Phoenixx
Well-known member
^ Really sorry to hear, Lyra. :Crushed. Bawled my eyes out. Without going into detail, I learned something about someone I really care about and it hurts so much right now. Basically like my heart has been broken all over again. And given that I have no social life right now, it's going to take me that much longer to get over it on my own. It's going to be torture.
I hate to admit it, but I feel so ****ty all the time. And I honestly don't know how to change it. I am desperate to but don't know how. I am on medication, I just started seeing a therapist (who I'm not sure I'm comfortable with). But I feel terrible about myself, and I feel terrible for feeling terrible about myself. It's like I can feel the judgment of the world on me, for being depressed. Past insults ring in my head, times I have been called emo and mocked for being insecure and told to kill myself, among other things.
^ No apology needed, for anyone. You shouldn't be sorry for your current state or how you feel. I think that "strong, secure, positive person" is what we all look for within ourselves. The hard part is figuring out how we get there and become that person. I know I'm still trying, but I've noticed that I'm a bit better than I was last year. Not a huge improvement, no, but it is all about baby steps. You say you were already on the right track before. You can get there again, I know it. Hang in there and keep trying.I'm sorry, to anyone this is relevant to. I'm really sorry I couldn't just be a normal, happy human being, without anxiety and depression and self-esteem issues. I'm sorry I am such a downer, that I am so neurotic and insecure. I don't want to be that way. I want to be a normal-looking, strong, secure, positive person. I was on that path once and doing so well, but it all fell apart, and I haven't been able to figure out how to fix it since.
^ Please, please don't assume this. Who knows, you could be back on the right track within a year's time. I know it's hard, and I know when you're depressed it feels like an endless void, and that you'll be stuck that way forever. It isn't though, and things get better. They will for you, just try to be patient and give it time.I'll probably be dead within a year or so. I'm not sure how long I can go on feeling like a hollow zombie, trapped in my thoughts. I use the computer and books and music to distract me, but that can't last forever. It will get the better of me.
^ If you feel you need to let it out here, let it out. Don't feel guilty about it. I know you weren't expecting me to have anything to say, and I don't expect my words to cure you in any way (wouldn't that be a miracle, eh?), BUT I do hope I helped you at least a little.I don't know why I'm posting here, I guess because I feel like I need to get it out somewhere. Maybe because posting your distress in a public forum makes you feel less alone.
Anyway. I don't expect anyone to have anything to say that is supposed to cure me or even make me feel better. I just want to get this out of my head so I don't feel so alone.
I understand what you're going through Lyra, I do. I hope you're able to cheer up a little tonight. Hang in there. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.