Today, I took the courage to call up my boss and apologize about a service downtime. I was feeling very anxious before I made the call; nevertheless, I forced myself to go through with it. I also sent out a mass email to everyone apologizing for the temporary outage. It's just common courtesy for the IT dpeartment (or the rep of IT) to issue out apologies when things like this happens. At the end of it all, I'm so proud of myself for having the courage to do all these.
Just another journal
- Thread starter jaim38
- Start date
So, I saw a post on Google+ which goes something like, "Forgive not because they deserve it but because it'll give you peace." I agree, and I hope to start on my journey of forgiving this year. BUT, yes there's a but, forgiving doesn't mean that I have to start liking or being friends with people. In fact, I'd rather not have to deal with those people again. I want to forgive and move on, not forgive and try to befriend/like/kiss up to their *ss. The focus of forgiveness is moving on, not revisit the past and revive old wounds. I can forgive my dad's relatives, given enough time, but I don't have the desire to make up with them. I just don't want anything to do with them after forgiving. And, don't tell me I have to love my relatives because of the blood or "for networking purposes" - oh plueeeeeease.
So my dad had a talk with me today. He said if I wanted to continue my schooling, I can at the moment because he's still working and we probably can afford it. I remember him saying that he wanted to go to college when he was younger but couldn't for various reasons.
Back on topic. I just graduated with a bachelor's but have no plans to get a master's or phD. I have 12+ years of classroom experience, but almost 0 paid work experience. I did volunteer work though. At this stage, the last thing I want is more time in the classroom. I am severely lacking in real world experience. Plus, I feel terrible asking my parents for money. I know my dad offered to pay for my schooling, but I feel terrible still. NEET, "strawberry generation", Millennials, whatever you call them - they severely lacking in survival skills. Without their gadgets, they go nuts. I want to be the exception.
Back on topic. I just graduated with a bachelor's but have no plans to get a master's or phD. I have 12+ years of classroom experience, but almost 0 paid work experience. I did volunteer work though. At this stage, the last thing I want is more time in the classroom. I am severely lacking in real world experience. Plus, I feel terrible asking my parents for money. I know my dad offered to pay for my schooling, but I feel terrible still. NEET, "strawberry generation", Millennials, whatever you call them - they severely lacking in survival skills. Without their gadgets, they go nuts. I want to be the exception.
BBC News - A Point of View: The perils of belief
I agree with most of the stuff said in the article. We can all agree that forced conversions and destruction of ancient relics and ways of life are bad things. Religion has been given a bad NAME throughout history because of the witch hunts, crusades, and mass killings done in its name. Of course, I don't advocate such violence. However, I do believe there are people who practice their religions or spiritual traditions peacefully without hurting others or forcing others to convert. They have the right to believe in whatever they want as long as they're not hurting others.
I agree with most of the stuff said in the article. We can all agree that forced conversions and destruction of ancient relics and ways of life are bad things. Religion has been given a bad NAME throughout history because of the witch hunts, crusades, and mass killings done in its name. Of course, I don't advocate such violence. However, I do believe there are people who practice their religions or spiritual traditions peacefully without hurting others or forcing others to convert. They have the right to believe in whatever they want as long as they're not hurting others.
When a girl cries and blames it on you, you can be sure your reputation is over. Because everybody will start hating you. This was my case a many years ago. I still remember it very clearly, in the second semester of my sophomore year. All I did was mind my own business as usual. I never did anything to hurt people, i.e. gossip, curse at them, hit them, etc. Then one day, out of the blue, this girl living diagonally across from me said my shoes are disrupting her from sleeping. She kept telling people this and said she didn't like me. Even had her roommate, E, spy on me, so that she could avoid me. And then, the next thing I know, some girl who was probably her friend started crying! I saw her crying down the hallway, that's how I know. I didn't think much of it, because 1) we're strangers who never spoke to each other, 2) I don't know her. And then believe it or not, I became the most hated b*tch in the dorm floor! I hear people curse when I walk by their doors, people yell things/turn off lights when I'm in the shower, people say things indirectly to me outside my door, people mocking me, and lots of lots of malicious gossiping! I was nicknamed "the stupid girl". Even the people who I used to talk with, they grew wary of me, like when they see me, it's like they see a ghost or something.
Those girls even kept track of my schedule, i.e. when I go out and when I come home. I tried to make it consistent everyday just to make things easier for them. Pretty soon, everybody in the dorm floor knew about me, and hated/avoided me - including the resident advisor. It's amazing how just 2-3 people can make your life worse. They tell their friends/acquaintances, who then tell their friends, who then...you get what I'm driving at. 6 degrees of separation - the power of networking. By the time I dropped out of this darn school, I have haters in ALL 4 of my classes. In class, at dorms, at special events, even at cafeterias - I meet haters.
Those girls even kept track of my schedule, i.e. when I go out and when I come home. I tried to make it consistent everyday just to make things easier for them. Pretty soon, everybody in the dorm floor knew about me, and hated/avoided me - including the resident advisor. It's amazing how just 2-3 people can make your life worse. They tell their friends/acquaintances, who then tell their friends, who then...you get what I'm driving at. 6 degrees of separation - the power of networking. By the time I dropped out of this darn school, I have haters in ALL 4 of my classes. In class, at dorms, at special events, even at cafeterias - I meet haters.
The following passage from a webcomic touched me:
Today, when my dad was having an episode again, I was the first one to notice and alerted my mom. I helped my mom carry a bag while she cleaned my dad. Earlier, there was also a sleepwalking incident which I helped out with. I feel proud of myself for what I did. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't be able to help out like I could. Even though the actions that I make don't change the world in large or noticeable ripples, I am helping to make a difference in the lives that I come in contact with, and that's enough for me. Forget ambition, forget building a multibillion dollar company, forget being Bill Gates. I do have a place in this world, just not in a highly visible, popular role.
Today, when my dad was having an episode again, I was the first one to notice and alerted my mom. I helped my mom carry a bag while she cleaned my dad. Earlier, there was also a sleepwalking incident which I helped out with. I feel proud of myself for what I did. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't be able to help out like I could. Even though the actions that I make don't change the world in large or noticeable ripples, I am helping to make a difference in the lives that I come in contact with, and that's enough for me. Forget ambition, forget building a multibillion dollar company, forget being Bill Gates. I do have a place in this world, just not in a highly visible, popular role.
So, my boss wanted me to work with this new volunteer - he said she could assist me. On his order, of course, I went ahead and scheduled a call with her. I thought I'd have to work closely with her. The last email she sent me was with offhanded and caught me by surprise. She called me "Dear" and said "later". I was shocked upon reading this. I don't know what to think actually. My first thought was, did my boss tell her my age? Did he say anything about me, like mention that I was a "kid"?
Well, I have so many theories, but to give myself some peace, I'm done going to worry myself to insanity over this. Given her 12+ years experience in HR and the fact that she's very qualified, I will just let this slide. I'll be speaking with her tomorrow, kinda nervous, I hope it will go smoothly.
Well, I have so many theories, but to give myself some peace, I'm done going to worry myself to insanity over this. Given her 12+ years experience in HR and the fact that she's very qualified, I will just let this slide. I'll be speaking with her tomorrow, kinda nervous, I hope it will go smoothly.
I've been losing weight for a while, ever since gaining massive pounds while away from home. Just wanted to clarify to myself some things. First, I'm losing weight for myself, not for some future bf/husband or society. So, if a guy tells me, "I like you just the way you are, you don't need to lose more weight", I would still go lose weight because like I said, I'm doing it for myself not for anybody else. Secondly, don't worry I won't harm myself, i.e. doing starving, exercising overboard, etc. I want to get back to the weight I had before, which is pretty decent for someone my size. I'm eating healthy and indulging in sweets occasionally. I have a destination weight and checked the BMI for it - which falls under the healthy side.
I went out today to the bank and walmart. At the bank, the customer service rep who served me was all smiling, making eye contact, and overall exhibited great people skills. I made an effort to be act more energetic but totally failed. I couldn't sustain eye contact, and my voice was too quiet. Then I went to walmart and met a salesperson. She tried to sell us sam's club membership, but I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be. The entire time, I was thinking, "do we even need sam's club membership? We don't shop often at walmart." My frugal/practical mindset took over, I thought it through and realize we don't need it. Well, I also feel a little compassion for the sales rep, because she was trying hard to sell us some stuff, which is part of her job. I remembered volunteering for a fundraiser once, and it's already hard enough. I remember there were several students/customers who avoided having me serve them. Anyway, back on topic. I took the time to listen to the sales rep, could feel myself in her shoes, and tried to politely decline her.
Over at the checkout line, my anxiety was probably at its worst. There's people everywhere, front back left right. Yikes! My vision went blurry for a moment. Nevertheless I focused on getting everything checked out, well except for the eyelienr pencil which I totally forgot about. Either I must have dropped it or left it on the cart. I didn't realize this until I got home, at which point looked over my receipt and said, "Hey, I didn't scan in the eyeliner pencil, darn it!"
Then I played my video game for an hour and was disappointed at my deteriorating performance. Doing exercise afterwards made me feel better.
Over at the checkout line, my anxiety was probably at its worst. There's people everywhere, front back left right. Yikes! My vision went blurry for a moment. Nevertheless I focused on getting everything checked out, well except for the eyelienr pencil which I totally forgot about. Either I must have dropped it or left it on the cart. I didn't realize this until I got home, at which point looked over my receipt and said, "Hey, I didn't scan in the eyeliner pencil, darn it!"
Then I played my video game for an hour and was disappointed at my deteriorating performance. Doing exercise afterwards made me feel better.
At volunteer work, my boss promoted me to some supervisory position, but I suspected he had ulterior motives behind his move. He promoted me at a time when there are only 2-3 active volunteers in the org, which speaks for itself. He was desperate for more help, it doesn't matter who or where, young or old, etc. Most importantly, he must have saw something in me that he liked - my submissiveness. I obeyed and did everything he told me to do, almost everything at least. Even though I had 0 mgt experience and is totally unqualified to lead the organization or do anything of this sort, he still promoted me, regardless.
It was hard at first, but now I think I'm getting the hang of it. I've learned a lot from this volunteer position. However, in the job market I would not dare to apply for any managerial positions. I still have horrible social skills and not enough confidence, not to mention I suffer from social anxiety, agoraphobia, and other stuff. I do enjoy my volunteering experience, but having a job will be very different. I messed up many times while volunteering and was given chances to redeem myself, but I knew that if this was a real job, I'd be fired.
It was hard at first, but now I think I'm getting the hang of it. I've learned a lot from this volunteer position. However, in the job market I would not dare to apply for any managerial positions. I still have horrible social skills and not enough confidence, not to mention I suffer from social anxiety, agoraphobia, and other stuff. I do enjoy my volunteering experience, but having a job will be very different. I messed up many times while volunteering and was given chances to redeem myself, but I knew that if this was a real job, I'd be fired.
I'm feeling depressive-suicidal today. But such feelings are soon clouded by my deep despair, once I realize the situation I'm in. I know the reason why of course. I feel like I'm back to square one.
Begin rant (highlight text to read, but warning - it's gonna be boring):
I am being haunted by spirits/demons. My dream is to get rid of these spirits, but I know they will always follow me because they said so, and I will never be rid of them until I die. But then, even after I die, they will try to find my spirit and follow it too, but I really hope not. I hope they leave me alone after death, period.
I went to the supermarket today with my mom, and that in itself already is a big step for someone agoraphobic like me. I'm still social phobic and really timid approaching people of course. I admit I am still far from being a loud, smiling person who expresses her mind easily, but I'm getting somewhere. At least that's what I thought. Keep in mind I also have PTSD which makes me extra self-conscious, scared, and hyper-aware.
I thought it would be another good day to improve, but the spirits had to ruin things for me. They thought I was being bad on purpose, so they punished me. They put me in situations I don't want to be in. I remember getting out of the supermarket feeling very angry, suicidal, depressed, and filled with hatred. I hated them, I hated them! I wanted them out of my life! Why must they follow me around, even to the bathroom? Who gave them the right to punish me, to be enactor of justice? Why must I explain things to them? They won't even show themselves to me, but spied on everything that I do!
I have never felt so much loss of hope because of anybody or anything else. These spirits have driven me to the extreme edge of despair. I've contemplated suicide. People associated with me have their lives tampered with by these spirits. Case in point is my family. Next could be my friends. If I have a bf/husband and children, you bet they'll be next. These spirits will spy on them, tamper with their lives, etc. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. It won't be a life worth living.
Everywhere I go, I'm hated, despised, and bring bad luck to others. It's no coincidence these spirits are also there, when this happens. In short, I'm the black sheep and the jinx. Everyone I come into contact with, these spirits will check them out for sure. Why can't they just leave me and my family and friends alone?
It makes me shudder everytime I hear some love song on the radio, because I keep associating it with the spirits. Just today, I hear the song, "Don't go" and it made me shudder for a moment. I just don't love these spirits and have no intention of getting into romantic relationships with anybody. Why can't they get a clue and leave me alone?
They're probably laughing at me now. They're probably thinking, this stupid human. They don't care about my feelings, my dreams or whatever. They only care about their interests. I'm not important to them. After all, I'm just 1 freakin human out of billions, so I'm replaceable according to them. Once I'm gone, without any descendants, they go haunt someone else.
I know spirits are reading this, so I repeat, I did not mean to offend some people in the store. Gosh, why am I explaining thigns to them? If these spirits are gone from my life, I wouldn't have to explain anything to them. However, since they're still with me, I know I have to explain things to them. Because if I don't, they will assume I'm a bad person and will continue to harass/punish me until I somehow break down, cry, or bow down or do something that makes them happy.
Spirits and my brother, who's worse? I'm not even sure. They wear different masks but they feel the same.
Lumosity tests, tests of kindness, tests of bias, etc - life feels like 1 big test, even before the spirits getting involved. Last night I had this horrible dream. I think the spirits are testing me. They want to shock me into revealing my true colors? If so, I'm completely horrified. These spirits say they want to help me, but what they're doing is more like creating more conflict with other people. I am appaled at their behavior.
End rant
Begin rant (highlight text to read, but warning - it's gonna be boring):
I am being haunted by spirits/demons. My dream is to get rid of these spirits, but I know they will always follow me because they said so, and I will never be rid of them until I die. But then, even after I die, they will try to find my spirit and follow it too, but I really hope not. I hope they leave me alone after death, period.
I went to the supermarket today with my mom, and that in itself already is a big step for someone agoraphobic like me. I'm still social phobic and really timid approaching people of course. I admit I am still far from being a loud, smiling person who expresses her mind easily, but I'm getting somewhere. At least that's what I thought. Keep in mind I also have PTSD which makes me extra self-conscious, scared, and hyper-aware.
I thought it would be another good day to improve, but the spirits had to ruin things for me. They thought I was being bad on purpose, so they punished me. They put me in situations I don't want to be in. I remember getting out of the supermarket feeling very angry, suicidal, depressed, and filled with hatred. I hated them, I hated them! I wanted them out of my life! Why must they follow me around, even to the bathroom? Who gave them the right to punish me, to be enactor of justice? Why must I explain things to them? They won't even show themselves to me, but spied on everything that I do!
I have never felt so much loss of hope because of anybody or anything else. These spirits have driven me to the extreme edge of despair. I've contemplated suicide. People associated with me have their lives tampered with by these spirits. Case in point is my family. Next could be my friends. If I have a bf/husband and children, you bet they'll be next. These spirits will spy on them, tamper with their lives, etc. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. It won't be a life worth living.
Everywhere I go, I'm hated, despised, and bring bad luck to others. It's no coincidence these spirits are also there, when this happens. In short, I'm the black sheep and the jinx. Everyone I come into contact with, these spirits will check them out for sure. Why can't they just leave me and my family and friends alone?
It makes me shudder everytime I hear some love song on the radio, because I keep associating it with the spirits. Just today, I hear the song, "Don't go" and it made me shudder for a moment. I just don't love these spirits and have no intention of getting into romantic relationships with anybody. Why can't they get a clue and leave me alone?
They're probably laughing at me now. They're probably thinking, this stupid human. They don't care about my feelings, my dreams or whatever. They only care about their interests. I'm not important to them. After all, I'm just 1 freakin human out of billions, so I'm replaceable according to them. Once I'm gone, without any descendants, they go haunt someone else.
I know spirits are reading this, so I repeat, I did not mean to offend some people in the store. Gosh, why am I explaining thigns to them? If these spirits are gone from my life, I wouldn't have to explain anything to them. However, since they're still with me, I know I have to explain things to them. Because if I don't, they will assume I'm a bad person and will continue to harass/punish me until I somehow break down, cry, or bow down or do something that makes them happy.
Spirits and my brother, who's worse? I'm not even sure. They wear different masks but they feel the same.
Lumosity tests, tests of kindness, tests of bias, etc - life feels like 1 big test, even before the spirits getting involved. Last night I had this horrible dream. I think the spirits are testing me. They want to shock me into revealing my true colors? If so, I'm completely horrified. These spirits say they want to help me, but what they're doing is more like creating more conflict with other people. I am appaled at their behavior.
End rant
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Thanks for not calling me crazy. How do you know there are no spirits? Some people claim to see them, others don't. Let's just agree to disagree.
Steiner
Well-known member
I know when I go to crowded places like a Wal-Mart or something I hear demonic laughter surround me which echos through my head. I feel the people staring as if I am some sort of freak. Breaking into a cold sweat. My surroundings begin to feel unreal. etc.
I usually feel terrible/suicidal after I leave as well along with having to go anywhere with like my parents are something so I can relate somewhat.
I agree with cam on the fact that the spirits aren't real. Just as for me the laughter isn't real. I realize this. Though. It doesn't make it go away. Best of luck.
I usually feel terrible/suicidal after I leave as well along with having to go anywhere with like my parents are something so I can relate somewhat.
I agree with cam on the fact that the spirits aren't real. Just as for me the laughter isn't real. I realize this. Though. It doesn't make it go away. Best of luck.
More ranting...
I've been reflecting on what I wrote. I think the spirits have helped me out in the past, without my asking. I am grateful for their help. But, I've also been subjected to unpleasant situations where I screwed up and became the bane of existence. And I resent them for this.
If I tell people what I wrote here, I know I'll be labeled as some type of nutjob and lumped together with all the UFO conspiracists, Wiccans, exorcists, Beliebers (just kidding) and whatnot. I told my brother and he thinks I'm officially crazy. I've only encoutnered 1 person who believes me.
I'm not sure what to do yet. I can close my eyes and pretend nothing beyond exists. Just be narrow-minded like others want me to be and live a normal life, like my friends. However, been there done that. No matter how much I try to ignore, I still notice them itnerfering in my life. There's only so much I can take before I break.
The other option is to be open-minded. Acknowledge my other reality and find ways for peaceful coexistence.
I've been reflecting on what I wrote. I think the spirits have helped me out in the past, without my asking. I am grateful for their help. But, I've also been subjected to unpleasant situations where I screwed up and became the bane of existence. And I resent them for this.
If I tell people what I wrote here, I know I'll be labeled as some type of nutjob and lumped together with all the UFO conspiracists, Wiccans, exorcists, Beliebers (just kidding) and whatnot. I told my brother and he thinks I'm officially crazy. I've only encoutnered 1 person who believes me.
I'm not sure what to do yet. I can close my eyes and pretend nothing beyond exists. Just be narrow-minded like others want me to be and live a normal life, like my friends. However, been there done that. No matter how much I try to ignore, I still notice them itnerfering in my life. There's only so much I can take before I break.
The other option is to be open-minded. Acknowledge my other reality and find ways for peaceful coexistence.
BBC News - 'Talking at mealtimes boosts children's confidence'
According to the article above, talking at mealtimes helps increase confidence in children as well as boost communication skills. I'm not a child anymore but growing up, we rarely have family dinners. My mom and brother were not inclined to sit at the dining table. Sometimes my dad sits there with me, but most of the time he does TV dinner. I am now the only person sitting on that table for dinner, alone. People must be thinking how weird because it's usually the parents nagging their kids to sit at the dinner table, not the other way.
However, whenever my dad sits directly across from me at the table with me, I feel very uncomfortable. Whenever I look up, our eyes meet, so then I have to look down. So I try to look at the sides but then I see him in my vision too so I look down. I think he feels the discomfort too, maybe? I tried talking to him about this issue before, he said he understands that maybe it's because I am not comfortable around people of the opposite sex. I think he's right. Yesterday, we sat together again at the dinner table and ate, but didn't say much. The anxiety was back again along with the huge discomfort. I forced myself to stare at my bowl of food but doing so strains my eyes because it's like having no freedom to look anywhere else! I want to look up but then I'll see my dad and he'll think I'm checking him out / staring at him or something, and looking creepy is the last thing I want.
It's the same thing when my cousin came over to stay and she sat with me for lunch and dinner. She sat next to me, on my right side and sometiems directly across. Again, it's the same problem. WHen she sat directly across, I had the same problem I had with my dad. When she sat on the side though, I experience overactive peripheral vision. I kept noticing her at the corner of my eyeball and it feels like she's looking at me and then I feel intense performance anxiety, like "am I eating right? Do I look weird chewing?" And it's just so uncomfortable. Even when I had to break the ice and talk to her, the anxiety doesn't go away.
According to the article above, talking at mealtimes helps increase confidence in children as well as boost communication skills. I'm not a child anymore but growing up, we rarely have family dinners. My mom and brother were not inclined to sit at the dining table. Sometimes my dad sits there with me, but most of the time he does TV dinner. I am now the only person sitting on that table for dinner, alone. People must be thinking how weird because it's usually the parents nagging their kids to sit at the dinner table, not the other way.
However, whenever my dad sits directly across from me at the table with me, I feel very uncomfortable. Whenever I look up, our eyes meet, so then I have to look down. So I try to look at the sides but then I see him in my vision too so I look down. I think he feels the discomfort too, maybe? I tried talking to him about this issue before, he said he understands that maybe it's because I am not comfortable around people of the opposite sex. I think he's right. Yesterday, we sat together again at the dinner table and ate, but didn't say much. The anxiety was back again along with the huge discomfort. I forced myself to stare at my bowl of food but doing so strains my eyes because it's like having no freedom to look anywhere else! I want to look up but then I'll see my dad and he'll think I'm checking him out / staring at him or something, and looking creepy is the last thing I want.
It's the same thing when my cousin came over to stay and she sat with me for lunch and dinner. She sat next to me, on my right side and sometiems directly across. Again, it's the same problem. WHen she sat directly across, I had the same problem I had with my dad. When she sat on the side though, I experience overactive peripheral vision. I kept noticing her at the corner of my eyeball and it feels like she's looking at me and then I feel intense performance anxiety, like "am I eating right? Do I look weird chewing?" And it's just so uncomfortable. Even when I had to break the ice and talk to her, the anxiety doesn't go away.
Urghhh.. I am so angry! :veryangry: But it's a better now. So, my brother called me into his hot room to talk about how he's gonna carry his books to school. And I'm thinking, wft?! Doesn't he, uh, have a backpack? So, he was originally gonna go to school without his backpack, just carry his books in his arms. So I told him, what if it's raining? A backpack offers more protection in addition to more convenience. It can hold multiple things inside vs bare arms. My brother said he didn't want to use his old backpack because it's dusty. So I had to vaccuum it for him, as I didn't want to use a featherduster because dust would fly everywhere. This woke my dad up, who got angry. So I brought the backpack to my brother who then said he refuse to use the backpack anymore because it has faded colors. :kickingmyself: What happens next is like getting trapped in a haunted house. He already spent like 10-20 minutes still deciding whether to use a backpack or not, without choosing any of the backpacks that I brought him. I told him to buy a new one, but he ignored my advice and just kept thinking so hard like solving some freaking hard puzzle! I have just about had it. I tried to excuse myself to go out by saying I'm thirsty gotta drink water, but he refused to let me go. I told him I didn't like kneeling like this and begged him to let me go. But he still wouldn't allow it. What have I gotten myself into? I shouldn't have even offered to help him! 
h: Finally, after 30 minutes inside his freakin hot room, with my knees hurting from kneeling in front of his freakin computer since there was no otehr chair to sit on, he finally let me go. But guess what? He still hasn't decided on whether to use a backpack or not! OK fine then, not my problem! I don't even know what the f*ck he wants, a handbag maybe? Gosh, it's so hard to reason with someone who's freakin paranoid, mad, agoraphobic, etc. My mom definitely didn't do a good job raising him!
h: Finally, after 30 minutes inside his freakin hot room, with my knees hurting from kneeling in front of his freakin computer since there was no otehr chair to sit on, he finally let me go. But guess what? He still hasn't decided on whether to use a backpack or not! OK fine then, not my problem! I don't even know what the f*ck he wants, a handbag maybe? Gosh, it's so hard to reason with someone who's freakin paranoid, mad, agoraphobic, etc. My mom definitely didn't do a good job raising him!Urghhh.. I am so angry! :veryangry: But it's a better now. So, my brother called me into his hot room to talk about how he's gonna carry his books to school. And I'm thinking, wft?! Doesn't he, uh, have a backpack? So, he was originally gonna go to school without his backpack, just carry his books in his arms. So I told him, what if it's raining? A backpack offers more protection in addition to more convenience. It can hold multiple things inside vs bare arms. My brother said he didn't want to use his old backpack because it's dusty. So I had to vaccuum it for him, as I didn't want to use a featherduster because dust would fly everywhere. This woke my dad up, who got angry. So I brought the backpack to my brother who then said he refuse to use the backpack anymore because it has faded colors. :kickingmyself: What happens next is like getting trapped in a haunted house. He already spent like 10-20 minutes still deciding whether to use a backpack or not, without choosing any of the backpacks that I brought him. I told him to buy a new one, but he ignored my advice and just kept thinking so hard like solving some freaking hard puzzle! I have just about had it. I tried to excuse myself to go out by saying I'm thirsty gotta drink water, but he refused to let me go. I told him I didn't like kneeling like this and begged him to let me go. But he still wouldn't allow it. What have I gotten myself into? I shouldn't have even offered to help him!
Wtf! Are you his slave or something? Why can't he clean his own backpack himself? Does he normally call you into his room to debate on how to do life's simplest things? I find that a bit...odd. I have 4 younger brothers, and I lived with 3 of them for 6 years and we wasn't like that. One of them came into my room and I'd throw stuff at them until they left. Maybe it's different when there's no sisters involved? If they called me into their room to discuss a school backpack one of us would've got punched in the face.
That's exactly how I feel. When I'm too nice he takes advantage of it. Yeah, he calls me into his room to ask me things such as should he go to school today, should he switch schools, should he buy something online, etc. He should be the one to decide for himself for many of these questions, not tell other people to decide for him. He keeps telling me to "put yourself in my shoes" and decide what to do. I told him I can never be him nor make decisions for him.