Is it harder being a male who is shy than it is for a female

[Waybuloo]

id say so...

shy women still get approached and its cute
for example when u hear "awww shes so shy"

shy men never get approached
being shy is only "cute" when ur like 8 yrs old, after that ur supposed to be the hunter and seek out whatever you want

I have known of women who flirt with shy men, or nerdy men, as a sort of project to open them up, so to speak. So I don't think that is completely true.

 

[Felgen]

I feel annoyed that the magazines are dictating what men should like and what women should aspire to be. I don't in a million years want to look like the women though, because A) I like my own body, and B) I'd hate to be a pin up 'perfect' who attracts one sort of attention everywhere she goes, that can't be good for social anxiety surely ;p. Also is it any coincidence that alot of models and good looking people have insecurities, mayhaps arising out of a constant pressure to look up to par once they are categorised as good looking and their worth to a large extent is dependant on that?

But magazines do not dictate what women are supposed to like? Plenty of women's magazines tell women that playing mind games are romantic and that the universal truth is that if the man doesn't make the first move, he's not interested. To make matters worse, the media will tell women that a man who's graduated high school and is still a virgin is a loser (whereas a 30 year old female virgin is a strong, independent woman) and that a man who's not confident doesn't have any qualities.

Surveys have shown that men aren't attracted to anorectic bodies or exaggerated tanning, by the way. The media does however try to tell men that they should be. What's commonly perceives as good looks in women are indicators of good health, fertility and femininity. Anything besides that is strictly a matter of taste and is highly subjective.

 

[Uber Schnitzel]

I have known of women who flirt with shy men, or nerdy men, as a sort of project to open them up, so to speak. So I don't think that is completely true.

To be honest I think I'd more be insulted if someone was flirting with me a a "project" whether I was shy or not.

 

[mads]

To be honest I think I'd more be insulted if someone was flirting with me a a "project" whether I was shy or not.

Agreed. It should be because they liked them and not because they felt sorry for them

 

[Waybuloo]

Agreed. It should be because they liked them and not because they felt sorry for them

I don't think they felt sorry for them, but rather that it is unusual for a guy to be reserved liek that, for them, so they thought it mysterious and want to know more.

 

[mads]

I don't think they felt sorry for them, but rather that it is unusual for a guy to be reserved liek that, for them, so they thought it mysterious and want to know more.

Maybe, could be

 

[Waybuloo]

But magazines do not dictate what women are supposed to like? Plenty of women's magazines tell women that playing mind games are romantic and that the universal truth is that if the man doesn't make the first move, he's not interested. To make matters worse, the media will tell women that a man who's graduated high school and is still a virgin is a loser (whereas a 30 year old female virgin is a strong, independent woman) and that a man who's not confident doesn't have any qualities.

Surveys have shown that men aren't attracted to anorectic bodies or exaggerated tanning, by the way. The media does however try to tell men that they should be. What's commonly perceives as good looks in women are indicators of good health, fertility and femininity. Anything besides that is strictly a matter of taste and is highly subjective.

I don't really read women's magazines so I don't know about the mind games, but I suppose if they do give that sort of advice, then maybe it's because women often feel helpless, insecure and fret about whether he'll call and whether he's interested etc and magazines use these 'strategies' as a selling point. I've never heard that the media is easy on anyone who is still a virgin at that age, whether man or woman. I think I got pitied because I was a virgin at an 'unacceptable' age. I think the film The 40 Year Old Virgin puts more focus on men being a virgin. Although I remember an episode in Seinfield in which Jerry is put off having sex with a virgin in her 30s.

Men are drawn to nice waist to hip ratios, shapely legs and so forth, it's biologically programmed into their brains. Personally speaking, my insecurities come from not being curvy enough. Women who want to be thinner are pressured to compete with other women, like they do mostly with fashion.

 

[Waybuloo]

Depends on which cultures we're talking about. In Norway, a shy girl won't have any problems finding a boyfriend, but she'll have just as big problems making friends as a guy with anxiety has.

Do Norwegian guys approach and most importantly socialise with shy girls even after seeing the worst of the shyness?

 

[Pookah]

Ever see thinspiration videos? I think that is what Felgen is getting at. If they really did mix up body types it wouldn't be brought up as much, but they don't.

 

[Felgen]

I don't really read women's magazines so I don't know about the mind games, but I suppose if they do give that sort of advice, then maybe it's because women often feel helpless, insecure and fret about whether he'll call and whether he's interested etc and magazines use these 'strategies' as a selling point. I've never heard that the media is easy on anyone who is still a virgin at that age, whether man or woman. I think I got pitied because I was a virgin at an 'unacceptable' age. I think the film The 40 Year Old Virgin puts more focus on men being a virgin. Although I remember an episode in Seinfield in which Jerry is put off having sex with a virgin in her 30s.

Men are drawn to nice waist to hip ratios, shapely legs and so forth, it's biologically programmed into their brains. Personally speaking, my insecurities come from not being curvy enough. Women who want to be thinner are pressured to compete with other women, like they do mostly with fashion.

Plenty of dating coaches will tell women to play mind games and try to dictate what's right and what's wrong. Penn & Teller did a very nice episode on this. Some even write articles and books on how to get socially unskilled men to buy them drinks.

A nice waist-to-hip ratio is a sign of both femininity and fertility, therefore it's attractive. When it comes to the weight stuff, Wikipedia says:

"In the United States, women overestimate men's preferences for thinness in a mate. In one study, American women were asked to choose what their ideal build was and what they thought the build most attractive to men was. Women chose slimmer than average figures for both choices, though when American men were independently asked to choose the female build most attractive to them, they (the men) chose figures of average build, indicating that women may be misled as to how thin men prefer women to be.[54] Some speculate that thinness as a beauty standard is one way in which women judge each other.[40] A reporter asked: "Why do women suffer to look like skeletons even when men don’t want them to?" and wondered whether "women's aesthetic judgments are so influenced by other women."[40] The reporter surmised that thinness is prized among women as a "sign of independence, strength and achievement."[40] Some implicated the fashion industry for the promulgation of the notion of thinness as attractive.[55]"

 

[Felgen]

You're an avid reader of women's magazines? If you knew anything about women's magazines then you would know that they tend to send out mixed messages as far as what a person should or should not be like. I have never read any advice in women's magazines which suggest that a woman play mind games or that it is romantic to do so. I'm not defending women's magazines here because I don't apply any of the advice that I come across nor am I able to relate to a lot of the articles I read.

There's plenty of stuff on how to play mind games on guys, a quick search on Google gave all this:
Google

Uh...no magazine that I've ever read has promoted anorexia or ever dictated that men should like anorexic women. Where are you getting your information? There is a difference between someone who is slim (the models that you see in magazines) and someone who is actually anorexic. I'd be glad to show you pictures depicting the difference between the two. As far as tanning is concerned...I know plenty of men who are attracted to women with heavy tans and this is not necessarily because anyone tells them. Sure, some people like a certain type according to what everyone else likes, but there are people who think for themselves.

There's a difference between a healthy model and a wealthy socialite with an eating disorder. The former will almost always have a personal trainer that makes sure that they do not do anything drastic that will impair their health. Plenty of young girls look up to the likes of Mary-Kate Olsen, Paris Hilton or other wealthy socialites who have or had an eating disorder, by the way.

Women who look good with heavy tans don't usually have blue eyes, thin blond hair or other features assosciated with nordic or baltic people.

If you pay attention you will realize that the media sends out mixed messages regarding what is attractive and what is not. This reflects the different tastes that people have. Even my husband says that men's magazines promote all kinds of beauty.

Depends on what magazines we're talking about. Ask Men or similar magazines aren't read by teenage girls.

 

[Felgen]

Do Norwegian guys approach and most importantly socialise with shy girls even after seeing the worst of the shyness?

A girl I went to school with almost never said a word and was extremely shy. Today she's engaged to a perfectly normal guy and even has a son.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Plenty of dating coaches will tell women to play mind games and try to dictate what's right and what's wrong. Penn & Teller did a very nice episode on this. Some even write articles and books on how to get socially unskilled men to buy them drinks.

I do not think that most women use dating coaches.

There's plenty of stuff on how to play mind games on guys, a quick search on Google gave all this:
Google

A quick search on Google gave this on how to dispose of a corpse:

Google

Does this mean most women want to murder you when they're done playing mind games?

 

[Remus]

A girl I went to school with almost never said a word and was extremely shy. Today she's engaged to a perfectly normal guy and even has a son.

What is the point here? Should we men hate women for it 'being easier for them' and live in bitterness?

I think we are all in this together for the long haul and I don't really think gender makes a difference, it's about pulling together to help each other and not associating blame.

I never like these kind of thread, they always end up being borderline misogynist, probably why I was cautious about what was posted earlier on, (I had to check with other mods)

 

[Waybuloo]

Plenty of dating coaches will tell women to play mind games and try to dictate what's right and what's wrong. Penn & Teller did a very nice episode on this. Some even write articles and books on how to get socially unskilled men to buy them drinks.

And what about the gazillions of dating tips and advice, not to mention hardcore guides on how to be a player - all for men to pick up women? Anyhow this is all going on a big tangent now.

 

[Felgen]

What is the point here? Should we men hate women for it 'being easier for them' and live in bitterness?

I think we are all in this together for the long haul and I don't really think gender makes a difference, it's about pulling together to help each other and not associating blame.

I never like these kind of thread, they always end up being borderline misogynist, probably why I was cautious about what was posted earlier on, (I had to check with other mods)

I don't hate women, and I'm aware of the fact that "nice girls" are often exploited. My point was that a girl who's shy will be approached by guys if she doesn't give up.

And what about the gazillions of dating tips and advice, not to mention hardcore guides on how to be a player - all for men to pick up women? Anyhow this is all going on a big tangent now.

95% of it's BS and most women will see through it. Cheesy pick-up lines might have worked in the 50's, but today they don't.

 

[Remus]

My point was that a girl who's shy will be approached by guys if she doesn't give up.

Yes that is your point and if 101% true, where do we go from there?

I'm not having a go, I'm analysing the mindset here.

 

[Waybuloo]

95% of it's BS and most women will see through it. Cheesy pick-up lines might have worked in the 50's, but today they don't.

I'm just making a point that there are just as many and probably more guides to help men play women, since you brought the topic up. Well like you said, most women will see through it, does that mean that men will see through the bull**** women learn from magazines and google? Does it then follow that it doesn't matter anyway cause most people won't even take notice? YEP

 

[Felgen]

I'm just making a point that there are just as many and probably more guides to help men play women, since you brought the topic up. Well like you said, most women will see through it, does that mean that men will see through the bull**** women learn from magazines and google? Does it then follow that it doesn't matter anyway cause most people won't even take notice? YEP

Compared to women, men are terrible at reading body language and hidden signals.

 

[iamthenra]

Misogyny??? No way.... who could ever hate something so gorgeous that I would honestly die for.... For me it's extreme jealousy, and more or less envy of those men that can obtain a girl friend / wife... I know this is my own faults / problems I won't put blame for my own phobia's and issues on someone else's shoulders.