How to act towards men you are attracted to...

[WeirdyMcGee]

KiaKaha was right! There should be a thread about this; directed at everyone who is attracted to men.

So, how should you act? How do you act?
Does it work?

I was attracted to someone once. I didn't act any different than I do around anyone else.
I think that because of my general disposition and kind nature- people tend to assume I'm flirting with them, but I'm just nice to everyone.
Lucky for me, acting normal worked the one time I liked someone.
Unfortunately... it also works for every other person I meet.

I suppose that flirting is important; something as small as a smile can go a long way.
What do you say, ladies? Gentlemen?

 

[Sial Axetder]

That's a hard one.
I generally think I am unattractive. So not much advice.

Personally I don't like games.

Would be interesting to see this thread progress.

 

[Lexington]

Put us on pedestals.
Ask for our autograph.
Be understanding of our obligation to satisfy many women.
Be grateful we gave you 5 minutes of our time.

 

[Lexington]

In my dreams.

 

[MikeyC]

And then my mom tries to hit on him.

Ladies, I'll tell you this: if you're having a conversation with us and you're laughing and smiling while giving us eye contact, we're going to assume you're interested.

Or maybe that's just me.

 

[MikeyC]

See that's what I try to do but I have a problem with looking in a guys eyes. I don't want to stare into his soul ...

Some people do have issues with eye contact, and that's fine. I always try to look in a girl's eyes because it's nice and it helps me avoid looking elsewhere....

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Baby Mama (9/11) Movie CLIP - Five Minutes of Eye Contact (2008) HD - YouTube

 

[MikeyC]

That's just creepy...!

 

[Iluv]

it helps me avoid looking elsewhere....

Tsk tsk. .
I'm wearing my eskimo suit for the next week now!

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

That's just creepy...!

I don't look into people's eyes in general... unless I'm planning to creep them out-- like that.
Also; my eyes tend to suck people's souls out and steal their energy.
True story.
No one looked at me in school because they knew if they would, they'd wake up dead the next morning!
boooo!!


I think if you can make an effort to give people eye contact; that's generally a positive thing.
That extra effort could be one of many flirting resources.
haha

 

[this_portrait]

The way I act around guys I'm attracted to has improved a lot since I first started developing attractions. Some of the things I used to do around guys I liked were not only strange (and rather obvious), but were MAJOR signs of insecurity. Once I actually started dating, I tended to freeze up and there would be a lot of awkward silences.

Nowadays, I try to just act like I would if I was around a friend, except I smile a lot more. I still come off as pretty shy, but not like I used to; instead of social anxiety manifesting itself, the shyness comes off more as kinda cute and not really awkward. As for eye contact, I try to make a decent amount so that they know I'm paying attention to them, but I don't stare into their eyes (because that would just be creepy). If I feel at all uncomfortable making eye contact (which I tend to be from time to time), I'll fixate on a different part of their face so it LOOKS like I'm making eye contact, but I'm really not. I would highly suggest that technique if you have trouble with eye contact.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

If I feel at all uncomfortable making eye contact (which I tend to be from time to time), I'll fixate on a different part of their face so it LOOKS like I'm making eye contact, but I'm really not. I would highly suggest that technique if you have trouble with eye contact.

Exactly. Good tip!

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Idk but i think it seems like i flirt with everyone because of the nervous laugh :/ so thats how its done?

 

[KiaKaha]

Its intriguing why there seems to be more weight when it come to the issue of how men are supposed to act around women than there is about how women are supposed to act around men. A quick scout around the interwebs seem to suggest that women are just as confused about men, so I dont know...I just wonder why there are so many threads about women.... Maybe guys just tend to be a bit more insecure when it comes to relationships... especially on a social phobic website? Is there still an expectation that guys are supposed to do the 'legwork' ? perhaps thats where it comes from.... perhaps confusion and doubt is merely a natural symptom of being different genders. I dont know, I feel uncomfortable talking about this sort of stuff in case I get it wrong and make an idiot of myself....and if anyone reads my posts...we all know how highly likely that is.

I do know what I find attractive and what are turn offs - like anyone, a degree of confidence is always attractive, but I can tolerate self doubt and insecurity too. What I dont like is manipulative behaviour, mind games and being treated like dirt (who does?) ...finding someone hard to understand, being misunderstood and unappreciated is no good too... but if that was the case, then she obviously isnt for me.

Oh... and one other turn off is statements like a man SHOULD do this... or do that... or behave a certain way. I realize gender roles naturally occur, but no one SHOULD fit into a particular way of behaving based simply on personal beliefs one may have determined by gender. Wild expectations in the beginning... not good either.

Aside from that, be friendly and courteous, be someone who is EASY to be around, someone whose company I enjoy - and I am good... lull me in with your natural feminine charm and beauty... and I would be interested...

This is just me.... picky eh?

 

[SilentBird]

(For my sake)

Be blatantly obvious. ::

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

^ I think these gender roles are instilled in us as children.
Disney princesses are instantly loved by the prince charming because she's beautiful and charming-- but she waits, shy's away and makes him fight off monsters and save the day before she'll tell him she likes him-- then they get married and live happily ever after.

Things like that in film and animation probably shape how most of us act as we grow older.
Although I do know loads of outgoing girls who approach guys first, who bend over backwards to get them to like them, who pretend they are someone else so that they're liked and who say 'i love you' first- in an attempt to get him to stick around.

I believe that people should be able to be casual and be themselves when meeting potential mates. A casual atmosphere would be accurate to how they would live together as a couple... unless you're the type of person who changes alot when in a relationship.
But either way.. you shouldn't have to lie or hide things about yourself, since being together should be natural and open.
...and I say 'should be' because that's what I believe, but my only relationship only lasted 7 1/2 years, so what do I know?

 

[KiaKaha]

I believe that people should be able to be casual and be themselves when meeting potential mates. A casual atmosphere would be accurate to how they would live together as a couple... unless you're the type of person who changes alot when in a relationship.
But either way.. you shouldn't have to lie or hide things about yourself, since being together should be natural and open.
...and I say 'should be' because that's what I believe, but my only relationship only lasted 7 1/2 years, so what do I know?

I couldnt agree more - I mean that is just common sense to me. It does take time for familiarity and trust to develop, but changing who you are as a person and feigning interests just to keep someone interested isnt going to work out.... it would be too exhausting keeping up the facade, and eventually you will slip up. Although adaptability is another aspect of this, because we are all different around different kinds of people and behave accordingly... I sometimes wonder what it would be like to get to the point where you can truly be yourself around another person, and talk to them about anything...a pipe dream perhaps.

The should statements are kind of hard to explain... merely mentioned because of recent enlightenment - should in the context of "I cant read your mind... could you just tell me?"

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Also-- I hate to even say it but I guess I should, as I suspect there are probably others who were told the same...
As a girl, my family members-- male and female; would tell me not to come onto boys first because it gives them the 'wrong idea'
And by 'wrong idea' I suppose they meant that boys would think I was 'easy' if I came onto them.

haha
Recalling that now, I do consciously think about that any time I'm conversing with people. I worry about being taken seriously- how I'm being looked at and if people are getting the 'wrong idea' about me.
Even though-- these days it is much more widely accepted for a girl to be a little more 'easy' and I just have antiquated values (for myself)
For the record... I'm probably more along the lines of frigid than 'easy'.

 

[gazelle]

I don't really have that much experience in this area but I've found that having a light disposition and not taking things serious (looking at the relationship as if it's only a simple friendship) to give better results. I tend to act the opposite and keep running away when I'm attracted to a man though I'm working on this.
The only relationship that I managed to get in was because I couldn't believe he'd be attracted to me at first so unintentionally I never let myself take it serious and that seemed to be the key!

 

[MikeyC]

Tsk tsk. .
I'm wearing my eskimo suit for the next week now!

Sorry. ::

I don't look into people's eyes in general... unless I'm planning to creep them out-- like that.
Also; my eyes tend to suck people's souls out and steal their energy.
True story.

Oh, please. I doubt that's true. Although I wouldn't give anyone uninterrupted eye contact for 5 minutes.

Also-- I hate to even say it but I guess I should, as I suspect there are probably others who were told the same...
As a girl, my family members-- male and female; would tell me not to come onto boys first because it gives them the 'wrong idea'
And by 'wrong idea' I suppose they meant that boys would think I was 'easy' if I came onto them.

As a male, this is unfortunately true. I will stress that not all males are going to start tearing your clothes off, but that is sometimes a sign that you're after sex.

I guess it also depends on how extreme you're "coming on" to a boy.

I also stress this is not representative of all males.