How are you feeling?

[jaim38]

I think the weather is screwing my mood up. Today it was dark and raining and I find myself feeling gloomy, very pessimistic, antisocial, and very sleepy. Not sure if PMS also is a factor. I've seen this pattern before. But I try not to blame everything on the weather and PMS.

 

[k8steroonis]

I have the day off from work and it was a nice sunny day. Too dang hot to lay in the sun though, I came in after like 10 minutes because I was coverrred in sweat. uck. But I just a nice little therapy session today where I'm training with neurofeedback (interesting to look into if you never have) and ran a couple errands. Now I get to decide what I wanna do with my night so I'm feelin pretty good. But there's always work looming overhead and that never makes me feel good ugh

 

[k8steroonis]

You're right. This is domestic violence. I keep complaining about him so much that people are probably getting tired of it. I am not sure when this violence will end. He and I are both living at our parents' house, unemployed but enrolled in school. Living in the house isn't so bad, compared to when we used to live in the apartments. My parents are like my best friends. I was hoping my brother would graduate and move out but I don't see him doing that anytime soon.

tbh, this is hard. If I call the cops on my brother, my parents will be heartbroken. They know about his aggressive behavior but hope he'll grow out of it but he never did. In fact I think my mom's making it worse.

Yes I have to plan my day around him. I try to avoid him when he comes out of his room. His schedule is pretty consistent for the most part. He's agoraphobic like me, but probably 10X worse. He's also paranoid, antisocial, and I think he exhibits true psychopathic behavior and thoughts.

However bad my situation is, one thing's for sure: I won't live with him forever. Either he moves out or I do in the future.

I had a very similar situation with an older brother. Except he was more subtle and passive aggressive with abuse. But he turned out to have major psychosis issues and is living on his own now taking his meds. So things are better although he still has many issues, as do I obviously. But you should seriously talk to your parents. If they're your best friends, they must be understanding people, and they should sympathize with you that it's not okay how he's treating you. It's not okay to compromise the well-being of one child to save yourself from admitting your other child may have a problem. If you need to talk, I'd love to. I've been through a mirror image of what it sounds like you're dealing with.

 

[Next_of_Kin]

Tempted.....VERY Tempted........

 

[this_portrait]

Terrible. Been crying off and on. I just wish I had a physical shoulder to cry on.

 

[MikeyC]

For some, yes. In my experience, looking back on things I did it was like I was mad at the situation and taking it out on the world. I thought there was something wrong with me for my father not to want anything to do with me. I grew up and learned better after meeting him even though we don't speak anymore.

Not too many criminals have this sort of epiphany, so you did good for changing your ways.

Did the feelings of loneliness go away? I hope so

They haven't, but I'm trying to deal with them. Thanks.

Sick. If I had someone to take care of the cat, I'd go to the hospital.

I try so hard, but end up just praying to die. Loneliness. Sleeping doesn't help. Talking doesn't help. I still have to do it all alone. I don't know what to do.

*hugs*

 

[Capsaicin]

I lost a friend recently, but I'm actually kind of relieved now that I've started looking at the company he keeps. For people who felt alienated growing up, they sure do ostracize and scapegoat people different from them quite a bit with nothing more than "it was hard growing up in a family of them, you wouldn't understand" as an excuse. Talking to him was often tense, because when it would come up I'd have to choose between standing up for an entire group of strangers and having another argument or just listening to him go off on them like it wasn't a steaming pile of crap.

I think hanging around them would have just made me a worse and more hateful person. They're perfect for each other.

 

[vj288]

Frustrated. I keep getting extremely frustrated that I can't just be, happy. That I can't let myself enjoy things and have fun, that eventually I just hit a funk where I can't will myself to feel happy or even fake it. I just get a frown on my face, a crabby mood and I feel stuck there for hours. I want to be able to be happy, and enjoy things for extended periods of time. Longer than sections of 10 minutes before feeling like shit again. I hate it, why can't I fix this why can't I control this. Why can't I do it.

 

[neardeath]

Terrible. Been crying off and on. I just wish I had a physical shoulder to cry on.

dang, and I drove through Illinois this weekend! Hang in.

 

[neardeath]

Frustrated. I keep getting extremely frustrated that I can't just be, happy. That I can't let myself enjoy things and have fun, that eventually I just hit a funk where I can't will myself to feel happy or even fake it. I just get a frown on my face, a crabby mood and I feel stuck there for hours. I want to be able to be happy, and enjoy things for extended periods of time. Longer than sections of 10 minutes before feeling like shit again. I hate it, why can't I fix this why can't I control this. Why can't I do it.

Exactly. Mine is magnified 10x right now because my grandson is here and I can't even put on a face and go down there.

I drove him home from PA, but haven't seen him since. Haven't even called on the phone to set up some arrangements. I have not seen him in three years, crying and grieving over him every day. Now I am not there.

This is a sad illness we have. All we can do is keep trying, and find an enjoyable outlet somewhere. I don't know any more. The older I get, the less I know. Hang in there, sweetie.

 

[springk]

Frustrated. I keep getting extremely frustrated that I can't just be, happy. That I can't let myself enjoy things and have fun, that eventually I just hit a funk where I can't will myself to feel happy or even fake it. I just get a frown on my face, a crabby mood and I feel stuck there for hours. I want to be able to be happy, and enjoy things for extended periods of time. Longer than sections of 10 minutes before feeling like shit again. I hate it, why can't I fix this why can't I control this. Why can't I do it.

Yeah..i get stuck with a frown and i cannot bring myself to be happy again or even normal everyday mood.
It just consumes my whole day or days ..and it happens so many times.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah don't know, anymair... feel like just givin' up, tae be honest. ::

Hingin' on, mentally, but fur nae apparent reason or purpose...


Just tryin' engage in conversation is too hard because apparently am "intimidating", according tae ma mum n' cousin. Doesnae really help how ah see masel' personally, but f**k it... Ah mean, it's bad enough that ah look like ma dad! Turns oot am just like 'em in many ways. :kickingmyself:

At least, it's no' the accent as ah'd previously suspected. Though, that probably part o' the problem - speakin' in the Scottish regional dialect aw the time, ye tend tae come across as f**kin' retard!

Ach! Again, ah don't f**kin' know! :idontknow: mg:

 

[springk]

Terrible. Been crying off and on. I just wish I had a physical shoulder to cry on.

A physical shoulder to cry on is hard to find. Sometimes a wish for an actual living human being is so accute that its unbearable. Is there no one portrait? *hugs* even though virtual.

 

[this_portrait]

dang, and I drove through Illinois this weekend! Hang in.

Thank you.

A physical shoulder to cry on is hard to find. Sometimes a wish for an actual living human being is so accute that its unbearable. Is there no one portrait? *hugs* even though virtual.

There are those in the virtual world, and while they are helping, it is not quite the same as someone being physically there. Thank you for your support, though.

 

[springk]

Ah don't know, anymair... feel like just givin' up, tae be honest. ::

Hingin' on, mentally, but fur nae apparent reason or purpose...


Just tryin' engage in conversation is too hard because apparently am "intimidating", according tae ma mum n' cousin. Doesnae really help how ah see masel' personally, but f**k it... Ah mean, it's bad enough that ah look like ma dad! Turns oot am just like 'em in many ways. :kickingmyself:

At least, it's no' the accent as ah'd previously suspected. Though, that probably part o' the problem - speakin' in the Scottish regional dialect aw the time, ye tend tae come across as f**kin' retard!

Ach! Again, ah don't f**kin' know! :idontknow: mg:

I am sorry your feeing this way. You are not intimidating, you are very caring person.
I dont know why someone will find you intimidating??
Is scottish accent that way[ i have never heard it] ..i dont think so that it can be the reason. In what accent your family talks?
As far as looks are concerned..you dont look like that..if you are cheerful then not at all. If angry why most ppl will look intimidating.
cheer up friend!

 

[Graeme1988]

I am sorry your feeing this way. You are not intimidating, you are very caring person.
I dont know why someone will find you intimidating??

Apparently it's the "vibe", ah give off. :idontknow

Is scottish accent that way[ i have never heard it] ..i dont think so that it can be the reason.

Naw, no really. Only when we're mad, ah guess.

In what accent your family talks?

Varyin' Scottish accent, we dinnae aw sounds the same. Though, ah tend tae talk in a deadpan, almost monotone Scottish voice aw the time, so... ah sound like shit, basically. The kinda voice that gets an unintentional laugh everytime ah open ma mouth tae speak. :kickingmyself:

Which is why am so self-conscious aboot it!

As far as looks are concerned..you dont look like that..if you are cheerful then not at all. If angry why most ppl will look intimidating.
cheer up friend!

Ah just huv this blank, vacant expression on ma face maist o' the time. It's not that am no cheerful or anythin' it's just Scottish folk tend tae ask why yer smiling sometimes. "Whit are ye smilin' fur?" Y'know, like it's f**kin' prohibited by Scottish law. But Scottish can be quite dour n' cynical, at times.

 

[gazelle]

Not that amazing as my classes have finished and I feel isolated from society again... Introvert or not I think everyone has a need to be in society.

 

[Srijita52]

I'm alright, better than this morning. I'm trying my best to forget him and move on but sometimes it just seems blah hard. But I'm getting there..

 

[MikeyC]

I'm alright, better than this morning. I'm trying my best to forget him and move on but sometimes it just seems blah hard. But I'm getting there..

Getting through feelings for someone takes time. There's no magical cure for it, unfortunately. Stay strong and you'll get there.

 

[Graeme1988]

Not good... :crying: But, just got tae keep going despite feelin' depressed.

Ah feel so effin' fake! :: Cannae even articulate, fully, how am actually feelin'.