How many of you have or had social lives?

[tweetebird]

Yes, I have had friends, and even a group of close friends twice now. The social anxiety prevents me from making many friends, if any, and when I do, it prevents me from maintaining these friendships at a level that is acceptable for most.

 

[kj7]

When I was in high school I had alot of friends and was a pretty popular kid and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed having friends, plans, a life I guess. And now I just have a couple of friends =/

I see some of my old friends from time to time but SA prevents me from hanging out with them even though I would like too. And it's just so depressing because I want to have normal social life. I want to go out and have fun, meet new people, meet some girls! I want to be the old me but that won't ever happen. It's such a lonely feeling I guess


Now its just me and my dog

 

[Pookah]

I think those with early onset SA will have had less of a social life. At least that is true for me, having been like this my whole life.

 

[Kingdave]

yeh i used to have a medium range group of friends.....over time it got bigger sometimes smaller but yeh i had some........

 

[missjesss]

Flowergirlie

AWWWW you sound like you were doing so well !! You will get there again I think for me and u confidence is our number 1 main issue im hoping I will get mine back again sometime soon just gotta work on it xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Rodney]

To the OP. I was pretty much the same as you. In highschool I'd approach anyone to a certain extent. I had a lot of "cool friends" but eventually fit in nicely with a wierd group of people that I felt I could be myself around. Those people ended up leaving me in the dust once highschool was over and they all went their seperate ways. During the last year of highschool I felt pretty weird with a lot of people I used to talk with. It was strange it was like over night all the grade twelves were all best friends except for me and a couple others.

I have no friends now but I must say I feel very greatful to have had friends during gradeschool and highschool as those are times where it is hard if you have no one.

 

[Bustn Justin]

I had 2 friends until I was in grade 6 and they moved away. After that I never had any friends and was picked on alot. I have been able to meet some cool people after high school but never been close enough to consider them my friend. I guess with SA I feel that gettting close to peeps will only hurt me in the end.

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

Well, since I have aspergers, I've never known a time when I wasn't socially afraid.
I have had friends in the past though thanks partly to my open-mindedness and being able to get along with just about any clique.
That was in my teens though. For the last 6 years especially, my life is just plain sad.
Having no friends should scare you. Because you'll become like me. Coming off sounding like a jerk and ******* no matter how good-hearted you are because you're subcounciously jealous of everyone, all the while longing for just one friend to love you.

 

[Falkor]

Flowergirlie

AWWWW you sound like you were doing so well !! You will get there again I think for me and u confidence is our number 1 main issue im hoping I will get mine back again sometime soon just gotta work on it xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey Jess!!

Thnx for your reply:], Yes we just have to work on it, Thanks hun <3
good luck on the journey of gaining confidence ! we can do it, we can do it yeahh !

 

[KiaKaha]

I used to have a group of friends from school. It wasnt until my early 20's that I fell out with them. They changed and my values differed from them I decided that they were not the right people for me. I wont bore you with the details. Since then I have always struggled with meeting people and finding a sense of belonging with others.

Hold on to the friends you have, because its a lot harder making new ones than maintaining already established friendships. Its damn near impossible. Integrating yourself into a new social circle is difficult because you are an outsider, and its far easier to have fun with people that you know than making the effort to be friendly with someone you don't. I dont have friends, even though I am friendly... go figure.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

I've never been overly social. Primary school was okay, I went to a small school and even had quite a number of kids over for my birthdays. I wasn't comfortable at high school because there were too many people there (and I knew it was going to be like this from the start). I ended up with only one or two friends there as well as maintaining a couple of other friendships from other schools.

College went okay. There was a group of us from the course who would hang out. Unfortunately when one of the group died a few years later, the group sort of split apart and I did not really get on with anyone else quite as well.

Then I found a group of people who shared a similar interest in cars. Most of them still hang out, but I don't see most of them anymore because they all found relationships, while I remained single and I would remain fairly quiet at parties mainly participating in group conversations.

That leaves now, with no friends, but it doesn't concern me that much as I have accepted the fact that I can have a reasonable life with no-one else in it.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

*double post

 

[Jannah]

I was the happiest child ever, social, friendly, everything.

 

[Illusions]

My social life has actually been improving over the past few years and I like how it's turning out. I have my few closest friends and a handful of people I meet once in a while to hang out with (including colleagues) but that's about it.

Still, I feel like it's not enough. I still feel like I'm being held back because it's really hard for me to make new friends. Being an extrovert in a socially anxious body truly blows.

 

[da_illest101]

never had a social life, i had group of friends but I was always staying there as the quiet one. the last semester i had a group of friends at school it was quite awesome. But i'm too boring for most people, i'm a stay at home, gamer type of guy and most people love to go out, so i'm by myself 95% of the time if i'm not at school

 

[JamesSmith]

“Shy and proud men are more liable than any others to fall into the hands of parasites and creatures of low character. For in the intimacies which are formed by shy men, they do not choose, but are chosen.”- Henry Taylor

I hate the fact that this quote is true. It took me a while to realize that the only reason I have the friends I have is because I'm too scared to try to get new friends, so I'm stuck with friends that have a lack of respect for me. It's part of the reason I'm alone now.

 

[LycraPantiies92]

mm. not really. i mean-
if being left out, and rejected by 'friends' is having a social lfie then no,
primary school- no friends.

I had 1 'friend' in high school, who only spoke to me cos someone had told her to in 1st year, it was a teacher too, how embarrasing. So that was maybe the only reason she ever wanted to hang about with me, in pity unfortunately.

She had other, obviously much better friends, one of em was in our lil group a lot, her best friend. A few other girls and guys were in the group too, all got on with her tho not me. They weren't my friends, neither was she.

She didn't invite me to her 16th birthday party and i was very upset at the time but that clearly showd she didn't think of me as her friend. Or maybe even forgot but i doubt it was that, if she forgot that was clearly how sa and overlooked i was anyway!

She wasn't a friend though, i could big it up and say she was but really she was nothing of the sort, we talked a bit, maybe she looked out for me a bit but not half enough anyway, as i;'ll alwas rememeber whenw e talked to other people, new people etc she's nevet tell them properly why i 'didn't speak' she just al;ways said she didn't lnow :s she kewn fine well tho :S
That wasd very demeaning.

I think i got asked out(like to hang about after school one day) like once from those people to meet them outside tesco or something:s no idea what we were gonna do tho, and she stood me up! (it means she ddint show up to meet me) i wondered fot ages after how they could do such a thing and if theyd evenfaked possibly.

Yeah and they'd walk 10miles ahead of me in school, i'd be dragging behind, they had some dinner lady ask them to involve me more once when they saw that. but nothing changed.
They used to go to this lady's house at lunch and make me sit outside while theyd all go in. id sit and eat my lunch there on her step listening to them, but enjoyed being away from them too on my own in a kinda safe place outside school. where nobody could bully me.

College- hung about alone till i got thrown out.

 

[freestylemonster]

I'm lucky enough to have kept the same 2 friends since grade 7. And this past year, through one of them, I was even lucky enough to meet a girl who became my girlfriend - that's over now but I still look back and smile.

So I still have my 2 best buddies and hang out with them regularly

 

[Marlow]

When I was in high school I fell in with a group of guys and we sat together in the cafeteria, stood together in the hallway before the first bell, and for a short time we even played baseball after school at a nearby park. Wasn't on an actual team, just us showing up and playing together. Soon as we graduated they broke off all contact. The guy I thought was my best friend, the one I spent the most time with, started to pull away even before we graduated. I tried to get in touch with some of them a year after graduation to see how everyone was doing and I got the impression that they weren't interested in talking to me.

I wasn't diagnosed with SA until I joined the military. They gave me pills and sent me home.

I'm 32 now and I've basically just gone from home to work and back to home all these years, at least when I have a job that is. I don't connect with co-workers. We chat during breaks and such but no one hangs out with me after work or invites me to do anything.

I'm taking college classes right now at a small community college and I haven't connected with anyone else there. Most of the people in similar programs hang out all the time, they go to various local places to eat together and help each other with projects. None of them ever really talks to me unless I say something to them. I don't know how they all connect so easily and I'm off to the side. It's not an age thing because some of the people going out eating with the group are older than I am. It's like, "Who are you?" "I'm the invisible guy that has sat next to you in three classes this semester."

Most of the time I feel ok with being a solitary person but I won't lie to you and say I don't wish I had at least a small group of friends.

If I died tomorrow in a car accident, I can't think of a single non-relative that would attend the funeral. And the relatives would be attending because they'd feel obligated to comfort my parents.

A woman once told me I have an honest face. I thought it was an odd comment. But I wonder if people just assume from looking at me that I'd be a buzzkill or a bore and they avoid including me in anything.

 

[forksandspoons]

I will try to keep this short.

I was in your position several years ago. Everywhere I went, I made friends. In every school I attended... and I changed schools a lot... I had a ton of friends, acquaintances, and a very active social life. I had my first panic attack on my 18th birthday and it has been a downward spiral every since. The worst thing I did was isolate myself.

Why are you barely talking to your friends now? Is it really because of SA? I'm asking, because it could be for reasons not related to anxiety... like maybe what they do isn't your cup of tea anymore. Regardless of the reason, I just want to say if you give into anxiety... you can lose everything in life... It's like building a glass prison around yourself. Soon, your days will consist of waking up, plopping yourself down in front of your computer or TV, and then getting up to drag your ass to bed several hours later.

Don't let anxiety have power over you... Start challenging your anxiety, do things that make you uncomfortable until they no longer bother you anymore and counter your negative thoughts while you're at it. I know there's a lot of negativity in what I'm saying, but sometimes, I don't want to sugar cake things.

I hear you, and thanks for your advice. I don't talk to my friends because of my SA. Maybe Ill socialize 30 minutes to an hour a day, but I just don't enjoy it. I don't even act and function like I used to when I am out there. I can't relax around other people at all anymore. Unfortunately my life has come to be what you say. I get up, turn on the cpu, watch tv, and play xbox, then go back to bed.

I am getting help though. Ive been speaking with a counselor at my school about this. They want me to start taking xanax to calm me down when I freak out in public. Im on my winter break now, and I go back to school in January, I am going to attempt socializing a little bit and build up to the point I can handle going to parties again and doing fun things like that.