How many of you have or had social lives?

[forksandspoons]

First of all, Im not judging anybody, you know this.

Reading a lot of posts here, it seems like many people don't have friends. Have you ever had a core group of friends in your life? Or did the SA prevent that since you were little?

I ask, because, I have always had friends. I wasn't the most popular kid, but I ran with a good crowd of real friends, and had a lot of strong acquaintances/minor friends. Many of which were the "cool kids" and athletes. Im not trying to brag, I don't consider that an accomplishment anyway, just providing some background.

I was able to make so many friends because I my SA didn't happen until more recently. I didn't even know what it was then. All that time in school seeing kids sitting alone and not being social, I didn't understand why. Not that they necessarily had SA, but Im sure there was someone in my school with it.

Now I am 20 and have had SA for about a year. I have barely been talking to any of my friends, even the ones I live with. They still want to hang out with me though, the friendships aren't completely dead. Reading posts here, I feel like such a POS, that I am taking them for granted. I never realized how important it is to have friends.

I fear that if I keep living like this, I will eventually have no friends, and that scares the **** out of me.

 

[lunarla]

Although I'm much less social than I was like, 4ish years ago, I still have a few friends who, despite me not really trying on my part to stay in touch with them, have still kept contact with me. And somehow still want to hangout with me. Though, those friend relationships are veryyyy non-demanding.

 

[kihira]

I always had groups of friends when I was at school. These continued for a few years after school until we all started to drift apart. I found my changing values differing from those of my friends, making it sometimes unpleasant to be with them. Being in relationships also conflicted with hanging around with friends. When I developed a specific social phobia in my late teens, things started going downhill socially and I gradually withdrew from former friendships. Now, as a family, we have other people we occasionally get together with. But I generally don't like to socialise or get too close to people.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

I had a core group of friends in high school and then they got into the partying seen and I stayed home and now we don't talk anymore.

I had another good core group of friends for a few years. We lost touch... they barely speak to me anymore. I have a really hard time contacting them to say hello, but I made the effort for about a year or so. I really pushed myself to keep in touch, and it has all been for nothing.

So, no friends anymore. Used to though.

 

[missjesss]

I had a fairly social life before s.a never was a big group person tho I like my few close frnds and I was a bit of a clown ;-) and always wanted to go out and try new things

 

[Luke1993]

Being completely honest, I have had no friends. It really does get to me sometimes, because it's like a basic requirement to have friends, and it's usually very bad if you don't, (Nobody to help you, stand up for you etc)

But on the upside at college I recently made what I consider my first acquaintance. We've had some conversations and he said he thinks I'm a cool person. I don't think he's aware of my problems, since I've been on this course I've tried to make it a fresh start and act as normal as I can, and try to hold conversations.

 

[Social_Monstrosity]

I had friends up until middle school or so

I've adapted as a loner.

 

[Kiwong]

I am human being; a social animal. So yes I have had a social life.

I have achieved a lot in my life for charity, nature conservation, botany and sport. I'm involved in many different communities and clubs.

I think that sort of contribution is more of a indicator of a living a social life than the number of friends I have.

I'm quite comfortable with my idependence.

 

[Falkor]

Before I turned 16 my life was really good, I was going to high school, was getting good marks, Had a group of friends at school. I talked to many people in the break at the school yard, I even performed for my school, singing songs for my class.
I was able to make friends too, I was in love, and I approached the person I liked to come over at my home. (I can't imagine me doing that:O)
I was going to the swimming pool here in my town like almost everyday with my best friend, but there were those bitches, Who were bullying me, It started to trigger some anxiety, but still I wasn't afraid of all the crowds, I felt safe, not self concious AT ALL, and that's just a huge difference between now and then. I was going to birthday parties, I was kind of nervous, but I never avoided it. I was always going. I was one of the loudest girls in class (making jokes, very talk-active, always telling what I think of the discussion). But now i can be very quiet sometimes because of my SA. I can feel very uncomfortable and SUPER SELF CONCIOUS nowadays. :/

I was singing in a band, but I quit because I couldn't handle it anymore.
I even auditioned for a tv programme twice. (didn't make it, because of nerves) But i wasn't afraid of doing that.

I was doing fighting sports, at the fitness centre, and I enjoyed it.
I wasn't afraid of meeting new people around me.

I was going to discobars, I even danced!

So many things I think back like, Omfg, is that me??
And my question is like.. Can I be like that again?

Just soooo many things i've done in my life, the last 3 years I've been wasting my time, Because I AM able to do all these things, but my anxiety is just controlling over my life the last time.. But I hope I can cope with this. This may sound stupid, because I was really social and outgoing but now i'm the opposite. but I can't wait to get it all back again
That's one of my dreams....

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

hmm...I had a social life as a teen which eventually waned as I got into my twenties and my friends moved away. I don't make an effort to meet people or make friends because I don't see it as a necessity.

Now, I have a couple of good girlfriends which is more than enough. I like to keep my circle of real friends as small as possible. These ladies know a lot of people and are the main reason I've had a social life for the past three years. It did take some effort on my part, however. I'm already unapproachable according to most people's standards so had I not made an effort, people would automatically dislike me. It's through them that I've met and mingled with all the people I know now. Now that I think about it, had I not reached out to one of my current friends, all of this would not have happened.

 

[SonicMan]

I am quite lucky really. I have a nice group of friends who I met at school and they live near me. They are easy to get on with and they always try to include me in the conversation.

 

[vj288]

In middle school and prior to I was very social and vocal, had a good sized group of friends. Throughout High school that definitely declined dramatically, but didn't disappear completely. I had a handful of people I could talk comfortability enough to have some sort of conversation with. I played three sports and had a good core of people I could talk to on the teams, and was in a Boy Scout troop and was very social there, until my AvPD started getting really bad (I was actually the SPL, which is like the head Boy Scout, so I was very social there).

Now that I'm in college I don't know anybody, and my social live has completely disappeared (it was on life support for most of High School anyway).

 

[JosephG]

I relate to you man.
I have a social life now. And I had a better one (atleast I think I did). I have no problems with approaching people for a bit of banter or whatever but after this a conversation never blossoms so I had lots of aquantances. But these would never blossom into proper friendships because I couldn't make a conversation.
I have a steady group of friends. But I'm never at ease with them. They like me when Im having a group conversation because Im usually fine with them. But one on ones are atrocious and me and the friend both feel extremely tense. I don't understand it
But yes I do have a social life - one I'm not happy with and is far away from the "normal" social life..

 

[Minty]

I've always had at least a couple friends in my life and I've always had SA. The problem is...I can't open up to them the way I would like and they never get to see the real "me".

 

[Snowdrop]

I have always had a group of immediate close friends, ones that I could come up to and hang out with at breaks in school. My SA/depression whatever you call it started during year nine when I was 13/14. I still hung out with them, same as you, the friendships weren't completely dead but I grew more quiet. I'd start to hide behind some of my friends in that group when they were socializing and having conversations with some other people in our classes, whom I would have been able to chat with before 13. As I grew older I had virtually no contact with acquaintances that I could've made friends with, I simply stuck to who I knew.
Then in 2nd year of college and detached myself from them completely, I found 1 friend to hang out with but it wasn't the same. Now I've found another group of close(ish) friends because I was desperate not to feel so lonely like the last year. I still feel lonely though. Probably because I'm not caring enough about myself.

 

[Snowdrop]

I relate to you man.
I have a social life now. And I had a better one (atleast I think I did). I have no problems with approaching people for a bit of banter or whatever but after this a conversation never blossoms so I had lots of aquantances. But these would never blossom into proper friendships because I couldn't make a conversation.
I have a steady group of friends. But I'm never at ease with them. They like me when Im having a group conversation because Im usually fine with them. But one on ones are atrocious and me and the friend both feel extremely tense. I don't understand it
But yes I do have a social life - one I'm not happy with and is far away from the "normal" social life..

I get you. Even though I'm supposed to be close with my group of friends at college, I'm not really, like you said always feel tense. It's because conversation follows us everywhere.

 

[lurknomore]

I had a very small group of friends when I was in middle/high school, but I never talked to or did anything with them outside of school. After that, I had one friend for a while that I would do things with (although, come to think of it, it was always her initiating), but I haven't seen or talked to her in 5 years or so.

 

[9407]

About 2 years ago in my old high school I had a couple of acquaintances that I hung out with at school. On the weekend I was a complete loner though. Now I don't really talk to anyone.

 

[Untamed88]

I had a good social life until I was about ten and then I had a few friends in school but I was literally on the bottom rung of the social ladder. Now I literally have no friends.

 

[JamesSmith]

I have had a few on and off friends for my life. I had a consistent group of friends five years ago and I disappeared and haven't gone back since. Only one friend even tried to keep in contact w/ me, and he only tries to contact me about once a year.