Is it harder being a male who is shy than it is for a female
- Thread starter KiaKaha
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Waybuloo
Well-known member
Compared to women, men are terrible at reading body language and hidden signals.
The gist of what you are basically saying is that women use the guides more effectively to get men, but men can't compete in the dating game cause the stuff that they get taught don't wash with women as we are better at reading signals. It is a generalisation, that doesn't mean every woman who even decides to use these advice can work it well. I don't know how to manipulate to save my life, I can't lie, and I can't act. I don't know any woman who does that to get a man either.
Women can be terrible at analysing signals. They worry too much, they think too much, they become negative and ruminate. He's Just Not That Into You and Sex and The City don't just pop out of thin air, there must be some basis to why women find it so hard to find a good man.
Felgen
Well-known member
I didn't say that all women deliberately googled mind games, but my point is that both men and women are subconsciously affected by what the media thinks. Men in the stone age didn't give a damn if a girl was 20 pound overweight or if she was a little shorter than other women. Nor do I think women in the stone age cared if a 25 year old man who had just become the alpha male was a virgin.
Your average 20-something single guy's social skills are more like those of John Arbuckle or Bud Bundy than those of the rich womanizers you see on reality shows and chick flicks.
U
userremoved
Guest
I still don't think that matters too much in the end. Yeah they might get approached but that doesn't mean they can make anything of it. They could run away out of fear, clam up and look stupid, come off as stuck up, a lot of different things. I'm pretty sure us guys would do the same thing if suddenly women started hitting on us out of the blue. Last time a girl came on to me I chickened out. So whether making the first move or responding to the first move, you still have to get over personal insecurities or you're probably not going to get far.
Uber Schnitzel
Well-known member
Yeah I see a lot of bitterness here too. Not being able to let it go is what holds a lot of people back, in my opinion
Where can I go to find me one??? I don't mind being someone's project if it means I'm not lonely anymore.
Lea
Banned
I think blaming or envying the other gender is silly, each of them have their own special problems and challenges and none of them have it easy. Saying men or women have it easier is a big generalization. Same as no person in the world is quite same as the other, they grew up in different conditions etc. Each person is unique and you have to do the best from what you've got, looking to the other side where the grass seems always greener doesn't help.
spect01
Well-known member
Yes it is harder. Especially when it comes to relationships and love. This is a sad part of reality unfortanetly. Guys are expected to be the lead but not every guy is like that (SA.....). There's a stigma surrounding it.
All they have to do is put themselves out there and they will get scooped up eventually.
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Pookah
Well-known member
Felgen
Well-known member
If a girl is just shy, she doesn't have to do anything besides putting herself out there. If she has social anxiety, it's a little more complicated than that (which is why many of the girls here are single).
Lost Girl
Well-known member
U
userremoved
Guest
So what if the guys offering are ones that are no good for them or they just don't get along with? If you're female and you let yourself fall for every single guy that tries to pick you up I promise you're gonna get used. So still it's not that simple. In my honest opinion the shy girls on this forum that are in a happy relationship are just lucky, I dont think it's because it's easier.
chrisjurban
Well-known member
I kinda think it's harder to get and keep girlfriends as a guy. You're right, it seems like girls are seen more as cute when they're "shy," and guys will still pursue them, whereas if a guy does not reciprocate then he's seen as being disinterested and maybe antisocial.
Hellhound
Super Moderator
Nobody has it easier. For God's sake, stop minimizing everyone's problems.
Saying that one gender has it easier than the other is no different from saying "My SA is more severe than yours". Girls have as much difficulties as some of the dudes complaining here, not just because of SA but for a number of other reasons. There's a lot of girls here who are lonely, were rejected, are in a crappy situation, dealing with depression, SA and a number of issues, just like you. How is that having it easier? Everyone in this site are in a bad situation, SA and other mental illnesses affects everyone, it's a living hell for everyone despite their gender. We are here to support each other, right? Not to compare and say who has it worse!
That's a really prehistoric and sexist way of thinking, no offense. Plus, you keep minimizing other people's problems because of their gender.
Sorry again if i sound rude. I'm not intending to hurt anyone... just voicing an opinion.
iamthenra
Well-known member
I think that it is more difficult for some genders in specific locations around the world, only because of it's culture and how people are in general. I know where I am from, the ratio of women to men is something like 1:2, and as a result women around here get allot of attention, probably more than they really want. I know of a ex co-worker who joined Match.com, and she was fairly attractive. She would get 100's of e-mails a day from just that one dating site. I joined that site, and I was lucky to get anyone to reply to me at all in a weeks time frame. Most of the time I wouldn't get a response at all, and on the rare occasion I would get a " no thanks" reply... I even had other people critique my profile and even re-write it for me. That still didn't work... That co-worker acquaintance of mine, she eventually had to quit Match.com because there wasn't any way to filter through all the prospective candidates, it was too overwhelming for her. So it can be frustrating for both genders, obviously in different ways of course. Just my .02
Waybuloo
Well-known member
I like your analysis.
chris11
Well-known member
Another thing is that, in western society anyway, males are supposed to take the dominant courtship role--the iniciative-- and if you're a shy male, because of this expectation, you're less likly to become romanticly involved.
Avery
Well-known member
Thanks.
I can sympathize with the fact that a lot of people in this thread are attracted to the idea that sufferers share the burdens of social anxiety equally, but life is rarely that fair. I think it's pretty safe to say that as far as social anxiety goes, kids suffer more than adults, high-schoolers more than college kids, people who work with the public more than people who work behind-the-scenes, men more than women, etc. The more socially burdensome the status or position, the more the socially anxious person will suffer.
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JamesSmith
Well-known member
He's not saying to fall for every single guy. He's pointing out that you have multiple options. You only have to make to make yourself available whereas a man has to make himself available, then do the very tough thing of walking up to the woman and initiating conversation.
Luck has nothing to do with it. It's because of gender roles. If you are a woman, and are around average looking, you will be hit on by many men if you make yourself available. Men do not have that luxury.
Statistically, shy women have twice as easier of a time getting a date than shy men. It's been proven on Social Anxiety Support.com.