How are you feeling?

[Graeme1988]

I woke up at 2pm :: but i know what you mean. i can sleep for 12 hours and still feel like crap. vivid dreams probably due to ptsd, makes my sleep pretty darn awful. ::

Sorry to hear that. :: But I know that feeling of sleeping for 12 hours and still feeling tired. Though, I think - in my case - it's the fact that my mind won't shut off at night. Like I'm constantly going over stuff in my head (awkward conversational moment or creative ideas, mainly).

 

[Phoenixx]

Better than I thought I'd be, for now. My uncle already left 2 hours ago, which surprised me. We didn't even have to sort through any of my cousin's stuff and they actually got his truck packed fairly quick. I still have not seen my books though and I already asked her about them. I better get them back or I'm gonna be pretty pissed and she won't want to deal with me. We already have hardly said two words to each other, so obviously she still doesn't want to deal with me. She'll just be even more pissed/disgusted with me if I find out she doesn't have my books.

I wouldn't be so upset about it if they weren't college textbooks I was planning on selling. Money is kinda sorta a huge deal right now, and it always will be if I'm still in school and/or trying to get out on my own. I'm really stingy right now, even though my mom tells me not to worry I still do. Doesn't exactly feel right for me to still have my parents pay for almost everything even when I'm an adult. Basically I just feel guilty, is all.

 

[lilmutegirl]

I'm incredibly frustrated and angry right now. My former MIL has been driving me crazy. She criticizes everything I do (especially my parenting) but does it in a way that makes it appear that she's trying to be nice and helpful. This ticks me off even more, because I can't be mean to her when she says stuff.

 

[MissPsychNerd]

Forgotten.

 

[Foxface]

Depressed. I can't help but think, if I was a girl, I would have friends by now. If I was a bit more attractive looking too, not like a supermodel.

My life is what it is. I just gotta go through the ride as best I can.

I'm havign a really bad and depressed day.

 

[Foxface]

If somebody treats me like dirty rag my whole life, then no wonder I feel dirty and pissed, totally worthless, fed up, bitter. I understand this life is lived just to be punished by God to serve away bad karma, although I don´t know what I have done. I want to die, I see no purpose in enduring this anymore. Why serve as a kicking bag to this rude selfish arsehole who only hates me, I never get talked to normally, only with hate, he treats me like a criminal who is to blame for everything. He thinks he has the right to treat me in the worst manner possible, even if I did nothing wrong. He always does to me things I don´t like and takes away my basic human rights, when I protest I get attacked and called rude names or beaten.

I see ppl having great lives full of care and love and being happy. I really don´t desire anything anymore, I just want to die soon and have all this s**t behind.

That's how I feel. When I get depressed, I say stupid things. I keep thinking that someone is gonna come by and save me before I do somelike like kill myself or before my mind snaps. Really, I watch too much movies, and my expectations are false hope. That stuff dosen't happen in real life. I'm just going to wither away. That's reality. No one wants anything to do with me, becuase the curse puts bad thoughts in their head, to stay away, I'm a creep or whatever. Heck, I should just wear a shirt with my name on it and people can check the criminal records log or whatever to see if I am what they think. Or maybe I'm a new desease. Better stay away from me, might catch something.

I can't help but rant, becuase there is so much of it, build up over the years. No one cares.

 

[Nathália]

If somebody treats me like dirty rag my whole life, then no wonder I feel dirty and pissed, totally worthless, fed up, bitter. I understand this life is lived just to be punished by God to serve away bad karma, although I don´t know what I have done. I want to die, I see no purpose in enduring this anymore. Why serve as a kicking bag to this rude selfish arsehole who only hates me, I never get talked to normally, only with hate, he treats me like a criminal who is to blame for everything. He thinks he has the right to treat me in the worst manner possible, even if I did nothing wrong. He always does to me things I don´t like and takes away my basic human rights, when I protest I get attacked and called rude names or beaten.

I see ppl having great lives full of care and love and being happy. I really don´t desire anything anymore, I just want to die soon and have all this s**t behind.

That is terrible. Screw that person for manipulating you and treating you like dirt. Why would someone put their hand you? No reason Where is this whale penay? He needs to be checked. That is awful, you are not of those things and I hope you really know that. You can not argue with someone smelling themselves too much, I am so sorry that you have to deal with that. You should not have to at all. You should not feel down because this person is a nut. Lea, I wish there was something I could do. Your life is beautiful, don't let some wimp take away your pride. No one should ever hit you, how can you get away from this "person"?

 

[JuiceB]

Maybe it also gets to me more because except of my parents I have noone else to talk to, or no close friends. Sometimes it gets on my brain to be always alone for everything.

Everything you're experiencing comes to a boil inside your head and you just gotta let it out or you'll blow. I'm pretty sure the rest of us feel that as well.

 

[planemo]

Thanks Foxface and Beleza - I feel really weird and pathetic to write things like this on a public forum. Hm.. logically someone can say I am a worthy person with dignity etc., but this is a How are you feeling thread and I am not feeling like that . Maybe it also gets to me more because except of my parents I have noone else to talk to, or no close friends. Sometimes it gets on my brain to be always alone for everything.

Hey lea you can always drop me a pm if you ever wanna talk.

 

[Gaucho]

things going really bad.

 

[Foxface]

things going really bad.

How long has this been happening? Do you have any enimies? It could be someone trying to get a hold o someone, but have the wrong number, or maybe something wrong with the phone? Do you have another phone, like a cell phone? I would call the police.

 

[Gaucho]

How long has this been happening? Do you have any enimies? It could be someone trying to get a hold o someone, but have the wrong number, or maybe something wrong with the phone? Do you have another phone, like a cell phone? I would call the police.

hehe, i wasnt reffering to the phone scene specificly. i try to not think about the phone story for the night and tomorrow have a having a clear head ill think what happened. maybe it was nothing important... but i appreciate your asking.

things going bad because i haven't done anything of the things i wanted to this summer so far, and the summer is ending.

 

[Hellhound]

Allowing people to leave comments was one of the worst decisions YouTube made. If I want to listen to a favourite song of mine I don't want to read a bunch of haters' comments about that song

Not to mention the completely off-topic arguments about religion, gays, nazis, whatever you can think of.

 

[coyote]

Not to mention the completely off-topic arguments about religion, gays, nazis, whatever you can think of.

you should post a video on YouTube

about religious gay nazis

 

[Hellhound]

you should post a video on YouTube

about religious gay nazis

Totally

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Crushed. Bawled my eyes out. Without going into detail, I learned something about someone I really care about and it hurts so much right now. Basically like my heart has been broken all over again. And given that I have no social life right now, it's going to take me that much longer to get over it on my own. It's going to be torture.

I hate to admit it, but I feel so ****ty all the time. And I honestly don't know how to change it. I am desperate to but don't know how. I am on medication, I just started seeing a therapist (who I'm not sure I'm comfortable with). But I feel terrible about myself, and I feel terrible for feeling terrible about myself. It's like I can feel the judgment of the world on me, for being depressed. Past insults ring in my head, times I have been called emo and mocked for being insecure and told to kill myself, among other things.

I'm sorry, to anyone this is relevant to. I'm really sorry I couldn't just be a normal, happy human being, without anxiety and depression and self-esteem issues. I'm sorry I am such a downer, that I am so neurotic and insecure. I don't want to be that way. I want to be a normal-looking, strong, secure, positive person. I was on that path once and doing so well, but it all fell apart, and I haven't been able to figure out how to fix it since.

I'll probably be dead within a year or so. I'm not sure how long I can go on feeling like a hollow zombie, trapped in my thoughts. I use the computer and books and music to distract me, but that can't last forever. It will get the better of me.

I don't know why I'm posting here, I guess because I feel like I need to get it out somewhere. Maybe because posting your distress in a public forum makes you feel less alone.

Anyway. I don't expect anyone to have anything to say that is supposed to cure me or even make me feel better. I just want to get this out of my head so I don't feel so alone.

Okay, I'm done filling the thread with depressing **** now.

If you desire change, you must change your life. If you want to be less depressed, then do things so that you'll be happier with yourself and feel accomplished/proud of yourself. Do something you've never done before, but always had an interest in. Push your limits and see how far you can go; try to surpass the present you and keep doing so. Even exercising can put you in a better mood. Just switch up your life. And, if you aren't comfortable with your therapist, then don't be afraid to tell them so. Let them help you be comfortable, even if it's through getting you a new therapist.

I don't know if I can help much, but you can talk to me if you wish to. Talk with someone who you're comfortable with.

 

[zhaich]

Yeah Tally, we're not alone. All we can try to do is somehow cope with this insane dance humans call reality. Reality being an inescapable mind****. There are ways to deal with a mental prison.

Myself, I'm feeling ****ty. It had dawned upon me that porn had essentially ruined my social life. Ruined all sense of intimacy, ruined any sensitivity I had towards intimacy, removed any sexual attraction I had towards anything and messed up my libido. And I ****ing hate it. I have no choice but to ride this out and completely ignore anything that's happened previous. Maybe my brain will rewire itself to what it was earlier, or maybe I'm permanently ****ed. I don't know.

I often create some fantasy where I have revenge on who decided to try to mess me over. In reality, it's just me fighting negative thought forms but seeing them being electrocuted by myself and having their eyes explode and their heads crushed and mutilated actually brought happiness to my tortured existence. I don't know what part of my subconscious mind is loathing me right now, but I like it when I tear it to bits. Now it knows what it feels like.

I'm supposed to see a therapist, but my state's health insurance is slow as hell so it probably wont be for another month. Mental health, well, it's worth a shot but the corniness that is the failure of this system is too funny to pass up as well.

I have zero friends to talk to as most of them have gone to playing boring D&D games, and my parents are aging so I have to get help elsewhere. I would be impressed if someone didn't consider me psychotic, but all it takes is not talking about it in the first place. I would be impressed if I ever got out of this hole because I don't see any obvious way out.

 

[coyote]

I don't know why I'm posting here, I guess because I feel like I need to get it out somewhere. Maybe because posting your distress in a public forum makes you feel less alone.

i often wish i had the words to express my hope that you and others here who are in so much pain can find peace and fulfillment in your lives

i just want to hold you - all of you - in my arms, until the hurting stops and you find the strength to show the world how awesome you really are

 

[KiaKaha]

Lingering anxiety.

Grumble*

Unfulfilled. I am not getting what I want....again.

 

[Hellhound]

Blah... Chronic boredom. I want to distract myself with some drawing, but my attention span is failing me badly lately. It's always the same issue, sitting here all day accomplishing nothing, waiting for the year to end, in hopes to see my mate. Time passing slowly, feeling like days are neverending, sleeping as late as possible just to get the day to end faster.

You know the funny part? I do want to do something about this, I want to find other things to do, but my motivation has gone to hell. I am as exhausted as someone who has worked 12 hours and slept only 3. How the f*ck am I going to find a job if I can barely hold a pencil to draw a sketch? Not to mention that the thought of me in a workplace makes me panic. I feel pathetic.