I try to avoid him but sometimes he calls me into his room or randomly seeks me for something. He needs help of course.
Thanks!
Just another journal
- Thread starter jaim38
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I try to avoid him but sometimes he calls me into his room or randomly seeks me for something. He needs help of course.
Thanks!
This has been on my mind for some time. So, I got called out by some stranger guy in class for "looking" at him too much. I was walking down a narrow hallway and kind of spacing out. I think he was sitting on one of those chairs near a table. I saw him looking at me so I looked at him and then went to grab a seat. Next thing I know, he was telling his friend that I kept on looking at him. From then on, I try not to look at him directly, but he kept on making a big deal and looking at me to see if I'm looking at him. So, now he's looking at me more than I'm looking at him.
Ok, sounds weird. Like, who would make such a big deal from looking? I've had people stare at me before but I didn't point them out for it, no big deal!
I end up feeling horrible about myself because I thought, if I hadn't looked at him then none of this crazy sh*t would've happened. But I also thought, should I apologize to him for looking at him? I've seen this girl apologize to a guy because she looked at him. It was in my other class at the beginning of the year. The girl turned around, found herself looking at this guy, and then said something like, "I'm sorry if I look at you too much". Then the guy said something like "that's fine." This struck me as abnormal because I've never seen anyone apologizing just for looking at someone.
I thought about apologizing to the dude who kept on yakking about me looking at him, but 2 things prevent me from doing so: 1) lack of courage, 2) it doesn't feel right to me. I don't have the courage because I fear rejection. If I apologize, I would be admitting to staring at him, which I did not do. I only looked, not stare for even a minute. And, I would feel like a doormat. If I apologize for looking at him, then he must apologize for looking at me so many times, oh and gossiping about me with his mean friend - just to make it fair.
Well, when things like this happen, it's a blessing to have SPW to offer words of comfort. I'm grateful for everyone who commented and their support.
Ok, sounds weird. Like, who would make such a big deal from looking? I've had people stare at me before but I didn't point them out for it, no big deal!
I end up feeling horrible about myself because I thought, if I hadn't looked at him then none of this crazy sh*t would've happened. But I also thought, should I apologize to him for looking at him? I've seen this girl apologize to a guy because she looked at him. It was in my other class at the beginning of the year. The girl turned around, found herself looking at this guy, and then said something like, "I'm sorry if I look at you too much". Then the guy said something like "that's fine." This struck me as abnormal because I've never seen anyone apologizing just for looking at someone.
I thought about apologizing to the dude who kept on yakking about me looking at him, but 2 things prevent me from doing so: 1) lack of courage, 2) it doesn't feel right to me. I don't have the courage because I fear rejection. If I apologize, I would be admitting to staring at him, which I did not do. I only looked, not stare for even a minute. And, I would feel like a doormat. If I apologize for looking at him, then he must apologize for looking at me so many times, oh and gossiping about me with his mean friend - just to make it fair.
Well, when things like this happen, it's a blessing to have SPW to offer words of comfort. I'm grateful for everyone who commented and their support.
theslowesthand
Banned
My most embarrassing breakdown was when the dashboard started smoking, as i was waiting right at the front of the queue at a busy major city intersection
. I had to turn the car off to stop the smoking (which i found later was the cigarette lighter shorting against metal dash). So that was very bad luck. HOWEVER it was also GOOD luck, as right behind me was a tow truck!:bigsmile:. So he was able to push my car thru the intersection, so then i steered car to side of road, out of everybody's way:thumbup:. Then i did a temporary fix, and continued on my journey.I just realized how much I resembled my mom, even though I try hard not to. My mom's stubborn, passive aggressive and sometimes aggressive, unforgiving, and holds long-term grudges- all of which are characteristics I try to get rid of. I made an effort to be the exact opposite, but it looks like I failed. Today was one of the days that brought out the worst in me. Almost all the triggers were there. If I hadn't seen my relatives, I would have done better I presume. Too bad I had to meet them.
My mom and I are immature when it comes to dealing with enemies, frenemies, or people we don't like. Growing up, my mom was one of the only role models I had. She didn't treat her enemies nicely, compassionately, or whatever. I've seen her get into fights, arguments, being unforgiving, and holding long term grudges against others. I was the same too, only less aggressive.
My mom and I are immature when it comes to dealing with enemies, frenemies, or people we don't like. Growing up, my mom was one of the only role models I had. She didn't treat her enemies nicely, compassionately, or whatever. I've seen her get into fights, arguments, being unforgiving, and holding long term grudges against others. I was the same too, only less aggressive.
It's Friday the 13th! And 12 days before Christmas.
Next: this happened exactly a week ago, last Friday. So I reserved a room at the library. I went to the front desk and showed by ID, but the employee said he needed to see specifically my student ID to rent the room. At first I thought I didn't have one at all, so I asked my teammates to show their student ID. Later on, I realized I do have it with me! It's been so long since I've used it, and being an online student, I didn't have to use it a lot because I was not on campus a lot of the times.
It was embarassing, my teammates must be wondering what the heck's wrong with me, one minute asking them for their student IDs and the next getting out my own student ID. I must look fickle or something.
Next: this happened exactly a week ago, last Friday. So I reserved a room at the library. I went to the front desk and showed by ID, but the employee said he needed to see specifically my student ID to rent the room. At first I thought I didn't have one at all, so I asked my teammates to show their student ID. Later on, I realized I do have it with me! It's been so long since I've used it, and being an online student, I didn't have to use it a lot because I was not on campus a lot of the times.
It was embarassing, my teammates must be wondering what the heck's wrong with me, one minute asking them for their student IDs and the next getting out my own student ID. I must look fickle or something.
I used to chat and text with this former male classmate, sometimes call him for help. We're not close, but we feel comfortable talking about a variety of topics. When I found out he's in a relationship, I deleted him from my chat list. I didn't contact him anymore. I don't want his girlfriend to get the wrong idea that he's cheating or whatever. Plus I'm not interested in him romantically.
So you can't be friends with a guy that's in a relationship? Everybody needs friends, even guys with girlfriends.
Yeah, but guys with girlfriends need male friends. Female friends are just awkward. I know it's a dealbreaker for some women, who only date men without close female friends.
I ordered an adapter for my laptop a few weeks back - it worked at first but later didn't. The seller contacted me and offered to ship me a new replacement adapter. Today I received the new one and tried plugging it in. Nothing. I'm thinking there's a problem with my laptop's connector. I had to bend my old adapter in certain ways in order to make my laptop charge.
Here's the awkward part. I don't know if I should get a refund. The seller sent me 2 adapters after all. I paid around $11-$12 for it. If I ask for a refund, I'd need to ship back both adapters and make sure they're actually received by the seller. And, here comes my people pleasing side: I'm nervous that I will anger the seller. The seller was nice enough to reach out to me after all. I don't know what to do!
I was thinking of just keeping both adapters (for future use, maybe they'll magically work in the future) and just pretend that everything went well. I haven't rated the transaction on Amazon yet, and don't plan to.
Here's the awkward part. I don't know if I should get a refund. The seller sent me 2 adapters after all. I paid around $11-$12 for it. If I ask for a refund, I'd need to ship back both adapters and make sure they're actually received by the seller. And, here comes my people pleasing side: I'm nervous that I will anger the seller. The seller was nice enough to reach out to me after all. I don't know what to do!
I was thinking of just keeping both adapters (for future use, maybe they'll magically work in the future) and just pretend that everything went well. I haven't rated the transaction on Amazon yet, and don't plan to.
I saw a guy shaking on a dating show, especially when he spoke to a girl he had to reject, so I pointed this out to my mom. I thought he was nervous due to being on stage, and also due to having to reject someone, which is not fun.
Reminds me, I need to wish my friends a merry christmas and happy new year (or happy holidays for short). I'm almost always the one reaching out, which makes me feel like I'm desperate or something. I don't know why my friends don't take the initiative to reach out to me first. Honestly, I feel like giving up, but something prevents me.
I need to come up with some new year's resolutions. I've been very negative this week, especially on Thursday when I almost blew up. I want to be positive and work on expressing kindness. Whenever I read about people like the current pope and Mandela, I wonder how they can forgive people and express so much loving kindness for others. This is not necessarily true, but I think people get wiser over time. When they get older, they're tired of all the negativity and just want to relax and be happy. I haven't reached this stage yet, of course, but I don't want to wait until I'm old to realize I gotta be loving and kind to others, enemies included.
Reminds me, I need to wish my friends a merry christmas and happy new year (or happy holidays for short). I'm almost always the one reaching out, which makes me feel like I'm desperate or something. I don't know why my friends don't take the initiative to reach out to me first. Honestly, I feel like giving up, but something prevents me.
I need to come up with some new year's resolutions. I've been very negative this week, especially on Thursday when I almost blew up. I want to be positive and work on expressing kindness. Whenever I read about people like the current pope and Mandela, I wonder how they can forgive people and express so much loving kindness for others. This is not necessarily true, but I think people get wiser over time. When they get older, they're tired of all the negativity and just want to relax and be happy. I haven't reached this stage yet, of course, but I don't want to wait until I'm old to realize I gotta be loving and kind to others, enemies included.
In this dating show I watched, there was this guy who did everything by the book for this dream girl - he sang to her, gave her a b-day cake, and even tried out racecar driving (which is the girl's profession). I thought the girl must accept him since he spent so much money and effort for her. The girl was crying, shedding tears because she was touched by his actions. However, she refused to go out with him, to my surprise. Her reason being, that even though this guy touched her heart, he didn't make her heart race - an entirely different thing. Of course, we can't help but feel a little outraged at the girl, becuase by rejecting him she seemed ungrateful for his actions. However, after hearing other people's explanations, I began to understand and sympathize with the girl. If I were her, I would feel horrible for rejecting a guy who did this much for me, but at the same time, I would also feel horrible if I went out with a guy whom I had 0 feelings for. Kudos to her for being brave enough to be honest.
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A while back, I was feeling vengeful. When I met my relatives, I can't help but want to get revenge for what they did to me. Luckily, I didn't do anything crazy; instead, I withdrew, ignored, and acted pretty much inconsistently.
When I said I wanted revenge, I didn't really mean it. What I wanted was to never see my relatives again, or have to deal with them. Because everytime I see them, the past comes up and I feel like wanting to hurt them like they hurt me. I'm just tired of being a doormat. But, I don't want to hurt anybody. If we could just avoid each other, everybody would be happy.
I know I practice vipassana meditation from time to time, but I still have old grudges and feelings that I haven't settled. I know I've been taught to be nice, but whenever I show kindness or smile to enemies, they mistook it for stupidity. This sets me off and makes me more angry, where does the cycle end?
When I said I wanted revenge, I didn't really mean it. What I wanted was to never see my relatives again, or have to deal with them. Because everytime I see them, the past comes up and I feel like wanting to hurt them like they hurt me. I'm just tired of being a doormat. But, I don't want to hurt anybody. If we could just avoid each other, everybody would be happy.
I know I practice vipassana meditation from time to time, but I still have old grudges and feelings that I haven't settled. I know I've been taught to be nice, but whenever I show kindness or smile to enemies, they mistook it for stupidity. This sets me off and makes me more angry, where does the cycle end?
Lately, there have been talks about the negative effects of video games, with addiction being one of the problems. I agree that addiction to anything is not good. All things in moderation. I like video games but don't play them for hours on end. Video games, like any other tool out there, can be used for good or bad.
On a related topic, I have absolutely no idea how people can get addicted to a game such as Candy Crush. I tried playing it and don't see anything unique or remarkable about it, save for the delicious looking candies. Beats me how people think it's the greatest game ever, or whatever.
Mariah Carey's song "All I want for Christmas is you" sounds sweet, it's on the radio every holiday season. But, in reality, people want more than a gf/bf/spouse. Otherwise, there would be no Black Friday, and people won't be out buying presents. But, I'm taking this too literally. Her song speaks to the deeper meaning of Christmas, which is spending time with loved ones and enjoying it.
On a related topic, I have absolutely no idea how people can get addicted to a game such as Candy Crush. I tried playing it and don't see anything unique or remarkable about it, save for the delicious looking candies. Beats me how people think it's the greatest game ever, or whatever.
Mariah Carey's song "All I want for Christmas is you" sounds sweet, it's on the radio every holiday season. But, in reality, people want more than a gf/bf/spouse. Otherwise, there would be no Black Friday, and people won't be out buying presents. But, I'm taking this too literally. Her song speaks to the deeper meaning of Christmas, which is spending time with loved ones and enjoying it.
The past is haunting me. I think the trauma from past bullying still persists, though it's not as strong or fresh compared to 2 years ago. I still get triggers from time to time, during which I try to suppress my reactions. I feel horrible and guilty for reacting negatively, of course. I beat myself up for having such horrible thoughts, and fear being punished for merely thinking them. It's like getting bitten by a dog - once you're bitten, you become traumatized and you internalize that all dogs are bad so you try to avoid them as much as possible. Some people get over their fears through exposure therapy.
theslowesthand
Banned
Have you explained all this to seller? They might be able to suggest a fix.
By "adapter" do you mean the end bit of lead (plastic + with shiny metal pole) which plugs into laptops DC IN port? If so, it might be the inner wires are fractured.
I only told the seller that the adapter doesn't work and was planning to get a refund, but the seller immediately suggested that he could send another one for me. He assumed that the first one was defective. I thought I could give it 1 more try, so I had the 2nd adapter sent to me. The 2nd adapter couldn't charge my laptop - it was then that I figured that the problem is very likely with my laptop's AC/DC port. However by now it is too late to get a refund or return it. I think they have a 30 day return policy. Oh well.
Yes, by adapter I meant the end bit of lead. I am still using my original adapter, because it's the only adapter that works (out of all 3). But for it to charge my laptop, I have to adjust its position such pulling it or bending it, which can be a hassle.
So, I've been observing this thread about recreational drug use that's now been closed. I didn't get a chance to post my opinion, so in my personal journal, here goes:
Criminalizing drugs (of all types, not just the soft ones) based on the fact that they're dangerous to the human body is akin to criminalizing guns or knives simply because they're dangerous. By itself, the drug/gun/knife is not dangerous. It's when you put the drug/gun/knife in the hands of the human that it can become dangerous.
The US policy of criminalization of drugs seems irrational to me. It's similar to the prohibition of alcohol back in the 20s. People, aka consumers, will do anything to get the drug/alcohol - the government has no control over people's tastes and preferences.
The Mexican Drug War has been brought up numerous times during the debate. It is sad that the drug war has claimed thousands of lives. Here are some facts:
The US is partly to blame for this problem. Its arms dealers are supplying guns to the very same drug cartels who kill people in Mexico. Moreover, the US is the biggest consumer of illegal drugs - as long as you have demand, there will be supply. It's simply economics.
So, is the situation hopeless? I think the US should adopt the Netherlands' model of decriminalization of drugs, which was successful.
Criminalizing drugs (of all types, not just the soft ones) based on the fact that they're dangerous to the human body is akin to criminalizing guns or knives simply because they're dangerous. By itself, the drug/gun/knife is not dangerous. It's when you put the drug/gun/knife in the hands of the human that it can become dangerous.
The US policy of criminalization of drugs seems irrational to me. It's similar to the prohibition of alcohol back in the 20s. People, aka consumers, will do anything to get the drug/alcohol - the government has no control over people's tastes and preferences.
The Mexican Drug War has been brought up numerous times during the debate. It is sad that the drug war has claimed thousands of lives. Here are some facts:
The US is partly to blame for this problem. Its arms dealers are supplying guns to the very same drug cartels who kill people in Mexico. Moreover, the US is the biggest consumer of illegal drugs - as long as you have demand, there will be supply. It's simply economics.
So, is the situation hopeless? I think the US should adopt the Netherlands' model of decriminalization of drugs, which was successful.
BBC News - Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The legacy of the teen heroine
According to the article:
What about Desperate Housewives? Bones?? There's a lot of female cast in these shows.
I've only seen the first few episodes of Buffy, not much of a fan. But I also get the impression that Buffy is a strong female character. I realize how bad of a storyteller I am. I was writing this story that started off as a daydream, and the way I am portraying the female characters in my story kinda sucks.
According to the article:
What about Desperate Housewives? Bones?? There's a lot of female cast in these shows.
I've only seen the first few episodes of Buffy, not much of a fan. But I also get the impression that Buffy is a strong female character. I realize how bad of a storyteller I am. I was writing this story that started off as a daydream, and the way I am portraying the female characters in my story kinda sucks.