I am a mother with SA, and having a baby won't cure it, but all mothers have flaws, nobody's perfect, so I don't think it should affect your decision to have a baby. My daughter is 6, and is very friendly and outgoing, and I'm actually being challenged now, because next month I'll have to take her cheerleading practices, and school functions are hard..ex they had a meet and greet for the parents the other day, and also things like girl scouts where they like the parents to participate in activities...its all hard but I do it for my daughter.
is it wrong to have a baby?
- Thread starter vancouver24
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dottie
Well-known member
don't bring an unborn child into this world with an assignment to cure/improve your SA. way to push your issues on an innocent. what a burden this kid will be born into. and no, the baby will not detract attention from you. what will you do when the baby starts screaming its head off because he suddenly needs a diaper change in the middle of the checkout line with 6 people behind you giving you the death stare?
sure, SA people can have kids. but be honest with yourself. do it for the right reasons. and to be honest, i don't think you should have a kid if this is your frame of thought right now. no offense.
sure, SA people can have kids. but be honest with yourself. do it for the right reasons. and to be honest, i don't think you should have a kid if this is your frame of thought right now. no offense.
This will be the last thing i say about this in this thread but i think that because overpopulation is already becoming a concern. I'm not gonna judge someone and spit on them for having a bunch but i don't agree with it. Earth can only hold so many people before food starts to become a problem like it already is. If we had other planets then i would not care how many kids people have because there would be less problems happening with a lower population. Anyway that's the last i'll say of it. Don't take my words as an insult or anything, i'm just giving my honest opinion.
If you are really ready for that commitment, go for it. I agree with an earlier poster that you shouldn't have a kid because you think they will cure you. Kids can be a great many things to their parents, but they aren't a cure for an illness.
And have as many kids as you want! As long as you are able to properly care for them, you've done your job.
And have as many kids as you want! As long as you are able to properly care for them, you've done your job.
Lost Girl
Well-known member
As romantic as the idea is, having a baby will not cure your SA lady. You will be forced to put yourself out there more - numerous visits to the antenatal clinic, doctors, parenting groups, pre-school, school etc, where you'll have to just suck it up and do what needs to be done, smile and talk to people, but you will NOT suddenly transform into a chatty mom just because! Being a parent is challenging, and even more so if you have SA!
Also, to the keyboard warriors banging on about this so-called over-population crisis, take it to nooneasked.com
Also, to the keyboard warriors banging on about this so-called over-population crisis, take it to nooneasked.com
As long as the parents can pay for them and allocate enough time to bring them up properly I can't see the issue myself.
I have one (little lad) at the moment but would like another.
Stands to reason the world should progress further and quicker the more chance we have of producing great minds.
I get your point on the overcrowding - but we can adapt, and there are two sides to every story.
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
I want to experience what it would feel like to be a parent and have a baby. I get sad and cry now when i think about it. I think it's my clock ticking 
biology is a bitch.
biology is a bitch.
BlueDays
1
Well said.
Having a baby will bring a whole lot of new stress and worries on top of what you have now.
Don't believe the fairytale of Motherhood that is portrayed in the movies/magazines.
Error
Well-known member
DO NOT HAVE BABIES!
Don't we all know how the world is painful? This is hell! I blame my parents for bringing me to this world. I hate it. The non-existence was so great.
IMO, giving birth is equals to or worse than assassination. Assume the killer kills the victim fast and painlessly (eg.shot in the head). The killer made someone go from this world to another. Now there are 3 worlds:
W1 (before being born) --> W2 (the real one where we are in now) --> W3 (after you die)
We all know how W2 is. It's ugly and painful (at least for me, and that's enough).
No one know how W1 and W3 are. W1 and W3 can be great or even worse than W2. So, why is giving birth so beautiful and a killer so ugly? Maybe because the killer causes pain to the one's that keep on living...
I think W1=W2, and that is the non-existence. It's better than sleeping, no dreams, no nightmares, no waking up in the middle. You don't fell sad or happy for being not being in W2. It's nothingness. It's the perfect thing!
Just think about the new soul you will bring to W2. He will have to live this hell. Even if you like W2, will the new soul like it? If you don't like it, even the more you should not have babies.
Remember, there will be times he will be hurt, sick, feeling bad. There will be times he will be feeling happy. But the bad things are 99.999% heavier, it's just people who can't see that!
Think about it!
Don't we all know how the world is painful? This is hell! I blame my parents for bringing me to this world. I hate it. The non-existence was so great.
IMO, giving birth is equals to or worse than assassination. Assume the killer kills the victim fast and painlessly (eg.shot in the head). The killer made someone go from this world to another. Now there are 3 worlds:
W1 (before being born) --> W2 (the real one where we are in now) --> W3 (after you die)
We all know how W2 is. It's ugly and painful (at least for me, and that's enough).
No one know how W1 and W3 are. W1 and W3 can be great or even worse than W2. So, why is giving birth so beautiful and a killer so ugly? Maybe because the killer causes pain to the one's that keep on living...
I think W1=W2, and that is the non-existence. It's better than sleeping, no dreams, no nightmares, no waking up in the middle. You don't fell sad or happy for being not being in W2. It's nothingness. It's the perfect thing!
Just think about the new soul you will bring to W2. He will have to live this hell. Even if you like W2, will the new soul like it? If you don't like it, even the more you should not have babies.
Remember, there will be times he will be hurt, sick, feeling bad. There will be times he will be feeling happy. But the bad things are 99.999% heavier, it's just people who can't see that!
Think about it!
MrJones
Well-known member
If you're dead, as you say, you have nothing. And nothing is just nothing, it's not good or bad. When you're alive you have something. There's always something, and that "something" is better than nothing. Obviously when you're depressed you can't see it, but there is always hope. Things can get better.
When you have a baby you give him an opportunity. We all know how this world is and that's why we must protect our kids from it, but at the same time we must show them its good side. Life is hard, but there are lots of happy people (and I mean truly happy people) out there. I hope one day you will find that life can be enjoyed too
And for the OP, have a baby if you and your partner want to, it has nothing to do with SA
Error
Well-known member
Thank you for you kind words, Mr. Jones. Yes I am super depressed.
But I can see this world has many good things. I have a lot of things I like to do and get pleasure doing them. The problem is, the bad things overwhelm the good things by far. We spend most of our lives sleeping (which if it's a good sleeping is like being death, if it's not a good sleeping than that's a bad thing)and the other half of your life you spend it studying and working (I hate my job, and even if I liked it a bit, it's just too many hours. There is nothing pleasurable that could last 8 hours a day, almost every day). I constantly feel tired. I also get sick often and as we get older we get weaker a sicker...
If you balance the good things and bad things, the bad things win. It's like this for almost everyone, but almost everyone does not see it and live happily...
So, I say it's better to have nothing than to have something bad. Again, there are happy people. There are people who are born sick or handicap who claim to be extremely happy. But is that really a good thing?
Just to say, when you are thinking about having babies, don't only think about you, your partners wishes, your family or the society's point of view. Think also about the new soul.
Waybuloo
Well-known member
I think you should have the baby because you are doing it for the right reasons, along with the hope that it would be good for your SA as well. You say you are loving and caring and have a lot to offer, so clearly your maternal instincts are alive and that's the best preparation to have when becoming a parent.
I wouldn't say that having a baby would necessarily cure your SA. What it does is provide more opportunities to meet people in events to attend and things to do, and people you have to meet that are related to being a parent. Also it takes the focus off you - the more baby takes your time and energy, the less free time you have to ruminate and think negatively about your own life. Also there's always a companion, and you learn to appreciate the world through innocent eyes. It's quite refreshing and touching really. I admit that I sometimes cry just watching my little one. You will also grow alongside your baby and learn more things about yourself. I don't believe a person can be complete unless they become a parent. It does have challenges though but then life shouldn't be easy breezy.
I surprised everyone, including family, mental health professionals, and myself, when I managed to be quite good at mothering, despite lack of emotional maturity, selflessness, and ability to love and care for others at the outset. I also lack common sense, so it's being a very steep learning curve. I don't do mother baby groups and haven't a friend to meet up, not even family (due to distance) and would like some social contact, but i'm ok with it at the moment.
My advice would be to get as much sleep and naps you can squeeze out of a day, and to notice your mood changes and talk to people if you need to vent and be aware of post natal depression. Also whenever you feel moody or upset at something that triggers your anxiety and/or bad emotions and thoughts, try not to let it show infront of your child. But it's important to talk to someone adult about it when you need to. Children are very receptive and pick up feelings and behaviours easily. Make your child know unreservedly that their needs come first, even if you have to put on a brave face. I've seen some down right nasty and incompetent parents who don't have social anxiety, and I think somebody with the knowledge brought to the table by a mental disorder will be more prepared to cater to the psychological needs of a child.
I wouldn't say that having a baby would necessarily cure your SA. What it does is provide more opportunities to meet people in events to attend and things to do, and people you have to meet that are related to being a parent. Also it takes the focus off you - the more baby takes your time and energy, the less free time you have to ruminate and think negatively about your own life. Also there's always a companion, and you learn to appreciate the world through innocent eyes. It's quite refreshing and touching really. I admit that I sometimes cry just watching my little one. You will also grow alongside your baby and learn more things about yourself. I don't believe a person can be complete unless they become a parent. It does have challenges though but then life shouldn't be easy breezy.
I surprised everyone, including family, mental health professionals, and myself, when I managed to be quite good at mothering, despite lack of emotional maturity, selflessness, and ability to love and care for others at the outset. I also lack common sense, so it's being a very steep learning curve. I don't do mother baby groups and haven't a friend to meet up, not even family (due to distance) and would like some social contact, but i'm ok with it at the moment.
My advice would be to get as much sleep and naps you can squeeze out of a day, and to notice your mood changes and talk to people if you need to vent and be aware of post natal depression. Also whenever you feel moody or upset at something that triggers your anxiety and/or bad emotions and thoughts, try not to let it show infront of your child. But it's important to talk to someone adult about it when you need to. Children are very receptive and pick up feelings and behaviours easily. Make your child know unreservedly that their needs come first, even if you have to put on a brave face. I've seen some down right nasty and incompetent parents who don't have social anxiety, and I think somebody with the knowledge brought to the table by a mental disorder will be more prepared to cater to the psychological needs of a child.
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MrJones
Well-known member
Good times, bad times. It depends on your point of view. But why deprive someone from life while there are so many things to enjoy? Of course there are bad things too, and sometimes you feel there are more bad things than good ones (and maybe at one point it's true), but time and effort (mostly effort) can make your life certainly worthliving.
And if you have good parents to teach you how to enjoy life (maybe a mother as good as vancouver24 will be :
then it's just perfect.
MrJones
Well-known member
kerunia
Active member
Thats only because people make babies for the wrong reasons / without being educated. Having a kid out of of love and not because you just feel like times running/ out or self-love or like i said above not being educated is not a bad thing.
Problems are only happening because of many greedy people and those who don't cherish what they have which ends up being in waste....so the important thing is the upbringing of those newborns. so they dont end up growing up being those moral idiots who "overpopulate the earth."
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Ive heard that once you become a mother , well you mature and become a totally different person. when you shift you attention to someone you love and do your best ( even if that means having S.A) you "forget" your problems but of course this is not always easy emotionally esp. when you don't have support. so ,not everyone can do this .
If you set up personal principles and morals and believe that you can give your everything then go for it otherwise you may, like someone already answered, educate yourself about smart parenting, read literature,attend meetings, help and watch mothers etc..
Good luck and really, just listen to your heart...
deadend
Well-known member
My thoughts:
Don't have a kid in hopes that it will help with SA. I have no interest in having kids, so I may be biased here, but I would also think about my kid and any susceptibilities I'd be passing on to him/her. The last thing I'd want is for my kid to have to deal with the same **** I do.
Adoption may be an option to avoid that potential mess, but still, I'm not sure that having a baby for therapeutic reasons is a good idea.
Don't have a kid in hopes that it will help with SA. I have no interest in having kids, so I may be biased here, but I would also think about my kid and any susceptibilities I'd be passing on to him/her. The last thing I'd want is for my kid to have to deal with the same **** I do.
Adoption may be an option to avoid that potential mess, but still, I'm not sure that having a baby for therapeutic reasons is a good idea.
dottie
Well-known member
this statement is ridiculous. what am i, a fraction of a person because i choose not to have kids? what about people who can't have kids? are you going to tell them they are incomplete, too? that's real nice. i think you should reassess. having a kid is not the end-all-be-all of the world.
CHILDFREE (not childless) BY CHOICE.
Waybuloo
Well-known member
That's your right to feel like that, as it is my right to say what I BELIEVE, rather than saying that as a statement and preach about it. I mean you wouldn't go up to people who are Catholic who believe non religious people will burn in hell, to tell them how dare they hold that personal belief? You've obviously put an emotional spin on what I said. Being incomplete is not exactly the same as a fragment of a person is it. I should reassess what exactly? Having a kid is not the be all end all, for sure. I can live a life without children, but because I have a kid, it makes it so much richer.
