than i need anger maanagement or somthing.. sriously.. who wears a "cardigan' to a club then eyes someoff.. got eye'd last wek.. dont appreciate the eye.. seriously the cardigan... like seriously..
I feel like I've been wasting my time. Thinking and worrying about things that are not going to do me any good. I decided that I'm no longer going to lose sleep over this. If I have to take sleeping pills or drink until I fall asleep. This is no ones fault but my own and I'm going to deal with it.
Great music. The mask can be uncomfortable, but necessary.
I don't like the mask. Avoidance. Sometimes I must, though. I do not like dragging others down with me. If I am to drown I will do so alone.
Strangely familiar territory. This lack of feeling should have come before drowning. I think I am not going to care about this. There are things I must get done.
Started good then awful, after my bf put me in a situation last min and I just refused to talk or see anyone..Then hated myself for letting myself get that way after doing so well!
tomorrow is the first day of my few-month-span FT temp job. 8-5 i will be caged. i cannot sit comfortably (fetal position is considered unprofessional), i will probably be cold the entire time, germs, i will be expected to mingle, i will be judged, i won't get to see the light of day, bad florescent lighting and cages (cubicles) as far as the eye can see. there are no physical shackles but there might as well be. time to suck it up and be highly uncomfortable (miserable) for 9+ hours of the day and pretend this is freedom.
on the plus side i will magically be deemed a worthy member of society because of this conformity. so important!!
Dottie, come on. How about the fact that ur making a living. Ur doing something w/ur day. Ur around pple, working, ur not just sitting at home feeling miserable. What if u looked at this as an opportunity (which it is). After all, ur only there temporarily so, what if u tried to make it the most productive temporary experience possible. What if u were the Dottie u always knew u could be! The Dottie that talked to pple, and smiled and made conversation! The Dottie with ideas and suggestions. What if u went in each day filled w/energy and tried to get noticed! Wouldn't that be crazy! And awesome! What if u made the expereince worth something instead of seeing it as synonymous to a caged animal. And if u were an animal, what if u were a bird learning to fly. And this job was ur wings. What would happen if u flew?
krs2snow, this made me smile. and it made me cry. thanks for the support. that is a very interesting perception so far from my engrained beliefs. i wish i could believe that people valued my contributions and opinions. clearly, my self confidence is at 0.
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