Just another journal

[jaim38]

Is is just me or is my life more complicated than necessary? MS Office 2010/2013 is incredibly expensive by itself. If I buy it at Best Buy, I have to spend over $100. My school's bookstore offers it, but at $70-$80 it's still expensive. However, my sibling's school sells it for less than $20!!! Wow, that's a very steep discount right there!

I asked my sibling if he could please buy it for me, because the discount is only available to faculty and students, but he refused to do it initially. I tried hard to convince him, saying that I have homework and reports that require the use of MS Office. I have Office 2007 but it's sometimes not compatible with Office 2010/2013. My professor created a spreadsheet with new features that can't be viewed in 2007. My teammates also added features to reports that I alone can't see!

All of this is not enough reason to convince my brother to help me buy office 2010. But, he did say if I buy it, I have to go alone. I was like, "what? are you serious? I thought you have to show your ID to get the steep discount! I am not a student there so I won't qualify for any discount." He was reluctant to go to the school's store, physically.

So I tried installing office 2013 trial but installation failed, so I kinda screwed. Eventually my sibling said he'll buy it for me but have it shipped to our place. Meanwhile, I have to use public library computers until the shipment arrives.

 

[jaim38]

Today I went to school but don't even know my way around! How is this possible, you might ask? I've been attending this school for almost 2 years, but all my classes until this semester have been completely online, which means I never have to attend class physically until this semester. I went to school today specifically to pay my graduation fees. I had to find the Cashier's office, then the Registrar's. Today is also Halloween, and true to its name, I find myself with lots of bad luck: it was raining hard this morning and some roads were closed so I could not park near the school at all. Which means I gotta park far away and walk there. We end up parking behind the school. The way to school was no less difficult. I had to walk through mud and water, and sorta climb to the top of the school. It's yucky, slimy, and raining everywhere. It sucks!

I got to school but then found myself in an unfamiliar area. When I realized it was the cafeteria, I cringed. Cafeteria is my LEAST favorite part of school. It's loud and there's people everywhere. Anxiety kicked in. I don't even know my way around so had to ask for directions. I finally found the Cashier's office and paid the fee. Then I looked at the map trying to figure out where the darn Registrar's office is.

According to the map, Cashier's office is located in the "South" part of the building while Registrar's is in the "North" part. So I went North but see no Registrar's. Eventually, I figured out where it is, which is a few yards away from the Cashier's!!! Kinda weird how "north" and "south" parts of the building are just a few feet/yards apart.

I was very nervous the whole time because I didn't know my way around and didn't want to look like an idiot wandering around. I also wanted to give up and come back tomorrow because of the downpour, but I feel bad for wasting gas money so I said what the h*ll and just got off the car and went. Even though I was completely soaked and the bayou smells like sh*t, I made it. I never thought i had to wade through rain again. The last time I did it was a few years back when I lived near campus.

 

[jaim38]

Windows is officially my worst enemy. Its products are expensive and they SUCK! I can't install office trial on my computer so I decided to give Office on Demand a try. But man, even that doesn't work either! Who am I kidding?

So, why am I wasting 10+ hours trying to use the latest version of Office? I have Office 2007 but my professor created an Excel spreadsheet which used Scenario Manager. Office 2007 doesn't come with Scenario Manager so I can't view his spreadsheet properly. In order to use Scenario Manager, I must have Office 2010 or above.

I'm official freakin done with this. I'm NOT spending more time on this.

 

[Biev]

Why don't you just use a free version like Open Office or Neo Office? They work just as well.

 

[jaim38]

Why don't you just use a free version like Open Office or Neo Office? They work just as well.

I don't have much of a choice. I use LibreOffice but it shows Word docs very differently. I used to have OpenOffice and it's the same thing. Both can open Word, Powerpoint, and Excel docs but not all features are supported, plus the formatting can sometimes get distorted. However, my classes require the use of MS Office.

As I mentioned, my professor's Excel spreadsheet uses Scenario Manager. However, Office 2007 doesn't come with Scenario Manager. I highly doubt OpenOffice or LibreOffice has Scenario Manager features.

I've tried Google Apps/Docs too, which has the same compatibility problems. I cannot even edit some Word docs using Google Apps.

It sucks when all my teammates are using Office 2010 or higher and I'm stuck with Office 2007. There were some compatibility issues. One time, my teammate submitted a massive report (around 16 MB) that I cannot even edit using Word 2007! So I also can't edit it with Google Docs. I had to create an entirely new doc and copied some things over while deleting others. I feel bad for doing this but I'm on a time crunch and had to submit before deadline.

 

[jaim38]

Last week I found out MS Excel 2007 does offer Scenario Manager functionality. Yeah! But for some reason when I open up my professor's spreadsheet, it gives me an error saying some things are unreadable. Weird.

Next topic: It really disturbs me when people try to impose their beliefs on others. Everyone has the right to believe in what they want. Some people believe in God, others don't, so what? It's none of our business. There are people who predict the end of the world and they get ridiculed, lambasted for it. But, don't these people have the freedom of expression to say and believe what they want? People can take it or leave it.

 

[jc972]

Next topic: It really disturbs me when people try to impose their beliefs on others. Everyone has the right to believe in what they want. Some people believe in God, others don't, so what? It's none of our business. There are people who predict the end of the world and they get ridiculed, lambasted for it. But, don't these people have the freedom of expression to say and believe what they want? People can take it or leave it.

That's been running rampant lately, it seems. As long as there are humans there will be ridicule over beliefs. I don't like it, but no one man or woman can stop it, unfortunately.

 

[jaim38]

Today I had class. It was pretty uncomfortable at first. There were all these guys sitting next to me and my peripheral vision was pretty distracting! At the beginning, I was distracted by some guy stretching and yawning, and it doesn't help that he looks kind of attractive too. Everytime I look at the slides, I see him in my peripheral vision! I kept looking down, sometimes closing my eyes, so that I don't have to see guys. Plus I had several guys sit on my row so that was no fun either. I was hunching and being careful not to do anything embarassing or nasty. It was so uncomfortable sitting in class, I was shifting, maybe it's ADHD?

The weird thing is that when I look at some guys I felt the urge to laugh and blush! I almost couldn't control myself! It's so weird that I must be doing weird movements with my mouth and those guys around me probably think I'm crazy. I honestly don't know why I had the urge to laugh - maybe it's a natural reaction to lessen the discomfort?

Plus I had another issue come up: greeting people. I greet people when they greet me first, usually by waving. Must I say "hi" and "bye" to people that I know everytime I see them? Is this what they call etiquette? I find myself having a hard time with this.

 

[jaim38]

I had another bout of memory recall. It was intense enough to elicit a strong reaction from me. If it were 1-2 years ago, I'd probably break down crying because I wouldn't be able to take it. But now, 2-3 years later, I have started to move on but sometimes I still get memories from that city that shook my composure.

I'm not a horrible person, but I do have my quirks, one of which is: I won't date any guy from a particular city. It's a deal breaker for me. If I am attracted to a guy and he lives and works in that city, sayonara! I will not even consider dating him. Even if he is super handsome, super smart, 6 ft tall, earns gazillions of moola, etc. That's how much I want to avoid anybody or anything from that city.

That's all.

 

[jaim38]

Feeling pressure to donate again. I got this letter from March of Dimes with pictures of kids asking me to donate. And they also sent me a dime! I'm just going to say this right off the bat: I am not going to donate at this time, for the following reasons:

1) I am unemployed and got bills to pay. I got student loans, internet bill, and career suits to pay. I will not donate until I get a job. I am already feeling bad for using my parents' money. People without jobs shouldn't be asked to donate.

2) Even if I donate, I have no way of keeping track of March of Dimes. Actually, I don't even know how to keep track of a charity's finances! If I donate, I want to make sure the charity does what it claims to do, but right now I'm busy as heck with other priorities in mind and dont have time to investigate.

There I said it! I can't donate, sorry!

Next topic, I am being pressured to date, but I refuse to do it! I don't wanna, plain and simple! Please stop pestering me people!

 

[jaim38]

It's one thing when someone tells me they are helping me, saying things like they might help me achieve my dreams, but then go behind my back and do things to me, calling me stupid, etc.

I started hearing noises around my house. It made me recall my first 4 years of university. During my 2nd year in uni, there were groups of girls who would bully me by making noises at me. They would bang and kick the tables, sometimes take out their cell phones and make beeping noises at me as I passed by, hoping they could get a reaction out of me. Some of them pass my door and yell things like "grow up!" - how ironic because they are the ones who should grow out of their bullying behaviors! In my 3rd year of uni, which was at another school, there was this tall guy who would stare down at me. Whenever I look in his direction, he would stomp his foot, slap his hands, and tell people that he dislikes me. In his mind, he probably thinks he has the right to stare at me, but I have no such right at all.

In all these instances, I ignored the bullies and pretended to be unaffected, but deep inside I was very hurt and felt like crying.

 

[jaim38]

Feeling kind of bad this morning, as I just woke up from a strange nightmare. But one thing that helped was reaffirming my faith in God. It helped bring some comfort and stability in my confusing life.

 

[jaim38]

I don't want to be forced to marry/cohabitate with someone in order to have success. I don't want success that comes with such conditions. Falling in love is not something that should be forced.

 

[jaim38]

Yesterday I went to school to take a test. When I was walking, I saw 2 guys who looked like my former classmates in high school, and I felt a sudden urge to laugh. I also saw a couple holding hands and wanted to laugh as well! It's just weird! Why do I have these sudden urges to giggle!

In class, I started talking to a classmate next to me. While we were conversing, I found my eyes wandering. They were all over the place! I couldn't make prolonged eye contact with my classmate because I don't feel comfortable with it and don't want to drill holes into her eyes. At first, I shifted my gaze a bit but found myself looking at some guy! So I had to shift my gaze again but then found myself looking at the teacher. I quickly looked away. To avoid staring at anybody, my eyes darted from place to place across the room. Sometimes I got tired of it and looked down, but found my eyes looking at my classmate's pants so I had to quickly look up! I don't wanna come off as a perv! It was weird because my eyes couldn't rest at all!

I think I did ok on the test, hopefully good enough to avoid the final.

 

[jaim38]

I went to school for a practice presentation with my classmates. When I got there, I felt really nervous, so I looked down, but then my eyes are stuck staring at somebody's private spot so I had to force myself to look up, but it was very uncomfortable. Everybody talked and seemed so friendly with each other, but I had nothing to contribute to their discussions. We talked about graduation, which was a topic I wasn't comfortbale with because I don't want to tell people I'm not going. During the practice, my voice was shaking at first, due to intense anxiety, but it got better as I neared the end.

In the car while driving home, I almost crashed into another car, because my mind kept thinking about what happened. My mom had to shake some sense into me, earth to me! I also had an insight: it doesn't matter whether you like someone on your team or not, in fact you don't need to be best friends with someone to work effectively with them. Working in a diverse team is about being able to work with different types of people harmoniously - a social skill and definitely one of the democratic ideals. THis insight came to while I was in the car. I realized how much growing up I had to do. High school is about cat fights, popularity, liking and unliking other people - those are very important. College could still be the same, depending on where you went to college. But beyond that, it's different. When you get to work with older, more mature crowds of people, it's a different ballgame.

 

[jaim38]

BBC - Capital - Women and work: The new rules of getting ahead

Good article, I actually find myself getting excited and agreeing to the major points. However, I am also questioning my ambitions/desires. It's exciting to climb up the corporate ladder (more money, more power, more respect) but it's also more laborious and riskier. There are traps along the way, such as corporate greed, compromise of ethics, trampling over others just to get to the top, etc. Being a manager sounds enticing but I have to ask myself, "what are my goals in life? What do I want out of my career? ..." I actually started out having no aspirations to manage anybody, i.e. I didn't want to be an executive or manager of any sorts, but now I am conflicted.

 

[jaim38]

Today is the Big Day - the day of my presentation. My mom accompanied me to school. I was very nervous. When I went into class, someone from my team said hi so I said hi too. I complimented on my clothing and I thanked her and said the same for her outfit. We ended up talking for just a short while. I was kinda faking the smile, the incentive to talk, everything, the whole time.

When the presentation began, I did the parts at the beginning. At first I was very nervous but later my anxiety sorta disappeared for some reason. I was stiff, but not very stiff, so I didn't use any hand movements to facilitate my speech. But my talking was ok - I didn't mess up a lot. During the whole presentation, for some reason I kept on looking at the people who at the front row - the ones who didn't like me! It was weird because I don't want to look at them but end up making eye contact with them. I wish they weren't sitting at the front row. I was reading off the slides, and the front row was nearest to the slides, so I can't really help that.

I pretty much faked through the whole thing. It felt like I conjured up a whole new personality. Anyways at the end of the presentation, I walked started walking to my seat but then heard the group of women at the front wondering why I kept looking at them and saying they didn't like me. That stung, but I was able to maintain my calm facade until I left school.

I was only able to drive until almost halfway there, when I asked to switch with my mom. I just couldn't drive today. I had so much on my mind, and so many emotions going through me. I didn't want to crash. I almost had a near crash yesterday, when I was ruminating over something that happened.

 

[jaim38]

I suddenly have flashing pieces of memories where I dreamt/daydreamt about having sex with a former classmate/crush. Feeling really disgusted. At that time, it must have been fantasy, but now many years later after the crush/infatuation died completely, I feel repulsed. Not to mention I also had a dream where I was being raped by a female entity. I don't ever want to have dreams about sex or having sex or getting raped again!

 

[jaim38]

Talking trash: yes I have cursed today.

Scrap and Trade: Scavenging Myths - Our World

Scavenging is part of the informal economy of many developing countries. It's similar to dumpster diving where people sift through trash for food. It's amazing how much useful, edible stuff we throw away. I once sifted through my teacher's trashcan in middle school and found stuff that looked almost new, clean, and possibly functional. But other kids started telling me not to go through trash so I stopped. One time, I dropped a wallet into a large garbage can in the cafeteria. When I looked in, I saw that my wallet was still in my tray, not dirty. I tried to reach in for my wallet but a teacher told me to stop. I was appalled because the wallet was given to me by my cousin, but the teacher told me to buy a new one. After that, my wallet was unsalvageable as other kids threw in their food. Thankfully, my cousin bought me a new wallet.

 

[jaim38]

This morning I had a horrible dream. I dreamt my uncle was the "king" of some state, and I was the "princess", or something like that. I attended one of the "royal gatherings". During the gathering, I met several people that I knew, including a former classmate. Then, for some crazy reason, I started stripping until I was buck naked. I just stood there, trying to hide behind a woman, but no use because other civilians could see me. I just wouldn't put on my clothes even though I'm getting weird stares! I suddenly thought about pregnancy and saw my belly bulging. After that, I received very savage remarks from a commentator basically saying I am a disgrace and should step down. I met the commentator who proceeded to criticize me. I felt so ashamed of myself.

My bizarre dream reminded me of the Prince Harry incident from last year. Harry was caught in some nude photos taken in las vegas which received much media attention. It was a controversial issue, with some people saying public figures should exercise more discretion.

Emperor's New clothes came to mind as well.