Is it harder being a male who is shy than it is for a female

[AGR]

Maybe someone could make polls about how many people are virgin at a certain age,are without dates,how many dates they had,what their gender is, women DO have easier,only wont see those who dont want to see,if you are not a player,dont have a lot of girls,isnt a jerk, for some reason a lot of girls like them and are protective of them,most people will look down on you,I never or rarely see people look down on shy girls,but maybe they have it harder on other things,I wouldnt know.

 

[Mr_Vabanque]

If we think of classical codes of conduct or gender related catalogues of virtues and such things (they are indicative of something) shyness makes a man less manly and a woman more womanly. A character trait that undermines your gender, so to speak, obviously makes it harder.

Considering the back and forth of seduction: The shyness of a person might be (mis-)understood as not responding or downright refusing another persons interest. Most women wouldn't insist on a non-responding (shy) guy, they take it as a no, they don't want to appear "needy". In the opposite situation, a man knows that a non-responding girl might actually just be playing, testing etc. him. In short, for a girl a guy saying no is a guy saying no, for a guy a girls no is often not that definitive.

 

[Luka]

IMO they're balanced, with guys they're pressured to come across as the dominant gender but a guy is usually attracted to a girl that is confident and outgoing and
Girls tend to be pressurised to be this or that nowadays.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Sure-- if we feel like generalizing the populous into a group of sexist, knuckle dragging, shallow thinking homosapiens; yes.

I don't think we could properly decide which is 'harder' since people are shy to different degrees and we'd have to consider the social, mental, physical and sexual pros and cons to being shy in both male and female who are straight, gay, bi, asexual - with and without the 'commercial beauty' factor.

Let's just say that it's hard for anyone who is shy.
Also-- 'it'; life- is hard in general, for every person at one point or another.
Hardships are sometimes more prolonged that other times but everyone does have them whether they be beautiful, 'ugly', shy, outgoing, rich, poor... etc.


and that shall be all of my trying to sound smart answer.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Sure-- if we feel like generalizing the populous into a group of sexist, knuckle dragging, shallow thinking homosapiens; yes.

I don't think we could properly decide which is 'harder' since people are shy to different degrees and we'd have to consider the social, mental, physical and sexual pros and cons to being shy in both male and female who are straight, gay, bi, asexual - with and without the 'commercial beauty' factor.

Let's just say that it's hard for anyone who is shy.
Also-- 'it'; life- is hard in general, for every person at one point or another.
Hardships are sometimes more prolonged that other times but everyone does have them whether they be beautiful, 'ugly', shy, outgoing, rich, poor... etc.


and that shall be all of my trying to sound smart answer.

I agree. I'm a prosimian lemur and it's hard! Not ALLLL about homosapians jeez

Frankly it's a disservice to BOTH genders and anyone to try and label one sex having a harder time than the others, that's just divisive and doesn't help anyone. Each sex has their differences, depending on human nature, society, culture, orientation, genetics, personal experiences, etc. And for the most part - "equal" out, whatever that REALLY means anyways... pain, misery, dissatisfaction, loss of quality of life due to shyness/deeper issues is UNIVERSALLY shared by ALL human beings - the nuances may be changed by gender for some of the differences given above but until you walk the other person's shoes, can't truly say.

 

[Srijita52]

IMO they're balanced, with guys they're pressured to come across as the dominant gender but a guy is usually attracted to a girl that is confident and outgoing and
Girls tend to be pressurised to be this or that nowadays.

^This.I think ppl find shy girls cute only when they're kids(not even completely then)after that ppl consider them as lame or wierd.

 

[BlueDays]

Frankly it's a disservice to BOTH genders and anyone to try and label one sex having a harder time than the others, that's just divisive and doesn't help anyone. Each sex has their differences, depending on human nature, society, culture, orientation, genetics, personal experiences, etc. And for the most part - "equal" out, whatever that REALLY means anyways... pain, misery, dissatisfaction, loss of quality of life due to shyness/deeper issues is UNIVERSALLY shared by ALL human beings - the nuances may be changed by gender for some of the differences given above but until you walk the other person's shoes, can't truly say.

^Could not have said it any better then this!

 

[skins]

IMO they're balanced, with guys they're pressured to come across as the dominant gender but a guy is usually attracted to a girl that is confident and outgoing and
Girls tend to be pressurised to be this or that nowadays.

nope, no, hell noooo....guys arn't usually attracted to a girl that is confident and outgoing at all...this can even be seen as a big turn off if the girl is too over confident and loud as it could mean she is stuck up, or full of themselves, or a ball breaker/whatever....or just irritating to be around if they never shut up. They may be more approchable from a getting to know them stand point, but thata about it.

Also dont believe what you see in the magazines...although it seems girls are pressured to be this and that...truth is that guys dont care for super slim girls with tons of makeup..less makeup and curves is where its at.

 

[slapstick]

first of all guys will always aproach girls regardless if theyre shy or not..guys have to do the aproaching.. thats the way its always been..which makes it harder for guys to be shy than it is for girls in my opinion..in fact some guys prefer shy girls much more like myself than say the socialites of our society.and I disagree with MRB..guys to pick up the magazines and see men with ripped abs and sleek new hairstyles and also have reputations to live up to..I'm not saying that guys get it more in fact less..but I'm saying vanity and judgement dont discriminate on gender...

 

[userremoved]

We only have ourselves to blame for creating these idiotic gender roles. The only reason it's more acceptable for women to be shy is because it came from a time when women were to be "seen and not heard". It worked great then, but now it's biting us in the ass since now we cant get dates.

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

We only have ourselves to blame for creating these idiotic gender roles. The only reason it's more acceptable for women to be shy is because it came from a time when women were to be "seen and not heard". It worked great then, but now it's biting us in the ass since now we cant get dates.

^ This. Very much agreed.

 

[Kiwong]

I think battles with shyness and social anxiety are very much individual.

 

[recluse]

I would say yes because men are meant to be the protector, bread winner, alpha male, hunter gatherer. In my experience being a shy male is seen as negative but being a shy femlae seems to be seen as demure and is more accepted.

Also it's the man's job to ask a woman out so yeah it's hard being a shy male.

 

[Felgen]

I would say yes because men are meant to be the protector, bread winner, alpha male, hunter gatherer. In my experience being a shy male is seen as negative but being a shy femlae seems to be seen as demure and is more accepted.

Also it's the man's job to ask a woman out so yeah it's hard being a shy male.

I'm still shy and introverted (allthough I'm almost rid of my anxiety). I finally found a hot girlfriend who actually likes this; she said that because I was quite introverted, she knew she could always trust me no matter what. My girlfriend on the other hand, happens to be extremely extroverted.

 

[Waybuloo]

He's not saying to fall for every single guy. He's pointing out that you have multiple options. You only have to make to make yourself available whereas a man has to make himself available, then do the very tough thing of walking up to the woman and initiating conversation.

Luck has nothing to do with it. It's because of gender roles. If you are a woman, and are around average looking, you will be hit on by many men if you make yourself available. Men do not have that luxury.

Statistically, shy women have twice as easier of a time getting a date than shy men. It's been proven on Social Anxiety Support.com.

What do you mean by making ourselves available? Is that like going into a bar and sit on a stool and look around, or wearing a short skirt? Giving guys looks? I think there is a paradox here, to make ourselves available (in these possible ways), we have to not be shy in the first place. So technically shy girls can't make themselves available.

Personally I have never been approached more than 3 times in my life. I don't party and go clubbing but I have been in those situations. All of those times it's been by either drunks or lewd perverts. I think to look for a serious, meaningful relationship a girl has to overcome the shyness and 'help' a guy approach her or mutually approach the guy. Otherwise more likely than not she will just get hit on by unwanted men.

 

[Felgen]

What do you mean by making ourselves available? Is that like going into a bar and sit on a stool and look around, or wearing a short skirt? Giving guys looks? I think there is a paradox here, to make ourselves available (in these possible ways), we have to not be shy in the first place. So technically shy girls can't make themselves available.

Personally I have never been approached more than 3 times in my life. I don't party and go clubbing but I have been in those situations. All of those times it's been by either drunks or lewd perverts. I think to look for a serious, meaningful relationship a girl has to overcome the shyness and 'help' a guy approach her or mutually approach the guy. Otherwise more likely than not she will just get hit on by unwanted men.

There are plenty of shy girls in perfectly healthy relationships. Keep in mind that you're not making yourself available by remaining inside your house all day long.

Many guys will only approach a girl who sends out the right signals, but then again, very few ever meet their better half at a bar or a night club. Internet dating may actually be an excellent tool if you're shy. Much of the stigma surrounding it a few years ago is long gone.

 

[Waybuloo]

There are plenty of shy girls in perfectly healthy relationships. Keep in mind that you're not making yourself available by remaining inside your house all day long.

Many guys will only approach a girl who sends out the right signals, but then again, very few ever meet their better half at a bar or a night club. Internet dating may actually be an excellent tool if you're shy. Much of the stigma surrounding it a few years ago is long gone.

Well i'd like to hear from a shy girl about her account of attracting a bf. Of course you are not making yourself available by not going out, I noted that irony in my original post (shy girls can't make themselves available). I want to know what JamesSmith mean about being 'available'.

So is your definition of being 'available' to send out the 'right' signals?

 

[Felgen]

Well i'd like to hear from a shy girl about her account of attracting a bf. Of course you are not making yourself available by not going out, I noted that irony in my original post (shy girls can't make themselves available). I want to know what JamesSmith mean about being 'available'.

So is your definition of being 'available' to send out the 'right' signals?

Being available can mean a lot of things. First of all, it means to get yourself out there. Second, it means that you should not look unapproachable; that's when the creeps start hitting on you. Third, it means that you should tolerate some imperfections in a guy and not be too picky.

My aunt suffers from bipolar type 1, is quite shy among new people and is not a party animal. Yet she's been married to the same man for more than 20 years. If you log onto a message board for anxiety, Asperger's, Tourette's or whatever, you'll find that there are many more women in relationships than there are men.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Being available can mean a lot of things. First of all, it means to get yourself out there. Second, it means that you should not look unapproachable; that's when the creeps start hitting on you. Third, it means that you should tolerate some imperfections in a guy and not be too picky.

I think I'm with Waybuloo on this one. I think a lot of girls with problems like social anxiety (or even just shyness) really don't know how to send the right signals, and that that is a major part of the problem. I also think a lot of girls (and guys for that matter) aren't sure how to look approachable.

I'm not sure why you brought up being too picky, but I may have missed something. I'm still just waking up this morning.

I'll not deny that a girl with social problems can find and/or keep a partner, but that's a general thing. Specifics are always good.

 

[userremoved]

I'm still shy and introverted (allthough I'm almost rid of my anxiety). I finally found a hot girlfriend who actually likes this; she said that because I was quite introverted, she knew she could always trust me no matter what. My girlfriend on the other hand, happens to be extremely extroverted.

Yeah but you're rid of most of your anxiety like you said and pretty darn good looking. Im not surprised a girl latched onto you fast. So I would say you're the exception to the norm here.