is it wrong to have a baby?

[AGR]

First be sure that its what you want and you have someone who will be by your side to help you,just now I went to the supermarket and there was a couple with their daughter and she was making a huge scene because she wanted to go in the market inside the cart or something,its very difficult and at teen years only gets worse.

 

[AGR]

YouTube - ‪Best Commercial Ever‬‏

 

[Remus]

Having kids made me feel more complete, that's just me though, I'm a clucky hen.

 

[cosmosis]

I always think that what makes a life complete is some passion or focus that makes it worth while. A child might be the easiest way to get that, but there are other ways or other things that can give you that purpose and passion.

 

[Remus]

Yup, best to persue all your hopes and dreams rather than settle for one

 

[popolala]

i see it as, if you cant look after yourself, then how can you look after a baby? .. and for the baby sake, its best to be in a marriage relationship before you have a baby. obviously, there is nothing wrong with having a baby, but there something wrong, if you cant look after a baby, or if your too young. and immature.

the baby will look up to you as a role model, parenting really impact big on a child development, so i think if you really want a baby, think about the baby, not yourself. dont see the baby as something that can help you, rather you should help the baby.

the reason why i say its best to be in a marriage relationship before u have a baby is so the baby can grow up in a stable family surrounding,and that will be good for the child development. and if you think he is the one, then you should consider that.

if you not considering marrying him, then i dont know why you want a baby with a man you dont want to spend the rest of your life with.

 

[awkwardamanda]

I don't believe a person can be complete unless they become a parent.

I find this statement offensive. I do not want children and this is for a variety of reasons. I can't think of a single thing about raising kids that would appeal to me. I don't like kids. I'd make a terrible parent. I would be miserable. I can't deal with my own life, never mind trying to guide somebody else through theirs. Now I may never really feel complete in life but if not, it will be for other reasons, like if I never make new friends, or never fall in love, or never have a satisfying career. It will NOT be because I chose not to have kids.

this statement is ridiculous. what am i, a fraction of a person because i choose not to have kids? what about people who can't have kids? are you going to tell them they are incomplete, too? that's real nice. i think you should reassess. having a kid is not the end-all-be-all of the world.

CHILDFREE (not childless) BY CHOICE.

Thank you.

That's your right to feel like that, as it is my right to say what I BELIEVE, rather than saying that as a statement and preach about it. I mean you wouldn't go up to people who are Catholic who believe non religious people will burn in hell, to tell them how dare they hold that personal belief? You've obviously put an emotional spin on what I said. Being incomplete is not exactly the same as a fragment of a person is it. I should reassess what exactly? Having a kid is not the be all end all, for sure. I can live a life without children, but because I have a kid, it makes it so much richer.

I don't see how it's a matter of personal belief. The truth is that there really are people in this world who lead fulfilling lives without children and don't feel like something is missing because of it. (If you don't believe me, please see this woman's blog. I think the title speaks for itself.) If your life would have been incomplete without having children, that's fine, but you can't get inside the minds of others so you really aren't in any position to say whether or not their lives are complete. If they feel complete, that's really all there is to it. Parents can be very condescending towards non-parents sometimes. Please tread carefully when talking to people without kids, as you may say something insulting, whether intentional or not.

Whilst I can see where you may be coming from (I don't have kids myself but I am an auntie and can see how much joy it's brought to myself and my family) I can also understand dottie's reaction. I think the wording in your original message was a little rigid as you seemed to imply that unless people had children, their life would not be as 'complete' as other's. Indeed you are not saying that people without children are lesser beings, but you are implying that anyone without a child is 'missing out' and you should consider how that might make somebody who, for example, really wants children but can't have them, feel.

Life is just what you make of it. I know many people who aren't parents who have instead given their whole lives for charitable works, or just by doing the things they love - seeing the world, pursuing arts and crafts - I wouldn't say they had lead an 'incomplete' life.
I also know of parents who are parents only because they got drunk one night. It would be wrong to say that their lives were more complete than anybody elses.

I just don't think it is fair for any parent to simply assume that having a child makes their life more worthwhile or 'complete' than that of somebody else who doesn't have a child. Of course you are entitled to your opinion, but with every opinion comes feedback. That's the beauty of a forum.

Also, thank you.


Now in response to original topic, it is okay to have a baby, but make sure you've taken the time to think about whether you really are ready or not. If you don't know yet, then you probably aren't. That advice goes to anyone, not just people with mental health issues. Don't jump into things too soon. Think about whether you're financially able to provide for a child. Think about whether you have the time and energy to commit to raising a child in the near future. Think about whether you're ready to give up life as it is and move forward into parenthood. You don't need to be free of SA. You may never attain this goal. But if you feel it is overwhelming right now, you should probably try to get it somewhat under control first. Also, you mentioned that you would likely take classes while pregnant. Are you talking about parenting classes or are you talking about school? If you mean school, then you really should reconsider that. You may have good intentions but it probably won't work out how you want it to. It's not easy to get an education and launch a career at the same time as becoming a new parent.

 

[Waybuloo]

I don't see how it's a matter of personal belief. The truth is that there really are people in this world who lead fulfilling lives without children and don't feel like something is missing because of it. (If you don't believe me, please see this woman's blog. I think the title speaks for itself.) If your life would have been incomplete without having children, that's fine, but you can't get inside the minds of others so you really aren't in any position to say whether or not their lives are complete. If they feel complete, that's really all there is to it. Parents can be very condescending towards non-parents sometimes. Please tread carefully when talking to people without kids, as you may say something insulting, whether intentional or not.

I don't know why you discredit my belief if I say that's what I believe. Please don't twist my words nor make me feel crap about my own belief system. There well might be people who believe in being complete without being a parent, that's fine with them, that's fine with me, because it works for them so they can also say that's what they believe. I never wanted kids before having one, and couldn't imagine life being a parent. But I changed my mind drastically, and found meaning I never sought before.

Once again, I didn't say 'people's lives are incomplete', I said 'I believe people's lives are incomplete'. Whether people believe otherwise or not does not matter to me, because it's my belief, whether that's true or not...

About condescending, I could say the same about Dottie's statement 'this statement is ridiculous' for the fact that it's also condescending. And she said I should reassess?? I don't tell her what to do with her life.

If you find it offensive, that's fine. I don't have problem with you disagreeing with me and providing arguments to support it, like twiggle has. I don't think you are in any position to tell me not to think a certain way and not to say this retoric as a part of the bigger picture of my original post.

 

[Luke1993]

What are your boyfriend's thoughts on the matter?

 

[Remus]

Good question, I think his support is essential in this.

 

[Waybuloo]

Good question, I think his support is essential in this.

Agreed, and also support from your family.

 

[Error]

I think everybody is blowing this out of proportions. Waybuloo, sure did not mean it that way. I also don't have kids, and don't plan to (because I hate this painful world, so it would be unfair and selfish to bring a new soul to it). I don't fell incomplete whatsoever.

But I am not shocked about Waybuloo said. I can say the me before knowing Metallica was incomplete (although I did not know that at the time). I can also say that anyone who does not appreciate Metallica is missing out big time, and I believe they are incomplete. I know this is not a good example, but what's the big deal, come on guys, drop it. Please.

 

[Kat]

I don’t think you should plan your life around your sa if it is something that is in you and you want to do you should.

 

[PhillyFlyersGrl]

If you want to have a baby, have one. Simply because you want too. You don't have to be S.A. free..you can't wait till your 100% anything because it will never happen. I would say though if your S.A. was really severe and you couldn't leave the house or function then no. But because you seem like you can function and do daily things that keeps you surviving and your baby when you have one..then yes do it!

 

[jojo77]

ok, so i have a 6month old, and i've found that in some aspects, it dose help because it forces me to be responisble. for example, go to the grocery store, because i have to for her, go to her doc appts...ect. but the thing is, it's not changing ME and a person in terms of my SA. allthough it dose force me to go outside of my comfort zone, i still need to g to terapy to work out the problems i have still. and on the negitive side, the baby is going to have it's own set of problems and ups and downs...now if you don;t have the mind set or will power to get your own problems under control, how do you expect to handle a little ones on top of that?
also, being a parent has put lots of strain on my relationship with her father, which is natrual as being new parents. but you have to ask yourself if your relationship could handle that stress as well.
now add that all together, and times it by the emotional stress your SA brings you....is it worth is at this very moment in your life?
i dont think you have to be SA free to be a good mother, i do it everyday, but i still am saying from expierence that if you have doubts like this now, i would say go to therapy try a new med or anything like that to better yourself to the best of your ability before embarkin on a child. dosen't he/she desever it?

 

[dottie]

Once again, I didn't say 'people's lives are incomplete', I said 'I believe people's lives are incomplete'. Whether people believe otherwise or not does not matter to me, because it's my belief, whether that's true or not...

putting "i believe" in front of something doesn't make it any less offensive. that is like saying "i believe gay people are disgusting" and then expecting gay people to not be offended.

and i am not an incomplete person. have a nice day.

 

[BDDgirl]

Hey girls, calm down, a difference of opinion is not a personal attack! Personally, I'm too selfish and self centred to have a baby, though I do yearn sometimes when I see cute babies in the supermarket.