I figure out the b*tard(s) who did this, I want to make sure he gets punished to the fullest extent for it. I will never marry the b*tard(s), or love them, or have any sort of relationship with them. I would like them gone from my life, forever. Get the h*ll out! I might forgive them, in a billion years.

I'm serious. I don't want anything to do with b*tards who don't respect me. How are they any different from my brother, who is already abusive to begin with?

I don't want to marry rapists just because they raped me and made me pregnant. I want to marry someone I love. I feel like I'm getting PTSD already just by thinking about it. My heart rate's beating rapidly and I'm getting angry inside.

This reminded me of a former friend. I thought he had good intentions, but found out maybe not. He kissed me without my permission and tried to get me to sleep with him. Then I found out his parents want him to have a grandkid, but he liked someone that his parents didn't approve of so maybe he's trying to get some random girl pregnant to ease the pressure?

I was also thinking, if I was ugly maybe rape wouldn't happen because rapists don't rape ugly girls. Thinking about it just made me want to continue wearing dark hobo clothes.

I'm gonna continue dieting. For some reason, it gives me peace of mind that I won't get pregnant. If I was pregnant with the wrong guy, I would first get an abortion, then starve myself skinny. Guys generally don't like stick skinny girls.

There is no reason to justify raping anyone/forcing anyone to sleep with you/forcing anyone to have your babies. Just because you help a girl a lot doesn't mean she must then sleep with you to have your baby. If I know some guy helped me, I will try to repay the favor, NOT by sleeping or having babies with the guy. After finding out that a guy just wants to get into my pants, I become angry and start avoiding. That's not how friendship works. And, I DEFINITELY don't do the friends with benefits / "f*ck buddies" thing. There are many ways to repay a person besides sex or babies, especially if we're friends or close aquaintances. And, the expectations should be crystal clear from the beginning. If you have ulterior motives, don't expect the girl to figure out what's on your mind. You must state them, and then if the girl disagrees then walk away! Don't do anything more for the girl, i.e. don't help her out, unless she agrees to your terms/contract.

I'm feeling a mix of emotions today - anger, hatred, despair, self destructiveness. Great for PTSD, just great!

 

[jaim38]

I was feeling rotten today, and the phone call from my cousins couldn't have come at a better time.

So my cousins called and my mom handed over the phone to me to speak with them. During my chat with the first male cousin, it was pretty awkward. I asked for his name but didn't get much in return at first. And, I kept on hearing him and other people laughing at me, so that pretty darn annoying. It put in a defensive mode. I started lashing at him, sorta. I started talking to him in dry, matter of fact tone of voice. I think it got awkward so he asked if I would like to speak to his brother, but I asked him, "does your brother want to speak to me?" And, I think that must have threw him off, but I could care less because I was a bit angry and feeling pretty rotten today.

I've spoken with his elder brother before the last time I did, he was very impatient with me. I tried hard to have a pleasant convo but I keep hearing him sighing, saying "huuuuuh..." and just about to get off the phone. So I wasn't sure if he would enjoy speaking with me this time around or not. Anyways, I made sure to make the convo short. To get myself off the phone, I lied and said my mom wanted to speak to him and just passed the phone to my mom.

I know I was being b*tchy to the little brother on purpose, and cutting it short with the older one, but I feeling pretty down today and wasn't in the mood to talk. And as I mentioned, they kept laughing at me, which made me angry becuase it's just rude. So if they're not gonna take it seriously, then I won't too. That's all.

 

[MikeyC]

Warning: rant ahead!

I'm not sure I understand. Were you raped? Why would you want to marry a guy who does rape you? I'm trying to figure out a point to why you mentioned all of this.

 

[jaim38]

I'm not sure I understand. Were you raped? Why would you want to marry a guy who does rape you? I'm trying to figure out a point to why you mentioned all of this.

I'm actually surprised you responded to my invisible post. Feel free to ignore. To answer your question, no, but I think I'm experiencing PMS and False Pregnancy (Pseudocyesis):

False Pregnancy (Pseudocyesis): Causes, Symptoms, and Tests

I gained weight last week due to an increase in appetite for some reason, and my belly was swollen a bit and somehow, I deluded myself into thinking I was pregnant. I even thought I was raped and got paranoid. Now that I think about it, it doesn't make sense that I got pregnant if I never had sex. This false pregnancy thing is really getting to me! Seeing pictures of toddlers, kids, or pregnant women can trigger my paranoia.

Add to the fact that I am PMSing. I notice that I tend to get very moody and overeative during PMS.

Ok, I think I have this fear of getting pregnant for real. I am so afraid of weight gain and protruding belly. I work so hard to lose weight, keep it off, only to regain the pounds? No way! Moreover, I'm too young to be a mother! I don't want to get pregnant or become a mom, even though there are many options out there nowadays (i.e. adoption, abortion, etc). No excuses!

 

[jaim38]

JK Rowling: Hermione should have married Harry, not Ron | Books | theguardian.com

I read all HP books and always thought Hermione would end up with Harry somehow. Until I was blindsided when the author decided to mix up the pairings. Took me by surprise really. The Hermione-Ron pairing is akin to the Lisa-Millhouse pairing, in my opinon. I admit, I was one of those fans who weren't satisfied.

Speaking of romance, I've had people try to pair me up with this former classmate/friend? of mine. Sure we had a lot in common, such as the interest in IT and geek stuff, but I don't think we're compatible. This classmate has a distinct taste in girls that I won't be able to satisfy - like my cousin, I think he's into big/heavier girls with distinct features. I am a weight loss fanatic, and there's just no way...no. People also tried to pair me up with another former classmate, who has similar interests and also a geek, but again I won't be able to satisfy his preferences. Plus, I wasn't interested.

Is it just me or am I noticing a pattern here? That geeky guys / IT guys prefer girls who are big and curvy, i.e. think Khloe Kardashian?

 

[jaim38]

So I was having coffee and pondering over my thoughts when I realized something I had probably noticed before: it's so easy to lie when speaking! I mean, it's incredibly easy to lie now that I think about it. I'm not trying to attack anyone or call anyone a liar, so let me explain.

So last night I had this dream where I was speaking with 4 girls. They asked me questions about that I purchased, and I responded. I found myself saying things that were half true and half false and got branded a liar. The thing is, I didn't lie on purpose. The words just slipped out of my mouth, like I couldn't help it. I'm not sure if it's because I have difficulty expressing myself verbally, or if it's some unconscious thing happening.

My dream isn't the only example. Looking back through my life, I've lied a lot of times without even thinking about it! There were times when I lied for a reason, but also times when I lied without any reason. Sometimes I would say the wrong thing but didn't go back to correct it, so that becomes a lie. And at other times, especially in social situations I feel pressure to just say something quickly in order to fill in silences and sometimes, the words just come out wrong. I also mentioned many times before that I experience a mild to drastic drop in IQ points in social situations.

I used to be a chronic liar, but I've made an effort to cut back on the lying. Nowadays, I try not to lie, if I can help it, but I lie more to certian people (i.e. my brother) than to others depending on the situation. I think I've made significant progress to become a better person, and I'm gonna keep going!

 

[MikeyC]

I'm actually surprised you responded to my invisible post. Feel free to ignore. To answer your question, no, but I think I'm experiencing PMS and False Pregnancy (Pseudocyesis):

False Pregnancy (Pseudocyesis): Causes, Symptoms, and Tests

I gained weight last week due to an increase in appetite for some reason, and my belly was swollen a bit and somehow, I deluded myself into thinking I was pregnant. I even thought I was raped and got paranoid. Now that I think about it, it doesn't make sense that I got pregnant if I never had sex. This false pregnancy thing is really getting to me! Seeing pictures of toddlers, kids, or pregnant women can trigger my paranoia.

Add to the fact that I am PMSing. I notice that I tend to get very moody and overeative during PMS.

Ok, I think I have this fear of getting pregnant for real. I am so afraid of weight gain and protruding belly. I work so hard to lose weight, keep it off, only to regain the pounds? No way! Moreover, I'm too young to be a mother! I don't want to get pregnant or become a mom, even though there are many options out there nowadays (i.e. adoption, abortion, etc). No excuses!

I've never heard of pseudocyesis before, so this is news to me. It even says men can get it, which is...abnormal, at best.

You know you're not pregnant, but, according to that link you pasted, your body must be producing the hormones that indicate pregnancy. Maybe that's why you're getting a swollen belly. If it'll make you feel better, maybe a pregnancy test can put the idea to rest. You know you're not, but getting checked is a good idea if you're that worried.

JK Rowling: Hermione should have married Harry, not Ron | Books | theguardian.com

I read all HP books and always thought Hermione would end up with Harry somehow. Until I was blindsided when the author decided to mix up the pairings. Took me by surprise really. The Hermione-Ron pairing is akin to the Lisa-Millhouse pairing, in my opinon. I admit, I was one of those fans who weren't satisfied.

Why were you unsatisfied? I haven't read the books, but having the main character not get the girl at the end is a refreshing spin.